PRINCESS LUNA: User Guide and Manual
CONGRATULATIONS! You've just purchased a PRINCESS LUNA unit of your very own! For your safety and the protection of your sanity, we have provided this manual to ensure you are fully aware of the risks and the functions of this unit to be able to fully enjoy our product by squeezing every last drop of wonderful out of it!
WARNING: This unit has a tendency to:
Declare eternal night
Speak in Middle English
Tick off PRINCESS CELESTIA units from time to time
Reading of this guide will lower the chances of any of the above happening. (Except the Middle English part. We can't do anything about that. It's in her basic programming.)
Name: Her casual name is Luna, though she prefers Princess Luna unless you are exceptionally close to her. She also responds to Regent of the Night, though constant repetition of that title will make her a narcissist.
Age: She took her driving test on a dinosaur. A moon dinosaur.
Place of Manufacture: The Moon
Height: Around an average male's height
Weight: Exactly 500 kilograms, the normal weight for a pony her size. However, if she eats too much she will gain weight but not care much, stating 'trans-dimensional planetary movement' is very good exercise.
Length: Longer then normal mares but not as long as our PRINCESS CELESTIA unit.
Your PRINCESS LUNA unit comes with the following accessories:
One (1) black crown
One (1) moon bib
One (1) Nightmare Moon outfit
Ten (10) bottles of moonshine (Not meant for human consumption, unless you want to get arrested. Order from us if you require more.)
WARNING: Do not point out how her moon bib 'looks like it's designed for fillies'. Your PRINCESS LUNA unit may become violent if so, and have a distinct chance of going into Infuriated mode.
Your PRINCESS LUNA unit is capable of doing the following:
The Boss: She can't be a tyrant like our PRINCESS CELESTIA unit, but she can be bossy! Imagine if you're assigned to a group project for school, and your teammates are a bunch of douchebags who will surely leave all the work to you. Simply set PRINCESS LUNA loose on them with the promise of friendship and 'you're doing the right thing', and they'll be a-working in no time! (WARNING: Both physical or psychological damage caused by our PRINCESS LUNA has to be taken responsibility of by the owner of the unit.)
Actress: With her Shakespearean English and wonderfully developed acting skills from centuries of mental trauma, backstabbing and fake love, your PRINCESS LUNA will be the perfect actress! Never mind that she has the body of a pony; have you ever heard of stage design before? Heck, any scriptwriter with good sense will take pleasure in somehow throwing a talking pony into a sacred, already-perfect play!
Rebel: Your country is being taken over by a crappy president? Student council turning into the high school equivalent of the US Congress? No fear! Your PRINCESS LUNA has tons of experience on rebelling from way back during her Nightmare Moon days! All you need to do is explain why rebelling is needed; if she approves, leave the publicity, riots and eventual succession to her! If she doesn't approve, just bribe her with cake. However, this may make your unit go into Nightmare Moon mode if she is left doing this for too long.
Drinker: Your PRINCESS LUNA loves moonshine to bits, ever since she made it many eons ago. This had made her extremely alcohol-tolerant and she can definitely win any drinking contest, no matter the drink (though moonshine is preferred. Preferred very, very much.)
Removal of your PRINCESS LUNA unit from Packaging
While our PRINCESS LUNA unit is one of rational judgement, there are some things that will get on her nerves, especially if the delivery man says that the package had encountered bad traffic while it was being delivered. To avoid instant death or loss of body parts, we have tested and proven that the following methods will successfully remove your unit from her packaging!
1. Fill a wine glass with moonshine and let the smell swill towards the box, or clink it on another wine glass. It is advised to hide behind a strong object whilst doing it, as there will be a 90% chance of flying wood splinters as your PRINCESS LUNA unit scrambles out of the box to get it. Once she breaks out, she will chug down the moonshine, though it is recommended to keep it away from your unit to avoid getting your unit drunk. Your unit will apologize for her behavior and introduce herself to you. Recommended.
2. Get a PRINCESS CELESTIA unit in Motherly mode (default) to coax your unit out of the box. It will normally work well in all modes except Nightmare Moon mode. If your value your house and your life, it is advised not to use this method if there is even the slightest chance your unit is in Nightmare Moon mode. Also, if used when the PRINCESS LUNA unit is in Lunaughty mode, you might want to reprogram your unit quickly if you are not in the pairing.
3. Say 'TO THE MOON!' in the best PRINCESS CELESTIA voice you can manage, preferably sounding like you are in Trollestia mode. Your PRINCESS LUNA unit will start shaking so hard the box will start to fall apart. You can remove the lid, and your PRINCESS LUNA unit will be overjoyed you are not in fact a PRINCESS CELESTIA unit. You can then proceed to introduce yourself. Recommended. (Just don't tell your PRINCESS LUNA unit you said that, or she might go into Infuriated mode. This unit isn't exactly the brightest bulb we've manufactured, just wise.)
4. Get your TWILIGHT SPARKLE unit in FRIEEEEEEEENDSHIIIIIIP mode (default) to coax your unit out of the box. Works the same way with Method 2, except your unit may end up destroying your TWILIGHT SPARKLE unit if in Nightmare Moon mode instead of just wrecking the place.
After unpacking your PRINCESS LUNA unit, you can reprogram her into any of the following modes:
Your PRINCESS LUNA unit is more easily reverted back to her default modes, Awkward and Trusting, than most other units. In her default modes, she is uncomfortable with new technology and rather socially retarded, but eager to learn and gain new friendships, trusting others to help her if she is in need. She also has an attachment to nostalgic objects and moonshine.
In Infuriated mode, which is triggered whenever you hurt a unit close to her or say a snide comment, she will become violent and revert back to her Royal Canterlot voice, screaming at you and possibly bucking you out of the window before ransacking your house for moonshine. A single cup of moonshine can revert her back to her default modes, and she will apologize for behaving so foalishly. She may potentially damage priceless family artifact or break into the neighbor's house to look for moonshine in this mode.
Your PRINCESS LUNA may also go into Nightmare Moon mode, which is attained when your unit is in Infuriated mode for too long or is too rebellious for extended periods of time, eventually snapping or developing her own 'revolutionary ideas'. Your PRINCESS LUNA unit is extremely hostile to PRINCESS CELESTIA units in this mode. Your unit may not necessarily want to cause eternal night, but she might have equally batshit insane ideas.
Philosophical/Emo is unlocked by you telling your PRINCESS LUNA unit that no, she doesn't actually raise the moon, and that she is in fact a robot with no magical talents whatsoever, and that her cutie mark is obsolete. She will immediately start thinking in deep, philosophical terms, contemplating her existence while chugging down bottles of stolen moonshine. She does not cause any injuries or damages in this state, but she may end up causing a filthy stinking mess all over your house whenever she pukes from being too drunk. This is reversed by leaving your PRINCESS LUNA unit with an Encouraging TWILIGHT SPARKLE unit.
Lunaughty mode is activated when your unit is drunk, or when the mating season comes around. She will start using her Royal Canterlot voice to broadcast her availability and command all lesser males, pony or human, to elope with her. This mode can be deactivated by either knocking out your unit, resetting her CLOCK programming or locking her up in a dark room till she satisfies herself with her hoof.
Your PRINCESS LUNA unit does not currently have any overly destructive end-of-the-world modes which have been locked, and we do not plan to change that unless a large amount of people send us money.
Relationships with Other Units
PRINCESS CELESTIA: Your unit shares a love-hate relationship with her sister. While your PRINCESS LUNA unit loves the PRINCESS CELESTIA unit for sparing her and caring for her despite what she has done, she despises the PRINCESS CELESTIA unit for being overly popular and having a tendency to switch to Trollestia mode in the most unneeded of times. Other then that, your unit gets along very well with the PRINCESS CELESTIA unit, and the chance of romance is highest with this unit.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE: The TWILIGHT SPARKLE unit is very close to your unit, as she was the first to approach your PRINCESS LUNA unit to be friends. They get along very well, though the TWILIGHT SPARKLE unit does not approve of your unit's drinking habits. There is a moderate chance of romance with this unit.
MANE SIX PACK: Your unit gets along well with the entire Mane Six, and will approach them in a time of need.
Your PRINCESS LUNA may have slight problems using the shower/any piece of modern technology and prefers to bath in a clean pond. It is advised to provide an idiot-proof method for her to clean herself.
The PRINCESS LUNA unit is nocturnal and sleeps around dawn, awaking at dusk to 'raise the moon'. She believes sleep is very important and it is advised to only wake her up during her sleeping time if it is of absolute emergency. She may also fall asleep when she is too drunk on moonshine to wander the world of the conscious.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q. My unit is demanding me for moonshine! What do I do?
A. Give her the moonshine. QUICKLY.
Q. My unit is in Philosophical/Emo mode without me telling her anything!
A. There is a possibility that she has discovered moonshine is now considered illegal. It is advised to tell her that the moonshine from our company is perfectly legal, while making sure not to mention it is legal because she is a robot and not a sentient being.
Problem: Instead of the PRINCESS LUNA unit, you received a small filly with light blue hair and no cutie mark. She is unable to talk in English and stares at the moon a lot. She also loves the PRINCESS CELESTIA unit, clinging onto her.
Solution: Oops! We sent you a FILLY PRINCESS LUNA unit. She is only able to talk in Moonwhinny and still has not been able to raise the moon. We can send you a replacement if so.
Problem: Your unit is starting to brew moonshine and sell it illegally.
Solution: Uh-oh! As you can see, your unit's alcohol habit causes many, many problems. It is advised to stop her or make her kick her habit before you are arrested by authorities.
If treated with proper respect and given friendship, your PRINCESS LUNA unit will surely bring light to your life! We wish you the best of luck with your unit!