13 711 words... I have alot of reading to do. Tracking already

garru I hope you keep this one alive it good go twi alicorn

I wonder what Celestia will think about this?

:D tracking yo!

I am sure Celestia will not force Twilight to leave her friends.

Keep it up, this is getting quite interesting

going to track you now.

13,711 words in one chapter? That's the kind of writing style I like to see! This is getting favorited and tracked!

Her reaction to discovering she had wings was quite disappointing but nice so far.

Faved and tracked this is AMAZING

will read tomorrow i got alot of reading to do

me gusta.

An excellent chapter, looking forward to the next one

untracking responsability, tracking expectation...

very nice! im going to be tracking this story for sure!

Well that was definately unexpected... Gets a tracking from me though :)

Ah, nice to see that the idea lives!

Nice touch with the music, really good story overall.

OH MY GOD YES!

Keep going. Five stars

Compulsive grooming. She needs to ask a pegasus about the proper way to care for wings before she runs out of feathers.

Man this is so much better than the original! Keep it up!

Twilight Sparkle turning into an alicorn overnight is part of the completely expected these days. You'll surprise me when Derpy grows a horn and makes a giant muffin rise from the north. incidently someone get on that, its not a bad idea.

I like this, it's off to a good start.

The only thing that seemed off to me was Twilight's initial reaction and panicked thoughts about what being an alicorn means for her life.  I figured her first panicked reaction would be a struggle to figure out what happened and why (Did I get into some poison joke?  Did Discord get loose and do this to me?  Am I having some kind of fever dream?  Etc.), and that the implications for her future (Am I royalty?  Do I have to leave my friends?  Etc.) would hit sometime after that.

seriously? twilight its a pair of wings, you grow them every other week, this is not new for you, calm down, take a breath. its gonna be fine. it could be worse, it took you 20 years to grow them in one fic and they had to tear their way out of your back.

>>150269150269

You are not getting the proper mindset. Unlike in Equestria's Twilight the wings are not expected and it has the potential for unwanted changes in her life rather than things staying the same.

And this is a re-write of the first fic on this site to have her change into an alicorn overnight so it does not really count as being an old, overdone idea here.

Kind of disappointed that I basically have to read the entire story all over to get to the good part again, but whatever.  If you keep up this quality of writing, it'll be worth it!

What a day. Derpy speaks, a fic I sweated blood over gets featured, and now this. Okay, after my earlier enthusigasm, and having had a chance to read this chapter now, I can actually comment on it properly

I really like where this is going. You've done a marvellous job of expanding the old opening chapter into something that was even more intriguing than the original. I'm really liking the possible foreshadowing you've set up - Twi's parents are going to be waiting in the library when she gets back, aren't they? Oh goodness me, that'll be awkward!

Her personality changes are interesting, I mean, she's obviously having the freakiest morning of her life, and I can appreciate how she's bouncing from terrified to furious every few seconds. Poor Sweetie Belle She's going to blab to Scoots and AB, I can just feel it, it'll get all over Ponyville in ten seconds flat, Twi'll have a Lesson Zero-level meltdown, and Her Royal Majesty Queen Twilight The Terrible will banish and imprison Sweetie somewhere very, very far away... Well, no. But I can dream

Dat cliffhanger... This is going to be BRILLIANT. Tracked like a TANK!

Oh,

a warning of a subscription expiration for Equestria Daily

I always knew Seth'd start charging one day...

>>150298150298 oh I know, its just her reactions get predictable, alicorn twilight is nearly as much of a trope as twilight derped the mass teleport. I am enjoying the story I just had to berate the character. old overused ideas are fine as a jumping off point. seeing where the story goes from there is fun.

>>150260150260

I bet it was Trollestia! She got sick of Twilight having a mental meltdown every time she came to visit. So now she is like 'Ha! how do you like it?!' xD

>>150372150372

I am having trouble figuring out why you feel it is over used. There are only two other fics that start with Twilight waking up as and alicorn and panicing that I know of, one of which this is a rewrite of (and those two others where conceived independently of each other).

So by my count it is an original idea.

>>150300150300 Don't worry mate. While this is a rewrite of the premise of Responsibility, pretty much everything in the way of events will be completely new bar the very start. From this chapter onwards, you're reading a brand new story. If you've read this chapter, you've reread everything that happens in the original.

>>150439150439 Listen to this man. He's one of the people writing the fic.

>>150429150429 Spark... Sunset, equestria's twilight, Duties, Dusk and Dawn, For Want of a Dawn... countless art... I am not saying "poof you have wings now good morning" is not a new take, but it is nevertheless an old idea. that does not make it a bad premise, just a well used one. In fairness to the fic I have been reading MPPT recently and my brain is in riff mode

this was epic

Meh, I don't like that...

Honestly, I gotta admit that after "Not My Destiny", I am searching for a Twilight-goes-Alicorn fic, which doesn't start with her panicking.

Well I'll follow that, but I don't know how this will go on. SoL much? Could get lame.

>>150592150592

After Responsiblity and Not My Destiny were released someone created a fic with a title along the lines of "Twilight wakes up as an Alicorn and is perfectly fine with it". (If you check the comments on Responsiblity, I think they said they where going to do so).

>>150536150536

That is why I was specific about the situation in which she becomes an Alicorn. Specifying and scenario / plot point without some context is worthless.

A good start. I'm looking forward to more!

I almost had to call Pinkamena when I saw responsibility was cancelled, you are forgiven now.

>>150622150622

And that ended in an absolute trollfic. I read it and it was a horrible thing of a story.

This looks terrific! Keep the momentum going, and I hope you post the next chapter soon =D

I can't wait for more.

Read it, I like the idea, will track.

I do look forward to seeing how long Twilight can keep this up, maybe she should take a trip to Zecora for advice as well . . .

4 letters and 1 word: E.P.I.C

Read it and now I am addicted.

Tracked.

>>150449150449 bravo bravo!!!!! Can't wait to see the next chapter. I do critique but I'm nice so if I point things out, please don't get mad I noticed that you kept saying ex-unicorn, alicorn, and twilight a lot. Try to use more pronouns, like her, she, they, when starting a sentence. Great job however. Thats the only thing that stuck out for me. I give it a 4.5/5 can't wait for more!!!!!!!  Tracking!!!!

Didn't see that coming.

Image: http://i609.photobucket.com/albums/tt174/squareknot20/what_a_twist.jpg

MORE PLEAZE!

But seriously, I'd like more of this. I love stories of someone hiding something from their friends/family.

>>151213151213 Sorry about that. Sometimes we can't use pronouns; if we do, it confuses the reader as to who is speaking/doing the action.

The ironic thing is, we thought we were using too many pronouns at one point... Oh well. Can't please everypony.

Tracked and favorited, so far, this is promising to be a great story. I love the way you're writing it.

>>151245151245 It only gets really confusing when there's more than one character being referred to at once Then lots of descriptive nouns are vital Know exactly what you mean though, this "writing" thing's really hard

I've re-read this now and something I somehow managed to miss the first time around was Rarity's violent reaction. Rather, I didn't miss it, I just didn't think the implications properly through. And now Rainbow Dash is staring at her with that music playing. Oh Gawd, she's gonna get her flank kicked

Oh, yeah, the musical pieces were great. I didn't listen to them the first time around, but I sure did the second time. Nice touch!

Bring on chapter 2!

troll god strikes again

What i always wonder is, that they say as soon when Twilight gets wings that she is an Alicorn, i would think shes a winged unicorn(or Pegacorn) until she gets earth-pony-magic too, they get always ignored .

Your soul please. Give it to me so that I can make an army of golem authors who will all write this fanfic, and they will be able to write 20 chapters a day!

In all seriousness. HUZZAH. Alicorn + Twilight + Awesome fanfic = EPIC IS TOO SMALL A WORD

This is interesting so far.  I can only imagine that this will turn turn out to be a long story, especially if you keep the telling at the same pace.  I will enjoy seeing where this goes.

For some reason I think I liked how Responsibility was headed, kinda sad to see it end.  To me Rarity seemed a little off and Twilight wasn't as sarcastic under pressure, though that is my own personal take on the characters.  This story will be tracked since I am wondering if RD will have a similar freak out.  

omg this is so amazing keep it up i am now tracking!!!1!!!!1 i cant tell the difference between the two so i just wanted to see it

[Public Service Announcement]

This fic is written by two people: Me, and Beige Monkfish. Don't give me all the credit. We actually plan the story and write it, together. Trust us when we say that the entire fic is already planned out. It's not written, however. And due to us only selecting the BEST ideas that arise between us, the result is quality over quantity. Updates will be approximately 2 weeks apart, and they will always be over 10,000 words each.

And yes. This is going to be a very long fic. Where it is now is simply "Arc 1".

Also, feel free to Zerg Rush the Youtube links. We implore you.

>>150622150622 I get your point, but come now, you saying if I write a fic about twilight getting wings because of a magic hairbrush thats somehow new and original? You're putting the character in a new scenario, with a slightly different motivation, because of the same thing that always happens to her. If twi woke up one morning with wings but without a horn, thats new, thats original. the character now has to contend with being a completely different race, no intentional magic, how does she deal with that? how does being a magic talent translate into being a pegasus? would she be the fastest flyer ever? none of this is to knock the fic, its well written I am enjoying it. its not even really to knock you Gwen. We'll have to agree to disagree I guess... get this for me Inigo

Image: http://techredible.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/You-keep-using-that-word1.jpg?9d7bd4

I'm still miffed that Responsibility got cancled. I was getting interested in where you were going with it. It feels like it trails off midthought... (I have the urge to finish it myself, stupid cliff-hanger ending) *mumbles incoherently*

*shrugs* Guess I'll adapt. I won't say much about the plot until a few more chapters in. But, I think you two do an excellent job together. This seems to be mutually beneficial for both of you. I hope you both improve your writing skill and prowess.

Kudos to you two;

AmorphousEnigma *twirls hayseed*

I liked this, better that what I had in mind.

If the filly has wings, she should use them.   And quit prening them OCD or they'll be looking like a phoenix about to be reborn. (Neigh keep it it's hilarious).  One chapter 14000 words, not nearly long enough!  Hope she keeps them and earns the honorary title 'Princess Twilight  Sparkle' It does have a nice ring to it.  Besides shouldn't we all want to be Immortal.  WTC don't you go taking her horn away.

the youtube links really were the icing on a fantastic cake, liking favoriting and every other positive -ing word.

>>150439150439 Oh. Good thing I didn't bother reading this then. I had already read Responsibility and my brain sort of popped when I saw that this had 13k+ words, it was 12:12am, and I still had 4 hours of homework to do.

Super excited to see more... But super sad that I have so much work to do.... Sigh, you'll get a better comment from me next chapter, when I'm less sad....

I would've pointed out that Rarity was acting like Fluttershy , but Twilight already pointed that out. Then I would've pointed out that she was acting like PInkie Pie , but again, Twilight already pointed that out. Poor Sweetie Belle got yelled at just for being curious. She didn't understand just how stressed Twilight was. I'm sure a fair amount of that stress isn't just from her new wings, but from the lack of sleep as well.

Personally, I think that Fluttershy would be trustworthy as well. After all, it's not like she'd openly tell anypony. All she'd tell is her animal friends. And it's not like they're going to tell anypony.

There are three ponies of the mane 6 who I wouldn't trust to tell. Rainbow Dash is one of them because of the same reason you pointed out...she's a loud mouth. The second would be Pinkie Pie. It's not that I don't trust her, it's just that, like Rainbow Dash, Pinkie's a loud mouth. Unless you got her to make a "Pinkie Promise" not to tell anypony. The third would be Applejack. It's not that I wouldn't trust her. It's just that her element is honesty, meaning that if someone were to ask her about Twilight (like for example, Celestia), AJ couldn't lie to them.

I would like to know if Sweetie Belle can be trusted to keep this secret.

So, I was about to soil your comments page with a large, and rather useless, Wall O' Text! (TM). But I went back and reviewed exactly what issue I had with this, and realized that my point was moot, and that I actually liked what I thought was wrong - don't worry, I was wrong, and what I thought was wrong wasn't (confuzzling, I know). So I was going to go off on a little rant about Twi' jumping to conclusions, when I realized that that's perfectly in character; and that ponies would make a large fuss over the matter (new alicorn in town). Spike's thinkin' about it the right way; in other words, it's not as big as she's making it. Despite that, however, it is as big as she's making it out to be. She has wings, she doesn't know why, and we, the readers, can already tell that they're instinctively ingrained into her being - i.e., the sub-conscious preening. Naturally, she's confused... No, addled, and is having a break-down that's being exacerbated by everypony's off-hand comments about her luscious wings. No doubt, the sleep deprivation isn't helping any. Hijinks ensue, yes?

On a more relevant note, I certainly will look forward to this updating. 5/5 & Tracking.

P.S. I was feeling rather analytical, and I would like to know if my half-plot'ed assumption regarding Twi's reaction/viewpoint is correct.

P.P.S. Sorry about the Wall O' Text! (TM) - it was kind of needless.

Twilight's initial reaction was very lacking. Given her excitable nature when things surpass her studies and comfort zone, I feel she went about it in a very "Oh what's this? God this is aggravating." manner. Which mostly continued through the chapter, I didn't FEEL any panic from her.

Top it off, Rarity automatically assuming Twilight was going to be a princess felt more like a point of plot-device contention than where she'd logically come to that conclusion as per her character and personality.

Otherwise, good so far.

>>153052153052

I don't think AJ would spill the beans, just because she's honest. And just because her element is honesty that doesn't mean she can't tell a white lie. For instance, in Party of One she lied to Pinkie Pie about what was going on in the bar. Honestly, she is one of the mane 6 I would trust the most in this situation.

I don't know what it is about Alicorn!Twilight fics I love so much, but this is a very good one, and I can't wait for more.  It flows a lot better than the original, too.

I must admit I was interested in the direction Responsibility was going, so I do hope you retain some of the more important plot points.

In this sequence, I can't help but feel that Rarity over-reacts just a bit.

It's worth remembering Rarity has been given wings by Twilight once before, I'd expect she'd probably just assume (or at least consider) Twilight is testing a new version of that spell....

>>153057153057 I do actually like that point, she seems to know what to do with them, as if that knowledge is ingrained. I also like that just gaining wings does not seem to cause her to go to super-saiyan power levels. This take does not just hand her an endless well of magic on a silver platter. It's also interesting to see that there has been no apparent body size increase.

>>149527149527 I geuss I've read extremely much then. I've read about 800 000 words in 2 weeks!

This is a phenomanal story! This is a story that I would rate 10/10! I can't wait for the next chapter!

“Y-you’re... You’re not Twilight!” The dressmaker suddenly shouted, her horn shining viciously as she lifted several nearby objects into the air. “Impostor!” The unicorn’s visage became furious, and she threw a crate full of clothes at the alicorn, who jumped out of the way as the crate bounced off the floor where she previously stood, leaving a nick in the tile. An... impostor?

Yeah, I'm going to stop reading here because this whole scene is just ridiculous. An impostor...?

That makes no sense whatsoever. What are you trying to do, make Rarity look like a complete idiot? Because if so, you succeeded admirably. A Natural reaction would be to think Twilight have improved that magical wing spell which she have used before. After all, it wouldn't be the first spell she used to physically change the appearance of something?

Instead, you want the reader to believe that Rarity randomly freaks out and believes that someone else have managed to Perfectly copy Twilights appearance, except they "by mistake" adds wings and a horn. Despite it being incredibly common knowledge that only Celestia and Luna has both. I'm not trying to be snarky here, but it seems to be a rather big blunder.

Twilight might be prone to panic if she think Celestia might disapprove of something she's doing, but that's no reason for this increadibly bad characterization of Rarity.

Of course, all this is just my opinions. The story is generally well written and paced nicely, I find little to complain about when it comes to the actual writing. (Except possibly an overuse of the word "Alicorn" which was used 73 times throughout the chapter. We know she's now an alicorn, it's not really necessary to write it all that often. It also feels rather "impersonal" in my mind.)

My main complaint then is the actual content, the over-dramatic portrayal of the characters and the unbelievable stupidity of Rarity.

Either way, it's an interesting perspective and I do hope you both will have fun writing it, even if I won't be among your followers :).

This is wonderfull, <3 twalicorn stories! i hope it gets new parts added.

what a rip off of "not my destiny"

you sir are a fag

>>153809153809

was that meant sarcasticly?

because this is the rewrite of the story which made Smayds decide to post "not my destiny".

>>153500153500

Yes, it was rather hard to swallow, as were a few other parts about the "What will everyone think?" problem.  I had to hold my nose during a few parts, but for the most part it was splendidly well-done.  4/5 stars.

one spelling mistake

rodes = roads.

other wise, can't wait for more.

Genial, esta historia no me la puedo perder XD

>>153500153500 Thank you for your critique. We're extremely sorry to have driven you away with our apparent bending of Rarity. Keep in mind, this is not the only scenario we considered... it's just the best one by comparison. All the others were even WORSE plot devices. One of them was-oh, we swore to never speak of it...

But hey, this project is mutually beneficial for Beige & I. I'm learning from him, he's learning from me, we're both learning from you guys. There is no such thing as the perfect fanfic -- there are only "Good" fanfics. We're aiming for "Good". Can't please everypony, anyway. Suited For Success, you know.

To anyone else reading this; we encourage nitpicking. The more we know, the more we can fix. But be sure to use proper constructive criticism -- tell us what we did right as well as what we did wrong.

By and large this is pretty good.

Twilight's reactions I liked, she heading into breakdown territory with building anger replacing her usually 'crazy plan' response presumably due to being massively fatigued from lack of sleep. I hope it's lake of sleep anyway.

However - Rarity.

Her initial reaction is ridiculous and not in a good way. First ignoring the alicorn in question looks like Twilight, there are only two other's and for thousands of years they've been incredibly important to their lives that's like saying if Celestia turned up mane and coat died pink she'd be run out of Ponyville.

There are many reactions she could of had. It's a costume or prop, she's improved the butterfly wing spell, there's been an accident. But an imposter? It's the most ridiculous asumption to make. Why would anyone go to the trouble to copy the looks and mannerisms of a stressed Twilight someone and something that Rarity is very familiar with but make the glaring flaw of making her an alicorn. Rarity isn't stupid and a leap with the facts like that we've only seen Pinkie make and even then it was for laughs.

Other than that I can see Rarity acting like Pinkie on getting such a unique opportunity or keeping putting her hoof in it in her excitement.

One other thought, Twilight's shed quite a lot of feathers already, she appears to be grooming on instinct and when she's paying attention she pulled several feathers out. What condition are her wings in when see arrives at Rarity's? Sorry I could put that better, I more mean is her view of them being perfectly groomed at the library tainted by her approaching breakdown? (Am I the only one who can see crazy!Twilight pulling off all her feathers and going "There! Perfect!" Twitch Twitch)

I do hope Sweetie understands enough not to blab deliberately. I can think of at least one gambit Rarity could use that would keep her quiet without threat of punishment.

I will say this, sweetie belle and rarity both just jumping to "oh hello princess twilight nice day today huh?" is off. canonically we have no explanation for any ascension to alicornhood being a common occurance, so a unicorn with wings? yeah, that would be considered odd. speaking of which rarity's violent reaction is weird too, I mean lets do the math. Twilight + wings = spy. So what does this mean? Spy = Pegasus? well how did a pegasus cast a spell to copy twilight's physical appearance? spy = unicorn? really, a unicorn decided to cast an illusion spell and included GIANT WINGS. Spy = alicorn? um.... only 2 known in existence (3 if you count Cadence but we'll let the show explain how she exists without being canon yet...) so yeah, lets attack celestia or luna? I get that you are trying for good fanfiction not great but you need to try harder to write in the voice of the character. or if you must break character show us why. there are many acceptable reasons, but unless you explain it's a pretty glaring flaw. was rarity drinking?

Jesus Christ, guys... I'm not even sure what to say at this point. What, do you want a retcon? Beige & I are already discussing the matter right now over Skype.

This is better than the one I am currently working on. If you ever need another beta you can always come to me

Meh.  It's weird.  It'll get better.  I can understand everyone else's complaints about the oddness of some of the things like Rarity and Sweetie Belle's reactions, I just don't see why like fifty people so far have felt the need to bring up the same exact point.

I like it.  I had and still have Responsibility tracked, and I thought that was a decent story.  So a rewrite of it with another author should be even better, hopefully.  Three cheers and huzzah and all that.

But anyway, as much as everyone whines, do note that the rating is 4.8 from 157 ratings.  If people really cared about this issue as much as it seems, it'd have a lower rating.  Most likely it's just an issue that draws a lot of comments.

>>154808154808

Personally I am fine with the way it is (and would rather have the next chapter without to much delay and for it to be of good quality), but consider: does Rarity really need to freak out to make the story work? And wouldn't having her and Sweetie assume Twilight is/will be a princess enough to validate Twilight's worry that others will treat her differently?

When big reaction are needed, then more about why and/or more build up so that it is expected would help the audience take it better. Not much of either there for this event.

Just somethings to think on if you decide a change is needed.

MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR M MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR MOAR OAR MOAR MOAR

Didn't actually think that i would like it that much but i am most definitely tracking this, keep up the amazing work!

Gah, do more. :L

I wouldn't necessarily retcon the Rarity meltdown just yet, but it does seem a touch out of character. If twilight is just twilight with wings, I wouldn't think that Rarity would think she was an imposter. She would possibly think a new spell or something, and it would definitely garner shock, but I don't think Rarity is quite so rash as to start pelting her friend with boxes. I think of twilight with wings being akin to seeing a friend that normally wears a tshirt and jeans walk in one day wearing a full business suit. Definitely odd, but not cause for suspicion.

Otherwise, characterizations are spot-on. I like the general flow of the story, and I couldn't help but give a sad laugh at Twilight's preening. As someone who has lived with someone who has OCD, this is exactly what it is like, with the fixing of things to absolute perfection, despite only wanting to "straighten up a little." It also reflects how obsessive birds are of their feathers, making sure that their wings especially are properly cared for. There is so much I like about this story that I cannot list it all, or else I will be here for a ridiculously long time.

Just take my opinion with a grain of salt. It's not like I make a living critiquing literary works.

Son,u have free ticket to heaven for this Fic!!!

This needs to continue. It's fantastic and I want MOOOAAAAARRR.

Edit: followed and waiting!

>>154808154808 please don't mistake criticism for displeasure. You're trying to write good fiction, that's great. We all want to read good fiction. You don't need to retcon to save your story, its fine even with the flaws. Just try to keep your reactions in character with the setting, or if you must diverge let us know why its happening. Did Rarity have a break in recently making her ultra suspicious of odd looking ponies? Has Trixie been committing crimes in twilight's image? these are examples. Does your story hinge on everypony overreacting to a pair of wings?

>>154808154808 Dude, just write the story you want to write! Please don't retcon anything. I was really upset when you cancelled Responsibility because of (I think) a few bits of negative feedback mixed in with the flood of love, and what you said were unfixable plot-holes (about which I still thoroughly disagree ). Please, PLEASE don't cancel this and start on another take, you've teased me enough . Once again, write what you want to write. OOC-Rarity is, to me, intriguing, just like OOC-Briefly-Disloyal-Dash was in Responsibility. You went back and added a bit more of an explanation to please a few readers for Dash, and I didn't think you had to. So please, don't add anything here that you yourself don't desperately want to add

Obviously, yes, listen to your readers, but not to the detriment of your vision. We're not writing episode scripts for production here, everybody - we're writing fanfiction. Our own headcanon is sometimes very different from established show canon, and that's great! Otherwise this'd just be the 400th retelling of The Ticket Master, or something!

Rarity living in a box and swearing like a sailor would be too out-of-character for my tastes. Rarity, first thing in the morning, with an implied massive hoard of gems somewhere in her house that she thinks someone's trying to steal, and having a freakout, isn't too out-of-character for me.

And remember what >>154829154829 said up there. It's (currently) 4.8 from 174 votes. That's a 96% approval rating

HUGS!

>>156665156665 Awwww. :D *hugs back*

Thanks for the support. Beige & I have come up with a solution to the Rarity problem, as well.

Also I'm an absurd perfectionist. More absurd than that unfair stereotype for people from Asia (below A is a failure). 4.8 still strikes me as "NOT GOOD ENOUGH. DO BETTER, GARUU". My definition of "decent" is absurdly high for myself. "Good" is like, a 99% approval rating. "Great" is 100%. And "awesome" is not possible.

Beige is helping me with this problem. I'll get over it. Chapter 2 is in development. Keep an eye out for it!

I read this at about the time you published this just decided to comment now

Just wanted to say that this is amazing and so is the idea

glad you're working on the kinks. keep it up.

It's not a bad work of fiction, and it's also written great.

But as I can see from other's pointing out, the realism and emotion wasn't entirely... there, for me. I know the idea of Twilight = pessimist at times, but this was more than that. I felt it was angst, something Twilight isn't. She would definitely fret over growing wings overnight (and this is a story idea that will never get old with me; don't let anything discourage you from continuing), but I just can't see her being this kind of broken (as opposed to Lesson Zero). Rarity just felt like she wanted to annoy Twilight.

I'm sorry, but while it's written fine as a work of literature in itself, my displeasure goes solely towards the OOC aspects. I'm sure you'll have a great following (don't give up, you've got a lot of positives, here!), but this is merely not a story for me.

>>157908157908

Consider re-watching Boast Busters. That depiction of Twilight does fits with this story, if others react in the way she fears they will.

yes, she does tend to overreact to perceived reactions of others, lesson zero was an even better example. that part of the story is spot on, she would rather hide what she was than risk anypony's bad opinion of her.