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Nick and Justin were your typical college students. Lots of gaming, plenty of time spent on the internet, finishing assignments at the last minute. Their lives are changed one day when Princess Luna is thrust through the fourth wall, coming out the friend's computer. What happens after? Read it and see.
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great story wright more pleaz
Plan on it. Also, always looking for more ideas, both for this story and others in the future. And since you got first, have a moustache
Thanks for the appreciation! And again, always open to ideas
Holy wall of text Batman!
Ooookkkaaayyyy, criticism time. First thing I noticed was the obscenely large blocks of text, but they can be resolved by spacing them into neat little paragraphs. You should also start a new paragraph every time Justin or Nick spoke, because it's going to get confusing when those two and Luna speak in the current style. No spelling mistakes, which is remarkably good. Not many people can write for the first time and not make a spelling error, but your grammar does need some fine tuning.
Despite that, it actually sounds like a very well done plot. Although the idea has been done before, you have taken it and made it enjoyable. I look forward to more!
And you can reply to my comment by pressing the two overlaying speech bubbles on the top right of this comment. If you need any help, simply ask and I can oblige.
2063150 Thank you, and I will get working on that when I write the next chapter. Now, what did you like best about it, and where would you like to see it go? We have a general idea, and I'm always looking for other ideas to incorperate
2063184
I particularly liked how you mixed the college work and messing around on the computer together. It's what me and my friend do in our college classes.
And for what I would like to see... Gamer Luna. No argument. Do it.
Also, trivial college things mixed into it like overdue assignments or missing class, and that was a very large bang there... Surely someone may have alerted the college staff maybe?
And Luna helping out with their college work... And ends up getting it wrong!
2063216 Sounds good. I'm letting you know now that Luna will be on Earth for about 5 days before being "rescued". After that (to Celestia's dismay), Luna brings the two humans with her to Equestria. And that's all I can currently afford to give away
2063228
OMG SPOILERS.
And five days? That's, like, two short of a full week!
2063245 Well, Luna's important. Celestia will try to get her back ASAP
2063255
Yeah, you're right about that.
I love it but you mite what to do something like Perspective changes. I love when writer do that overall really good fic. Cant what for the next chapter.
Great fic, keep writing plz!
Never heard of using .45 rimless for home defense. Wouldn't that do a lot of damage to the walls if he missed? Those have a lot of stopping power.
Only thing I might suggest is that you maybe space some dialog out so it's not so much of a wall of tex, other then that a nice beginning and it's got some nice humor.
2085043 Thanks
Gamer Luna
2085221 That one was a request
Gamer Luna for the win! :D
Big improvements in this chapter, the grammar and the spacing is much neater. This is turning out to be quite interesting!
Looking forward to more, and no need to apologise if this chapter is late or not. Some fics here go for months between updates.
More shenanagins. I'm loving this.
is good so far. now to build another skeleton for the next chapter!
fuck actually preparing these things..
2107850 IKR???
Build it as we go!!!
The most recent chapter...
I like it...
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Name of Story:A Turn of Events
Grammar score out of 10 (1 is grammar that needs to be worked upon as basic principles such as capitalization and spelling is an issue, and 10 is impeccable): 8.5
Pros:
1) A delightful take on the Ponies on Earth type of story.
2)Moderate grammatical sense. (Better than mine, anyways)
3)The humans remind me of my cousins. (In a good way!)
Cons :
1) Sound effects are put directly into the flow of the story... making it seem odd to read for me.
2)Seems a bit short.
3) Some explanations on appearances would be delightful!
Notes Section: All in all, I would enjoy it to be longer, more explained, and with the sound effects either italicized, bolded, or put into a seperate paragraph all together.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story/ this story:Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Bits.
Humm, well, this is dumb, but an enjoyable sort of dumb.
That said...your paragraph construction makes this hard to read.
Actions a character takes should be in the same paragraph as any speech from the same character. Mixing characters in one paragraph makes for confusion. Example:
Reads much easier as:
Also, one error that stood out, possibly related to character confusion, or just a derp:
Pone ain't got no hand, yo.
Please continue. We enjoy this, 'fun'.
2108328 Fixed! Hopefully...
probly something inapropriate (hint starts with p ends with n)
Im guessing ponies in the folder
2113087 Nope!
2113426 Closer, but no
IF I were you I would've had Luna shrug when Celestia asked if she planned it then have her be guilt stared into telling them all she had it planned
2126672 Celestia didn't ask, Justin did. Just saying. But I do see what you're getting at
Do you like turtles? I like turtles. OH MY GOD ITS THE 45TH POTATO OF CAHOOGLESCHMITS. PRAISE THE LORD AND ALL HIS MIRACLES.
2128420 I do like turtles. And I own the 32nd potato of Cahoogleschmits. Praise the lord
I felt the feels in thi chapter, and not the happy ones, but the sad ones. And loved the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers Of Sky reference! :D
I don't see anything to criticize about this chapter so far, but that means that you'll see this and get overconfident, and probably screw something up in the next chapter trying to do better than this standard.
OR you will do amazingly better and I'll be forced to eat a 'beef' burger... *shudders*
Keep going, and get the next chapter out or I'll get Princess Celestia to banish you to the sun!
great job you don't find stores like this anymore.Keep them coming
Oddly enough Had a girl use me like that in the 6th grade...ppl suck..
Wow, that sucks, but this kinda stuff does happen to people. Still, love the update and can't wait for MOAR!!!
GO AJ!
Good job
And so, the plot thickens.
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2220587
Make sure to slap her in the face sometime.
2276642 How big of one? 'Cause I can arrange that
2276642 i moved lass i sall ove er she was having problems with a baby.. hell it was a long time a go im 20 now and a noob hustler.
2276748 I might have forgotten to mention it, but I'm sorry you got used, or if my senarios brought back any bad memories