Before Babs went back to Manehatten she told Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon that she would tell their parent about their attitudes, but what if only one had a mother? What if Diamond Tiara only had one living parent? What happened after she fell into the mud with that sentence hanging in her ears? Let’s find out.
This story was written because of a bet between a friend and me. He didn’t believe that I could write a sad story following parameters.
1. I had to make short repetitive lines.
2. Story needed to be written in present tense from the main characters point of view.
3. A song needed to be added (I really hated this one)
4. It couldn’t be too descriptive yet it needed to be interesting. (hope I succeeded in this one)
Anyway I hope you are going to like it. As always constructive criticism is very welcome.
Poor little Diamond Tiara.
soo good! the feels!
i need a hug!
I've often wondered why Diamond Tiara is what she is. This is as much an explanation as any; children struck by great grief can become troublesome and destructive, especially if they never allow themselves (or are not allowed by social convention) to express that grief.
I like to pretend that her father is really her mother disguised as such after being infected with a magical virus that causes the infected to go into a homicidal state to murder the sentient being closest to the infected by cutting and sucking out their tongue with the victim still alive and screaming.
After consumption of victim, the infected will slowly "devolved" into a younger state before losing it's sentient mind to be as intelligent as a household pet while gaining true consciousness. The infected will slowly lose it's homicidal nature and become "filly-like". Diamond Tiara's mother ran away to Manehatten, unaware of his condition. Getting a new identity, he disguises as Babs Seed and comes to Ponyville, with all his memeories wiped off.
Silver Spoon is infected by said virus while sniffing the blood of DT's father and procceds to kill Diamond Tiara, but she escapes by smashing Silver's head with a folk, forcing her into unconcisness.
When she woke up, she started to hallucinate that she was Diamond Tiara, and that her father is still alive while her mother died in a cliche accident or something.
But that's just my imagination...
Oh, you want me to comment on the actual story?
"It means nothing to me; it is just a piece of expensive jewelry with one purpose. To remind others that I am better than them and to remind myself about how alone I am." Reminds me of TF2
Oh, something coherent and meaningful?
I do not answer.
I won't
I do not answer.
I do not answer.
I do not answer.
I do not answer.
Oh god I cried,short,simple but brings lots of feels
2030391 Im sorry
2030632 Knowing you, this will chear you up
rule34-data-002.paheal.net/_images/7ff34d04e711287a7b57741cfb0aef3f/712459%20-%20Blazblue%20Homura_(artist)%20Iron_Tager%20Rule_63%20taokaka.jpg
2030710 Thank you very much.
2030928 Thank you very much
2047547 must not get nosebleed!!
"nose bleeds" too late!
2041215 Dido i get so god damn confused whenever i read your comments, but i still love them none the less.
2043009 Thank you so very much, you are to kind
2045763 Then is will say that it was a success. Yhank you very much
My feelings!
Very good, my friend. I like the repetition in here.
There were a few mistakes though...by referencing Diamond Tiara's, Filthy Rich's, and her mother's "magic" are you referring to Earth pony magic (what I interpret as strength, speed, etc.) or are you referencing unicorn magic? Because they are Earth ponies...
Other than that, great job.
Since when was Diamond Tiara a unicorn?
Also, there are a few spots where there are incorrect usages of punctuation and grammar. Overall however, it was a great story. Honestly, I would love to see more in a sequel.
2051016 HOLY SHIT!!! I'll fix it right away. This is embarrassing i changed the race of my favorite filly
2048027 Thank you very much for the praise and also thank you even more for pionting that out, I had somehow convinced myself that she was a unicorn. That has been fixed, but where did i refer to Filthy being a unicorn? And her mother being a unicorn was intentional since we have seen her mother in the show yet.
2057696
This was what I was referring to. And oh, my apologies on the mother thing.
That makes much more sense. Considering that Mr. and Mrs. Cake have pegasi and unicorn foals, it's not too much to say that a unicorn mare and an Earth pony stallion could have an Earth pony foal.
(Assuming Cup Cake was faithful, of course.
)
2059028 Thank you so much for pointing that out, I don't know how i messed up as much as i did and don't worry, there is no need to apologize
From what I've seen of the Diamond's mother theories, people seem to be divided into three categories. One group thinks Screwball's her mother, one group thinks her mother's dead, and one group thinks her mother's going to be revealed in a future episode a her own separate character or as a previously established character. When it comes to those in the second group, it seems that most people want to believe that her mother's dead in order to give her a motive for her behavior. While I personally cannot get behind this idea in any sense of reality, I can sympathize with why they color their headcanon such a dark shade of red.
So, what mother are we talking about here? Ah, yes, the deceased flavor. Well, I suppose I might as well start at the very beginning. First of all, I like how you jettisoned this entire story into existence from one sentence. Even if Diamond's reaction from the show doesn't quite match up to how this story plays out, I'll give you the point for the idea. Second, I like the idea of making Diamond's tiara silver. Indirect character development and subtle metaphorical significance are always encouraged in my book. Third, I just have two things to question about the very beginning. 1) Diamond likes to "bull" or "bully"? If she likes to bull, I'll be the first to break out the red cape and the montera, but if she likes to bully, I'd personally have to question the fact that Diamond would refer to it as bullying herself. Of course, I wouldn't criticize you for saying she would; it's just contradictory to my view on the subject. 2) Diamond has a planned remark for the very few ponies who ever talk back to her. Babs talks back to her, which is something that nopony has ever done before. Just a bit of a logical snag there. Nothing major.
Anyway, enough minor nitpicking, let's get to the center of the story, the topic of Diamond's lack of mother. For one thing, it's a very focused story. There's no time wasted on any tangents or meaningless distractions that detach the reader from what they came here for. It's a very simplistic take on how Diamond is coping with this living arrangement which expands into a meaningful father-daughter relationship. One aspect that I cannot commend you enough for would have to be that ending. You took the initial quote that launched the story full circle, changed its meaning ever-so-slightly, and delivered one of the strongest conclusions to a one-shot I've seen since MLD: A Moment by amimizunofan22. Absolutely splendid job on that one.
Now, at the same time, I think this story's greatest strength is its greatest weakness. After the story reveals that Diamond doesn't have a mother, it seems to hang up the shovel for a spoon. By my personal definition, the number of dimensions a story or character has can be summed up by the number of simple sentences it takes to fully describe it. If I were to use the sentence, 'Diamond Tiara and her father lament over their deceased mother and wife respectively,' I believe I've essentially summed up the main body of the story. I suppose there's also the factor of Diamond deciding to be nicer, but that seems to be a spontaneous after-effect of coming to terms with the dead mother factor. So, by using my definition, I'm afraid I'd have to call this story one-dimensional. I suppose that given your own writing restrictions, this was the obligatory criticism, but I think it could have been avoided with a bit more explanation about how her mother's death shaped her behavior up to that point.
I have to say, I wasn't expecting this to be a portrayal of chubby Diamond Tiara, but if she has to be tugged into bed, I fail to see how it isn't. I guess that's one way to provide a subtle alternate universe look at a recognizable character. Also, my favorite quote would have to be 'His suit drinks my tears'. Very nice use of personification. Definitely worth another point.
Writing-wise, I think this story has its own repetitive style that's very befitting of its length and subject matter. It seems to keep a persistent tense and POV, and I didn't catch any spelling errors that weren't just actually word usage errors. Also, to be perfectly honest, I cannot imagine that lullaby being sung. I just can't.
I'd have to say this story's a cookie, an oatmeal raisin cookie with one layer of icing. Two layers of icing would have been a bit too rich, but I think there could have been a few more raisins.
Make the most!
2070440 Thank you very much, both for the praise and the critizisme. When i first saw your comment i feared it was another guy who hated the way it was written. Im glad i was mistaken.
Again thank you very much, I hope i'll be lucky to have you review some of my future storys
One*
Too*
That... was beautiful!
It's... It's... i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/340/977/ea7.gif
so sad
