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DalTRS

Joined November 2012
254 followers

Poni

Stories (4)

  • A Tale of the Sun, Moon, and Stars
    Follow the tale of three divine sisters as they struggle to maintain harmony across the land.

    4,546 words · 9,430 views · 828 likes · 10 dislikes
  • Her Happily Ever After
    It has been almost a century since Twilight and her friends had discovered their destiny, and Celestia has been wracked with constant regret over the fate she has condemned her friends to. Luna looks to those very ponies to help Celestia smile again.
    4,664 words · 6,275 views · 622 likes · 7 dislikes
  • When Stars Dream
    Twilight Sparkle is embarking on a new path in her life, and Luna is there to guide her to the right one. At long last, it is time for the Stars to come home.
    6,825 words · 2,963 views · 306 likes · 4 dislikes
  • Through Ice and Shadow
    Love and Hope once shone bright from a gleaming crystal city, only to be lost to the evils of indifference and despair. This is a tale of the leaders who built that empire, and the two newly weds who are about to realize their destiny reclaiming it.
    31,511 words · 334 views · 37 likes · 0 dislikes

Blog Posts (35)

Source

This story is a sequel to A Tale of the Sun, Moon, and Stars

Twilight Sparkle is embarking on a new path in her life, and Luna is there to guide her to the right one. At long last, it is time for the Stars to come home.

Twilight Sparkle's story, and sequel to A Tale of the Sun, Moon, and Stars.

Cover art by AeronJVL.

First Published
1st Feb 2013
Last Modified
3rd Jun 2013

Comments ( 52 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 63w, 5d ago · · ·

SWEET!!:pinkiehappy:

#2 · Chapter 1 · 63w, 5d ago · 3 · ·

OH GOD SPOILERS WHY :raritydespair:

Kidding, I very much enjoyed it :pinkiehappy: Now if only the rest of the fandom would calm the buck down :duck:

#3 · Chapter 1 · 63w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

>>2057423 They should. It hasn't even aired and yet, they still talk about it as though it'll be the last episode of the whole series!

#4 · Chapter 1 · 63w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

Nicely done, leave it Twilight to think it was all her imagination and a dream. Interesting take on it though, I for one am interested to seeing how others see it and what Twilight's domain is...

#5 · Chapter 1 · 63w, 5d ago · · ·

"Twilight Sparkle is embarks" :twilightblush:

#6 · Chapter 1 · 63w, 5d ago · · ·

It DOES set you up nicely to put a spin on the canon after the premiere though. Like, maybe something about their reunion after her coronation and remembering Celestia and Luna as her sisters

#7 · Chapter 1 · 63w, 5d ago · · ·

A few small grammatical errors, but otherwise a great story!

Looking forward to more once the season finale is done.

#8 · Chapter 1 · 63w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2057537

Oops.

>>2057605

Sorry if it seems sloppy, I wrote most of this while half asleep. I'll give it a once over again when I get up later today.

#9 · Chapter 1 · 63w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2057773

It is just little things, a little distracting but fine. I am sure an edit pass will clean most of it up.

I did enjoy the story. Twilight is adorkable as always.

#10 · Chapter 1 · 63w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2057570

Ahhh spoilers! :pinkiehappy:

#11 · Chapter 1 · 61w, 4d ago · · ·

Well this got a little closer to a certain scene in the finale than I thought it would. This story is set before Spike At Your Service in case you were wondering.

#12 · Chapter 1 · 52w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

Another wonderfully written piece; well done.

#13 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

That was amazing!!! :pinkiehappy:

I randomly fond your first story today and now i can't get enough. :twilightsheepish:

Can't wait for your next installment. :raritywink:

#14 · Chapter 1 · 51w, 1d ago · · ·

>>2504329

Hopefully you won't have to wait too much longer. I'm trying to give what's coming up in the finale what I believe it deserves, and this is going to end up being my longest story by far.

I hope I do not disappoint, and if the end turns out as good as it sounds in my head, many tears will be shed.

#15 · Chapter 1 · 49w, 5d ago · · ·

Are there going to be more chapters? If so, when?

#16 · Chapter 1 · 49w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2556996

Yes, and hopefully by the end of the month if work doesn't ruin me that is.

#17 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

:fluttercry: that was beautiful!

#18 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

:pinkiesad2: I liked it

#19 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

Very nice.  It makes sense that Twilight would have dominion  over the stars themselves.

I rather enjoyed this.  Shame I forgot about it till now.  Well done.

~Skeeter The Lurker

#20 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

So glad to finally have a conclusion to this.

Very beautiful.

#21 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · 5 · ·

Your dialogue is... incredibly awkward.  It feels weird, wooden, and... formal.  What should be incredibly intimate exchanges are marred by formal speech.

The idea itself is good, but the execution is... awkward, wooden, formal, and not particularly well written.  You need some editing done(myself is not two words, for instance), and you need to spend more time on interactions between characters.  I can see potential, but it's marred by too many issues to be fulfilled.

Considering the other stories(and even this one's other chapter) I feel as though you simply didn't spend enough time on this.

#22 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

wow, I completely forgot I made a comment like that on this.  I can't believe I got so close.

I love when I'm able to guess something right like that. You can imagine my surprise when the first sentence of the author notes mention my past comment.:twilightsmile:

EDIT: Completely forgot to write my opinion.  I loved this as the reveal for Twilight getting her memories back.  I've been waiting to see this ever since I first discovered the other two stories you did in this series.  

Now, something else I'm curious about. Do you think you're gonna do a story on her friends realizing they're immortal as well/How they become immortal? (I'd imagine Element shenanigans, but I make no assumptions. I can't remember if that was covered in "Her Happily Ever After.")

#23 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

Yes I did enjoy and I cannot really express how much.   I find the writing style interesting.  It gives me images of a professor sitting in a nice lounge chair telling a story of times past.  I am not sure if this is what you were going for or not, but I liked the change from the norm.  There are little issues here and there but I over looked them since I enjoyed the premise so much.

#24 · Chapter 1 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

I like so far. Good concept, it sort of feels like "Sharing the Night Sky" except with less impending doom.

Found one instance of repetition though.

"They are they are the reflection of their owner after all."

#25 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

>>2670505 I completely agree. This is good, but needs editing.

Especially the part where the star's shadow appeared. That was a scary wall of text. It was completely emotionless.

Also, you could have made this whole thing more emotional and involved by dragging it out for at least two more chapters. the last one having her with regained, but fuzzy memories.

Also, this needs major fillers. This story makes me feel hungry because of how thin it is...

#26 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

all I can say is, NICE

#27 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · 4 · ·

I got to this line:

a now terrified draconequus in Canterlot

and I had this little vision of Discord bursting in to Fluttershy's room (which may or may not have the other Elements in it at the time, depending on whether or not AJ gathered the others because of her encounter with Twilight... or if they are sharing a room) with a look of pure fear on his face waking her up (and the others, who would be nearby if they were not in the same room) and shouting "HIDE ME!" and then trying to hide behind her or under her bed.:rainbowlaugh:

#28 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

Good story. I'm glad this exists.

#29 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

>>2672034

Pretty much what I envisioned :)

>>2671923 >>2670505

I had this feeling that I was missing something here, but could never really figure out what it was. I suppose I could go bother some one to help me edit it, or at least that section. It's just been a little hard to find people lately.

>>2671088

Part of that will be in Luna's story, and I still think the show has decent chance of doing something similar.

#30 · Chapter 1 · 46w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

Did you know if you go and edit a chapter on your iPhone, it gets rid of all your indentations? Because I didn't!

#31 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

>>2672123

sounds like fun times!

#32 · Chapter 1 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

>>2672123 0.0 well then...  Good job on incorporating the phrase

"strategically placed bookshelf"
That's now one of my favorite phrases.

#33 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

>>2672051

I look forward to reading it. any ETA on when that will be out?

#34 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

>>2672363

Not for awhile I'm afraid.

#35 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

nor I'm not worthy of being their sister.

hmm something is wrong here... I sense a double negative.

#36 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

>>2673757

Doing an editing pass as we speak :raritywink:

#37 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 2d ago · · ·

Such a good story. Every part of this seems like it was meant to be since the first time we were introduced to Twilight. I can't wait to see what else Dal has in store for us.:twilightsmile:

#38 · Chapter 2 · 46w, 1d ago · · ·

Well thanks to TRS_Wylie, most of my mistakes should have been ironed out. I also went and rewrote the scene with the shadow, some of the dialogue,  and got rid of the indents as they are a pain to correct between Gdocs and Scrivener.

#39 · Chapter 2 · 44w, 5d ago · · ·

Wasn't this marked complete before you added the second chapter? because if it was, it was pure luck that I noticed that it was updated since I only use my favorite list to track incomplete stories, and not stories I've read that are complete.

#40 · Chapter 2 · 44w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2724140

I was trying to be sneaky, too sneaky it seems.

#41 · Chapter 2 · 44w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2724188

Well, can you do me a personal favor and not be sneaky? I could have missed this chapter and would never have read it because of that!

#42 · Chapter 2 · 44w, 5d ago · · ·
#43 · Chapter 2 · 44w, 4d ago · · ·

Even Luna’s fall was close to her, taking its place alongside memories of Rarity’s own.

Pretty sure you meant Twilight's?

Anyway, minor edit problems aside, I really enjoyed all three of these stories. It's one of the few happy stories that still brings as much emotion as the sad ones.

#44 · Chapter 2 · 44w, 4d ago · · ·

>>2724764

I was referencing both Luna and Rarity falling to the Nightmare, and thanks. :pinkiehappy:

Sorry about the grammar issues, English was not one of the subjects I excelled at during school. From what I have found, my teachers did a horrendous job, and I'm basically learning most rules for the first time. :twilightsheepish:

#45 · Chapter 2 · 44w, 4d ago · · ·

>>2724834

Ah, gotcha, from the comics. The phrasing just doesn't make it clear that it was "Rarity's own fall" you're talking about, rather than "Rarity's own memories". No worries, it was just a minor bit that left me a tad confused and didn't distract from the story itself.

On that note, don't apologize for the grammar too much. The mistakes I saw were few and minor, and seemed to be just that... mistakes. Nothing at all made me think you have any actual lack of understanding or skill when it comes to English prose, so don't worry too much about the small typos and such... that happens to everyone, I promise. :pinkiesmile:

#46 · Chapter 2 · 42w, 1d ago · · ·

I just read this. It wasn't even in the back of my read later list... I have really got to actually read the rest of that list.

Your basic English is alright, your content was alright, but yyour dialogue felt a little stilted. I don't know if you've ever had an emotionally heavy conversation, but human communication (and by extention these ponies we've given human personalities) changes greatly during periods of high emotion. Less words are said, and people tend to let their feelings really show which can convey more than the most complete sentence. Your emotional parts come across as regular conversation, just with emotional backdrop.

In my oh so personal opinion, I think you could have used less dialogue altogether. I'm a feeler, though. I feel things more keenly than I think about them. You did well enough, just trying to point out opportunities for improvement... I'm also late. Oops.

#47 · Chapter 2 · 42w, 21h ago · · ·

>>2815460

Thanks for the input! Looking back, ya I didn't give the dialogue enough emotional weight, mainly in the actions of the characters. If you are referring to the opening scene with Twi and Celestia, I was trying to convey Twilight before she met her friends and how she would have felt in that situation without the experiences she has gained during the show. Guess I should take a look at it again and try to convey what I wanted!

If you could pm me where you think I messed up, that would be amazing!

#48 · Chapter 2 · 30w, 3d ago · · ·

I think, some fics, yours included of course, gives us some ideas that are better than the actual tv series! This one is brilliant and perfect as a story about Celestia, Luna and why Twilight became an alicorn!

#49 · Chapter 2 · 26w, 14h ago · · ·

What a beautiful tale. :fluttercry:

#50 · Chapter 2 · 26w, 14h ago · · ·

>>2672034

This here is priceless! :rainbowlaugh:

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