Twilight has been overwhelmed lately and needs some quiet contemplation. However, this proves problematic.
Chapters (3)
Mindblade16
Joined 8th Jan, 2013 ·
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Twilight
Rarity
Spike
...
This ought to be interesting.
Twilight meditating sounds boring until a skilled author makes it interesting. I am impressed
1948070
Thanks!
A bit fast with the pacing, but otherwise good. To see Twilight meditating, hm... That would be interesting to see.
Think I'll track this.
~Skeeter The Lurker
More please.
One more chapter of this to seal the deal. Then I'll start on another story!
Some more breaks, to indicate the flow of the story, would be nice.
Also it's pretty hard to follow what's going on at times, you might want to do the memory sequences in cursive, and add some dialogue to the present scences to distinguish them from each other.
That being said, a very interesting story and I want to see where this ones going.
1948070
Thanks!
I feel like this would be a more interesting story than Twilight meditating.
This rhyme feels forced and out of place.
Should be 'at'.
As a mental image, this is great. In a cartoon it's funny. In a fiction... not so much.
... kinky.
Again, rhyme feels a bit forced.
T'was the night before the night before New Years Eve,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a Spike. (I suck as music, sorry)
Rarity can be a bit of a beach, but I don't think she'd hurt Spikey-Wikey~<3
I'm liking where this is going.
What. I had to read this three times to understand it. It felt rushed.
I could be wrong, but I think the term is 'last ditch'.
Lol.
---
Notes:
•The whole fic felt a bit fast paced, and I got lost a couple of times.
•Maybe add Zecora as a tag, as there seems to be more of her than Spike.
•Rarity seems intensely out of character, though I feel you did decent with Twilight. I think that Spike and Zecora were both done amazingly.
•In the first chapter (Didn't check in the second, it was fixed in the third) the word 'Magic' was unnecessarily capitalized.
•This fiction had a disturbing lack of Scootaloo.
--
FINAL VERDICT:
17 out of twenty-one half-digested playstation2s.
(Keep up the good work)