- Member Since 11th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Mar 16th, 2012
Godspeed
I'm an 18 year old audio engineer major who loves music and writing.
Godspeed
Joined 11th Jan, 2012 ·
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- BubblesOnMyButt · 32k words · 22 1 · 2.1k views
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Looks good. Tracking.
Tracking to find out what happens next
Nice! Can't wait to see him open a can of whoop ass.
First fanfic huh? Well I think you did a great job! Keep up the good work!
Nice action pack, and Heart warming chapter all the way though.. Nicely paced and it doesnt look rushed.. I give this 4 3/4 / 5
The 1/4 bit is that the chapters are coming a twincy bit slow
Haha I know, sorry. It's hard to have to time to write while in college but I'm working on it!
Keep up the good work I am really loving this. In fact you will now receive 2 moustashes.
Haha thanks man! I appreciate it.
Nice! I knew my decision to track and fave this story was a good one!
good story cant wait to read the next chapter
i love the story but
is rose INSANE?
she kissed some random huge giant monkey type thing for really NO reason........
--------------------------------------------------
i sense a distrollance in the art of the troll
"Thank you. You've done so much for me and I haven't done even anything for you!" -Rose
;)
This chapter was a bit weak. I'm with alicornian223, it just doesn't fit. Maybe a kiss on the cheek or something but...This whole chapter felt rushed and out of place.
All in all, as a Brony in Equestria it's not bad. Could use a lot more work though.
Yeah, I definitely know where you're coming from man but this is how I saw it when I wrote this chapter: A mysterious person saves a ponies life from a monster, asks for nothing in return, is kind, gracious, chivalrous and charming to the young mare. She is intrigued by this and MLP ponies in general have one major quality (I don't know if this is a more helpful or more harmful one): Acceptance. Even if this is some crazy unicorn like Trixie with a huge ego or some giant Ursa Minor that is ravaging Ponyville or some odd looking ape creature (human), they always seem treat them with respect and accept them for what they are because they look at the heart. So when she notices his character (as in who he is, what he is made of, his qualities), she likes him immediately and I mean in chapter 3, she said to him "You're supposed to be the gallant knight who saved the mare and whisks her off home to live happily ever after!". Remember, in her mind this creature saved her from getting eaten alive and when he is charming and chivalrous, she feels a emotional connection with him and when he carries her all night long without sleep, she is even more than grateful. Now, harboring these emotions and noting MLP ponies acceptance of others through seeing what is really in their heart, she doesn't see a human but instead a person. A being. So when she kisses him, she isn't kissing so much a human as a young male who saved her life and whom she had not repaid in any way, shape or form. And dude, she likes him! Haha she flirted with him in chapter 3 a LOT with playfully hitting him, trying to make him blush, showing concern for his well being and giving him complements.
Haha sorry for taking a paragraph to say all of that but it's just so hard to put that down in the story, because if I did, it would be like a novel and not an action story. Sure there are some tender moments, but the story format is mainly about Godspeed going to town on the baddies and eventually, much later in the story, taking out a great evil (as said in the description). I appreciate the constructive criticism though, it's just the way that the characters are presented in a quick and to the point format that I originally wrote it in makes it extremely hard to go into depth about the things that define what a pony and/or human is on their basic level. lol in action stories it's more about deeds than emotions. Now don't get me wrong, I totally appreciate the criticism and further more, I'm thankful for it! This is my first story on fimfiction but this is also not my first rodeo, I'm in college now. Never fear though, I'll definitely do some edits to make that more clear to future readers. =)
...the dwarf says: continue
To be honest, I think the chapter was a bit short. Plus, there's already a sequel and this one isn't finished.
But that doesn't mean it's not awesome!!!
continue or so help me i will rain the fury of 10 godpeeds down apon thee (did i juts say thee? man i need to cut back on books like that!) and once they are done unleashing their fury i will make THEM continue the story if you wouldnt...
lol okay! Sorry, I've been busy this past week and haven't had any time to write. I'll put up something today.
And raining down 10 Godspeeds? My word, that would be insane....
200280
*mischevious smile* yes it would i think i just made discord jump for joy (if he could as a statue) at the very thought of that happening...
NOW GET BACK TO THE WRITEING OR THE GODSPEEDS SHALL COME TO YOUR DOORSTEP!!!!!
...Dam
feel like a sir...
because you are one :D
dayum definatly tracking good sah
This was a pretty short chapter.... you better have something big planned..
What
In my opinion, you're fluffing the story up with mindless, unclear physiology. When in a dreamlike state, you cannot move, feel, and sometimes not see or hear.
WHY YOU MAKE SO SHORT OF A CHAPTER!!!! *does why you no stance and face*
when are you coming back? This story is good and I want to keep reading
so far so good
Please, I urge you, do not leave us hanging, this marvel of a story must continue.