Across the oceans from Equestria, war has plagued the distant continents of Europa and Neighsia. The Axis Powers of Germaneigh, Istallia, and the Empire of Neighpon have been brutally conquering their neighboring nations since September of 1039 After Celestia (AC) while Princess Celestia has vowed neutrality for as long as she possibly could. Six months after Princess Twilight Sparkle's coronation in October of 1043 AC, the fear of entering into the war has finally gone public as tensions grow both internationally and domestically. For the past few months, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have argued about Equestria's neutral state in the war after Luna ordered a military reconstruction and modernization.
Rainbow Dash, like most Equestrians, worries about the war and is unsure whether or not Equestria should get involved. However, on a bright October day, her life will be forever changed when she meets somepony who has witnessed, not only the war, but something much, much worse...
***WARNING*** Detailed descriptions of warfare and the Holocaust will be present, and historical accuracy is not entirely a priority as the WWII timeline is slightly altered and other early 20th century historical events are mixed in.
Based off of true events, and in the memory of the tens of millions who lost their lives in the Second World War, the Holocaust, Polish-Soviet War, the Winter War, and other events.
Is this it? I'll be sure to read it later.
What does Empire of Neighpon bomb horse-shoe harbor? (actual place in the MLP universe, look it up)
Oh and is the refugee that enters Ponyville a uhhh.... Mewl? (I know that not how you spell it)
Sorry I'm being immature I shall read this later adding to my favourates
2192677 Don't worry about it
Something like that, yes. I found a Horseshoe Bay on Hasbro's map of Equistria, but I was thinking more like Diamond Harbor on the Haywaii islands. A mewl? I don't follow. Do you mean a Jew? I don't want to give too much away for the next chapter (which will be out in a few days) but his back story actually does not resemble Judaism. You'll see this weekend I'm hoping. Oh, and thank you for the fav!
2192168 Yep, this is it! I wanted to get the Prolouge and the first chapter out at the same time, but after hours on both of them and few sleepless nights I just couldn't wait to get it out there
2193675
Hmm... Is it against group rules to advertise in the PWG? By the way, you should check out that one funky thread I made there, just for comedy factor.
2194559 I never heard anything about a rule against that I'm still an under-the-radar writer here since I converted to the fandom only a few months ago. I'll be sure to check that out! The most recent thread, right?
Okay, so I finally found time to read this, and right now I'm about more than halfway through. Here's my comments so far:
Formatting/grammar needs slight work. And stories are conventionally told in past tense. I suppose the opening sequence could be given a pass on that, though. But everything after that should definitely be written in past tense. Except dialogue of course. Speaking is speaking. There's also a consistency problem. But there's many, many little problems, and I'm not willing to point them out whike typing on my phone.
Speaking of the opening sequence, the film type perspective following the flag was quite nice.
They're Russians? Interesting. As long as you can make it work, it's fine.
Also, the thing that annoyed me the most- "rubble". And you used it a lot. It's "rubble", not "ruble". And in my opinion, you used the word too much.
And the way that opening sequence ended, all I'm thinking of now is the prologue of the game Brothers in Arms: Hell's Highway. Now to figure out who's gone a little wrong in the head...
2228459
Thanks for the review. Means a lot
You're right. I didn't notice I used that word too much until now. I'll go back to change that, as well as other few things when I get to it. Tenses have always been an issue with me, but shouldn't be a problem if I go back an focus on that.
I've go the whole plot planned of how the characters ended up with the Russians, er Equissians, and not with the Equestrians. This was mostly the action packed hook that the rest of the story leads to (I'm sure you got that ).
I have yet to play that game, surprisingly. I've heard good things. I'm going to Youtube that now.
2229831
I've got a good feeling this is a flashforward.
MOAR! NOW!
Sorry.
2320869
Glad you liked it
Life prevented me from getting the next chapter out sooner, but I'm in the editing phase now! I'm aiming for sometime next week
2321316
Yes! I can't wait!
Oh, and by the way. Are you in the group Battlefield: Equestria?
2321436
Yes I am; though you'll see me more in Pony Warfare threads.
2330365
Well I'll probably be starting a new campaign soon. Hopefully I can get the admins to Steampunk-icize the UEE. Also, you should look at battle #7 if you go on BF: EQ anytime soon.
2330839
Sounds great! I'll be sure to check out both of them
Is this gonna be like Big Red One where after the prologue it'll go back to the beginning of the war and go through key events that the character was involved in?
2354242
Something very similar, yes.
Although the state of the war in the next chapter goes back to where tensions are high between the Axis and Equestria, just before Celestia is forced into the war in 1043 In addition to that, I plan on changing the timeline of WWII slightly, as stated in the Author's Note and why Equestria enters the war in 1043 and not 1041. All the major events will occur, some even witnessed; but on different dates to keep the story flowing, and to keep as much continuity of the show as I can; while at the same time keeping a likable and realistic OC that you don't want to strangle to death.
That being said, my life calms quite a bit very soon so I can finish editing that next chapter this week
Okay, so here it goes.
First off, I have no buckin' idea why you got so many dislikes. I mean, there is no things that were made "bad". Some of them were "meh..."
Like for example your tries to ponify all the countries and names to MLP verse. Some of them feeled rushed. I know, that ponifing so many names will be hard, but still it could be better.
Another thing. Battle of Berlin wasn't looking like that, and inspirations from games don't work here. At this point, Hitler lost all the support from the people. SS and the high officers of German military tried to force 12 years children into fight, but it failed totally. They weren't also fighting desperately, they knew completely they are going to lose. The morale was on total breakdown, a lot of desertions, massive surrenders, and suiciders.
By the way, from your description :
I suggest using this character : Jan Karski. This guy told President of USA about the Holocaust in 1942. Yes. Yes, it's completely truth.
It's a total lie however, that West Countries didn't know about the Holocaust to the end of war. They knew it all along, but it wasn't "economical" to save Jews at this moment.
Oh, and one more thing. If you are suggesting, that Rainbow Dash and Applejack are representing American forces, well, you failed. No American forces ( or Great Britain one too ) fought in this battle, thanks to the Conference of Yalta agreement.
Still, it's really good story, and I'm still wondering what the buck is going wrong with the rating section.
2410721 In my defense, I did do an extensive amount of research on the whole Battle of Berlin, thanking video games in the Author's Note was more of a joke rather than a legitimate claim. I know Hitler lost all of his support, and he committed suicide about an hour or so before the Reichstag was taken.
In this story, I am slightly altering the events of WWII. I am actually getting more in the resistance struggle in Poland later on since I have done many, many hours of research on Poland's Underground State and Operation Tempest.
Yes, I do know about Jan Karski and how he joined the Armia Krajawa and how he disguised himself as a Ukranian guard to Bełżec Concentration Camp, then going to nearly ever Allied government, all of whom declined his proposal.
Don't worry; with the freedom of exploring an undiscovered MLP world, I have a whole plot planned of how and why Rainbow Dash and Applejack ended up in Berlin. My goal is to accurately portray how Equestria will enter such a war if the conflict went canon. I have thought about everything you said, already; though I appreciate the concern
Although I do agree, I did have some trouble coming up with MLP names for these countries. These names were ideas other helped out with, or found on my own. I plan on going back and editing everything for grammar purposes in a bit. Any ideas for changing these names that may have come to mind?
Before reading: It's midnight dammit! I need to sleep!
2439380
My bad
I've been editing the crap of out this all this and last week, and the Boston bombings threw my momentum off greatly to meet my deadline yesterday.
I need sleep to, hope you like it
2439424 I didn't like it...
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forums.watchuseek.com/attachments/f74/805664d1346265273-blue-lume-like-dislike-i-love-.gif
After reading: A couple of instances where it was 'loose' instead 'lose'. All in all, a really good chapter!
2439507
Great, now I'm not going to bed until I find those
2439542
Okay! You heard probably about "Gramma Nazi's", didn't you? So now brace yourself, because the "History Fanatic" is going to make some crap here.
First off :
It was quite suprise to me, because Poznan ( or Poznań, in Polish ) is your first not-ponified city name. Problem is, that the subname in Polish don't work that way, there is no Pole with such one.
Most of Poles tends to have -ski, -cki or -wicz ending in their subname, like for example : Dostojewski, Mickiewicz, Misiewicz. Skórzewski, Kaczyński, Macierewicz, Sobieski, Skrzetuski or even my own name : Jarocki. If you want to make the subname from Poznań, it would be : Poznański
Hmm... it's half true. It wasn't the first nation that was attacked by German, but it was the first nation that declared resistance against the German attack. Oh yea, I love history nit-picking.
Nope. It was really popular in East Europe, but not exactly on the West.
In my opinion, this city-name actually shouldn't be ponified. It has quite interesting meaning in English if you put it that way : War saw.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. What?
Okay, I know you can change some facts, but there wasn't a war between Stalin's USSR and Poland.
After Poland gained independence there was a war between Poland and Russia. But this one wasn't in 1938, but in 1919-1921 and was ended with spectacular Polish victory, called the Miracle at the Vistula in 1920.
Also, do not call it "Winter War". Not because it's not fitting, but because this is the name of the war between Russia and Finnland.
One thing wrong here. The Home Army starts existing in 1942, and from earlier text it seemed that Olek joined it earlier. In that case, you can use Union of Armed Struggle ( all the organisations starts existing in 1939, but in 1942 they just make coalition, and they called themself "The Home Army" ).
There was no occupation, just massive invasion that swept, destroyed, pillaged most of Poland. Sweden King never treated the land of Poland like their own, so it wasn't the occupation, it was just the way to grab some money from pillaging and stop Polish King from making freaking demands of Sweden Throne.
I also Favourited this story, so I can check it from time to time and make my HISTORY NIT-PICKING STUFF OF DOOM. Muhahahahaha!
Anyway, this story is Celestia dammit marvelous. Keep up with the good work.
Stay Awesome
Verlax
2440786
Glad I can count on someone who knows their crap
I appreciate it! You gave some good incite and I'll go back to fix some stupid mistakes later on. However, when it came to the in-depth history about Olek's character, there were only so much I wanted him to say without either dragging this scene out too long, Olek getting out of character, or spoiling some future scenes.
Unlike you and me, most readers don't have an attention span long enough to take in all that history at once, so I'm keeping the general readers in mind
Also, (I'll shut up after this ) Olek's last name, Poznan, is again for the average reader to understand that his character is Polish, similar to an allegory.
2439507
Now I feel like an ass for not thanking you for enjoying the chapter
And, I gave up looking for that "loose" thing
Actually, I spotted one more mistake.
Indeed, "Tak" means "Yes" in Polish. Problem is, that the prounociation is totally different. If I would not be a Pole I would read it like "take", not "tak". You should change it in someway that will not suggest "take" word.
By the way, I created the group dedicated for Polish writers, so if you will have any more question about that kind of stuff you can always find your answers here : The Polish Writers Society
Stay Awesome
Verlax
2594534
Seems legit. Though the narrative afterwards that suggests otherwise, but I see what you mean. Perhaps I can add more dialogue to that line when I go back to edit after I'm out of school in a week.
Wanted for jaywalking. That's funny and all in all an awesome chapter!
You still with us?
actually its thought that somebody dressed as him, kill themselves, and the real Hitler went to Japan, but the Atomic bomb was dropped
Trucks with Rocket Launchers?
you mean the Katyusha Rocket Carrier?
i love how you make Rainbow Dash say "Cuz" XD
listen man
in school all i do during lunch is research on WWII
so this will hard for me to "not fret"
A "Gustav"
is a 800mm double tracked railgun
*poke poke*
did it drown in socialization?