Being Recruited
The sun hung high in a cloudless sky above Canterlot as ponies below lived their daily lives. Stores had their doors wide open and the best displays in the windows, hoping desperately to draw a customer or two, three if they were lucky. Ponies of all shapes and sizes trotted about the cobblestone streets, some stopping to gaze at windows, some arguing with a food stall owner about the price of cucumbers and the occasional one with a shopping bag. It was a world a pony could easily get lost in. One stall vendor sighed heavily as yet another nameless pony bypassed his stand.
The pony had bulging saddlebags on his hindquarters. His wings were tightly pressed against his side and he gazed up at the building facades, hoping to find a sign or something to lead him where he was going. He had a pale ochre coat and firey red eyes that glanced about under his dark brown mane. It stuck up in odd angles, giving him an almost feral look, but he patiently made his way through the city.
"Ugh, where is that recruitment station?" he said aloud, frustrated.
Canterlot was a huge city, much bigger than his native San Prancisco and three times as crowded. Every building looked the same and the roads never stayed in a straight line. Tired and lost, the orange stallion took a detour through an alleyway between a furniture shop and a mane salon.
The noise of the crowd quieted down and he sat on his haunches. Turning to his saddlebags, the pegasus pulled out a folded piece of parchment which, when unfolded, was a map of Canterlot. He studied the map for a few seconds before a rustling from the alley caught his attention. Curious, he looked up but saw nothing.
Returning his attention to the map, he got in a few more seconds of concentration before hearing the rustling again. Drawing his attention a second time, the orange pegasus scanned the alley, noting there were several doors, two dumpsters and four windows looking down into the alley. He shrugged again and returned to the map for a brief second before being tackled.
The stallion yelped in surprise and tumbled to his right, trying to not land on his wing. He landed with a hard 'flump' and took a second to gain his composure. Hysterical cackling came from his left, where he was tackled from and the figure pushed itself off of him and fell over backwards, laughing to itself. The orange stallion righted himself and cast a mean glare to the figure laughing at him. It was a dark colored pegasus with...
Wait.
"Bat wings?" he murmured to himself as he noticed her teeth and mane.
She had fangs unlike normal ponies and her mane was rather short and colored midnight blue. The pony rolled around twice on the ground, still laughing until the pegasus said something.
"Ahem, do you mind?" he grumbled to the pony.
The pony finally started to calm down, but still laughed as one eye half opened. "Y-y-your face! Priceless!" the pony exclaimed.
The ochre pegasus contorted his face into something of a scowl before retrieving his map and said, "Well, if you'll excuse me."
The laughing pony finally calmed down as the pegasus began walking away. "Aw, come on! It was just a bit of fun," the pony said.
The stallion didn't even look back as he said coldly, "Fun for you, maybe, but not for me."
He heard a sucking of teeth and the pony grumbled, "Ugh, nopony wants to have fun here. Okay, look, I'm sorry but you were just asking for it. If I was a mugger, you wouldn't have stood a chance, so consider it a lesson."
By now, the stallion had assumed the pony was a mare due to her voice, but still turned to face her.
"Oh, well thank you. I'll be sure to keep that in mind," he said in his best sarcasm.
The dark colored pony marched up to him and stuck her face in his, clearly not happy. She had golden eyes with slits for pupils instead of dots and she huffed at him. "You know, the least you could do is thank me for real."
The pegasus stallion narrowed his eyes at her and said "So now you're demanding a thank you? I could get you arrested for this."
Her eyes widened slightly, but she kept her angry stare. "You wouldn't and couldn't. There was nopony who saw me tackle you," she said and grinned slightly to him. "Besides, you wouldn't tattle on an adorable mare, now would you?"
The stallion narrowed his gaze even further and said, "Give me a reason not to."
The mare inched her face closer and moved to his right, towards his ear and whispered "Because you got tackled by one."
The stallion’s face turned red as the mare started laughing again. Finally irritated, the stallion turned and started walking off when he heard hoof beats follow him.
"C'mon, don't be such a stick in the mud!" the mare called as she followed him, much to his irritation.
She ran up next to him and said "Hey, just calm down. I'm sorry for tackling you."
The pegasus snorted and kept walking as she continued.
"Can you at least tell me your name? Mine's Angel, Angel Beats."
She trotted in front of him, blocking the exit from the alley and extended a hoof to the orange pegasus. She put on her best sincere smile and hoped he would at least be friendly as well. The pegasus considered for a second and reached out with his own hoof cautiously. "Comet Burst," he said in a matter of fact tone.
He gingerly shook her hoof and was suddenly hugged by her. "Yay, a new friend!" she said while at the same time squeezing the air from his lungs.
Comet frantically pried himself from her grip and furrowed his brow. "We are not friends," he stated plainly.
"Oh, are you embarrassed to be hugged by a pretty mare?" she giggled.
Comet stuck a hoof to his forehead and said, "No, but you are not going to hug me like that. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find the recruitment center." He spread his wings and nearly jumped when Angel squealed.
"You're going to join the guard too?!" she asked excitedly and Comet froze.
"What do you mean by 'too'?" he asked and she beamed at him.
"What do I mean? I'm joining the guard too!" she stated with a happy ring.
Comet tilted his head and said, "Sorry, but I think they want real guards."
He took off as she cried, "What's that supposed to mean?!"
Spreading her bat wings, Angel leaped into the air and pursued the orange pegasus. The sun did hurt her eyes since she was a bat pony and was used to flying at night, but the common pony misconception was that bat ponies were purely nocturnal. While it was true they functioned better at night, bat ponies could go out in the day like any normal pony.
Angel stayed back from Comet a bit to let him lead her to the recruitment station since she had no idea where it was. It took him the better part of half an hour, but eventually Comet stood outside a gray stone building with a plaque facing the street saying 'Royal Guard Recruitment Center #4'. Comet took a deep breath and trotted inside.
The building inside was unremarkable except for the large posters of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna on the far wall and a desk placed in front of them. The guard sitting there had his head pressed against the desk and snored loudly, echoing through the entire room. Comet gave the guard an unsure look before walking up to the desk.
Before he could wake the guard, a voice from behind him shouted "So this is the place!"
Comet spun to see the annoying bat pony at the door, looking around in wonder at the room. At the desk, the guard woke instantly and sat straight up, ignoring the pool of drool on the desk.
"This center is for Royal Guard recruitment." he spoke, seeming not to even notice the two ponies "We do not sell food, we do not pet-sit and our restrooms are not for public use." He sat as straight as he could for three seconds, leaving a pegasus and bat pony to stare at him. The guard finally blinked a couple times and noticed the two.
"Oh, are you here to sign up?" he asked casually.
Comet quickly responded "Er, yes?"
Angel burst out laughing again and the guard adjusted his helmet.
"Well, then. Excellent! You are about to undertake the most important journey of your life and enter into the service of their royal highnesses, Princess Celestia and Luna." The guard said before leaning over to look at the laughing bat pony.
"Uh, is she with you?" he asked.
Comet flushed.
"That would be a no." he said flatly as she walked over.
"Oh, don't act like that, sweetie. What about all those nights you and I spent together? And when you proposed?" she said to Comet and his jaw stiffened.
The guard pony narrowed his eyes at the two and said "It is highly against regulation for both recruits to have a romantic relationship prior to entering the guard."
Comet made a face that was somewhere between a scowl and a grimace and said "We are most definitely not a couple."
The guard tilted his head, but Angel burst out laughing at his face.
As she laughed, the guard caught on and said "Right. Well, here in the guard, we expect the utmost effort from all of our recruits to make the guard as honorable as possible."
He rustled around in the desk and produced two packets of paper. "Take this and fill it out entirely, then bring it back to me." he said, handing Comet a packet. Angel finally finished her laughing fit and took the other one.
The packet was fairly simple with the first page being personal information questions, but the next page was all about ethics. Comet scrawled on the parchment with a quill he kept in his saddlebags, but Angel scratched her head as she read the test. The question she was stuck on was 'How long do you wait to interrupt a theft in progress?' and there were four answers ranging from ignore it to stop it immediately.
She leaned over to Comet and tried to sneak a gaze at his test to see what he put, but Comet moved to block her sight. The guard was still rummaging around in his desk and Angel tried to move Comet's hoof. Comet pushed her hoof away and wrote more furiously on his test. Angel tried again and Comet let out a loud sigh, but refused to move his hoof.
Angel smiled to herself since she knew he was getting annoyed and whispered "Hey, what did you put for number twelve?"
Comet slowly turned his head to her and stared. She offered him a sweet grin and he said "Are you really trying to cheat on an ethics test?"
The guard’s head snapped up to them, but he slammed his nose on the desk. A colorful series of words escaped his lips as he rubbed his nose and Angel fell over laughing. Comet ignored the incident and the guard grumbled. Luckily for Comet, the next thirty minutes passed without incident and the two ponies finished their respective packets. The guard took them and asked them to sit for a bit while he reviewed them.
Comet sat as far away from Angel as he possibly could, which was only three chairs away. He sat as still as he could with his eyes forward, unlike the fidgeting Angel who had found an interest in the noises her hooves made when they tapped against the wall. It was an attempt to annoy Comet, but his rigid demeanor prevented even a little emotion from exiting him. Angel decided she was bored and hopped down from her chair and trotted over to Comet.
"You know, you don't have to sit like that." she said to him.
Comet's eyes refused to even twitch as she tried to get his attention.
"Hello? Equestria to Comet!" she called and waved her hoofs in front of his face.
His gaze didn't move, so Angel tried some more cunning ways to pester him. She blew in his face, ruffled his mane, extended his wings and pretended to make him fly and even shook her flank at him, but Comet refused to even blink. Wearing her pouting face, Angel sat on the ground in front of Comet, stumped. The guard reviewing their tests thought the whole ordeal was rather funny and found it hard to concentrate on the exams.
Angel thought for a few moments and finally had an idea. She messed up her mane, gave Comet her best bedroom eyes and slinked up next to him. She gently rubbed his forelegs and slowly nuzzled his neck, but Comet's gaze didn't even twitch.
"Just so you know," she whispered to him, "I have a huge thing for guardponies in armor."
She saw his pupils expand then retract a bit and she knew she had his attention.
Angel decided to turn up the pheromones and gave a little purr. She rubbed her nose on his neck and felt him tense up a bit more. Clearly he was forcing himself to ignore her, but that made her even more determined to get a response from him. She then decided to move her hooves from his forelegs around to his back and gently massaged just above where his wings were located, the tensest and most sensitive muscles on his back.
She felt a slight shiver run down his back and leaned into his ear and whispered, "Got you."
He let out a huge sigh and shook her hooves off him. She saw his face for a split second, but noticed it was as red as his eyes. She laughed and fell back into the chair on his opposite side and Comet sulked. He was determined to ignore her, but she had gotten the better of him. Although he never would say it out loud, though, he admitted to himself that he rather liked that massage she gave him.
Finally, the guard called them both over. Once they arrived, the guardpony said, "Congratulations are in order for you two. You both have been accepted into the Royal Guard. If you will come with me, we will just finish some paperwork and you'll be off to basic training, cadets."
He gave them a salute which Comet returned crisply while Angel did so in her carefree manner.
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Is he gay or somthing can
You sir have intrigued me I shall be following you. Cheerio!
1987425
No, my OC is not gay. He takes his job too seriously and has no interest in finding a special mare at this time.
1987427
Glad you like it!
Sry if I said somthing wrong
1987444
It's okay.
I was going to clarify that as the story went on.
Wow you just got me sad and shit lol I give you
Pupils expand when interest is piqued, a retracting pupil is characteristic of shock, horror, or repulsion on the part of the wearer, usually manifesting in a strong desire to get out of a situation.
Other than that, I liked your start, and hope for good things from this fiction.
I'm interested, do continue
I'm still reading through the story, but I just want to say that, while it is interesting, it does have one very annoying formatting problem
Whenever a new character speaks, there should be a new paragraph, because itherwise you end up with blobs of text where it's hard to know who's speaking at times.
i like your OC despite what others say
p.s. maybe you can read my story called my day in ponyville
This is good, I like and watch
This chapter has earned a like, we'll see about earning a fav or watch in the training now won't we
I like the OCs, lets see where this goes
"Angel Beats"..... i see what you did there.... bravo and good choice
The writing was more than adequate and fun, can't wait for more.
You've got a good story here. I've already got a pretty good feel for your characters and if the following chapters flush them out more, you've really got something worth someone's time here.
Now for the bad stuff. Your formatting and description need a lot of work yet. The first examples that come to mind is that your paragraphs are too big. Especially for the type of descriptions that you're using. It's also not necessary to describe a character by their features after their name has been introduced. I see that happen a lot and I'm never sure why people do it. These things can be pretty darn distracting but also easily fixed if you care enough to try.
I'll be reading on for now.
Angel Beats? I LOVE that show.
I liked it, but I would like to point out.
should be pheromones.
Other than that, good job.
I've only read the 1st chapter but
oyster.ignimgs.com/mediawiki/apis.ign.com/family-guy/9/99/Consuela.jpg
I fave...
"San Prancisco" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxAKFlpdcfc
1993746 and that's what imagination and not being a buzz kill is for :D, although perhaps an alternate universe tag is in order? i dunno maybe not i'm not exactly sure at what point it becomes necessary to use an alternate universe tag seeing as i don't actually write and don't pay particularly close attention to technicalities
You know, when your recruiting officer SEES YOU cheat on an ethics test, he must have REALLY low standards for entrance into the guard. Then again, the primary function of the royal guard is living statues, so there's not a whole lot of issues with ethics coming in there...
1995741 Ethical Question #1: Do you prefer to stand or sit?
Ethical Question #2: What direction is your favorite?
Ethical Question #3: Have you ever played a meat organ?
1997083
#1 neither i prefer to lay down.
#2 nowhere
#3 is this question right or wrong
1998911
Excuse me while I laugh my ass off.
Angel Beats?
i see what you did there! 
THE FUN HAS BEEN DOUBLED!
Only just read the first chapter, glad to finally see somebrony use "San Prancisco" in a fic. I was just saying to a buddy of mine a couple months ago that it was just so perfect that I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it.
Angel Beats?
Impressed.
San Prancisco?
More so. San Francisco is my favorite city in the Bay Area, so any reference is wonderful. Gee, Coltifornia isn't a very commonly used theme in fanfics. Still, you have my attention. Continue.
All spec ops operatives contact intelligence this could get weird!
that good sir, was wonderful o:
25.media.tumblr.com/129a6b034bd0e3193ae9114a1a7b2f7c/tumblr_mfjag2Fh4s1rw8i2bo1_1280.jpg
Did you say Angel Beats?
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4l6j31avr1ruyupoo1_400.gif
2001663
This is Overlord to Spec Ops. We are going to send over a helo for exfil in case something goes wrong. Wait for orders before proceeding with infil of story. Report all intel to Delta team when you have finished the story! That is all.
1987435 Hey!! You wrote me as a pony!! Although I think my basic training was probably easier!! I didn't have a Angel there to get on my nerves!!
And my recruiting cpl was just like that!!!
Delightful characters. Delightful premise. Let's just see where this takes us, shall we?
My only complaint is perhaps you could use some more colorful variety when it comes to the word "said," although it's not the worst case I've ever seen.
Angel, you sly, sly creature! Nice job putting Angel Beats (Fucking AWESOME show by the way) into this!
Normal ponies do not have canines. Predators have canines. Fangs is in fact just another word for canines.
Anyone else read Angels lines with rainbow dash's voice? or was that just me?
Batter up! This story has caught my attention, hoof and... fang?
I will read on with outmost anticipation and glee
She REALLY got his attention
I cannot let this stand! Yes, this is a funny and very entertaining story, but could you at least try and relate it to the actually recruitment process a little? A recruitment center is a place to talk to recruiters and get information on whether or not to join. Once you do, you give them your personal info, and they set up a day for you to go to the MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station) which is a one or two day process. It depends on whether you decide to take the ASVAB test the day before or day of shipment, which occurs right after or the day after you go through the MEPS process. (I'm not going into the details of the process, there's a lot).
Look, I do like the story, and there is so much potential in it! It's also very funny, but it just could be a lot more funny had you known the actual process. You didn't even have they go through a background check or medical examination of the their physical and mental being! Just think of what you could've added knowing this. Besides, does the Royal Guard let ANYPONY go through basic? Even the marines have standards!
2013933
Would Equestria's military function the same way as a real-world's military? The world may never know... although I agree with you a bit. The last thing any military unit would want is a wild bat pony who fraternizes with the enemy and can't sit still for more than a picosecond.
Also, what did you say about the marines? (I'm joking about anything past here. This is just in case anyone takes me seriously)
Inb4 "my country's military is better than yours!" war.
Besides, we all know the USA has the best military since we're America. Why? Because we're America... duh... er... yeah...America = best? Um... not sure anymore :C
Oh my do i see an anime reference here? Angel beats is one of my favorites Well played and this story has my full attention
Comet was recolor, this is right? I swear that he was white in the Deviant Art, no?
2019990
The armor changes the pony as long as they wear it.
'How long do you wait to interrupt a theft in progress?'
1. Ignore it entirely - too much paperwork.
2. Demand your cut of the proceeds.
3. STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!!
4. Arrest the thief, the victim, and all bystanders (it's the only way to be sure!) and let Celestia sort them all out.
Entertaining story so far. I like the concept and cannot wait for more.
I did find one spelling error: pheramones => pheromones
2015781
The Marines have the lowest entrance requirements of all the branches, even the Army's. One of the fun tidbits I learned when I was trying to find the best branch for me. It makes sense once you think about it, since most of them are crazy jarheads.
Yeah, joking or not, America does have one of the best training processes for soldiers. Perfected over the course of centuries. Yeah, other first world countries are good as well and up there with us. The Middle Eastern countries' military are absolute jokes though! Except for Israel, although not at par with us completely, their military is godly in comparison with their neighbors.
Well, this is shaping up to be the best story ever!
It was hilarious. Angel Beats is probably the most interesting and funny character I have ever read. The idea that somepony like that, though, getting into the guard makes this story, well... let's say... 20 Percent Better?
Sorry, don't throw tomatoes!
But really, great story so far.
what am i doing? .... something good I hope it gets better
Why is Comet orange when the other guard in the picture is white?