It's the start of the spring fashion season in Equestria, and Rarity is just getting done her supply shopping, when she notices a homeless stallion outside of her favorite fabric store, Hoofington's. She decides that she'd be this stallion's salvation. She has no idea just far she'll end up going...
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Hmmmm... interesting premise... looks like it has potential... but a few things are needed for this chapter and future chapters
- Space out the paragraphs (makes reading easier)
- Italics the thoughts (so that the reader can distinguish from actual dialogue to thought)
- Write the numbers in words (more professional)
- Show vs Tell
Aside from that, this looks good
1916617 Thanks! I've always been a bit of a 'tell' writer. It's a nasty habit
....You indented each new paragraph.
I LIKE YOU!
You have caught my attention, well done.
Ho ho ho this seems interesting.
Personally i'd like the story to be Rarity helping him get his wife beck. Buyer shell what your plan and how u pull it off
>potential
yes
Just spread those paragraphs, and don't type in numbers.
Tracked and 5 star'd
I like it. All these new ones just remind ne of how I need to write mine.
This story caught my eye pretty quickly, so I'm gonna keep tabs on it. Hopefully you update soon!
keep going !
:D