Legends of the Hidden Temple

by arglefumph

Steps of Knowledge

When the show returned, Kirk Trot was standing next to his best friend, Olmec. Sure, Olmec was a giant talking head, which made for an unconventional relationship, but they were still best friends forever. Kirk loved Olmec more than anypony else, besides his wife and family.

In a way, it was kind of sad. Kirk and Olmec were such good friends, yet they never spent any time together outside of the show. That was Olmec's fault. Since he was a giant talking head, he had a hard time going places and maintaining a social life. Kirk was always trying to convince Olmec to loosen up, have some fun, maybe meet some nice female giant talking heads, but it never worked.

In reality, Olmec was a simple machine, operated by one of the unicorns backstage. Poor Kirk had no idea this was the case; he believed that Olmec really was a magical talking statue. Stranger things have happened in Equestria.

"I'm telling you, Olmec, we need to have a Dudes' Night Out together!" Kirk said. "I know you don't like to leave the TV studio, but you have to—"

"Kirk, the cameras are back on," Olmec said.

"The cameras what?" Kirk asked. He noticed the red recording light coming off of the main camera, so he turned towards it and smiled.

"Welcome back to Legends of the Hidden Temple," Kirk said. "I'm your host, Kirk Trot, and today we have four teams that are competing for the chance to go inside Olmec's Temple."

"Question!" one of the nine contestants said. Kirk turned to look at her.

"Yes...Twilight?" Kirk said, after momentarily blanking on the name of the lavender pony.

"Why is it called Legends of the Hidden Temple?" Twilight asked. "Olmec's temple isn't hidden. I can see it right there. He's not exactly inconspicuous."

"Ah," Kirk said. "Well, the temple itself might not be hidden, but a long-lost treasure is hidden inside the temple! Olmec, what is the treasure that you have today?"

"Today's artifact is...the hat of Starswirl the Bearded!" Olmec said.

"AAAAAA!" Twilight Sparkle squealed.

"And now we're going to start Round Two of our competition," Kirk said. "As all of you have noticed by now, you are standing on the Steps of Knowledge. In order to proceed to the next round, you must correctly answer three of Olmec's questions. To answer a question, you must stomp your hoof on the panel in front of you, and—"

Twilight slammed her hooves down on the step below here, causing an electronic sound.

*BEEP!*

"Yes, Twilight?" Kirk asked. He was getting a tad annoyed by Twilight's interruptions, but he kept smiling as if he was happy. "Is something wrong?"

"I want to answer a question," she said.

"I'm afraid nopony can answer questions yet," Kirk said. "You have to wait for Olmec to tell the story."

"What story?" Twilight asked.

"The story of Starswirl the Bearded's Hat, of course!" Kirk said. "Olmec, please tell us about today's legend!"

"Very well," Olmec said, preparing for the show's educational segment. "Today's legend is the hat of Starswirl the Bearded. Starswirl was a famous unicorn magician, best known for inventing the sing-along spell."

Twilight slammed her hooves on the buzzer in front of her.

*BEEP!*

"That's not correct!" Twilight interrupted. "The basic idea of the sing-along spell was invented by Aristrotle in 432 B.C. (Before Celestia). Starswirl just modified the original theories and created a working version of the spell!"

Kirk explained to Twilight that this was a show for fillies, so sometimes they adjusted the facts slightly, to make them easier to understand. More importantly, he explained that if she interrupted the show yet again, she would be kicked out.

"When he turned thirty-five, Starswirl began to grow bald," Olmec said, continuing the story. "His students at the magical university started to call him 'Starswirl the Bald-Headed'. He didn't like that nickname, so he bought a fancy hat in order to cover his bald spot. That worked for a few years, until somepony stole his hat.

"Starswirl couldn't afford to buy a second hat on his teacher's salary, so he invented a few time-travelling spells that would allow him to grow a beard overnight. He then shaved his beard and used it as a toupee. He liked the beard, though, so he decided to keep it. And that's how he got the nickname 'Starswirl the Bearded'!"

Twilight couldn't hold it in anymore, and she slammed the buzzer with all her might. "That is NOT accurate!" she said. "He grew his beard in order to help him get a marefriend! And if I was alive then, I would have dated him! He was handsome!"

"So that's why she dressed up like that stallion last Nightmare Night..." Rainbow Dash said.

"That's it, Twilight!" Kirk said. "I warned you not to interrupt again! You are now officially disqualified!"

"Whaaaat?!" Twilight asked.

"Twilight Sparkle has been disqualified," Kirk said, looking directly at the camera. Behind him, buff security guards dragged Twilight Sparkle offstage. The whole time, she was kicking and screaming about how much she loved Starswirl.

"Uh...Kirk?" Rarity asked. "I hate to be a bother, but...what do I do, now that you've disqualified my teammate?"

"I'm sorry, Rarity, but the rules say we can't have a one-pony team," Kirk said. "Unless you can find somepony else to join you on the unicorn team, you're disqualified, too."

"I can switch teams to be with my sister," Sweetie Belle offered.

"No, wait!" a voice shouted.

There was the flutter of a cape as the Great and Powerful Trixie dashed onstage. "Trixie will join the unicorn team," she said.

"That's not fair!" Sweetie Belle said.

"I'll tell you what's not fair!" Diamond Tiara said. "Why does the blank flank team have three members, when all the other teams have two?"

"Yeah!" Silver Spoon said. "And how come we have to play against a bunch of grown-ups?"

Kirk tightened his lips. Normally, Legends of the Hidden Temple only had contestants who were ages eleven through fourteen. But after an extremely popular episode of Family Double Dare, in which the Apple Family took home the big prize, the network heads decided they needed to get the Elements of Harmony on all their TV shows. That meant Rainbow Dash competing in Guts, Pinkie Pie guest starring on All That, and of course, Princess Luna winning a game of Nick Arcade.

That was why all the Elements of Harmony were currently on Legends of the Hidden Temple, even thought they were much older than the other competitors. The all-knowing network heads thought it would be good for ratings, so they made it happen.

Speaking of the network heads, the producer who had a minor crush on Trixie was telling the judges that she had to be allowed to join the Purple Parrots.

"But she already lost the game today!" a judge protested. "Besides, she's been on four episodes already!"

"I don't care!" the producer said. "I think she's pretty, and—uh, I mean, the viewers think she's pretty, and they want MORE TRIXIE! Let her compete!"

The judges sent a messenger to tell Kirk the news. Kirk nodded when he heard.

"It seems the judges have made a decision," Kirk said. "Trixie will now join the Purple Parrots, replacing Twilight Sparkle. Sorry for the brief interruption, everypony! Let's get back to Olmec's legend."

"...I forget where I was in the story," Olmec said.

"Something about a hat," Kirk said.

"Oh, right," Olmec said. "Starswirl's hat went missing...blah blah blah...he was briefly married to a rock named Charlene...blah blah blah...and he died from horn cancer. The end."

"Okay, so that's the legend of Starswirl the Bearded's hat," Kirk said. "The long-lost hat is currently resting inside Olmec's Temple, in the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. But before anypony can get to it, you need to correctly answer three questions about the legend. Let's start with the Steps of Knowledge!"

"Question Number One," Olmec said. "Starswirl the Bearded had what kind of facial hair?"

Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Applebloom all moved to hit their buzzers at the same time, but since Rainbow Dash is the fastest pegasus in all of Equestria, she hit her buzzer first. "A beard!" she shouted.

"That is correct!" Olmec said. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy went down a level.

"Question Two," Olmec said. "Where did Starswirl keep his hat?"

Again, Rainbow Dash was first to the buzzer. "On top of his head!" she said.

"That is correct!" Olmec said. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy went down another level.

"It looks like the Blue Barracudas are only one question away from winning this round!" Kirk said. "Olmec, next question!"

"Starswirl's name begins with what letter?" Olmec asked.

Rainbow Dash slammed on the buzzer. "S!" she shouted.

"And the Blue Barracudas have done it!" Kirk said. "Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash have answered three questions, which means they are making it to the next round! Congratulations!"

"Oh yeah!" Rainbow Dash cheered. "We did it! We're awesome!"

"Um...those questions have nothing to do with the story Olmec told..." Fluttershy said, voicing a common criticism of the Steps of Knowledge challenge.

"But this spells out trouble for our other three teams," Kirk said. "Remember, only one of you can make it to the next round. So use your thinking caps and answer questions correctly!"

"What decoration did Starswirl have on his hat?" Olmec asked. "Was it a) corkscrews b) bells or c) friendship bracelets?"

Now that Rainbow Dash was out of the running, the other ponies had a chance of answering. All three teams hit the buzzer around the same time.

"The judges are saying that Trixie was first," Kirk said. "Trixie, what's your answer?"

"Trixie is going with friendship bracelets," Trixie bragged. "That's obviously the answer, because friendship is magic."

"I'm sorry, that is incorrect," Olmec said.

"Fr-friendship isn't magic?" Applebloom asked, tears starting to form in her eyes.

"Impossible!" Sweetie Belle said.

"Maybe he's just saying that, because Trixie doesn't have any friends!" Scootaloo suggested.

"How dare you?" Trixie asked. "Trixie has friends! She has lots of friends! They just couldn't be here today!"

"I'm the Element of Generosity, and even I can't give you that one," Rarity said. "Weren't you bragging earlier about how you don't need friends?"

"Don't make Trixie ruin your hair again!" Trixie threatened.

"Pssst! This is our chance!" Diamond Tiara said. She and Silver Spoon jumped down two levels, while everypony was arguing.

It took Kirk a while to sort out the argument and explain what Olmec meant. Eventually, he got the Cutie Mark Crusaders and the unicorn team to calm down, but not before Rarity had trampled on top of Trixie's hat.

"Okay, are we good to continue the game?" Kirk asked. Everypony nodded. "Great, so the Silver Snakes are one question away from victory. Can the other two teams catch up?"

"Hey!" Applebloom protested. "When did Diamond Tiara's team get so far ahead?"

"We answered two questions while you were busy fighting, Blank Flank!" Diamond Tiara said.

"Hey, maybe you'll get your cutie marks in going home early!" Silver Spoon suggested.

"They must have cheated!" Scootaloo said.

"Don't worry, we'll stop them!" Sweetie Belle said.

"The next question," Olmec said. "Starswirl the Bearded was a professor at—"

Silver Spoon slammed her buzzer. "A magical university!" she said.

"That is not the correct answer to the question," Olmec said.

"What are you doing?" Diamond Tiara hissed. "You didn't let him finish the question!"

"Sorry, I thought I knew it," Silver Spoon said.

Olmec repeated his question. "Starswirl the Bearded was a professor at a magical university. What subject do they teach at these schools?"

It was a tie, as both teams hit their buzzers and shouted, "MAGIC!" at the same time. Since the Cutie Mark Crusaders were a lot louder than Rarity and Trixie, they got the point.

"The next question," Olmec said. "What did Starswirl first use his beard for?"

Rarity was first on the buzzer. "To make himself more attractive!" she said. "Celestia knows why he thought that would work, though."

"I'm sorry, that is incorrect," Olmec said. It was correct according to Twilight Sparkle, but not according to Olmec's story.

Silver Spoon hit the buzzer, not because she knew the answer, but because she didn't want the Cutie Mark Crusaders to answer.

"Silver Snakes, why did Starswirl grow a beard?" Kirk asked, repeating the question.

"Um..." Silver Spoon said.

"If you get this one wrong, you're going to pay," Diamond Tiara said threateningly.

"To pay?" Olmec said. "I'm sorry, that is incorrect."

Scootaloo hit the buzzer. "He used his beard as a toupee!" she said.

"Toupee! That is correct!" Olmec said.

Diamond Tiara groaned in pain as the Cutie Mark Crusaders went down another level.

"This is interesting!" Kirk said. "Both the filly teams are tied for first. Only one more question lies between them and victory. Which team will win?"

Olmec said the next question, which was one of the unfair questions they put into the game, just so Twilight Sparkle would be able to get a point. "Starswirl's theories on magical instability were modified in the year 1092, thanks to what groundbreaking magical theorem?"

There was a brief moment of silence, as everyone took in the question. Then Trixie shouted "Hyperbian's Interpretation of Ontological Necessities!"

"Correct!" Olmec said.

Everypony looked impressed with her. Rarity just looked at Trixie, stunned that the showoff mare was versed in magical history.

"What?" Trixie asked haughtily. "Trixie is a magician. She needs to know these things."

"Next question," Olmec said.

"Hold on a second, Olmec," Kirk said. "Trixie, that is the correct answer, but you forgot to hit the buzzer."

Sweetie Belle quickly slammed onto the buzzer. "The answer is the magical theory of...uh...what Trixie said!"

"Correct!" Olmec said.

Trixie's loud swearing was drowned out by louder victory music, as Kirk stepped towards the two winning teams. "You did it!" he said. "Your teams both answered three questions, which means you have completed the Steps of Knowledge!"

"Yay!" cheered the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

"How did—how did we lose to a bunch of blank flanks?!" Diamond Tiara demanded angrily.

"Nice job, kids," Rainbow Dash said. "Of course, you don't stand a chance against us as your opponents, right, Fluttershy?"

"Um...yes, we're going to, uh, defeat you," Fluttershy said. "If you don't mind, that is..."

"So the Red Jaguars and Blue Barracudas will be facing off against each other in the Temple Games," Kirk said. "But before then, let's award prizes to our unlucky losers."

Kirk went over to the Purple Parrots. "First, our unicorn team," he said. "Well, Trixie, it looks like once again, you came in last place, after the two filly teams."

"Trixie was being generous," Trixie said. "This is a show for fillies, after all. It'd be unfair if Trixie didn't let them win."

"You lost on purpose?" Kirk asked. "It kind of looked like you lost, because you're a failure."

"Trixie is not a failure!" Trixie cried. "Why does everypony keep saying that?!"

"We have two prizes to give to your team," Kirk said. "Rarity, you get a fine set of Glory-All Shampoo and Conditioner!"

"Yay!" Rarity said, clapping her hooves in a dignified manner.

"What a horrible prize!" Trixie criticized.

"How could you dislike Glory All?" Rarity asked, aghast. "It's my favorite conditioner!"

"That's because you have curly hair," Trixie said. "It doesn't work for hair like Trixie's."

"And Trixie, your prize—which was definitely not originally intended for Twilight Sparkle—is..." Kirk said. "What is it, Olmec?"

"It's a bookmark!" Olmec said. "Made from the lowest-quality paper we could find, this bookmark will be perfect for use during your all-night study sessions!"

Trixie wasn't paying attention to the in-show commercial; she and Rarity were swapping beauty tips.

"But if I did that, then there'd be a glare from the spotlights," Trixie said.

"Hmmm..." Rarity said. "Maybe if you darkened the edges of your hair, then..."

"Actually, it looks best when I put my hair up," Trixie said. "But when I do that, I can't put on my magician's hat! Very frustrating."

"Uh...you two have fun talking with each other," Kirk said. He left the two unicorns and went over to the filly team. "Silver Snakes, you were so close to victory there," he said. "What went wrong?"

"She put too much pressure on me!" Silver Spoon said.

"Things went wrong the moment they named the team after her instead of me," Diamond Tiara said.

"Whatever," Silver Spoon said. "What do we win?"

"Your prize is...Cutie Mark Stickers!" Kirk said. "These temporary tattoos can be used to make it look like you have a real cutie mark! Have an adult help you put one on, then impress the world!"

Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara started yelling at each other, about how they didn't need fake cutie marks. Meanwhile, Kirk smiled happily at the camera.

"We're halfway through today's episode!" he said. "The original six teams have been brought down to two. Who will make it successfully through the temple games? Who will gain the right to enter Olmec's temple and get Starswirl the Bearded's hat? Stay tuned!"

Comments

[Klonoahedgehog]

*Sees this on the homepage.*

I freaking LOVE this show!!

[reader238]

before i read i have to ask have you ever been to one of ToxicMario's livestreams?

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Yes you did it, you stopped Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

I really think you should not have disqualified Twilight and that Sweetie Belle should have been Twilight's replacement to even things out.

I think the Blue Barracudas will end up making it to the Temple, I can't wait to see Fluttershy freak out when a temple gaurd grabs her. And then Rainbow Dash will lose in the Shrine of The Silver Monkey since that room always seemed to trip up whoever got there, though there's hope since the artifact is in that room. /

[Typhoon Blast34]

Oh lord i know, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy arn't going to win.

and honestly i am fine, just makes rainbows gift a weekend with the wonderbolts

[TeXXy]

I like this chapter.

[arglefumph]

1975568 Yes. DONE!

1975666 Yes, Sweetie Belle really should have been with her sister, but I didn't want to split up the CMC. Sure, it's bending the rules to have three ponies on a team, but they belong together.

1975646 Eeenope. Never heard of that until now.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

1977093 Oh well at least they haven't been disqualified yet.

[reader238]

1977093 okay just asking because he does a bunch of mlp comics and quite a few times during his live streams he has hidden temple episodes playing on youtube for the viewers