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It's been five years since princess Luna was purified and an experiment in multiverse travel has broken down the dimensional walls, setting loose the evils of other worlds. Most will come to destroy, but some come to help. Can Equestria survive or will it become slave to the insane. The shadows of night can be trusted but shadows of day are to be feared.
This has been an interesting story so far, and I enjoy the idea. However, there were a few points that made the story a little difficult to read. First is somewhere in chapter 7 (I backtracked a little when I saw the new chapter come out to remember where things left off). I noticed, during the conversation between the Doctor and Ditzy, that it was a little difficult to tell who said what. In a rapid fire conversation between two people like that, it helps to point out who said the line or give a detailed indication as to the effects of the line on the other party.
(i.e. '“I wouldn’t care!” The Doctor hung his head.' --> '“I wouldn’t care!” Ditzy's sharp retort stung the Doctor and he lowered his head.')
Another thing I wanted to point out is to watch out for run-on sentences. That sentence describing Lyra's transformation was awkward to read and could have been 3 sentences total. Final point I wanted to touch on was the sudden shift from past tense to present tense during Lyra's fight scene. For me, it kind of interrupted the flow of the writing, but maybe it's just creative differences. It just felt kind of weird to me is all. But other than that, you are a good writer overall. Easily 4 stars on this fic.
On a completely different note: Based on Krika's apparent ability to reject everything(even death), Lyra's Ichigo-esque loss of control, and Luna's soul reaper abilities, I'm just going to go out on a limb here and guess that you are a major Bleach fan
>>25079 Well the past to present tence thing was really to stress that what you were reading was from Aryl's point of view, meaning that you were basically looking through its eyes.
Makuta Krika wears the Kanohi Crast, Mask of Repulsion; this from the Bionicle Mistika series. Under normal sircumstances this power is limited but by running the magic Krika's new form gives him through it he can reject basically anything. Although if Lauren hadn't come to get him then Krika would have stayed in purgatory for all eternity. It really only worked because Ruby's soul was still bound to her body. Using that ability again would most likely result in him being trapped there permenently.
And as for Luna's zanpakto that's something that Lyra brought back for her when she was dimension hopping.
I am a big Bleach fan but for me the Bionicle portion is where the focus lies. At least until chapters ten and eleven, then it's all Bleach; with a smashing (literally) appearance by Makuta Teridax.
Okay. I'm at chapter four as I write this. By the time you read this, I may be done with what has been written thus far.
PLEASE NOTE: I am not trying to be mean, nor am I trolling. I am just stating my honest opinion. Please do not take offence by this.
So far this story is very good. I, personally, like the occasional dark tale (not Cupcakes dark, but dark). The only thing I can fault this story for is the grammar. I am a grammar NUT (probably because it just comes naturally to me) and I HATE bad grammar with a passion.
DIE BAD GRAMMAR DIE!
When reading this, I could BARELY understand what was happening. There weren't any periods, exclamation points, or ANYTHING in a spot that could have made a complete sentence. There's little to no spacing between paragraphs, and the whole thing looks like a sloppy mess that was thrown together at the last minuet. No offence intended there, that's just how it looks to me.
If you worked hard on the grammar, or had somebody help you with it, this story would be a LOT better and a LOT more fun to read.
>>91274 I don't really do well on that until chapter 6 and I've been meaning to go back through and edit. Unfortunately I don't have a proofreader so finding and fixing errors is a pain in the butt because I don't know where they are. I have no plans to do anything to chapters 1-3 and maintain that they should be skipped.
Summary of chapters 1-3. Kenpachi shows up, Lyra is a dimension hopping agent of Luna, Yachiru is sadistic Pinkie, Kenpachi tries to kill them all because he's bored, Celestia is helpless, Luna is a badass and Lyra is a Vizard badass, Kenpachi gets forced to go home. Three chapters in one sentence. Now no one has to see those monstrosities.
Hmm. Interesting. In the last chapter, you made Teridax's name like that of Voldemort. VERY interesting. BTW, it's spelled Muaka, not muka. Still a little lacking in the punctuation department, but at least I can tell what's going on.
Can't believe I didn't finish this sooner. I got caught up in other stuff and completely forgot about it. Oh well. At least SOMEpony remembers Bionicle enough to write a fanfic with it.
WOW! That chapter! Chapter 6 was AMAZING! Hearing the Makuta's side of the story, seeing how emotionally hurt they are. It really knocked me for a loop!
And the grammar is SO much better. Still a little shaky on the punctuation. But other than that.
Nut what I can't believe is that the story goes on! Chapter 6 sounds like the PERFECT place to call it an end, but there's still more to go! HOLY CRAP ARE YOU INSANE MAN! Let's keep reading!
It seems I start all of these chapter-end reviews with "WOW". Never thought Equestria to be the asylum type though. 
Hearing Krika tell tales of Mata-Nui to Sweetie Bell brought back memories. Good, childhood memories.
VENGEANCE. SWEET VENGEANCE. 
And imagining Rarity being all "sexy bad girl" makes it even sweeter. >=)
*sarcasm* Gee. I wonder who is coming through the portal. *sarcasm*
READ ON!
>>112242 I love you man. As a writer I live off feedback and I haven't been getting much for this story, I've been considering dropping it entirely. But here you come with your words of praise and review, approval from a fellow bionicle fan is just what I needed to get this story working again.
You're awesome, have an adorable spider thing.
Well. That last chapter was a bit confusing. The only thing that stands out in my mind was Lyra going to pick up the Elements. And seeing everypony's reactions to the events of the last chapter. That was good. But I SO wish that you'd stop jumping around times like "two days earlier", "four weeks ago", etc. It makes me feel like I'm watching a rip-off of Doctor Who. 
jkjk
But seriously, this is a good series. I'm about to read chapter 10. Let's get to it! Allons-y!
Well, that last chapter was interesting.
I really liked seeing the blades getting "awoken". That was awesome. And I liked how you got Rarity's scene synced up with the music. THAT was epic. The music selection was a LITTLE too long, but it still worked. Kinda. Almost. Maybe. IDK LOL.
OH CRAP! Kenpachi's back!
Well, let's get into this chapter 11 thing here!
WOW. That chapter was EPIC. Decided to make my "End of Chapter Reviews" at the end of the chapters they're for. Makes more sense to do that then waiting for the next chapter.
Those fights were EPIC. Pinkie kicked @$$, Rainbow got wings, AJ got boots, Rarity got drunk (lol ), Fluttershy got experimented on, Twilight got a spine, and Lyra was EPIC. I liked how you put in the pronunciation for Sui-Feng. I would like to see more of that for other words and names. At least the ones that aren't obvious.
The grammar reminded me of the first few chapters, but only because sentences for one character would be directly behind sentences for another character. But it was easy to figure out with a little reading ahead, so don't worry. 
In all, that was a solid chapter. Can't wait for more!
>>112242 I feel obligated to warn you, because I wouldn't want my favorite user to be mad at me. Kal is not Teridax, he is essentially a filler character put in only to get the main characters traveling, Teridax actually calls him a disgrace to all conquerors. When the Codrex was opened Teridax's energy was flying around Karda Nui, some of it got through with them and latched onto Vamprah then transferred itself to Twilight once it regained the ability to think.
Just making sure people know what's going on.
HO-LY CRAP, a lot happened in this chapter. I'll just highlight a few spots that stand out in my mind and review those:
1: Teridax is back? CRAP. And he's possessed Twilight? DOUBLE CRAP. At least it can't get any worse. Can somepony get Takanuva in here please? We need him to kill Teridax. Again. I have a feeling that this is gonna be shown in depth next chapter, possibly with Twilight doing something to get rid of/subdue the master of shadows.
2: Pinkie is a BEAST when she goes Pinkamina mode. I'd like to see this get turned into a plot point, maybe have Pinkie overcome this thing at some point or another.
3: DAT GRAMMAR! IT'S FINALLY LEGIBLE! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! 
I'M SO HAAAAPPYYYYYYYY~!
In all, that was a VERY solid chapter! Keep up the great work!
Well. Son. Of. A. B*squee*ch.
Teridax kicked flank, Twi passed out, and now Vamprah and Gavla are SCREWED. Can things POSSIBLY get ANY WORSE?
Well, aside form the minor spelling/grammar mistakes that were probably caused by a lack of attention to the typing. But, that's not a big deal. It happens to all of us at some point or another.
With that, I can't WAIT to see where the gang ends up next!
Sorry about the review not being here when it was posted. I was kinda caught up with other things and wasn't up for reading. But I'm here now, so here's what I have to say:
WOW!
First off, I LOVE that you brought us to Bara Magna this chapter. So nostalgic!
Then you had AJ talk down Helryx, the most RUTHLESS of Toa. That ALONE is badass.
Fluttershy is a Toa of Water, which is fun. Twi is a Vortixx....don't really remember those things from the official cannon, but my memory is a bit wonky as of late.
And to top it all off, we got some EPIC Vakama time!
I spotted maybe one or two grammar mistakes in there, but nothing to get all "Grammar Nazi" about.
In all, I'd say that this is the strongest chapter yet! Keep going!
Well. What do we have here?
- A break from the main heroes! (Good!)
- A look into what Gavla and all them are doing! (Good!)
- A look at what the guard is going through! (Funny, if handled right!)
- LOT'S OF BAD GRAMMAR! (BAD! VERY, VERY BAD!)
Yes, there was some bad grammar. And you were doing so well too. 
I mean, it's really all minor stuff. Nothing too major. It's just that there was a lot of repeating of that error. What error am I talking about? Well, there are spots where you keep a sentence going, when it would really improve the flow of the piece to start a new sentence. In layman's terms: too many commas, not enough periods.
Other than that, great job!
Odd. The ponies sound like they've know the human or at least trust him on some level, despite him covered in blood and being an unknown stranger, as well as an entirely different species.
The begining is kinda weak; the fight starting at the end. It doesn't feel particularly desperate for Celestia as i think it should have been.
I almost didn't catch "Two Days Earlier". I thought that Twilight was openly walking towards him after he just beat up Celly. Maybe more 'somethings' should have happpened before Twilight met the guy.
Might just be me not understanding because I haven't seen Bleach.
>>2103595 Something shows up, it's hurt bad, covered in bloody cuts, bruises and scars. You don't know whether it started the fight, but you know it ended it. What do you do?
Also, bleach only really has anything to do with it in chapters 1-3 and then again in chapters 10-13. And I don't like the first three, I've said it before, but people won't just listen to me and skip them.
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I shall try my best to rectify my error in the next chapter.
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