1. Member Since 18th Jan, 2012
  2. offline for 4w, 2d

I'm an artist and a writer apparently.

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A story of competition, friendship, rivalry and love. Rainbow Dash is thrown into the Market Harvest; a farming competition in which she aids Applejack and the Sweet Apple Acres team. Sacrificing some of her own time, Rainbow Dash does her best to support her friend in her time of need as a living model for the Sweet Apple Acres advertisement campaign: The Apple Spectrum!

First Published
20th Jan 2012
Last Modified
1st Apr 2014

Sorry Abry, I can't get as detailed as I'd like with my review- stressed for time. I'd say just look through it another time if'n you'd like to.

staring at Applejack in confusing              confusion*

said as she leaned placed                        missed an and

The Apple Family dining room was           The part in this paragraph with the sandwiches was off. I'd suggest removing it or making it not so specific.

Anyways, I really liked this chapter, and how you kept teasing me with AJ getting close and then backing off, or the water thing. You write AJ really well.


Oh good, it's on here too. Fanfiction has been claiming the chapter doesn't exist all day and I've been dying to read it.

Why do I have the feeling something's going to happen overnight in Troronto? :derpytongue2:

Thank Celestia I managed to get some writing in for chapter 2:2. It chronicles the epic... train ride. Note: I have written in a short OC just for a thingy... simply put, should I keep the OC? I REALLY wanted to stay away from Original Character's, even if they're minor but it's unavoidable in the case of, well, lack of characters to create for the story (Flat Breadbasket is such an example, he also has yet to enter) but... well, it's just a quick self insert of an artistic pony. Good or Not?

>>183929 OC's are generally OK...but self-inserts are weird. At least in my opinion. I get vivid memories of my first day in the fanfiction, clicking on stories with the tag self insert, and it was just a clopfic of some human getting it on. I was so innocent... :fluttercry: >>183929

Unless you make your self insert just a character, and not say "I woke up in Ponyville one day" or something. Give it a pony name too.

Of course they miss each other's blushes. :P

Things are really heating up now :3

Good story. I like it. It has a slower pace than a lot of stories, I think, but that suits it. Well done. :pinkiehappy:

It IS a badass name, isn't it? :pinkiehappy:

And this is a badass story. This chapter makes me wonder what's up with Scootaloo though -  hope she's okay. And even though I know you're joking I don't mind if you do slow the pace down - your writing is good enough that even the little things are fun to read about, so it'll still be an excellent story.

Spike must be absolutely devestated at all the pampering he's going to be getting. Poor Spike. :pinkiesad2:

And you're welcome - Thank you for the awesome story and free entertainment :pinkiesmile:

Wow, Rainbow is really getting into pleasing Applejack. I likey :pinkiehappy:

And many d'aaaaaaawwwwws were had. :rainbowkiss:

Finally I got some time to myself to read this...

Then I notice there are still 3 more chapters...

Crap. :facehoof:

And I'm just gonna catch up first, like I said, and then edit- I promise.

Gotta go, but I vow to read the rest of the chapters soon!


I want that Candyland game. :rainbowderp:

So, I've managed to truck through this many chapters before commenting... at this point, I feel I have to :P

Pay attention to your tenses! There's plenty of grammar errors in every chapter, and sometimes some of the conversations feel a tad... wooden, or forced. And when that happens, the characterization suffers a fair bit.

However, the setting and plot (no, not that one :pinkiecrazy: ) is pretty damn interesting, and the Appledash is just yay :rainbowlaugh::ajsmug: . It could just use a fair amount of cleaning up to make this fic much better than it is :x


OK so I'm reading this, and maybe it will improve in the future chapters, but at the moment I think you need to reword a few sentences. For example this one: "Twilight squealed with joy, Rainbow Dash sighed, Applejack finished loosening Rainbow's harness and Rainbow wiggled out of the harness."

You said harness twice. while that's not incorrect it's still a little awkward for the reader. Instead maybe you could have: "Twilight squealed with joy, Rainbow Dash sighed, Applejack finished loosening Rainbow's harness and Rainbow wiggled out of it."

You can say it because we already know the harness is the object being discussed.

Anyway beyond a few awkwardly worded sentences like that I'm still liking this story well enough. I'll keep reading it for now.

>>878710 this reminds me of a similar review on fanfiction.net o_o

And damn, I done goofed.

ANYWAYS, thanks for reading and giving my story a chance!

“That load Big Macintosh gave me wrecked my ability to walk,” Rainbow spat out.

^ I laughed a bit too much at that :rainbowlaugh:

Some feedback:

1. I found the part where Dash was flying crates and stuff slightly confusing and repetitive in the beginning. The description felt... massive, and slightly excessive.

2. Applejack's dialogue feels a bit odd to read. Spelling out a few more words (too, for, the, an') would make it a lot easier to read.


This chapter. I really liked it. :pinkiehappy:

And you're really good at making me hate Fullbody. That bucking douchebag...

Also, It's nice seeing some obvious romance going on. I like the subtle thing as well, but it's such a damn tease.

One more thing: No comments? da fuck? :rainbowhuh:


1. Hmm, I may me rewrite that scene. It was mainly about Rainbow having to clean up a forced mess as practice since during the actual competition, there will be crates 'n shit everywhere.

2. She was trying to speak in a more proper voice for the sake of clarity; "Ah'm serious 'bout this an' Ah want ya to know it."

Fullbody was a little too... weird before. This new chapter I planned to make Fullbody seem more like a douche.

The romance? Chapter 3 was where I originally intended the romance to start and be fully realized by one of our main characters.

AND THAT'S WHAT I SAID! All these watchers and followers on many sites, and I've only had two comments/reviews since I posted. [img]//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Rainbow_Dash.png[/img]

FINALLY got around to reading this (and will most likely reread the whole rewrite at some point).

Is it sad that I want to punch the cops more than Moneybags?

>>1450606 Not really. Fuck the police, and all.

Ahhhh!  A talking dog!  :twilightoops:


Is it worth it?

Does anybody notice my writing style change? Before, I always thought, "How would others write this?" For this chapter update, I merely wrote how I would with no regards for the others (basically myself).

Is this update good? Does it meet expectations?

Has anybody read this update? I'll be very sad if I get no reviews this time. My last update only got two-three reviews on four sites. After several months. If it happens again, I may ragequit.

EDIT: Okay, so I have one comment, one favourite, and... one fucking downvote? o_e

I'm sorry this doesn't get the feedback it deserves, but it is very good, Arby. I'd hate for you not to finish it. :twilightsmile:

Not gonna force you to continue writing it if you feel it's not worth it though :ajsleepy:


It was about time!  :flutterrage:

I, for one, am very fond of this story and would hate for you to ragequit.  As long as you're updating it, I'll be here.  And I really like the change in writing style.  It's just that the progression with AppleDash seems to be a teensy bit slow, and I feel like that might be a turn-off to some people.

>>1525522 Considering Chapter 1 and 2 was about them building their friendship, eeyup. Chapter 3 is titled "Winning the Rainbow," so expect a lot more AppleDash. But regardless, my whole plan for this story was a slow-progressing AppleDash because real relationships don't instantly start. You have to act as friends to another and then allow the feelings to blossom, which is why I made a story with a farming compeition; it'l take a while and let me show the love develop. Chapter 3 will have a few more parts to it, which will come out soon.

>>1525522 OH, and how was the chapter? Any comments, any dislikes, etc?


I like the uncertainty surrounding Fullbody, and I wonder how it will all tie together as the competition progresses.  I don't mind the buildup, because it lets me wonder just how closer they might get in each chapter.  But by far my favorite parts of it are when AJ and RD at least talk or work with each other.  :yay:

>>1527771 Chapter 3 I planned on having little screen time showing Applejack and Rainbow Dash working together and focus more on relationship building and getting closer while the other teams got the screentime working. We've seen Sweet Apple Acres working the whole story with a bit of AppleDash buildup, Chapter 3 inverts that. Fullbody is definitely being built up as a villain. I'm also trying to emphasis how hard the competition is, hence AJ and Big Mac's reactions to the whole "Police Charges and injuries" bit.

Perhaps it's time I re-read the whole thing, cause I can't really remember if you've written exactly what Trixie is doing there :facehoof:

Good chapter, only one comment:

"A concept this simple shouldn't be so hard to execute.” I have a hard time picturing Rainbow ever using the words 'concept' or 'execute'

Anyways, looking forward to future updates along with that infamous chapter 3 of yours.

And, as Roughhouse wrote, as long as you update the story I'll be here to read it.


>>1545383 I made prior edits, and Trixie being in AS is only recent. She was originally supposed to appear near the end, but my rewrite dramatically shortened it so the story will only be around 100,000-150,000 words, so Trxie's role got bumped up.

As for Rainbow's line, I'm fairly certain I could picture her saying that. She is a Weather Team Captain as well as a stunt-flier. "execute" should be a common word while concepts are important to fliers.

Aww yeah!  I love how you explain all the subtle little movements with Dash.  It really brings her to life.

Applejack raised a hoof up to Rainbow's face, caressing the side. Rainbow's hoof removed itself from Applejack's shoulder and wrapped around your head.

Heh, you're not going second person on us, are you?    :rainbowwild:

>>1565326 did I seriously write "your!?"

*ahem* Thank yoooou for the comment. :3



And thank you for bringing out the AppleDash.  :ajsmug:

>>1565384 Eeyup. IT only took me a year.



Also, silly Arby updating when I have to study :rainbowlaugh:

>>1568407 I'm a dick like that. :3

>>1568814 THERE WILL BE. Not soon, actually. I'm waiting until after Episode 5 of Season 3 (because Trixie is involved).

>>1579315 Arby is pleased, and so is Colgate. [img]//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Colgate_beam.png[/img]

Triforce is pleased by giggling, love drunk Dashie. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME HHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG

>>1609342 ohokay my mistake

Note: I'm not updating until episode 5 of season 3 is out since it deals with Trixie.

I finally got around to reading this. :yay: So, the only thing I noticed wrong is that you used the word people, instead of ponies in a sentence. Other than that, good chapter.:pinkiesmile:

:rainbowhuh: :ajbemused: When this competition is over Aj, Rd, buck his lower jaw off and break all of his legs and burn his left ear off. Wow I hate this guy, well I hate all stuck up rich f***ers honestly, but still.

>>2890472 My first comment in 5evr. Thank yoooou. Also, that may happen in a sense if I ever get back to writing this story.

>>2891006 No probs man, I love the story so far, just got to Gilda's addition, which you nailed btw, it has been totally worth the read :rainbowkiss:

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