Wow, just(Clap,clap,clap)

potential, this has it

I see no spelling errors,etc and if they are in there they're doing a damn good job of hiding in all that pure epic awesomeness which you call "Chapter 1"

I lol'd at the end.

I enjoy your story so far because it is one of, if not the only, Human In Equestria fics. Where the human has magic as well. I myself hours before reading this thought I should write a Mage in Equestria fiction. However I am no where near a versed in telling a story as you are. So I am glad you hit this particular niche first. I really love having Loki as the means to enter this new realm, its one of the most creative ways I have seen in any HIE fic to date.

As for what I enjoyed about the fiction, I would have to say the mane draw point is the theme. But aside form that, you so far have captured the personalities of the ponies introduced very well. Keep it up. You write very, I would like to say rhythmically, but that is just a feeling. I digress, it is above my expectations form writing.

The human your using is by no means unique from others of this genera, being a manipulative and intelligent human. By no means is that bad, and you make him feel much more three dimensional and fresh.

There are only slight grammatical errors I could see, just an oddly worded sentence here and there. Nothing a once over won't find I am sure.

I do hope you get more recognition for you story. Its good and I can't wait to read more. Again I wish you luck and hope the story fares well. Keep writing, and I will keep reading.

Hope to see more magic in the future too!

amazing story, i do hope you write another chapter soon.

.....the suspense is killing me.

Oh! Very fitting cover art. Glad to see this story has a face now.

Thank you all for the wonderful comments, they let me ignore such silly things like college and personal responsibilities so I can write more.

About the character himself, yeah he's somewhat of a magic user stereotype but he'll eventually become a little more complex with time, that's all I'm gonna tell at this point :)

I'll try and update as often as I can and hope you all will stick around because this is going to be a long ride. -Karon

>>161803161803

Oh don't worry about me sticking around. I use the name Din for a reason.

I am glad though that he did start, generic as you put it. It give a point to where you can connect to him as the human he is, to then accept his magic as part of the person. And I thank you for not revealing more, I hate spoilers!

Best of luck to you! I really do hope you get more recognition, the mere fact that this is a mature-HIE-Magic fiction. Will limit your audience but those who do read it (like me) will love it for that very same reason!  I cannot adorn you with any more of my gratitude. You have my thanks!

“I can't believe this is working! From now on I will never underestimate the tactical value of acting like I'm on crack.”

that was one of the funniest thing I ever read

also, PARTY TIME

“I can't believe this is working! From now on I will never underestimate the tactical value of acting like I'm on crack.”

You certainly did add much more comedy to it! This chapter was marvelous. I got to see more dept to the magic Karon uses, made me quite happy I might add.

Also worth mentioning is your system of, what I want to say and what I do say. Is quite entertaining to witness. And Internal disputes are quite fun to read. In addition it clearly shows how socially awkward he can be. And how cleaver he is. I do wonder how is Master is reacting to his missing apprentice?

This fic is progressing nicely and I can say I did enjoy the length of this chapter, longer the better to me at least. With each chapter seeming to follow its own rising action, climax, conclusion give each chapter its own flow. And even though the cliff hangers are unbearable that is just one of the joys of reading these fics.

Another great chapter, I await patiently for the next update! And if there is any other reference to the other than it being your pen name, I am sorry but it did not catch the reference.

>>166318166318

Greek mythology, Karon/Charon, the ferryman of Hades. I thought it suited him since he did carry Twilight over between worlds just like Karon carries souls from the living world to the world of the dead, that image is of Karon. My Karon didn't even get a lousy coin for his troubles though.

Anyway about the internal chit chat, If you pay close attention you can see how one side of the dialogue belongs to the older more developed personality of "The mage" and the other belongs to the more recently still developing personality of Karon. I thought it could be fun for reader see his growth not just in behavior but also internal reasoning.

And lastly, because of that Hacking attempt late last night I couldn't update then so I'll upload a new chapter now and have one up later today. -Karon

“.....Get some alcohol, organize a surprise party for PINKIE and then get her drunk.”

Oh, My...

I really like where this is going. I cant wait to read more.

Man, this guy is kinda perverted but its still a very interesting story.

"Loke may be a selfish asshole but at least he put thought into his gifts." Favorite line

In response to your last comment; The name dose fit rather well. I unfortunately do not know much lore when it comes to knowledge of the subject. I know enough for basic purposes however. Heh, for whatever purposes there are in knowing about the gods of old religions? Hmmm?

This chapter definitely was a lot smoother in regards to conflict, and there was little magic but now I am just being obvious. I digress, you can vividly see that Karon is evolving as a character and is becoming nicer it seems. Trying his best to make friends with the our delightful pastel ponies, and I can only imagine what will become of a trickster getting close to people. I guess we'll see soon enough eh?

I look forward to you next event filled update!

I love this so much I really hope Marin warms up to friendship and becomes more comfortable.

I mean karon (damn kindle auto spell)

Oh god, I can't begin to describe how hard I was laughing... especialy at the crack joke... Normally a very great thing! But when your in a crowded room with other people & they already think your insane... Yeah ended rather poorly...

ANYWAY! I really really love this story, I hope to see more of it.

Onward to the next chapter!

>>167502167502 And Karon shall unleash the Pinkie-pocalypse.

Also. This story.... is BLOODY BRILLIANT!!!!!!!! My Pinkies and stars. Take all of them.

Wow this story puts me in like a trance, its as perfect as a fucked up dream.

Man this story is just getting better and better with evry chapter.

It's good to see more of these kinds of HiE storys, im so tired of the ordinary concept of a ordinary high school/college student getting transported to equestria,

thers only so many of those you can read before they start´s becoming boring.

So im realy glade to see you took a more difrent aproatch and you realy succeeded whit it, congrats sir for a job well done

No complaints so far, i like every thing aboute it, the story line/plot, the characters, and especially the comedy, there was some epic lol`z moment  whit him joking whit twilight, love the more "mature" humor, i was literally rofl´ing at certain parts in the story hope you don't change you comedic approach, it who'd make me relay sad

last i wanted to say i relay liked the Anthropology refrense, it will be fun to see wath lyra is is going to do now when a real life human shows up, and how the prinsesses (esperlely Luna) is goign to react when they here aboute him, and pinkie as a drunk, well that just going to be epic

A perfect 5/5 rating love everything so far, keep the chapters coming

And then Pinkie went batshit insane.

Damn you sexy fine.

Lol I think I love this story.

At first i was like perv but can't judge found it funny and i'm a perv also but the later chapters were really good nice work.

I believe Axz represented what I think as well. Your take one the HIE story was brilliant I could tell from when you posted your first chapter. This story pleases me to the point I pause Skyrim to read this when you post the new chapters.

The internal conversations are quite nice, also one of the things that make your story stand out. Plus MORE MAGICS its is always good to see they strength and weaknesses of a character and I am pleased to see what Karon is and is not proficient at.

I do remember seeing one grammatical error but it hardly subtracted form your story. And about your note, you have updated more often than most other fan fic authors so don't be to worried once chapter a day was more that I was expecting anyway!

And I will also say your humor is quite frankly amazing, keep it up and I have no doubts that this will become my favorite fan fic. You should try getting this on Equestria Daily sometime if you ever want to.

Finally, I can't bucking wait to see what transpires! What kind of hilarity will ensue? Can't wait!

This is DIAMONDS

I rather enjoyed this story. It was fun, and the setup for the next chapter has me quite excited. However, this chapter in particular had some grammar issues. For example, in almost every instance, you mixed up the words "to" and "too", as well as some various comma-based errors. Regardless, this was quite enjoyable, and I look forward to the next part.

>>170010170010

Yeah sorry about that, English is not my native language and I mix up to and too if I don't pay attention properly. I will go trough and edit the chapter when I get time for it. Thanks for noticing I will try and remember it in the future.

>>170405170405

It's no problem, I enjoyed your story despite the errors, and am tracking it.

“Now I've seen everything.”

“You do know that saying that is like challenging the universe too fuck up your day right?”

favorite line of the chapter, lmao

also, the suspense is killing meeee.

...again

I perhaps should add something since this chapter might be a little confusing for some people. The flashbacks are not in chronological order and they do not include every minute of the party, rather they are the "highlights" of it.

If you wish to know in which order the flashbacks would have occurred should they have been placed along a timeline then it would have been. Lyra-> Rarity->Twilight->Rainbow Dash->Fluttershy-> Applejack/Pinkie->Twilight/Rarity.

Hope no one finds out all to confusing.

I am dying, I am very much looking forward to the next chapter.

Looking forward to more.

Not confusing at all, but massively entertaining! However now I am sincerely afraid of what will come next and I will have my silence make that clear................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

3:30 am I should be long asleep, confound your damn good story. But I digress, this is  a great story, love the humor and I can't wait for the next chapter!

Dud pinki has a army and dash is missing he kissed rarity and now celestia and luna are coming its college all over again

Sheet man I hope you make twilight do a sudden mass clean~up spell. I almost fear for karon.

YOU SONOVABITCH!!!

Yup, the crack part made me laugh too, not as much though as the irony that a mage who is (probably) more proficient than Celestia thought; "Ya' know what, i could use magic but instead, imma slap a bitch!"

Awesome work! Now to catch up on the next few chapters!

Haha! Was having a horrible day today, this cheered me up when I read it couldnt stop laughing for some time. Great chapter! Looking forward to next update.

These past few chapters have raised this Fic higher and higher in my internal-fan-fiction trophy room, and this chapter topped it off! That was one of the most masterful Ponyville party scenes ever! Karon is a great character and I love his almost Gollum-like ranting to himself. It really makes me chuckle. This chapter was also great as I think many of us can somewhat relate ourselves to similar circumstances; I for one can't be the only guy who has woken up, felt crap, had flashbacks and gone "Well, fuck...", minus the ponies of course.

Anyway, I thought i'd somewhat review ya' series:

Clarity-wise: Very easy to understand NOW, the first few chapters left me a little confused but i'm sure thats just due to my lack of ancient mythological knowledge, ma' bad! You also used a lot of big words; now im not a child, and I like a human dictionary as much as the next guy, but a lot of them in succession mentally punched me in the gut. But like I said, thats just me. At the current stage in the story, Karon seems to have lightened up, accepting his new fate, this has led to the story being more laid back in some ways and I love it.

Characters: All great, as I said above, Karon is great, and being an OC you have all the freedom you want to develop him in as many ways as you can. As for the other characters; they all stay pretty true to themselves. Rainbow braggs, yes, a lot. But no, not as much as some Fics make her. You have the right ammounts, but to be 100% honest, i havent read enough yet with Rainbow in it to judge her character completely. Twi is her same egghead self, inquisitive while still being naïve, it's great how she and Karon interact. AJ, like Rainbow hasn't appeared a lot yet. Regardless, she seems true to character, honest and stubborn. Pinkie, ah, Pinkie - Random as usual, all is good here. Making her drunk was a GREAT idea! Fluttershy being scared s***less at the beginnning is a standard but well used and quite often neccesary approach to drawing her in and I belive it was done well. She also acts as one would expect, nervous, scared and well... shy. Rarity is the only character who if you ask me is slightly askew to her canon FiM counterpart, in this she is a little more, how say, 'whorish'. It's not a bad thing but it's not 100% how I would expect her to act either. This is totally understandable if you have intention to make her and Karon an item or at least a fling. As for the background ponies, what can i say, theyre background ponies - they do their job! Except... Lyra, who appears to be a larger part of things than any of us currently know. Time will tell.

Plot: Human in Equestria. Standard, but hey, what else are you gonna do really?! There aren't that many alternatives. Like I said above though, to start with, I found this series rather hard to get to grips with. Now though i'm in full swing and understanding it well! Or at least to the best of my ablility! There are a number of things that make this much more unique though; The human you used can do magic, and also give Twi a run for her money when it comes to it, drunk or not it seems. There is also a 'humans in the past' feel, as shown by Lyra and Celestia which hasn't been used much. Kudos. The most obvious thing about this that shows you have left your own mark is the mythology behind it with Loke. I feel like this will be the driving force that encourages Karon's journey though Equestria to take shape as he becomes the man Loke desires him to be. I can't wait!

Is there anything else... Who knows, i'll get to it at a later time if there is.

Final word. This sounds like one hell of a lot of arse kissing. I know. Buuut, it's justified, there arent really any mistakes and I really enjoyed, and hope to continue to enjoy, your story, and you deserve to know that you bring pleasure to many of us in the form of wonderful literature! Great, now I sound a bit camp too... Regardless, THANK YOU! Sorry for waffling and wasting your time but hey, i wanted to let you know.

Now to pray Karon survives his royal ordeal. Onward!

“Huh, so that's how it looks when a brain get a 404 error message.”

Favorite line of this chapter

keep it up this is great

>>172906172906

Thank you for the review, this story has become a lot more popular then i ever anticipated it would be, so in maybe one or two chapters I will review the whole thing and spiff up the beginning a bit so it get's easier to get into. Personally I considered the first two chapters to be more or less one long prologue where readers get to know "the mage" who later on will develop into Karon.

And yes, Rarity is far more "lose" then her counterpart in the show but i will get into that in the coming chapters and you'll see that her actions and feelings aren't just a result of her being a slutty version.

And the word use and other ways I'm writing the story will shift and change a little as i attempt to give each chapter it's own "tone" or feeling that reflects the current state that Karon is in. Beginning with arrogant and unnecessary complicated then moving on into angry and unsure etc. etc.

Anyway so far I have barely gotten into the plot and I have a lot of surprises I have no doubt you will not expect. Hope you'll stick around, we have a long way to go yet.

I WANT DRUNKEN KARON VS CELESTIA.

>>173128173128

Oh yeah man! I'm taking this one to the end! And as for those surprises you mentioned, I can't wait!

>>173141173141

I don't think Karon will be drunk because he only just drank a mouthful till he arrived.

I don't know who to feel more bad for, Twilight for sending the report or Karon for having to face  Celestia's wrath for tricking twilight into reading it...

>>173128173128

Now I am even MORE excited to read on. Been flowing this story since day one. And now I sure as hell going to read it to the end. As for your popularity, I still think more ponies should read this!

I liek dis.

Awesome! And I would hella like to see Celestia drunk. "Let's play a game. Spin the bottle. I spin the bottle and whomever it lands on gets sent to the sun! All who survive 30 minutes can come home and continue playing and all who do not wish to initially participate can rot on the moon for 1000 years, sound familliar Luna." Lols would ensue for the Princess.

“You're sister is the now that started this!”   Only thing i seen very good work look forward to more.

>>175439175439

Fixed, thank you for informing me.

That was an excellent chapter. You had a lot of details and back story in this one, that was really good. I am glad you had more magics, and the illusory stuff is pretty epic I have to say. I am starting to wonder though. If Karon is sill an apprentice by stature, how powerful are full rank wizards?

You do write exceptionally well for not being natively English, as I believe you said before. And even if you were I could not see any reason to chastise you on your fluid writing. You can capture the feel of a chapter quite well. As I also recall was a goal of yours. And I am all up for a long trip to Canterlot! Should be a good read, and at the promise of a longer chapter! They say good things come to those who wait. And I will be exercising that phrase.

Your story is still and will always be a 6/5 to me.

This is an awesome story.

>>175534175534

Welcome really do like the story.

I have only a single question

where da fuck is twilight during all this ?

>>175552175552

I will go further into the details of Karon's apprenticeship and what it means in relation to a full wizard later on as he takes up his study of magic once more. At the moment I can say that a wizard is someone that has reached as far as a mortal human will ever get while still alive, they are on par with most gods and on a good day could measure up against several if needed. But like all things they are bound by rules, which is perhaps why Loke is so interested in training a future wizard in the way of the trickster, the way of bending rules....

>>175666175666

Upstairs in her room still in a state of shock, this entire chapter took place under maybe 20 minutes in total and considering what she has done that isn't so surprising. Consider the fact that she went unstable postal worker at the possibility of getting behind on a single report  in lesson zero then look back at her current situation and it's quite clear she will need serious therapy to get over all of this.

>>175714175714

That is all I needed to know. I really do enjoy your take on magic, it isn't so complicated as to be obscure but its magic. Anywho you know what I think. Thanks on a bit more background in the comments, you have my thanks!

Shit bro this was so awesomely epic that I re-read the battle scene.

>>175933175933

Glad you thought so, I had originally written a much longer battle in the dream sequence where Karon among other things rip off Luna's horn and bash Celestia's head with a huge rock, but the spell is reversed by Twilight before he manages to kill them. I deleted it because it would be a little to improbable for Celestia not to send him to the moon after that.

*spoiler*Now i do kinda have to ask how come he got so mad over the rob (clearly i know it was his mentor's and drunk) i mean he got like mega amount of magic and he can't do some stuff harry potter could do which would be fix a robe?

>>177431177431

Well that kind of practical application of magic would be more in Twilight's area of expertise, as it's been written in the story Karon isn't the best when it comes to magic more physically based. And if you read the chapter then you also know that he realized he was overreacting and decided to try and make something new of himself instead of holding on to the old. So at the end he had neither the ability nor the inclination to do so.

>>177617177617

Got ya i just figured that type of thing would be pretty simple for someone to do.

You know what this calls for?!?!?!*Pinkie Pie pops up next to me*Pinkie:A PARTY!!!

AGGGHHH!!!!!PINKIE!!!!THE FORTH WALL!!!!!NOOOOOOO!

Huzzah! Fluttershy is probably raging though, he's much more 'tree' than she'll ever be!

Also, I reckon Twi is jealous of Rarity for the kiss. Now to get the royal sisters drunk!

Also, a personal oppinion of mine is that I dont really like Dash, I'm not a fan of arrogence. But I will admit that I feel sorry for her for flying all night and then having to deal with not only the flight back but a hangover and no sleep too.

Anyway great work!

YAY!!!! I was so freaking nervous, but then again you cant really banish the main charactor! I thought *45 minutes later* & pew to the moon! Great chapter!

Been a crazy day, huge mood improvement when I saw the chapter!

Oh yes. This story is sooooooo damn good. By the way I doubt you need to spend much extra time on this so far all your chapters have been

virtually flawless.

Holy crap I'm glad I stumbled upon this fic. Between the seriousness and the comedy it has been a wild ride! And it even seems like you update at a reasonable schedule too, man I'm just in heaven here .

P.S. Our intrepid human should probably have some eggs or fish so he doesn't get some a horrible b12 deficiency, those are nasty.

Edit: “Well you are, it's not like it's you who's faith is hanging in the balance.” Shouldn't that be 'fate' ?

The plot thickness has been doubled!

“Loke wanted to play with the rules of existence and he chose me and Twilight as the tools to perform this deed. I do not believe that he was behind the unfortunate effect of twilight's spell. She was simply overeager and did not have all the needed information to safely travel outside your body. But I think Loke became aware of the situation as soon as she should up in the void, he simply saw the potential and seized it. The reason for me being here is that Loke tampered with my ritual, the one designed to being Twilight back home.”

Don't you mean shown? my spelling sucks sorry.

Thank you for the comments, the errors have been edited.

“.......they're much more fun when they talk.”

Another great chapter, nice twist at the end. You really have a knack for these cliffhangers I say. Can't say I am not disappointing in no more daily updates but I understand it too. So, I will wait for your next updates with enthusiasm!

Ah this chapter made me laugh.... lol the bear, otter, and the diamond dog....

"... he tried to make me into a tree because I have always wanted to know how it would be like, and I had the most amazing dream of being a tree so I..uhm....I think he's..nice.”

“Oh we are so fucked, should I begin charging power for some kind of distraction so we can escape or hit them hard and run?”

This part of the chapter made me laugh the most for some reason.

no word can discribe from what if seen...

...

...

...

^(see what i did there)

i think spike needs a remedy for that cough

I see it now: The Hangover; Night of Pony!

-Glassed

Love the story! For some reason I always see the Jester from DMC3 when I read this. Also, I love that you used Loke. While I don't know if you used the Marvel-version of him or the mythological one, but regardless, he is of my culture and I love to see him here (I'm Scandinavian = Viking = Nordic mythology)

-Glassed

>>186281186281

Fun fact, like me Karon is Swedish. I thought about making him British or American but decided it would be easier to understand and develop his personality if I gave him the same cultural background as myself. And it's the mythological nordic Loke which is why I spell it with an e and not an i.

>>186301186301 Oh yeah, I completely forgot about the way they spell it with an "i"

I completely understand your reasoning with giving him the same cultural background, as it is so much easier to write someone when you have some sort of frame of reference

Here's a "good luck" from your southern neighbor, who is atm dealing with hellish amounts of snow

-Glassed

Awesome! Loving the Everfree mystery. I was always curious as to why they built a royal castle in the big, bad forest of doom. Also, you really bring out Fluttershy's adorableness, this is great for me as she's my favourite pony!

Thanks! To another great chapter! Now, off to bed.... *Yawns*

A staring contest with a bunny? MANLY!

-Glassed

Confound your amazing story! How can I sleep knowing this might update!?

Not as funny as the last few chapters but the amazing plot makes it totally worth it. Karon's snark is excellent as always and that never gets old

I have to say I'm constantly impressed by how well you're handling the more serious matters in this story, usually MATURE + ponies = crap, but you are slowly changing my opinion of that.

Also >

You never do cease to put out some quality writing. Yes this chapter may not have been as action packed and what not. But it was a lovely reprieve. Plus new story elements involving more with the Everfree! I really like how you are carving a path for your story, and giving it its own flare besides its approach to HIE.

Love it as always.

Ah shit.

there a little pll that can buck up my mind like you do... it is...nice...

OH GOD!!!

2 stories in one day?

i feel so unworthy of this....

>>190495190495

It's because I wuve you guys so much

He might never see a pair of boobs again.

Image: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/103/122/SJGR.jpg

I love how you make him realistic; no sane, normal human can go without meat for long, even if he isn't specifically human.

also, great chapter

Shit just got real.

Why are you so damn good at cliffhangers huh? Every end of chapter leaves me with a feeling. I did not expect you to have another chapter up so soon as well, it was a welcome surprise!