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VGmaster78

Joined December 2011
6 followers

Stories (2)

  • The Assistant
    Trixieshy romance adventure.

    9,403 words · 546 views · 20 likes · 1 dislikes
  • Kidnapped
    Grimdark story of revenge and trying to save two kids
    4,180 words · 992 views · 12 likes · 3 dislikes

Disaster strikes when the Cake's two twins are kidnapped. Pinkie runs off to save the two before something happens to the infants in peril.Can she make and save the two foals or will  they meet a cruel fate.

First fanfic try so get in here read it and criticize it. Please and thank you.

First Published
23rd Jan 2012
Last Modified
23rd Jan 2012

Comments ( 8 )

#1 · 117w, 3d ago · · ·

I like it. Few mistakes, too.

#2 · 117w, 3d ago · · ·

I quite enjoyed the story, but MANY grammar/spelling mistakes.

To list a few:

"She peeked *in* (should be at) them seeing that everything had already been set up (at) the picnic."

"Applejack and Rainbow Dash were *of* (off) to the side having a fierce hoof wrestling match."

"They all agreed and helped *their selves* (themselves) to the assortment of treats that had been brought courtesy of Applejack."

"She thought maybe Twilight  could (help) her.

Punctuation was also off on quite a few sentences.

Your strengths are in plot design and character, but your weakness is in grammar/spelling. I suggest getting a few friends (Or online, if you're a closet brony like me) to spell check your work before uploading.

Satriark :heart: :heart:

#3 · 117w, 3d ago · · ·

>>152719 Thank you for reviewing over my work. I think I need to get a prereader to check over my stuff before I send it in from now on. I'll think about going back and fixing these mistakes later.Anyway, thanks for reading!

#4 · 117w, 1d ago · · ·

Great story. Those grammar mistakes confused me though...

#5 · 117w, 1d ago · · ·

>>158113 I'm sorry I re-read over my story last night and  found many of them I thought I had fixed when I was first creating the story. I guess not though. I plan on going back and fixing most of these later. Glad you enjoyed it though.

#6 · 107w, 1d ago · · ·

never like the cursing when I read ponies but otherwise was a very good read

#7 · 105w, 6d ago · · ·

This was a pretty good story. I had a smilier idea.

#8 · 44w, 4d ago · · ·

>>152719

hello person :D, you wouldnt happen to be Satriark would you? ive been looking for him for a while now

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