• Member Since 22nd May, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 15th, 2022

Quantum_Shift


Comments ( 38 )
2D

I would change the description, it runs on far too much. The extensive use of commas has dissuaded me from reading this, even if Zach helped out. A better appearance will bring in a better audience. So change it to this please.

The first of several fictions all set in the same world.

While walking home from School, young Zach finds a mysterious glowing orb. He then accidentally makes a wish, teleporting him to a whole new world inhabited by equines of all descriptions. After learning of injustices in this new land Zach seeks to liberate an entire race called the Flutterkin, equines with beautiful butterfly wings from their centuries-long enslavement.

At the same time, he must figure out one more important thing:
How the hell do you walk on hooves, with these bendy legs?!

Of course, I could make it much better with permission.

~Edward

1924727
This sounds awesome, and if you're willing to help, I'd love to have your contribution!

Ummm, how recently was this edited? I was planning on going through and fixing some of the smaller errors. I read it last night and a big amount of the problems was sumply the wrong word.

I don't want to do it and find that it is already done.

Ok, "strap off my back-up" Ermm, strap on or take off your backpack?
"While walking home one afternoon, when I" When is unnecessary
"The bed I am lying in seems like a comfortable pile" Pillow?
"Is this... Is this clouds?" Better with 'are these clouds?
I should have it done later today

1925679 Bah, I have trouble seeing the keyboard that late.

Also, are the wings made of gossamer? I am assuming so, but I want to check

2D

1925045

Sure thing, I'll just work my magic...

The first in my fiction series, each of which set in the same universe.

Whilst making a short walk home from his school, a young human named Zach stumbles upon a mysterious floating orb. He mistakes the orb for an ordinary item, and makes the mistake of touching it. This action somehow brings him into a new world, filled with equines of all colours and builds. After a small portion of time Zach discovers the cruelty and injustice of the new world, and he seeks to liberate an entire race called the Flutterkin. They are equines blessed with beautiful wings not unlike that of a butterfly.

But one thing remains... how does a guy walk on hooves, when he has these bendy legs?

This may be what you wanted? In any event, I'm glad you didn't get upset by my comment, it seems a bit brash.. so thanks and all.

~Edward

1926280
A few minor problems:
The orb does not, in fact, float, and it wasn't touching it that set it off.

As for seeming brash... Well, I know my forte is dramatics and world building, not summaries and synopses.
Thank you for your assistance, if you could refine it further, I'd be appreciative.

1925631
:rainbowderp:
I want you as an editor, if you're free.

You from first to second person a few times. Pick one and stick to it. It will flow much better that way.

1928841
I know, the first chapter is a re-formatted chat log from Skype, from before we converted it to actual text and got rid of the traces of greentext formatting.

Wow, I was cleaning out my favourite box and this jumps the pages. Sweet, now I have to edit:pinkiehappy:

Hello, it's me again, the guy who never contributes anything besides fixing a few descriptions here and there and criticizing fics just from their concept and title/ description.

Admittedly it seems to be a relatively interesting concept, but

accidentally makes a wish

How would this come about? How would one accidentally make a wish? Especially one that transports them to a land of magical talking equines?

1945914
Easy, saying a wish that has no apparent connection to the result. In this case, saying to the wish-granter "I wish I knew what you did." or "I wish I didn't have to pay for the window this ball just broke!"

Also, would you expect a glass orb in a pile of trash to grant a wish in an extremely roundabout way?

interesting story that i'm still not sure how i feel about it but your doing it well... Keep it up!

1964596
Wait'll you see the sequels, they only get better from here :rainbowkiss:
Oh, yeah, the Cleaning Crew is coming over tomorrow, so you should be moving in in the next week.

so there is Pegasus/human (Zach), flutterkin (breeze), Goopony (Goo), crystal pony (Rose quarts) and spectre pony (Restful Slumber). what next changeling named Mirror image?:rainbowhuh:

2004666
pfft, nah. He's not going to end up with a Changeling in his group.
I have some originality, after all. Oh, and a new story is going to be going up in this series shortly. In fact, it's going to be going up next Monday, provided Zach is up for some more writing I've kinda run out of buffer chapters for his story...

Actually, would you like to know the upcoming characters for his story? Or just wait?

Invited into someone's house? Fuck the owner.

2005532
Get chased by mob of killer ghost-ponies, rescued by a different ghost pony, and hear her sob-story?
Have sex, of course!

How the hell do you walk on hooves, with these bendy legs?!

Those bendy legs are known as 'fetlocks'. The forehooves can rotate further than the human arm and have more turning joints than the human arm. This is how ponies on the show pick objects up with their hooves. The back hooves work more like a human leg, about the same amount of turning joints but still rotate further than the human arm.

2078660
Now let's see you drastically change how you walk and move, and turn it from a two-legged gait into one for four legs, no feet, and way more points of rotation than should be possible for an equine?

2078737

I never opposed the idea, I was only telling you how Equines fetlocks work.

2078761
Well, actually... real horses have almost no range of motion outside of that which is required for moving place to place. The MLP equines have a very different leg set up from actual horses and other equines. In fact, the actual reasoning for their range of motion (especially Pinkie's) is entirely fanon. It could be extra joints, more flexibility to the joints that are already there, flexible bones that magically 'lock' into a configuration if needed to provide support for something, a 'no joints, just limbs made entirely of muscle) set-up, or simply that they are actually modified versions of bipedal limbs, changed by magic into something designed for walking on and supporting one's weight with. The options are varied and often not looked into at all.

As for me, it changes story to story, but my most common one is simply that the joints are way more flexible, with arcane nerves running along the joints to allow them to stand stiffer if needed for walking, lifting, etc.

Also, I know what fetlocks are, my Aunt lives on a ranch and breeds horses. I may not remember all the terms, but I can keep up with most of them. And they don't usually work that way.

Anywho, I'm running on no hours of sleep, so sorry if this seems snippy. Not my intent, just trying to be informative.

Comment posted by BIGNICK deleted Feb 28th, 2013

2370113
I'm thinking of giving him the 'Baby Bird' treatment.

That is, push him off a high point and see if he figures it out on the way down :pinkiecrazy:

2383619
Well, entertaining at the least.

:applejackconfused::twilightoops:I find the main character to have a creepy resemblance to myself and how I would probably react to the situations...... you even got the spelling right for the name.:rainbowderp:

:ajsleepy:and it is for those reasons..................


That this story is simply awesome.:twilightsmile:

2392565
What's really hilarious: That's actually my friend, hunterz263, who's the main character. I'm just writing for the world and everyone else.
Each of the Wishing Star stories are a collaborative work, in the form of me 'GM'ing an RP, with one of my friends as the main characters, playing themselves with minor changes to their names to protect privacy.

Anyways, thanks for the pleasant response! :rainbowkiss:

Oh, and there's going to be six of these, total, btw.
On Nightmare Station is another RP fic I'm doing, and is Dead Space and ponies together, with several of my friends as the 'players' for the characters.

wow...... Zach sure is a pimp today. I mean he just increased his herd by three and sorta helped Rose kick a guy's ass.

Well, under most circumstances the descriptions you've provided of the injuries and conditions of the prisoners could merit a Dark tag, but with the story and the circumstances behind them, I would merely consider this to be part of a proper Adventure in what is clearly a dark time for this realm. In fact, I find it refreshing that you don't shy away from describing exactly how barbaric a primitive civilization can actually get!

Extremely well done, congrats! Can't wait for more! :pinkiesmile:

2795872
Thank you, I was actually wondering if a "Dark" or "Gore" tag would be needed now - it will be later on, once we see what happens in what will be clearly a despotic tyranny.

Anyways, I hope I have consistent internet soon, so that I may continue these!

2824981
Actually, the Gore tag would be appropriate, and if you believe the dark tag would be needed later on, I would suggest adding it now, so that people can be prepared when it does go that far.

Sucks that you don't have a steady internet... might I ask why? Don't need to answer, just curious.

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