Maniacomplex
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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So it begins... Went up earlier than I thought it would.
2032497
I didn't have time to do it later, I just had to settle with posting it at 3
Twilight vs. Demons?... Cool, and is well written. I'm in, have a fav.
Hope you have a good explanation for all.
I like the idea, about time Tartarus is put to use...somewhat
2035344
I do, I'm just worried that I might be over thinking it
2035767
Somewhat?
I like it, you made a good opening that hooked me onto the story. Now I'm really interested to see what happens next. Keep up the good work /)
2039389
(\ thank you ^^ I never made a fanfic before and I wasn't sure if I should go with this one
You definately should, it's a wonderful story and I can't wait to see more. The number of ways you could take this are limitless!
2039486
Thank you for the encouragement, I'll be sure to get my next chapter done soon ^^
2039578 no problem, and I would love to see what you think of my stories
Oh a Tartarus related fiction, this should be good, and take my favorite for a well-written first chapter
If you like, I'm working on a Dark/Adventure/Sad/AU fiction, it would be nice if you check it out once it gets uploaded :)
2046250 thank you and I'll be sure to :3
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Equestria The Dark world Chronicles: Praying or the Broken
Grammar score out of 10: 8 I couldn't really find anything wrong with it
Pros (list three pros)
World has been established very quickly by Twilight's recollections.
Interesting premise/summary as well as a good opening chapter with a nice cliffhanger to boot.
Twilight checklist very much like her, especially since everything so uncertain
Cons (list three cons)
A question, what has Twilight been doing for a year?
I got into twilight's head with your writing, but I would like to get even further into Twilight's head (though if you plan to do this later, then ignore what I just said)
Notes Section:
Well its rather early to say a lot about the story, but I say you have started well and managed to ease us into your world. I would like more description/exposition, but it looks like you're on it with the wraith encounter. I do want you to answer the question on what has Twilight been doing for 1 year.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story/: Remembering the Fallen
2054527
Within the paragraph shortly after twilight asks why she was left behind, she lists off the things she was doing to prepare for her journey. Now if you're wanting specifics, you'll get to see it in upcoming chapters.
Thanks again for the review :3
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Equestria: The Dark World Chronicles - Praying for the Broken
Grammar score: 9/10
Pros: First, your world-building is excellent. I like to see writers add to the show's mythology. Wraiths and demons have potential. Next, the writing itself is quite good, especially all the sensory imagery. And finally, you close the psychic distance between the reader and Twilight very well, giving us a window into her thoughts. (Which is necessary, since she's the only character we've got right now, and you don't want her to fall into the trap of simply being a reactionary character, without strong feelings and drives.)
Cons: There is a bit of awkward phrasing here and there. I hope there is a good explanation for why Twilight did not remember what happened a year ago. (This is not a con, as long as it gets explained in a satisfying way at some point.) There's not too much in the way of cons here. Your story is just beginning and you seem to be off to a good start.
Notes: It is not easy to write a character on her own and keep things interesting, but with Twilight's nightmare, her feelings of loss, and the tension of an Equestria overrun with dark creatures, you do a fantastic job of it. (I don't know if you'll get the reference, but it reminded me of a scene from one of my favorite video games, Final Fantasy VI. Half way through the game a character wakes up after being in a coma for a year to find that her world has fallen into ruin so she sets out to find her friends.) It will be interesting to see what you do with Tartarus and if you eventually bring Twilight's friends into the story. Twilight is my favorite character from the show, so the Tragedy tag has me worried...
Enjoy your review! And thanks again for reviewing A Spell for Lyra.
2111245 thank you kindly for the review ^^
And don't you worry, our little Heroine here is my favorite too, so she won't suffer too badly...I think...well this is Hell I'm putting her through so eh.
And if it's not too much trouble, do you think you could help me as an editor? My current editor has a lot of things on his plate of...REALITY! (DUN DUN DUN). Lol
But yea, I could do with a few additional proof readers and editors, so please, let me know ^^.
2111726 I would be happy to.
I'm kind of busy with school, so I don't have time to really go over grammar in detail in a story (And to be honest, there are probably people who would be better at that kind of editing than me anyway. Besides, your grammar is pretty solid.), but if you want an extra pair of eyes to go over your chapters and give you feedback on the storytelling side of things, I can.
Please tell me that this will continue. I only say this because I just recently located this and I'm worried about the lack of recent updates.
2672337 I'm trying to work on it for the most part, no school so I have all the time in the world...sort of, I don't know how much time I'll have when I leave on vacation in 2 weeks.
2687324 ah ok and thank you for addressing my query.
While I was skimming through my list of favorites... I came across this story, kind of like when I find an old memory covered in dust on the attic.
Wow, time flies by faster than I can keep track of it. If it isn't any trouble, might I ask, why has this story been inactive for such a long time? It has a lot of potential, and I'm dying to see what happens next.
By the way, I don't know why but I just love the title!
'Praying for the Broken'. It sounds like it came out of an Epica (excellent Dutch symphonic metal band) song or poem. Did you have any inspirations when you made the title?
2949709
Yes apologies, this abomination is being reanimated, my blog will explain everything.
Definitely interested in what/where you're going with this. As others have stated, you've got me hooked so far.
Got a fave, like and follow from me!
This story has been reviewed in the The Pleasant Commentator and Review Group!
This is very promising but needs more chapters.