A wonderful story and very strong emotionally. This was my reaction 5 stars!

Well... this isn't exactly what I excepted but you still did a damn good job on writing this. Though I was really hoping for more bonding time between the sisters, but you are quite correct, Scarlet is a Guard and had her duty. Her Serene Majesty I guessing knows the truth about her family, after all she is Celestia. My only real complaint is Cheerilee not telling Big Mac, but I do understand why you did it and why she wouldn't tell.

"That;s because my sister was being an idiot."

Hush Skydancer this story isn't in my world, you aren't Cheerilee's sister and you don't need to smack around Big Macintosh on general principles either. Sorry my OCs have a mind of their own.

One last thing, will there be a sequel or a continuation with Scarlet meeting the rest of the family. She is kinfolk to the Apples after all.

In the Name of Her Serene Majesty,

Celestia's Paladin

this is sweet but the endings too short. i think you should add a part where scarlet goes to ponyville and visits , , tater, and berry. but otherwise, good job!

HOW DARE YOU END IT HERE please keep going pleasepleasepleeasesplease

Very good, would love to see more about this character.

I like this and I don't say that very often.

You have pretty good character here with potential for some serious character interaction. Just going to meet her father and the rest of the family could make for entire novel.  I figure that all you wanted to write a one shot just to throw the idea out there.

It just makes me sad that properly handled OCs get one shots like this but the crap ones get 10 chapters or more of stupid prose.

But for how short it was I enjoyed it.

Well except one part . The whole child molester plot device is really cliche. It would have been better if scarlet just wandered off from her post because she saw a representation of the family she never had walking towards her and wanted to make a connection .

You still have the two wandering down an alley getting lost (chasing the cat).

Scarlet leaving her useless post to help them.

All without a child molester appearing out of nowhere for pointless drama XD

Well I'm done rambling.

Hope to see more from you

Awww please continue this............*cry's*    it has so much potential i can already see her seeing her mother and somehow going to see

also time for a random lol too speed any progress

Image: http://mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw588_jeee.gif

also >>147616147616 Agreed  

Image: http://mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw689_35346%20-%20animated%20derpy_hooves%20pipe%20top_hat.gif

Oh Celestia... wow. Favorited.

It can't end now!!!

This was a really good story. God, how I'd love to see a continuation of this

-Glassed

Make a sequel! Pretty please with on top?

sequel please I dont want this to end so soon

This is a story that I would love to see continued, but would understand if it stays as a one-shot.

This story hits me personally, as I also grew up being kept away from my father, although in my case I wasn't illegitimate, I would visit my father every so many years, and my half brothers know me (although I'm more like a cousin that seldom visits).

Every time I think of my father, I think about possibilities; things that never happened. I think of a man that had a PhD in Hydro engineering, left his country with several hydroelectric dams and held both the honours of being the founding Headmaster of a University and the title of Presidential Councillor; the flip side is that the man behind the figure was the most miserable bastard I have ever met, owning several hundred cows yet never having milk at home for his family; a bastard that would flirt and leer around in plain view of his current wife; and an 'exemplary business owner' that was beaten to death by his own employees.

I know my personal history is pretty much the opposite to your story, but it always saddens me to hear stories of good children knowing that they have a good father but never having met him.

Five star.

I'd love to see this continued. This is like Love and Hatred. It deserves a multi-chapter sequel, because it has so much potential.

If you were to have either continued this story, or made a sequel, would you have had Scarlet go see her father's family while on her leave?

My second question is, have you ever, or will you ever consider making a sequel?

And finally, if you don't make a sequel, would you give me permission to make one?

My expressions throughout the story:

Five stars, and a sequel would be epic.

When I saw that this story was about an oc I had my doubts about it.  I am pleased to see that these doubts were misplaced, the main character was very well done and while the temptation to simply throw her into the Apple family was resisted.  I, and many others apparently, would be thrilled to read a sequel.  If I may suggest, if you ever do write a sequel, that Scarlet not seek out her extended family.  You made it clear in this story that she is content with her mother being her only family, I feel that it's more likely that Applejack would like to meet her nieces savior personally (Fluttershy is too shy to do it) or considering that Scarlet will be on the Princesses guard, she may simply encounter the elements while on duty.  In that scenario I imagine that none of the Elements would know of her role with the twins rescue, until one of them show up looking for their mother or aunt, then "OMC (Celestia is their god?), It's her!", and so on.  At any rate this story was amazing and shows the community how an oc should be handled, even if they probably won't learn from it.

for the love of luna make some sort of follow up story please

my heart bleeds of scarlet

Simply brilliant.

Keeping with the canon of the valentine's day episode (Coming Feb. 11th), while still staying loyal to FlutterMac fandom.

I'll say it again. Brilliant.

5 from me

More PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE??????

This isnt a one shot! This is a fist chapter!!

Next chapter plz.

5 stars, a fav and a watch from me. Wonderfully written, I'd love to see a sequel.

but I understand if you want to keep it a oneshot.

Day'em!! love it! pls write more!

>>148575148575

I loved this fic!    However, i noticed a minor grammatical error: "Probably one of the most hardest things I have ever done, was to suppress my love for my sister in the interest of my duty to Equestria".  The "most hardest" bit is redundant.    Take out the word most, and maybe fix a few errors I might have missed, and this fic will be twenty percent cooler!   Keep up the good work!  

>>148992148992

Thanks for the catch, I appreciate it when people help with gramical errors.

You best continue this, or we'll have to send you TO THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON

I WILL be following you to see if you will write any more stories

i have... one criticism... and i may have just read it wrong. its from the begining

if she's... a Lieutenant... why is her superior officer a Sergeant?

i may have just missed something. aside from that, it was a wonderful read. X3

Well done with this one; good character, good exposition, suspension of disbelief is never stretched, and you even gave an explanation for her cutie mark. Solid four stars.

please keep going with this, do something else with this character!

MAKE more

Image: http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/285/2/7/not_bad_pinkie_pie_edition_by_spiderbro-d4co0ah.png

What's the word on a continuation? I'd love one, personally.

YEs, you've done well. I must ask for some more of this story dynamic; maybe not another chapter if you're fixed on keeping it one shot. I simply must point out Sergeants never handle an affair with an officer as far as discipline goes without that Officer's superior present, even then it is only with instructions from the Officer. Perhaps a role reversal is in order, set Scarlet as a Sergeant and the Sergeant as the Lieutenant or you may have to assign him the rank of Captain.

>>149863149863 Gotta agree with Stoic on that, unless Stampede is at least an E5 equivalent, he should not realistically have the rank authority to tell a Lieutenant what to do, even if she's younger and lower level. In most militaries, Sergeants are about E3 - E10, Lieutenants are O1. Numerically and in experience terms, Sergeants have an edge on lieutenants, however a lieutenant is an officer, meaning they can tell a sergeant to take a hike.

Having Scarlet come back and find the sergeant standing there and him saying "The Captain wants you," then having things go from there to the princess would work better in most situations as the Captain would drill her about abandoning her post.

>>149921149921>>149863149863>>149674149674

Shows what I know about the military. So I'll use a ranking system a nerd like me does know- STAR TREK!

Sergent Stampede has been changed to a Commander. Making the ranking system as follows

City Guard- enlisted non-officers

Palace Guards- Ensign, one pip

Lieutenant- two pips, Scarlet's rank

Commander- Three pips, Stampede's rank

Security GOLD is the equivalent of captain- four pips,

Security GOLD is a unique position, it holds a higher rank then commander, but it functions independently from the Canterlot Guards. The position can be only given directly from the princesses. Ponies who take the oath of this position do so for life; taking orders from only the princesses and never leaving their sides unless they are ordered directly by them.

Anypony a fan of the Game of Thrones series? Security Gold is the King's guard of Celestia: http://gameofthrones.wikia.com/wiki/Kingsguard

-Chappy Hooves

*Yes, I total just mentioned Star Trek, and Game of Thrones in a chat about MLP, I am a nerd. *brohoof*

I see thecanterlot military will follow naval rank structure in your fiction... okay.

>>150478150478

To quote Mark Twain "Write what you know." Thanks for the help BTW

please tell me you are doing a sequel? or at least are considering a continuation of this Fic? there is so much potential for a REALLY good story here. a wonderfully well handled OC, the situations were quite engaging.

Does this have to be a one shot?

>>150726150726

It was nothing at all, a small service rendered to make a good story stronger

This is pretty good :D

I'm enjoying it. Theres a dark edge I feel to all of this though especially since she has to ask her mom if she can actually come see her. I mean shouldn't a mother be willing to see her kid whenever? Theres something in that question to her mom that makes me feel like that shes done something bad to her.

All in all, i loved the first chapter and can't wait for the second.  

>>152189152189

The letter is not entended to be dark, but if you want it to imagine it to be, go for it. I can see how it gives the story a subtle, sweet angle with Scarlet starting to mend bridges with her mother.

If they existed, I would have had made Scarlet call Cheerilee and end halfway in to their conversation.

Thanks for the comment.

-Chappy Hooves

Great story, I just hopped for more bonding time

Good short narration, I would however like to see more.  Some slight typos (i.e. hear instead of heard), but past that well written (seemed to be lacking a "Chapter 2", but that is up to you).

So much awesome!  

Extra late request for a sequel, this is a excellent story. You have earned an entry on my Oneshot wall of honor.

>>410775410775

Why thank you! I am honored.

i agree with everyone this story sooo deserves a sequal, its very touching and thought out.

continue plez soooooooooooooooooooooo good

Image: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LO4qcGPBLbs/Twyx68HezFI/AAAAAAAAak0/_o7mHmjgaiU/s1600/110087+-+artist+zlack3r+artist+zlacker+book+crying+filly+sad+twilight_sparkle.png

yes why do books end

Write a sequal you magnificent bastard.

Whatever you do, DO NOT write a sequel.

>>848640848640>>988175988175

I feel conflicted. Question to both of you, should I write a sequel why or why not?

>>988196988196. I was attempting reverse psychology. Yes! Write a sequel! This is a story that would be interesting if it we could know what happened during her leave.

>>988238988238

oh I now get the

Well if that's the case.

I'm not going to think about writing a sequel

>>988196988196

I have a feeling, 'The Brony Over There' is joking.  Could be wrong though.

Anyway, I say you should write a sequal because the potential for conflict and shenanigans.  I just really like Scarlet Glade/Gala.  And I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one that would like to see what would happen if Scarlet went to Ponyville.  Whether or not Big Mac, Cheerilee, & Scarlet explain the entire situation is up to you, though I would assume that ponies like Rarity would be able to put 2 & 2 together based on said ponies' looks.

Seriously, everyone's already thinking it, just put it into words already ... please?

>>988245988245

Funny how i read the secuel first, awesome sauce!

A good, short story about what is true choice, your family or yourself. *pat on your back*