Discords power is not his own...
A unicorn cast himself out for causing chaos that left its mark through the village. His passion was that of music, though a foal he was not that of average. He was intelligent, and his magical ability was immense though the intent of the usage was not what he wished to do with it. Chaotic energy flowed through the veins of the innocent pony, Discord sensed this, and sought him out.
Discord has no true power of his own, he is only able to cast spells and use petty magic. He poses no threat to the land of Equestria, so the royal kingdom paid him no mind.
This story is based in the time a few years after the Time of Snow. The village of Trottingham was just being established, when things started to go wrong.
Interesting.
Have some criticism.
I think this story shows promise but I feel you didn't really explain a lot where you could have explained. For example, the village. You set an entire scene in it, so it would have probably been worth your time to think up a name for it. That way we can sympathize with the character a little more. Same for his friend. It doesn't really have the same effect if you write "My friend's face ran through my mind." when we don't even know the name of this friend. It really distances the character from the reader.
Secondly, this pony clearly couldn't control his magic, and yet Luna mercilessly denounced him, despite being able to see that he regrets what he's done as he has nightmares about it. That not only goes against the show's initial teaching of friendship and forgiveness, but it also feels a little out of character for her. Okay, yeah we don't know much about her, but I still feel a little distaste for the Moon Princess after reading.
Thirdly, you didn't explain why Discord is free/evil. I'm going to assume he's free due to the recent episode (Keep Calm and Flutter On), but then he decided to use his chaotic magic for the good of ponies (or, at least, most of the time). So why is he now acting so malevolently? He clearly has malicious intentions in mind.
Fourthly, why is Discord drawing a Pentagram? Why is he drawing it as a hexagon? You just said pentagram (Pent=5). This leaves me confused beyond words. xD Any explanation would be well-received.
Finally, I just wanted to eat at your tensing a little. Your grammar was very good, but your tensing was a little awry. Not really a huge deal, there were just a few places where I'd have had a different tense. :)
Despite all of its flaws, including the bitterly disappointing chapter length, I enjoyed it.
Some of the high moments was the use of the first person in the beginning. I probably would have had the flashback to the village scene come in short, confusing bursts of fragmented memories. That'd have really emphasized that the pony's trauma.
I also liked your inclusion of Luna, despite her questionable persona, but I think that scene could have been expanded a little more, especially to explain why Luna acted in such a way.
Thirdly, I like evil Discord. So you're portayal of him as such is always welcome in my books!
Have an upvote
And I hope you treat this constructive criticism as such and use it to its full potential.
Also was the title of the chapter a reference to anything?
Also your title should be:
2062086 Thanks for your advice, I have fixed the title by the way.
I was writing this story up until 4 A.M. so sorry if it doesn't make sense or wasn't explained very well. The next chapter I hope should explain more, though it may take a while for it to be released.
also yes the chapter title is a reference for what is to come in future chapters.
Thanks again for your help
2063547 So...did you cancel the story or what ?
No, its just been slow going because of school and sports but I am hoping to get stuff written this weekend. But if not I'll aim for next weekend so be on the look out.