• Member Since 16th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 31st, 2017

SilentBelle


I'm a fantasy enthusiast who loves to write, and I'm aiming to be a professional fantasy writer eventually. I love to help out other authors when I can. Feel free to PM me or drop by and say 'hi'.

E
Source

Scootaloo is promised an exclusive private training lesson from Rainbow Dash, however things don't always end as well as they should, even for the most seasoned of athletes. A mishap during flying leaves Rainbow Dash in critical condition and leaves Scootaloo to pull her dreams into perspective.

Special thanks to CaptainPudgeMuffin for allowing me to use his beautiful artwork: http://captainpudgemuffin.deviantart.com/art/Rainbow-Dash-Cloud-busting-at-Sunset-346609956

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 14 )

Awww, a happy ending scoots story. Love these :pinkiehappy:

Very beautiful, the imagery is very nice as well.

2006039 Aww, thanks. I'm glad you liked it :pinkiesmile:

That was pretty nice. a note for the future, though: You tend to slip up with your grammar when transitioning from imagery to action. It's also when most spelling errors occur. It's probably because of the abrupt change of writing style. Just slow down, and get into the more action-ey mindset before you continue writing.

Casting fear, doubt and the like aside, achieving what one could desire. Wow.
Spotted a couple of minor spelling slips but all in all, beautifully written, Thank you for sharing :)

2006862
Thank you for for pointing that out. I'll keep that in mind as I continue to write, I appreciate it. :twilightsmile:

we need moar :pinkiesad2: what about dash will she get better or not?

Amazing is the only word i have to describe it, beautifully done couple errors, but no body is perfect :twilightblush:

The chills brony... The chills

2005871 Ummm... happy? :applejackconfused:

Maybe insofar as she was inspired by Rainbow to fly and stuff, but she is going to come back and her idol is still going to be in critical condition. Her 'big sister' will still be dealing with severe medical problems, and Scoots will still be wrestling with the guilt she feels over the event, whether or not it is rational.

I can't believe I shirked the reading of this ridiculously good story...not only do I want more, I didn't find more than one typo. Not really sure where said mistake was, but it doesn't matter that much. As far as your commas go however, you need to work on where and when to use them.

2071477 I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and I'll keep my eyes on my commas as I proceed, thanks for pointing that out.

I also have issues with comma placement, I think its because so many of my sentences change by the time I've finished writing them. In any case, this was an adorable little story, both in concept and execution. I loved the imagery, like the stubborn leaf clinging to the tree. I loved your choice of adjectives as well, some of those were very effective. Like describing Scoot's voice as 'shattered.' And having an aurora borealis as the result of Dash's trick was pretty original and awesome. Oh, and the re-use of the opening lines for the climax was well-thought and well-placed.

I look forward to reading more of your work.

3531758 Thanks for reading. I rather enjoyed writing this piece. :twilightsmile:

Login or register to comment