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Twilight Sparkle is accepted into Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns and gets a little more than what she bargained for.
Illustrated by me.
(If you object to swearing, please skip chapter 6. That's the one chapter that bumps this story straight up to a Teen rating.)
at some parts in this chapter there seems to be parts missing.
e.g.
Twilight was so glad that no one was watching her right now.
Twilight forced a smile and grabbed her filthy vest with her mouth. “Um… Thankyousomuchforhelpingmewiththat. Bye!” She bolted back into her room.
She buried her face in her hooves. This had
Naked and dripping, Twilight looked into the drawer at her other six vests and ties. She didn’t dare try to slip one on over her head.
Nah. There are some similarities, like being at a magical boarding school with a very old and powerful mentor, but also there's no Big Bad here, Twilight doesn't have a traumatic past/a lousy family, and this is a lot more Slice of Life (mostly due to the lack of a Big Bad) and character-based than Harry Potter.
Besides, Twilight is far more of a Hermione than a Harry! Nor was Dumbledore God.
I've really been enjoying this story.
The only real problem is I feel that you dump the description of all Twilight's classmates on us at once. Or at least it came in such a short time frame that I wasn't really able to absorb it. I feel like there is a lot of good characterization, but that I was losing track of which pony was which (maybe it wouldn't be as big of a deal if I read it all at once, but I had been following it on Equestria Daily).
Perhaps add in a few lines here and there trying to remind us of what we've seen that pony do or what he or she looks like. Just a little bit would make a big difference for me.
But I'm still really enjoying the story.
this is not like harry potter, for one thing dumbledore and harry while they were on a freindly relationshp it still rarely changed from a Teacher-Student to a Parent-Child relationship.
Twis and celestias relationship is closer to Parent-Child but still retaining its original undertones of Teacher-Student.
there is also the fact that Harry made freinds every second whils't Twi hitherto was freindless and lonesome.
This is certainly an interesting idea, and I've been following it since you first got it posted on EQD. I can't say I have any experience with private schools of this kind, but I must admit that it comes across as rather unreal. Not because of the magic, but rather because of the events.
This is easily seen in the latest chapter as well, where the little contest was more than just a little over the top. It seemed like 9 out of 10 performances ended in what amounts to disaster. I'm not sure what the thought was here, did the teachers seriously give the students 100% free reign with no approval at all? Next to no set training time? And then ask them to perform before the parents who, many times, pay for the kids tuition?
That's not sensible decisions at all. I can't wrap my head around how this event could possibly have gone as far as it did, when the teachers seemed to be aware that it usually turns out badly and as such realistically would be looking out for things that can go wrong.
I'm also having some issues with the portrayal of time. I did notice a comparison to Harry Potter in the comments, but I don't think it can be compared really. However, one thing J.K. Rowling does wonderfully in those books is her portrayal of time passing. Over the course of the books, a full year passes and as it happens you're always aware of it. In this story, I never know how much time has passed. How much time passed before the contest was announced and it played out? From reading it, I got the feeling that it was maybe two to three days after. There was no sense of time passing between the scenes so it feels like they played out right after each other.
Lastly in this lengthy comment I have to ask: How old is Twilight?
The general innocence that seems to be shown makes me think of 8-10 year olds. Yet sometimes it seems to go leaps higher than that so I can't really pin it down. (Ultra conservative teacher complaining about song texts that are suggestive is pretty standard, but the way Twilights dad reacted is... Odd. At least if they Are very young. Teenagers, on the other hand, are more understandable. But if they are That old then it's hard to believe that they don't understand the suggestive language of the song when thinking of it.)
That's all! Have fun with your writing :).
Thanks a lot for the feedback and I'll make sure to work in your concerns about the passage of time in any upcoming chapters (and when the reader count dies down a bit, I'll probably go into 8 and fix it up in there too). I love getting detailed comments like this, cuz they always give me stuff to think about/improve on. :D
A couple of things that you mentioned, have reasons behind them, although it's probably entirely my fault if a couple of them weren't clear by this point. I'll try to clear them up here as best as I can.
Twilight's age -
Like the show, I meant for that to be somewhat ambiguous. Remember Look Before You Sleep? Twilight is clearly an adult, can live on her own, and is a responsible individual who is trusted to take care of herself and Spike. But watch how she squees over the idea of her first slumber party like a twelve year old! Pretty ambiguous to me. 
I have her pinned at around 9 years old, but I don't know how that corresponds to pony development (did you know that female horses are capable of reproduction as early as two years old? it's not recommended until they're at least five, though), nor even when her birthday is in the year, so I am going to refrain from outright stating it until there's canon to back it up. And yes, she does act much older than that occasionally. This is completely intentional.
Twilight, like most of her peers (imagine Ender's Game), is rather precocious for her age. Some of them (like Lexicus) will try to act like adults, and others (like Elsie) act just like kids their age are supposed to act... assuming those kids knew enough science to make explosives and stuff. A couple, like Sky (overcompensating foul-mouthed filly) or Nightbreaker (the morbid one who directed the weird play), aren't anywhere on that spectrum at all and would just be considered "weird". I'm trying to avert the whole "child prodigies are exactly like regular children, but smarter", and its alternative "child prodigies are just like adults" thing you see all the time. From what I know of 'em, they're a very diverse bunch.
In Twilight's case, I imagined that she's mostly like an ordinary kid. She's a lot more analytical and thoughtful than any kid her age ought to be (that whole scene in chapter 4 where she rationally goes through all her options for dealing with bullies is a testament to that. It was probably also one of the things that set you off.), though, and perhaps a little underdeveloped when it comes to interpreting/expressing emotions.
The talent show -
Ms. Lida came from a background of public school teaching, and she assumed that teaching at a school for gifted children would be exactly the same, except that she would have to give harder lessons and more homework. She didn't account for the big variation in emotional age, and in general, she has trouble grasping the idea that kids don't like being patronized any more than anyone else. When it came time to do the talent show, she wasn't prepared for the narrow ranges of interests, the fact that the kids who aren't gifted are wealthy (and have a lot of out-of-town experience*), or that kids who know how to make explosives will want to make explosives.
As for the other teachers, I suspect that they were very aware of the circumstances, and did absolutely nothing to stop what they saw coming. When Twilight asked Jazz to play piano for them, he knew exactly which song she was talking about. Also, how do you think that Elsie and Pebbly Crunch got ahold of so much fertilizer? 
They thought it would teach her a valuable, if hard and somewhat cruel, lesson about the students at that school. Who says learning's just for kids?
* Canterlot be big on the censorship, yo.
I find it interesting that people compare this to "Harry Potter". This doesnt really resemble harry potter apart from the " magical boarding school " element BUT this story reminds me A LOT of the truly excellent " Harry Potter and The Methods of Rationality". I can only assume that Sessalisk Is a big fan of that story, or would love it if he/she read it. if you are enjoying this story and like/ are indifferent to Harry Potter you should check that one out. OH and im not the author of that because im not a genius like the guy who wrote " methods of rationality" ( a researcher in artificial Intelligence at Oxford University if i remember it correctly .) anyways google it guys its kind of a major deal in the harry potter community, roughly at the same level as " fallout : equestria " or " past sins" is for the bronies. anyways this story seems to be the MLP: FIM equivalent, especially in its full hearted embrace of logic and science and in its unapologetically intellectual tone.
I would also like to mention how much i LOVE the lusciously gorgeous and evocative illustrations!
Father: well twi congratulations you just rented out your room to some unmarried teenagers who FUCKED ALL NIGHT LONG.... lucky bastards...
Twi: But look! i made seventy five bits!
F:ill take those thank you. these will go towards your new bed.
T:what?
F:youll find out when your older.
Being compared to HPMoR is some of the highest praise I can get! :D
I wasn't intending to write any sort of parallel, but whenever I sit down to write something, my geekery often rises to the surface. I guess the only time that it would be appropriate is in a fic about Twilight Sparkle. 
well yes, Ender's Game is sort of the sine qua non of " hyper inteligent children in a school" story. The influence of Ender's Game on this story is most obvious in the social interactions among the children in the school. however things like her lesson with Celestia do resemble Harry Potter, and even more so " harry potter and the methods of rationality".
by the way if you liked Ender's Game you will like " harry potter and the methods of rationality" that even has battles planned out by the students and everything. indeed again if you like this or Ender's Game go read HPMOR, its less a straightforward HP fanfic than a " a first course in Logic" textbook that appropriates the setting of HP and some of its characthers.
In particular the chapter that left me feeling that way was chapter 3. There is A LOT going on in that chapter and we are introduced to a whole bunch of ponies (not all in the same paragraph, if that was the impression I gave, but throughout the span chapter we meet something like 20 characters between students that you introduce wither by name or description along with teachers. That's a character on average every 2.5 pages).
In chapter 4 you give us that nice picture of all the ponies. I feel like that should be a great moment where I could have been, oh so that's exactly what they look like. Instead as I'm reading the names, I had no clue who they were. (going back after having read the later chapters, I now feel that I 'know' them, but at the time I did not).
I suggest focusing on developing a few of the OC's in more detail before introducing some more (maybe even splitting the chapter into two parts). One thing that exacerbated the situation is you have a few scenes that could definitely help develop a particular character when you go and try and work in another one, but in a way that doesn't help.
Example:
“Call the royal guard!” Gingersnap added, not wanting to be out-done.
A chestnut-coloured colt with a bright green mane decided to add in his two bits as well. “Explode them!” he yelled enthusiastically.
You don't give us the colt's name here. I'm going to forget the description by the time I am done with the scene, because I don't get anything else about the pony. Instead you could have just said something like: 'Another colt decided to add in his two bits as well.' Doing this a little bit is OK, but because the readers mind is so full of new stuff in this chapter, you need to make sure you are focusing on the characters you want us to remember and take away from the scene.
Once again, obviously the overall story and writing is good enough that I worked through it. But, I still feel like I don't know these ponies as well enough as I should. It's not the case where they don't have personalities, or aren't displaying that (because they are), its just that I can't keep track of all of them.
To counterpoint. I think you do a good job with Belaq and Malachite later on because we get to see these ponies doing stuff for a prolonged period of time.
Your story reminds me a bit of Harry Potter (just in that you have a student at a magical school). There's a lot of characters there, but the focus is really rather tight until we know who the first few are, if we should care about them, and how we should feel about them.
BTW, I really enjoyed the latest chapter. It was sad seeing Twilight basically lose Malachite as a friend.
Yes, actually, but probably very differently from how a lot of people swear... You know those numerous xkcd strips about swearing? That's getting kinda close...
I should probably go in there and think a little harder about how non-me people are supposed to swear (As fun as it'd be, "transfuckinghumanism" and "grandpafucking doorknobs" are prolly stuff I shouldn't be diddling around with in any actual conversation D: ).
I definitely see what you mean with the names and descriptions in chapter 3. Yeah, that one's pretty overwhelming with all the new characters and shit, since it's Twilight's first day and she's meeting all these new people just as fast as the reader is, at any rate. There's no good way to introduce them all without stretching out the chapter long enough so that you could beat a whale to death with it. I'll see what I can do to remove a lot of the descriptions of minor characters.
As for the picture at the start of chapter 4, I'm afraid I have to disagree with you there. I realise that it's not necessary, or even possible, to know all of her classmates by that point. Given the sheer number of them (fifteen or so), I wouldn't properly be able to introduce them or flesh out many for several chapters, and a few of them might not even get much screentime at all by the end of the year.
While I could remove all the names from underneath, I doubt that would help matters much. I'm not sure it would be the best choice to move it to a later chapter either; by the time I have everyone all fleshed out as a character and stuff, it'll probably be year 2, at which point I would have to remove Belaq, add in another filly and draw everyone looking older. I prefer to think of the chapter 4 photo as a bonus or an easter egg rather than something that's a requisite for understanding the story. A bunch of the header images are like that, and a couple even have some fairly obscure*, and somewhat irrelevant (or irreverent!), jokes in them.
If you find that it's a spoiler, I suppose I could take it out of chapter 4 and just dispense with the whole class photo thing completely. Then again, one of the images in chapter 8 is kind of a big spoiler too, and then there's that one in chapter 7... Well, I guess as long as you're not aware of what it's spoiling? I have no idea what's appropriate for these things.
* Chapter 5's header was full of koch snowflakes, the blackboard in the background had the iteration formula on it, and all the n variables were swapped with the symbol for the invisible pink unicorn (I thought it would be funny to have an invisible unicorn in there...). Chapter 7's was a model of Maxwell's demon, but with Enigma instead of a demon (or Kyubey).
Dear Writer,
Can't wait for the next chapter! I read this a month ago and was disappointed to see there was no chapter! 
But your chapters are very long, so it needs time and patience to make it perfect! Update soon!
Sincerely, Fluttershy.yay123 
P.S. Those foals are fucking insane! Putting a donkey on a piano, while being strapped to rope that is strapped to a piano is a insane idea. LOVE IT! Twilight's mishap with Malachite and the song is very funny! I couldn't stop laughing my ass off at 1:00 A.M. I'm pretty sure I disturbed the neighbors -~-
Sorry about the delay, guys. I had some real life stuff that happened and it was really hard to get back into the groove afterwards.
Chapter 9 is awaiting approval both here and on EqD, so you won't have to wait for much longer. Thank you for being patient!
On a side note, depending on how that finale goes. Chapter 10 may or may not be the last chapter.
you could just say he is much older than twilight and since he appears to be a soldier could be off in the army also why should that affect your story i think your story in and of itself is worth its own merit and not let anything stop it with love lord thunder bolt
Based on what you have going here, I can see how the new episode could hurt things, but I could also see any number of ways it could be maneuvered around relatively gracefully. It all depends on exactly what happens in those episodes. Without more details on the new episodes, I couldn't make specific recommendations. That having been said, I still think that the story you have going so far has a long potential lifespan if you want to carry it out. It's all been exceptionally well done so far.
UPDATE! 
I do so enjoy reading this story.
Edit: As for that Shining Armor/ "Princes" Cadence BS; I suggest just ignoring it, I know I will be (unless it turns out to be something like a dream sequence, alternate reality, wish gone wrong, ect.) Don't let it stop this awesome story.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Ok more coherently this was nice and I only regret not waiting until it was finished. It has been AGES since I read the previous eight chapters in one go and my memory is kinda fuzzy. It seems like I waited FOREVER and that I spent this waiting without CHEESECAKE.
Characters are all nice, Geology puns were amusing, in a non LoL kind a way. I still have no idea what the hey is wrong with Rune.
Overall a good effort. You get 11 out of Pi.
EDIT: sorry about the double post but I get logged out every time my connection breaks and I can't delete the post I make as a guest. (Even tho I have the comment box opened) Also, such posts always end up empty *sigh*
Been waiting a month for the next chapter
It was definitely worth the wait.
There are very few stories that, after a month of reading other things, can still excite me when I get that "new update" e-mail
However, this is one of them.
I would definitely be interested in reading Year 2.
I love how each chapter has a natural ending to it. It makes each chapter seem unified, and fit into the story as a whole.
Don't worry about the wait between chapters. You're writing is good enough that we are willing to wait.
YAY, an update!
I'm not too worried about the finale. Sweetie bell was a secret sibling that was mentioned later on. It just seems that nopony ever mentions relatives to the 4th wall camera. They are only 20 min episodes. It will be interesting to see what they do about the whole cadence is a (maybe fake) alicorn thing. I have faith in Studio B to deal with the crap that the toy department pigeonholes them into.
Loving the story so much!
Nah. I'd be fine with a regular old Jossing. It turning out that Celestia outright adopted Twilight after the Cutie Mark Chronicles, ponies being fully grown at five years old (The way I've imagined, and the only way this story can work, is that they mature slower than real life ponies but faster than humans), certain kinds of magic not existing or not being possible, Equestria actually being a tetrahedron, etcetera. I'd keep writing if any of that stuff happened. My original theory about how Spike was raised was Jossed, so I went in and changed a bunch of stuff and redid the plot outline. I'd normally keep trekking through that stuff.
A long-lost brother marrying a long-lost princess is just... no.
This is the plot of so many horrible Mary Sue fanfics come to life. They don't even have to be pony.
I don't want to be a part of that in any way... even if it happens in the future. D:
"Oh yeah, by the way, my long lost brother married a princess, so now I'm technically royalty. On top of being really smart, already being trained by the other princess and overpowered. And the protagonist."
... even if it's canon, I don't want to be involved. I'd rather write stories about Lyra being a werepony or sheep who are asstards living in a socialist dystopia.
Hahaha. You mirror my own apprehensions perfectly.
Still, even if this comes to pass, just ignore the episode in your canon. Honestly, that third Alicorn bit was stupid to begin with, concidering the duality between Luna and Celestia that they established in the first season.
I'm (very slowly) trying to write a fanfic myself, but as with any show that's based on "rule of funny", it's perfectly fine to discount things and events now and then.
More related to the story:
Nice chapter. I enjoyed the imaginative tests. It'd be a shame if you stopped writing.
I could find stuff to nitpick about, but I don't feel like it this time around :).
You get me wondering about Rune and now you just say "oh hi guys, 10 will be last chapter probably k thx bai"
It would be a real shame if you just stop writing this because a episode ruined your fanfiction history.
Every episode some peoples fanfics get destroyed. The world is building and sooner or later something would mess up your headcanon.
Like I've said before, it's not that this story gets jossed, but the way that happens. I would just write around an ordinary Jossing (I wrote chapter 1 before Lesson Zero and added in Smarty Pants before it got put up anywhere - even though I could probably get away with not mentioning her at all. I even have a version of the pre-Lesson Zero luggage drawing where Smarty Pants isn't in it.). I'd probably be fine with Twilight's secret brother that was never mentioned before. Hey, families grow apart. Look how often you see her writing to her own parents!
I might even be fine with a secret never-mentioned alicorn. On the condition that there needs to be a really good reason why she was never mentioned and is not in any of the family photos/tapestries!
I am not okay with a secret brother and a secret alicorn suddenly getting married out of nowhere. It just makes too much shittiness in too many directions and I don't want to write anything that has to do with it.
Either way, if chapter 10 is the last "real" chapter, I'll probably post a final "chapter" explaining all the things and plotlines in the story that didn't get a chance to be concluded: Rune's backstory, what's up with Few Colt, what happened to Belaq, some stuff about the new student that was supposed to show up in year 2, how Twilight meets Spike, info about the side characters that might be interesting (but I didn't get a chance to get to), and anything else anyone wants explained.
Keep in mind that it all depends on how the episode goes, so all this is a little premature. I may keep writing another forty chapters anyway!
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. Azure Sky is one badass pony. 
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