Dreaming of a life better than the current one is common for some people. Sadly, that is exactly what they are. Dreams. But what do you do when that dream actually starts to come true? Do you take the chance, even knowing that you would have to give up everything?
Such is the fate of a average businessman that is unhappy with his current life. Each night, he dreams he is in Equestria, only to wake the next morning to find himself in the same world. But one day he gets a letter... From another world.
Chapters (1)
I like it
2012047 Thanks! And thanks for the favorite!
Wonderful work.
So, wait, were those children his? Or would they be his step-children?
2012122 Didn't think too much into that, but two are step-children, and one is his.
2012103 Not bad for a story written in two hours anyways.
2012142 Dit's delightfully decant.
Okay, first thing I have to say is that I did enjoy this story. It questioned the common brony wish of going to Equestria, which is pretty cool when done well like this. However, I feel that the Equestria side of the argument wasn't as well presented as the Earth side.
If he chooses to become a pony, then he ends three lives, and directly alters three others. That is, without him his parents die somehow, and his child is never born. In addition, the woman who I presume he married would no longer have a husband, and her two children would no longer have him as a father. This would cause a major shift in their lives.
But, if he chooses to stay a human, nothing much happens. Sure, he would never have the opportunity to go to Equestria again, but what else? His nice house is sold to someone else? The negatives of not going to Equestria aren't shown, which makes the choice feel too obvious for a story of this nature. Would he eventually marry a pony and have foals with her? Would he save a life, which would then not be saved if he chose to stay on Earth?
Because the reader is not told what negative impacts there could be if he chose to stay on Earth, the choice to go to Equestria seems selfish. For a story like this, the choice needs to be balanced on both sides, and therefore hard, otherwise the reader doesn't do as much thinking as you want them to.
Just some food for thought.
-RisingOne
2012206 Thanks for the feedback! I might re-write a bit of the ending and add a Equestrian side in a tiny bit. The only reason it didn't have one is I wrote it in 2 hours in school. After finishing it, I didn't really think much more about it. Thanks again, means a lot.
EDIT: Changes made! Thanks for pointing those facts out. It does make the choice much harder now that there is a downside to leaving Equestria.
Beautiful, simply marvelous
as a side note: I would choose Equestria
2012608 Thank you! That means a lot.
Very nice. I like how you let people choose their own ending. I would probably stay in Equestria. But that's my opinion.
2018236 Thank ya kindly! Glad that you enjoyed it.
2018332
Wonderful story! I have no idea what I would choose, but that's what makes this so good, is how it's ambiguous. Some things I really liked were how Celestia can't, at least it's more than implied, see into Equestria's future. For a possibly immortal Princess that sounds like an interesting concept all on its own. I mean, some say that if Celestia could see into the future, it would make her actions very predetermined, and give her a reason for what she does in the show. (For example, maybe seeing Fluttershy would reform Discord in a future timeline.) BUT, if she can't, she would, like eyeryone else, act on instinct, and that makes her less of an all-powerful-demigoddess and more of a relatable ruler, minus the immortality. I just liked that bit. Also, some might disagree, but I liked how Celestia wrote to the main character, in a simple way he'd be able to understand. I think that's what she would do, depending on who she wrote to depends on if she writes super-formally or casually. All in all, there were some cool ideas in this fic, and it really turns the "Human must choose Earth/Equestria" on its head in the best way possible. Especially for two hours. AT SCHOOL!!?? Kudos to you.
2079017 Thanks, all of that means quite a lot. I'm glad you liked my portrayal of Celestia, since I feel it helped make her a more likable character.