The awesome adventure begins
Part 1 – The awesome adventur begins
It was a bright, happy and sunny day as Twillight Sparkle walked down the main street of Ponyvile in Ponyland. Twillight was a normal pony but she had a horn which made her a unicorn, which is a normal pony that can do magic.
Twillight once lived in Ponyland Castle - or whatever that place with the evil Celesia is called – before she was sent to Ponyvile by the queen. Not the one from England the one from Ponyland. In Ponyland castle she was always alone and had no friends. But now she lives in a tree in Ponyvile and has as many as five friends.
First there’s Pinkie Pie. She is always funny and does party stuff and is insane but that’s not bad because that makes her even funnier.
Then there’s Applejack who lives on a farm with her family – of which I don’t know the names - and sells apples.
Her third friend is Rarity and she’s also an unicorn but not good with magic. Instead she makes dresses, goes shopping and cries a lot and that’s why she’s best pony.
Another one of her friends is Rainbow Dash and she’s lesbian because of her hair color.
And finally there’s Fluttershy, who nobody likes. Especially not the author of this story! She’s a coward, cries very often, has a silly voice, always apologizes for everything, has an ugly haircut, is afraid of everything, don’t understand sarcasm, don’t do anything useful, says too much, is a pegasus but can’t fly, turned Rainbow Dash into a baby, became an evil demon-monster-alien-thingy, drugged Dash so that she could have sex with her, dragged Dash and Pinkie into a deadly nightmares that almost killed all of them and has a silly name. God I hate Fluttershy! Why couldn’t they use Firefly instead or that earth pony that looks like her but is better?
Anyway Twillight was walking down the main street of Ponyvile, humming the theme song and enjoying the warmth of the sun. “What a bright, happy and sunny day.” said Twillight.
She was a very happy pony, but that would change soon.
Very soon.
Very, very soon.
BAM!
BAM! BAM! BAM!
“Oh no an explosion.” said Twillight as she ran away from the large explosions behind her.
Trees and grass and flowers and other stuff was flying through the air while the purple pony ran as fast she could but the explosion came closer and closer like a horror movie monster.
“I wish I had my books with me, so that I could read about things against explosions.” said Twillight. However, all the books were in her house so she could only run.
She was about to die and then suddenly the explosions stopped.
“The explosions stopped.” said Twillight and turned around.
Behind her was a large crater and in the middle of that crater was blue, smoking telephone box. The door of the telephone box swung open and a pony jumped outside.
(Guess who it is!)
It was a brown male pony with a horseglass cutie mark and an american accent. “Hello Twillight Sparkle. I’m an astronaut named Doctor Whofes and you must come with me. Your mother, Queen Celesia, is an evil tyrant and you are the only hope of ponykind.” said Doctor Wooves.
Twillight responded with laughter.
“You’re a silly pony Doctor. My mother is a nice pony and everybody loves her.” said Twillight.
“You’re wrong. She is evil. Just look around you.” said Doctor Whoufs.
At first Twillight didn’t believe the strange astronaut. But the she look around herself and realized something. Ponyvile wasn’t a happy place! Not at all! In a dark ally some of the guards were beating up innocent citizens and at the next corner some unlucky ponies that couldn’t pay the high taxes were escorted into prison. And at the next corner the guards executed three ponies. With lasers!
Twillight felt how her world crumbled and she sank on her knee. “Oh my god you’re right! Celesia is evil.” said Twillight.
“And that’s why you must come with me and help me to stop her.” said Doctor Whoops.
“But how can we stop the queen?” asked Twillight.
“With a secret weapon we must find. I already tried to find it but couldn’t, because the prophecy says that only the chosen mare could wield that weapon. You are the chosen mare Twillight.” said Doctor Whoooves.
“I’m the chosen mare?” asked Twillight.
“Yes you are.” said Doctor Whoorfes.
“Ok then let’s go and kill my evil mother.” said Twillight
“Yeah!” said Doctor Whoofv
And then they walked to the blue telephone box, ready to stop the evil Celesia. Unfortunately some guards heard them talking about killing Celesia and jumped in the way.
Twillight looked at them very angrily. “Let us pass guards. We’ll stop my mother.” said Twillight.
“I don’t think so Twillight Sparkle. We’re going to arrest you right now and take you to the princess.” said the lead guard.
“If you don’t let us pass we’ll fight you lead guard. You and your men.” said Twillight.
“So it be. You mother wanted you alive but now we have no other choice than to kill you and your astronaut friend.” said the lead guard.
Then he jumped forward and tried to kill Twillight. The purple unicorn, however, was faster. She hit him with a horn shoot in the chest.
“Aaaargghhhhh!” screamed the lead guard while crushing through six trees before a mountain stopped his flight path and collapsed onto him.
The other guards were shocked but attacked anyway because Celesia would kill them otherwise. So it was time for an awesome fight scene.
Twillight used her magic to create a blade and sliced through the guards like butter while the Doctor did some Doctor stuff and killed even more guards. But there were too many and it didn’t look good. Soon Twillight and the doctor were about to lose.
“Oh No were about to lose.” said Twillight.
“But I don’t want to go.” said Doctor Wfohves.
“Haha. Now we have you. I’ll kill you personally” said the new lead guard with a bloodthirsty smile.
So he grabbed his gun and was ready to shoot them but then… he took an arrow to the knee. He screamed because he was surprised and in pain.
“What was that?” said another guard.
Then something blue appeared on the sky and crushed right in the middle of the guards. It was… Rainbow Dash. The cyan pegsus wasted no time and started killing the guards. Twillight and the Doctor realized that his might be their only chance and so they joined her.
“Who are you?” asked Doctor Whouves.
“I’m a lesbian and my name is Rainbow Dash.” said Rainbow Dash.
“Ok that explains the hair.” said Doctor Whuoves.
They fight went on and on but there were still too many guards.
“There are still to many guards.” said Twillight.
Then Rainbow Dash had an idea.
“Twillight! Doctor! Quick run to the blue telephone box, I’ll try to buy you some time!” said Rainbow Dash.
“No Dash, don’t do that.” said Twillight.
But it was too late. Dash already gained the attention of every single guard and they all attacked her now instead of Twillight and the doctor. Twillight was about to rush to her friends aid as the doctor grab her.
“We must go now Twillight Sparkle. Her sacrifice will not be in vain and if we stay we all die.” said Doctor Whovess.
Twillight didn’t list. She struggled and tried to get free to help her friend. Tears were running around her face as she scream Rainbow Dash name.
“Rainbow Dash!” screamed Twillight.
So the doctor had no other choice than to hit her over the head with a screwdriver. The purple unicorn collapsed instantly and the astronaut dragged her to the telephon box and threw her inside. Before he entered the box himself he looked to Rainbow Dash one last time.
“Farewell brave lesbian.” Said Doctor Whooofes. Then he closed the door and started the engine of his space ship.
END OF CHAPTER 1
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You know that you instantly go to Hell for hating Fluttershy, right? You can be a kind, loving, caring person who has never ever done anything bad in his entire life - BUT! If you offend Fluttershy, you are IMMEDIATELY sent to Hell for an especially severe eternal torture. Keep that in mind.
dash.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/132669758084.gif
Calling fluttershy worst pony just got you over 9000 problems, but a bitch aint one if em.
I used to think this story was serious, but then the guard took an arrow to the knee. Awesome story. And no, it didn't actually take me that long to figure that out.
Fluttershy is actually worst pony. But you're just trolling.
Nopony with a soul can hate Fluttershy, mr. troll.
'“Farewell brave lesbian.” Said Doctor Whooofes.'
Why did I laugh so hard at this part
One problem: You're using contractions correctly. You should stop doing this thing.
Weird thing I've noticed about some parody fics, the ones which focus on poor grammar, is that if they were written seriously, they'd make fairly good stories. This is an example.
Now, to face the reality of this thing: Weird, and the parody author doesn't seem to get the idea of fanfics not being canon. Actually, I only knew one of the fics referenced concerning Fluttershy, 'Babycakes'. What were the others, for future reference?
Alright, I may have only just gotten here, but I think I already found the most ludicrous (read: my favorite) part. It isn't the misspellings, or Rainbow introducing herself as a lesbian before actually giving her name, or even the random accusations against Fluttershy. It's that there is a giant mountain in the middle of town, with exactly six trees between it and Twilight, that collapses on Ponyville. The rest of it, of course, is also completely hilarious. It's like parody author decided that My Immortal was a good fic to use as a basis for writing. In short:
Normally I don't read parody fics, but the fact that the Doctor's name is spelled differently every time is absolutely hilarious.
1779348
I caught at least one reference to the Silent Ponyville (excuse me, Ponyvile) series.
As far as SPECIFIC fics where she becomes an evil demon, and/or drugs Dash for sex, well, that takes some narrowing down.
Also, you can tell this is a parody fic. No one would actually think that Rarity is best pony.
............
Oh God, I see bladecasting from The Immortal Game there.
“I’m a lesbian and my name is Rainbow Dash.” said Rainbow Dash.
“Ok that explains the hair.” said Doctor Whuoves.
"Farewell brave Lesbian"
Glorius!?!!
I have lost the ability to even.
I love how you misspelt Doctor Whooves everytime he was mentioned.
"Doctor Wfohves"
LOOOOOL
"Farewell, brave lesbian."
I lost it at that sentence.
Ohmygosh, this is so funny!
2636466 Luna is best pony
3884989 Go back to the cloud district Nazeem, pinkie is best!
My favorite thing in this was "horn shoot."
This was WAY funnier than I expected. :)
I died when I saw the last sentence!
That's sort of a very twisted way of explaining why I actually do think Rarity is best pony. They've taken a personality that is generally despised among a huge proportion of people and they've turned it into a believable, likeable and (usually) generous character, something that's not easy to do. Plus, I just like her, despite the fact I generally hate people with her mindset and was immediately predisposed to hate her too.
Unfortunately a lot of people can't see past her hatred of dirt and love of fashion, which I completely understand (but by no means agree with). To those reading this, I only advise you to try and see past her personality trope and find it in your hearts to like Rarity (or at least to attempt to). After all, it doesn't really make the series a whole lot better if you hate the guts of one of the protagonists.
There. I just ranted about Rarity on a fanfic that had nothing to do with her past a single line. I should probably just read the thing, huh?
THIS IS SO HILARIOUS SO FAR
I can't finish the first chapter.
Good job.
Meh. I've read worse fics.
"Oh no an explosion." I have no clue why but I lost it there.
This is awful....
I love it!
I came back to read this a second time. This is... ze magizc!
God I can't wait til the OC comes up
Holy crap. I'm crying from laughing so hard. So glad I found this fic.
I'm crying, not sure if it is because of my poor inner grammar nazi or if it from the sheer amount of hilarity that is contained within this story...
Have a moustache
Nope. I can't do it. I read the first half of the first chapter, and I can't do it. This is too true, and funny. But I just can't. My nitpicking senses are going off like crazy.
over Normandy.
I had to, sorry.
So awful...
I loved it.
OMG, this is totes best store evar.
Most beautiful story ever! Would rate 10/10!
... This is embarassing but when I was like 8, I actually used to write like this:
Edit: I AM SO LATE
oh no an explosion.
My Brain!
Me were tring and cliking DOWNVOTE button which would gave you a downvote because tis a downvote button. But my laughing so hatd has been making I gave you a upvote in stead.