Chapter 3: Shock
“Or perhaps you could go eat a flying piece of shit.”
- Col. Slice, when asked to surrender at the Second Battle of Manehattan
Twilight Sparkle awoke to the sight of her own face staring at her.
“Oh,” the other Twilight sighed in relief, “you’re awake! I thought you weren’t going to make it!”
Twilight managed a pained moan in reply. She was lying on her side, cheap carpet pressing against her fur, and she could feel her pulse throbbing through her head with every heartbeat. She tried to move, but a sharp, shooting pain sliced across her shoulder. Grimacing, she turned her head to examine her wound.
The open gash ran right above the joint. The bleeding had mostly stopped, but blood still oozed from the injured tissue, pooling in the middle of the wound then overflowing and dripping down her leg onto the carpet. It looked bad, but fortunately the gash didn’t seem to run very deep.
Just a flesh wound.
The other Twilight noticed Twilight’s attention to her injury. “We need to get that stitched up,” she said. “I’ll go look for a needle and thread, you stay here and rest.” She stood up from her kneeling position and trotted out of the room.
Twilight examined her environment. As far as she could tell, she was in the living room of an abandoned apartment, the occupants probably having already evacuated to the shelters. The room was unlit and sparsely furnished—the intricate flower patterns on the seats were faded, and the wood-colored paint on the table was chipped and falling off.
The other Twilight seemed to be taking her time, so she slowly stood up and tested her injured limb, carefully leaning her weight onto it and gauging the pain she felt in her shoulder. Satisfied with the results, she tried walking. After a little experimentation, she found that if she shifted her weight in a certain way, she could avoid stretching the skin around the wound and setting fire to the frayed nerve endings.
Feeling thirsty, Twilight limped over to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water from the faucet, then used several paper napkins to blot away the blood in her wound, pressing down until the bleeding stopped entirely.
Other Twilight still hadn’t returned, so she decided to go look for her herself. Even at her reduced pace, the small apartment didn’t take long to search. Failing to find the other her in any of the four rooms, Twilight limped out of the apartment and out into the stairwell.
The stairs were grimy and unswept, circling around in a square spiral shape up three floors and down four. Other Twilight was on the landing two floors above, her body still as stone, her eyes wide and fixated on the landing beneath her. Twilight followed her gaze into an unlit corner of the staircase. There, in the shadows, so dark that she hadn’t even seen it at first glance, was the corpse of a Solarium soldier—an Earth pony with a spear embedded in her chest, blood pooling in the corner of the landing where the stair met the wall.
“Hey,” Twilight called, jolting Other Twilight out of her reverie. Other Twilight hurried down the staircase, floating a sewing kit in front of her, making sure to give the dead soldier a wide berth as she passed it on the landing. When she finally reached Twilight, her eyes glanced back at the corpse.
“This is real, isn’t it?” she whispered. “War. You... you ponies are really k- killing each other out there.”
Twilight was silent. What could she say to that? What was a fact of life to her seemed to be unthinkable to this other pony. She took the sewing kit from Other Twilight and sat back down onto the carpet, preparing to stitch her wound together.
“Wait,” Other Twilight said, watching Twilight attempt to thread a needle. “You’re hurt, let me do it.”
In silence Twilight offered the needle and thread to the other unicorn, who threaded it with much less difficulty with the help of light from her horn. As the needle pierced Twilight’s skin it set sensitive nerves aflame, sending burning pain around her wound, but Twilight refused to cry out, biting her lip in determination to remain strong.
Seeing this, Other Twilight drew back in shame. “Sorry,” she apologized, ears flat against her head. “I’ve never done this before.”
Twilight shook her head in a gesture that was meant to say, “You don’t have to apologize,” but she wasn’t sure if the other pony understood. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the pain away from her mind and spoke in a soft, steady voice.
“You saved my life. Thank you. You don’t have to apologize for anything.”
Other Twilight nodded, the encouragement giving her the confidence she needed to continue sewing the wound closed.
“I think that’ll hold,” she finally said, her tone unsure as she withdrew from Twilight’s shoulder.
Twilight watched as Other Twilight cleaned off the needle and put it back in the sewing kit. As if the closing of the box marked the release of a sudden surge of curiosity, Twilight felt an impulsive desire to know—to learn about this other mare, to understand her, to compare.
“My name is Twilight Sparkle,” she said, trying to sound as official as possible.
Other Twilight gave an awkward smile. “I’m also Twilight Sparkle.”
Inwardly, Twilight cursed. She had expected that answer, but the inner hope had been that the other mare would have had a different name, if for no other reason than that she could stop mentally referring to her as “Other Twilight.” Other Twilight probably thought of her in much the same way.
There were a plethora of questions in her mind, but Twilight picked out the one most prominent in her mind. “Where did you come from?”
Other Twilight frowned, drawing her eyebrows together, her head turning away and towards the ground. There was a long pause as she thought about how to phrase her answer.
“It’s a town called Ponyville. In, um, a land called Equestria,” her voice came, soft and unsure.
Twilight sighed and shook her head. “This land is called Equestria too. But I’ve never heard of a town called Ponyville.” Her twin seemed to deflate, sinking with eyes turned down into the ground. “But just because I’ve never heard of it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist,” she added hastily. “I never really studied geography that much.”
There was an awkward silence, broken this time by Other Twilight. “So, what is this place? This city, I mean.”
“It’s called Solarium,” Twilight answered.
“Solarium? That’s a weird name for a city.”
Twilight sighed. “Yeah. It started as a research facility named after the Solar Engine, which is the whole reason the city exists.”
“You mean that really big tower in the middle of the city?” Other Twilight asked. Twilight nodded; the other mare must have seen it when escaping from the underground facility—it was literally impossible to miss while in the streets of Solarium. “How did y- what does it do?”
Twiilght carefully rose to her hooves. “That’s your third question in a row, and I have a lot of things to ask you too. Why don’t we take turns?” Other Twilight’s head drew back from Twilight for a second before nodding. “The Equestria you come from. What’s it like?”
The other mare pursed her lips in thought for a very long time as she considered her answer. “It’s... beautiful.” Her eyes grew distant, gazing at some unknown, sunlit landscape that Twilight could only imagine. “A land where ponies live in peace and harmony, enjoying our lives as we learn about friendship...” She looked down, then back up at Twilight. “Not that it’s always peaceful there, of course,” she added. “We get our share of troubles too. But...” She hesitated, eyes distant. “We don’t fight and kill each other. Not like here.” Her ears drooped. “Why are you fighting each other? Why isn’t Princess Celestia stopping it? Why isn’t-”
Twilight held out a hoof to stop the stream of questions from the unicorn. She took a deep breath. “I don’t know about your Equestria, but our royal line ended over a thousand years ago. With Discord.”
The other Twilight was silent for a long time, staring at her hooves. “Princess Celestia told me that she defeated Discord with her sister, Princess Luna, and the Elements of Harmony.” She looked up at Twilight. “That... never happened here?”
Twilight shook her head. “We never had Princesses to fight our battles for us.” She stood up and walked to the window. “Discord’s reign lasted a long time—nopony really knows how long, since there were no ponies keeping track of the years during that time, but most say it was over a thousand years.” She bowed her head and closed her eyes. “A lot of ponies died in the fight for our freedom, and we’ve been fighting ever since.”
A deep, low rumble thundered from the street beneath, causing the glass in the building to rattle. Other Twilight cautiously trotted over, and Twilight shifted to the left to allow her to peek out the window. Down in the street beneath, a house-sized slab of metal rolled down the street, crushing benches and overturning trees, dressed in the signature gold, cyan, and white of Solarium and sporting four massive treads and twin cannons,
“What is that?” Other Twilight whispered.
“That’s a tank,” Twilight explained. “It’s... umm... a large armored vehicle, internally propelled, with cannons.”
Other Twilight stared at the tank as it rolled past them. “Those don’t look like any cannons I’ve ever read about.”
“They’re rune engine-powered. Telekinesis engines in the barrels take a slug of metal and shoot it at high speeds.”
Other Twilight turned to Twilight with a confused expression. “Rune engine?”
Twilight sighed, giving up on her little game of taking turns with the questions. It made sense; Twilight’s questions were a matter of curiosity and scientific research, but Other Twilight’s questions might be a matter of survival. “It’s a device that utilizes counter-rotating magical field lines generated via the Tock Effect from runestone. As a result of the counter-rotating magical fields, particles within the runestone are released and converted into magical energy and sent through control matrices to become usable energy.”
Other Twilight leaned back and blinked several times. “So... it’s a machine that turns mass into magic?”
Twilight giggled, pleasantly surprised that the other pony had understood what she had just said. “Yep!” They really must be the same pony after all.
There was an enormous whirring sound in the distance, a familiar noise to any pony that had lived in Solarium for more than a year. The sky outside the window was tinged a light blue. “Come on,” Twilight said to her counterpart, and rushed out of the apartment and up the stairs.
The door to the roof was unlocked, thankfully. As the two mares stepped out onto the flat rooftop of the apartment building, the skies overhead were underlayed with overlapping half-spheres of cyan magical energy. “Shields are up,” Twilight said, squinting as she peered out into the night sky. “But not on the west side,” she added as she turned around, seeing that the western edge of the city lacked the shimmering translucent domes. She flipped her glasses down and started switching around the multitude of lense attachments. The glasses were meant to be for viewing delicate machinery, but a few adjustments could turn them into makeshift binoculars. “That must be where the bulk of the attack is coming from.” She flipped her glasses back up, then, taking a running start, jumped across the small gap between buildings and landed on an adjacent rooftop.
“Uhh...” Other Twilight raised an eyebrow and called to Twilight. “If the bulk of the attack is coming from the west, shouldn’t we be going east?”
Twilight shook her head. “Buck no,” she called back. “I’d rather waste away in Tartarus for the rest of my life than watch this city burn while I can still do something about it.” She paused. “You don’t have to follow me if you don’t want to. I’m not going to ask for you to fight for a world that’s not yours.”
Other Twilight sighed, her ears drooping. “It’s not like I have anywhere else to go.” She smiled sadly. “I’ll help you. If we really are the same pony, then that means I would be doing the same in your position.”
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A thin stream of smoke puffed its way over Canterlot. Unlike the other gray pillars that rose from fires burning inside the gleaming buildings, this one was moving.
Shining Armor paused and came to the edge of a bridge, peering out towards the smoke. Now’s an odd time for the train to be running, isn’t it? As the light gray smoke smoke crawled sideways through his field of vision, a short train with three compartments came into view, pink and white and waving a flag with the emblem of the office of the Magistrate.
Shining Armor frowned. It was way too obvious; his second-in-command, Nightfall, would never attempt to move the Lord Magister by so conspicuous and vulnerable a method. But just as he finished that thought, two more trains puffed into view, also bearing the same purple flag and traveling on different tracks towards distant parts of the city.
“Now that’s more like it,” Shining Armor murmured, his frown turning into a smile. The smile quickly vanished as he squinted at the trains. Of the three trains, at least two had to be decoys. The possibility that all three were fakes wasn’t worth considering as Shining Armor didn’t have any other leads. He stared hard at the tracks, trying to remember which ones went where and from that deducing which one wasn’t a decoy. His deliberation, however, was interrupted when he noticed one of the triangular flying machines buzzing past the train closest to him. Short, colored beams were exchanged between the train and the flying machine as it came close, then drew back away.
Well that answers that question. Evidently the decoy attempt had failed. Shining Armor’s head snapped to his left, following the rails, looking for a place where he could intercept the train.
There. A small, pedestrian bridge that crossed over the tracks as they ran between two towers. Shining Armor galloped at full speed, blasting past small skirmishes in the street as he raced for the bridge. The flying contraption came in for another pass at the train as both drew closer and closer...
He made it with seconds to spare. Climbing onto the ledge of the bridge as the train barreled towards him, he took a moment to catch his breath. The train had five compartments, which gave him a little bit of leeway with his next maneuver.
As the train engine blew by underneath him and the flying machine flew off to avoid the towers, Shining Armor leapt off the bridge. He hit the second passenger car right-hooves first and rolled, barely managing to avoid falling off the edge of the train before his left hooves hooked onto the front end of the fourth compartment.
His metal plating had protected him from most of the impact, but Shining Armor still ached from the fall. He ignored the feeling as he slipped down into the space between the passenger compartments, landing on the small bridge that connected them. The doors were unlocked, not that such meager protection could have delayed the commando for long anyways. He proceeded up through the train, each compartment devoid of passengers, and into the front car.
As he opened the door a spear thrust out of the blue, shooting straight at his face. Shining Armor ducked, letting the point pass over his head. Surprise flashed over the face of the red unicorn who had jabbed the spear upon seeing Shining Armor, and he quickly withdrew and stood at attention.
“Captain!” a second, light blue stallion called, bringing his hoof up to his horn in salute.
Shining Armor’s response was to rear up onto his hind legs and bring both of his blades to the other two’s necks.
“S- sir?” the red pony stammered.
Shining Armor stared at him, his eyes burning with grim determination. “Spear Shot, on the final exam of commando training, which portion did you fail and what was your score?”
Spear Shot blinked twice, and his eyes flickered downwards before returning to meet the white unicorn’s. “Stealth, 87,” he answered succinctly.
Shining Armor withdrew one blade and brought his gaze to rest on the other pony. “Twinblade, who did you bring to the Guard Academy graduation dance?”
The light blue stallion answered immediately. “Heart Bud.”
The hoof-mounted blade made a metallic shing as it swung back into its inactive position. Shining Armor breathed a sigh of relief. “Sorry. Canterlot’s been infiltrated by changelings, and they knew the Lord Magister was on this train somehow.” His gaze turned to the pony at the front end of the car; a tall, old unicorn mare dressed in elaborate, gem-encrusted robes and jewelry, and wearing sparkling glasses.
“It is good to see you, Captain,” she greeted, her voice slow and measured.
“Glad to be here, ma’am,” Shining Armor replied. The Lord Magister was calm; her face showed no signs of fear, but Shining Armor could tell from the way she shifted her weight back and forth that she was nervous. A frazzled mane and tail suggested the hectic departure she had been through.
The greetings finished, Twinblade approached the unicorn commando. “Changelings, sir?”
Shining Armor nodded. “I found one in the Tower of Guard. It was disguised as Bright Hoof.”
Twinblade hissed. “Those Solarium nerds lose control of the queen?”
“Unknown,” Shining Armor replied sharply. “But that’s not our concern right now. Where are the others?”
“They’re on the other trains,” Twinblade responded. He shook his head. “We tried to set up decoys, but they must have saw us boarding because that flying thing was on us the moment we left the station.”
“So it’s just the three of us then. Where were you planning to get off?”
Twinblade glanced out the window at the buildings rushing by. “Starlight Station. It’s the closest stop to Vault B.”
Shining Armor nodded in agreement. “Good, that’s what I would h-” His sentence was cut short by three muffled, metallic thuds far back on the train. He scowled. “Guess they’ve started boarding.” Calculations ran through his brain, and he glanced at the two other guards. “You two stay here. I’ll take care of whoever’s above.”
Spear Shot merely saluted in response. “You sure you’ll be fine, sir?” Twinblade asked.
“I’ve got this!” Shining Armor shouted over the wind as he opened the back door of the passenger car.
Climbing onto the roof was no simple task; as his hooves were unable to get a grip on the edge, Shining Armor ended up having to jump, conjuring a shield bubble beneath him while in the air, and then jumping off of that onto the top of the passenger car. On the roof of the third passenger car were two unicorn Rangers, and behind them at the far end of the train, one tall, unarmored unicorn mare.
It would be easy to slip off the sleek metal roofs of the passenger cars, so a more cautious approach to combat was needed. Shining Armor lowered his stance and focused on the two Rangers as they approached. The gray stallion on his left had a single retractable hoof-blade similar to Shining Armor’s and a lance attached to his horn, while the green mare on his left was carrying a short spear. Both were average sized ponies.
Shining Armor charged. The gray unicorn’s horn glowed, attempting to trip him, but he anticipated the attack and countered it with his own magic. The mare then thrust the spear at his face, but Shining Armor dived, sliding on his stomach across the roof with front hooves outstretched and slicing at the feet of the Rangers, the metal-on-metal contact of his armor with the roof almost frictionless.
The two Manehattanites leapt out of the way. Shining Armor summoned a shield bubble in front of him and slammed into it, instantly arresting his momentum. He flipped onto his back and unleashed a powerful telekinetic push onto the recovering mare, but her compatriot pulled with his magic, keeping her from falling off the train. Shining Armor pushed off his shield with his front hooves and slid into her, using her as a springboard to jump back onto his feet. The green mare fell, the other Ranger unable to compensate for the sudden application of force.
Now on all fours again, Shining Armor swung at the remaining Ranger’s exposed neck, but his quarry dodged backwards out of range. Rather than regrouping for another attack as Shining Armor expected, he continued to back away until he was well outside of the commando’s melee range.
Shining Armor took the moment to catch his breath, his eyes on the Ranger. The gray unicorn’s expression was nervous, his eyes flickering between Shining Armor and the white mare. “Crystalline?” the Ranger called. “This guy’s out of my league.”
“I’ll give it a try, I suppose,” the mare answered, her voice barely audible over the wind. The Ranger carefully backed away from Shining Armor, who assumed a more relaxed stance and turned his attention to his new opponent.
Only now did Shining Armor notice that “Crystalline”, although unarmored, was not unarmed. She sported four blades, one on each of her legs, and each was delicately engraved with flower-like patterns. On a belt around her waist were several small throwing knives. The latter weren’t of much danger unless they landed on his patches of exposed skin, whereas the former could probably penetrate his chainmail with a piercing thrust.
His eyes narrowed as he gauged this foe. To willingly go into combat with a Royal Guard in full kit without any armor of her own meant she was either very skilled or very stupid; from the Ranger’s comment, Shining Armor could assume it was the former.
She was a big pony, as tall as Shining Armor but without the bulk, lending her a thin, flexible, but fragile frame. Speed and flexibility over physical power, then. The lack of armor meant she could exploit those advantages to their fullest. And having four blades meant she probably wasn’t a spell specialist. Shining Armor’s eyes drifted over to her cutie mark, but it was of little help in discerning his opponent’s likely strategy; some kind of flower made of purple gemstones that he couldn’t relate to combat in any way.
The elaborately-decorated silver blades, the luxuriant mane and tail of flowing purple curls, the sheen in her coat told Shining Armor that this was no soldier; no self-respecting warrior would spend that much time grooming themselves. A mercenary, then? And that pose—that noble, almost regal way she delicately held herself—it was an affectation Shining Armor was familiar with, but only in Canterlot nobility.
Traitor.
There was, in his mind, no greater crime.
Crystalline slid from her relaxed position into a combat stance. Shining Armor did the same, his body tensing, and their eyes bored into each other.
There was a pinkish-white flash, and suddenly the mare was gone. Out of pure reflex, Shining Armor spun around to face the opposite direction and raised his right hoof. There was sharp clash of metal-on-metal as the mare’s blade met his.
Their eyes locked for a single moment.
Teleporter.
There was another flash of light, and this time she was above him, weapon aimed for the back of his neck; Shining Armor twisted to the left, letting the blade glance uselessly on his plate armor. Then she was on his right, stabbing into his thigh. He rolled, attempting to slam into her with his greater mass, but she teleported again, on his left before he had completed the roll, attacking his chest.
Shining Armor reacted. And reacted. And reacted. Moving on pure instinct and muscle memory, he narrowly avoided each attack, unable to grasp a single moment to strategize or think in any way. As the relentless assault continued, he could only reflexively defend; letting deadly strikes rain uselessly onto his armor, barely twisting out of the way of throat-cutting slices against his neck, blocking murderous thrusts with well-placed shields.
And then it was over. Crystalline appeared on the far side of the train car. Shining Armor cautiously returned to a standing position from the awkward half-bent pose he had been in, and breathed.
Discord’s black bones.
Shining Armor had defeated teleporters before, and the strategy was always the same: give them the initiative, learn how rapidly they could use the spell, and then anticipating an attack and striking them in the vulnerable seconds immediately after they had used the spell. But this mare could fire off her teleportation spell more quickly than any pony Shining Armor had ever seen. Without the time to try and anticipate her strikes, there was no way for him to counterattack.
She was breathing heavily, but not nearly as heavily as Shining Armor, who was drenched in sweat. It didn’t help that he had already exerted himself in earlier fights and in running across the city, while she was fresh and unspent.
At least they were fighting on the roof of a train. The narrow and slippery rooftop coupled with the unpredictable vibrations of the vehicle meant that there were only two real positions Crystalline could attack from; front and back. Shining Armor also noted that the Ranger was gone; he must not have noticed the flying machine coming by to pick the Manehattanite up.
The pinkish-white mare closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Shining Armor tensed, ready for another assault.
Two knives detached from her belt and shot out towards him; expecting for Crystalline to try and launch the knives from multiple angles, Shining Armor responded by casting a large bubble shield that surrounded him. But Crystalline teleported inside his shield, in front of him—there was no room for him to dodge, so he was forced to drop the shield and leap backwards. The mare teleported again while he was still in the air, appearing beneath him and striking at his vulnerable underbelly. He twisted around, letting the plate armor on his back take the blow. As he landed on the roof there was another flash, and Crystalline appeared above him, vaulting overhead, blade piercing down at his face. Shining Armor tilted his head to the side and raised his own blade to her head. The mare, seeing the attack, withdrew her thrusting leg and twisted around to avoid the blow...
The train suddenly lurched. The unexpected movement thrust the edge of Shining Armor’s blade just millimeters higher into the air.
Another pinkish-white flash, and Crystalline again stood at the far end of the passenger car, her face impassive. Shining Armor slowly clambered to his feet.
A drop of blood collected, then dripped down the mare’s face. Crystalline’s eyes slowly floated down towards the tiny, superficial cut on her cheek.
The two unicorns stood there in silence, motionless. Crystalline was the first to break frozen moment; as the flying machine swung by for another pass, her head turned towards it.
Another flash of light, and she was gone. Shining Armor saw a wisp of purple and white appear on the lowered ramp of the flying machine before it flew out of view.
He stared into the sky in shock.
Did she really just retreat over that tiny little cut?
----------
The gray unicorn was not happy.
“Why did you stop?!” he roared at Crystalline, stomping on the floor of their transport. She could almost see the smoke rising from his ears. “You were winning! He couldn’t land a hit on you!”
“He did land a hit on me,” Crystalline countered, pointing to the cut on her cheek.
“That tiny little scratch?” the stallion hissed. “Are you kidding me? You stopped fighting because of a scratch?”
“He’s armored, I’m not,” she retorted. “Against a pony like that, one mistake and I’m dead.” She sighed. “Look, commander, you told me to fight him because I’m better than you, so maybe you should trust my assessment of the situation over your own.” The gray unicorn growled and snorted, but said nothing in response, so Crystalline continued. “I’m a mercenary, so that means I’m not eager to die for money I won’t be able to spend. Especially when we have alternative options.”
The stallion’s face took on an expression of wariness. “Oh, don’t give me that look,” Crystalline said. “Although, I do find it amazing that this whole ‘giant invasion’ thing was a better-kept secret than the fact that you had turned a couple changelings to your side.” She smiled at the gray unicorn’s surprised look. “Go on, get your changeling friend. I think we can figure out a better plan than ‘Send everypony onto the train and kill anypony onboard.’”
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“Ma’am, I’m afraid military regulations do not allow civilians to take part in combat operations,” the Solarium guard said.
Twilight pawed at the ground and snorted, annoyed. They had managed to find a small forward command post in a plaza on the western side of the city, hastily-assembled out of prefabricated wall pieces and with a mobile shield engine projecting a translucent cyan bubble overhead. Unfortunately, her attempts to offer help had all been rebuffed by the soldiers standing watch at the gates.
The guard sighed. “You aren’t leaving, are you?” Twilight shook her head. “Fine, fine. I’ll take you to the commanding officer, maybe he can talk some sense into you.” He tapped his spear on the shield, and a small hole opened up in the barrier that allowed them to pass through.
The commanding officer was a unicorn stallion dressed in elaborate white-and-gold armor, standing on top of a large platform levitating a pair of binoculars to his eyes. He was not happy to see two civilians in the middle of his command post.
“Look,” Twilight tried to explain, “you don’t understand, we’re-”
“I don’t care if you’re the Supreme Commander’s uncle!” the officer barked. “You aren’t trained, you have no idea how things work around here, and you’re just going to get in the way. I don’t want to have my mares and stallions trying to protect you from hurting yourself while you’re out there playing hero.” His eyes glanced over to Twilight’s injured shoulder. “And it looks like you already have. I’ve got two platoons that tried to reactivate the shield array pinned down by pegasi and Manhattanites rolling through every defensive line we’ve got, I do not have time to argue with you.” He turned to the guard. “Private, escort these two ladies to the medical tent and get them patched up and out of this FOB ASAP.”
And that was the end of that. Twilight wanted to keep arguing, but she could see it would be just a waste of everypony’s time. Fuming, she allowed herself to be escorted to the back of the command post, where a white tent with massive red plus signs had been erected.
Other Twilight seemed relieved that the commander had rejected them, but then her face grew curious. “Hey,” she whispered, nudging Twilight with her head. “Why don’t any of these soldiers accuse me of being a changeling like you did?”
“Solarium believes that the changelings are their loyal little pets,” Twilight whispered back grumpily. “They probably just assume we’re twins.”
Other Twilight opened her mouth to ask another question, but right then half a dozen artillery rounds impacted against the top of the shield with deafening, percussive noise. Twilight looked up; the shield was already beginning to crack. Shouts erupted across the plaza and several unicorns tried to shore up the shield with their own magic, while a twin-barreled tank the size of a house rolled up to the western wall, its guns pointing down the street.
There were more impacts, and the shield gave way. One shell smashed through the platform the officer Twilight had just spoken to had been on and hit the ground, blasting bits of stone all over the plaza and sending a cloud of gray dust rising into the air. The shield finally fell apart completely, fragments of solidified magical energy dispersing and raining down upon the ponies beneath.
A tremulous rumble drew Twilight’s attention to the western barrier—a huge, grayish-green shape was rolling down the street. Though its form was crude and blocky, the silhouette nevertheless did not fail to convey the appearance of a dragon with its mouth open.
Twilight stared down the black, circular maw within its throat as it opened. A cry rang out over the plaza.
“FLAME TANK!”
Light burst forth from deep within the maw. The other Twilight reflexively threw up a shield up around them, but Twilight knew that it would be useless against the artificial dragonfire of the flame tank. She grabbed her other self and teleported into an alleyway, a cone of emerald flame washing over where they had been only moment before. Metal sagged and glowed red, stone and concrete softened. What screams there might have been were drowned out by the roar of the flames.
“Th- thanks,” Other Twilight stammered out, gazing in awe at the power of the emerald flames.
Twilight shuddered at how close they had just come to death. The dragonfire from the Manehattanite tank might have been artificial, but that didn’t make it any less deadly.
The flame tank charged forward, turning on its axis to spread its fires as far as they would go. At the same time the Solarium tank at the north end of the plaza awoke. Its turret swiveled, and its guns lowered to lock onto the Manehattanite machine. Rotational energy stored in flywheels fed back into long cylinders of runestone spinning inside the barrels. Telekinetic energy spiked, and twin deafening booms burst forth as slugs of metal broke the sound barrier. The first shot deflected off the Manehattanite tank’s sloped armor, but the second penetrated through the top. The Manehattanite tank cranked to a stop as orange flames spewed from its new hole; a pair of ponies hastily crawled out a hatch on the top.
Twilight had seen enough. “Come on,” she muttered to her other self, heading deeper into the alley.
Other Twilight was confused. “Where are you going?”
Twilight glanced to the sky. “As long as the shield array is down, the enemy can come into the city whenever they want. So we need to get that shield array back up.”
“Uh...” Other Twilight stopped. “Why aren’t we leaving that to the army?”
“You heard that officer,” Twilight replied, turning around. “The ponies that tried were pinned down by pegasi.”
Other Twilight’s eyebrows drew together in a worried expression. “So, what makes you think we can do it?”
Twilight sighed and looked at the ground, her ears drooping. “I don’t know.” Then her eyes widened and her ears perked back up. “Unless...”
“What?”
Twilight turned to the right, staring at the wall. “The conduit. The one that was delivering energy to the Harmony Project. That thing has a control node. I might be able to reconfigure that to send an activation signal to the shield array...” Her voice trailed off, and she snapped back around to face her other self. “The Manehattanites might not know about that control node! We can do this, we just need a way to get there without being found out!”
“Uh...” Other Twilight smiled uneasily, ears flattened against her head. Twilight didn’t notice.
“Come on, let’s go!”
✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦
Intro to Rune Engineering (Second College Edition)
Introduction (excerpt)
The nature of rune engines lends them an extremely effective design. Any multi-core system that has multiple telekinetic matrices can run itself virtually indefinitely by using the telekinesis spell of one matrix to spin the cores of another. Furthermore, they generate no pollution and typically only require infrequent maintenance on the bearings and gears. And because telekinesis spells can be used remotely, they are capable of moving parts that are not directly connected to the engine itself. For these reasons, rune engines have largely replaced steam engines, but because steam engines enjoy a much higher power-to-size ratio for relatively small engine volumes, they are still the primary power source in situations where a large power source is needed and space is limited, particularly trains. This power-to-size problem has been the primary concern of rune engineers for the past two centuries, and little progress has been made.
A simple explanation for this phenomenon is described here which will be elaborated on in detail in Chapter 7. Because runestone acts as a perfect conductor for magical energy, the energy of a cylinder as determined by its total mass collects entirely on the surface of the cylinder; this energy then determines the strength of the Tock Field emitted by the cylinder. Because volume increases exponentially faster than surface area as mass increases, more energy is concentrated in a smaller area in larger engines than smaller ones, resulting in a stronger Tock Field, and therefore greater generation of magical energy. The end result is that rune engines become exponentially more powerful as they grow larger and machines running on rune engines are at their most efficient when they are extremely large. This is the primary force behind the ballooning sizes in vehicles in the past century; a quick comparison shows that the average volume of tanks and ships more than tripled between the First and Second Rune Wars.
This phenomenon has frustrated attempts to miniaturize rune engines for centuries. Although it is entirely possible to create a rune engine that can be carried on a pony, such an engine outputs less magical energy than an average unicorn. Although so-called “mini-engines” have enjoyed use as toys by non-magical ponies and can be used to supplement a unicorn’s natural magical talent, they are ultimately of limited practicality in industrial or military applications.
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SHIT JUST GOT REAL
I like how we see more of the "alternate twilight's" view, that the "real Twilight". thats a pretty origional concept that i can't remember seeing before.
Hey instead of having "Twilight" and "other Twilight" you should have "Twilight" to be the original and "Sparkle" to be of that dimension.
1954596
They'll get together and hash something out eventually, but since this is being told from Alternate Twilight's POV, it'd be ridiculous to expect her to think of herself as being anything but Twilight.
The Twilights have been doubled!
I can't get a good guess on if Crystalline is Rarity or Cadence in this universe or another pony all together. Rarity matches the description better in all except for height. Cadence fits the height description but her coat is not white, but she is a Crystal Pony persay.
1955252
She is a completely different pony. She's an OC I made a long time ago with her design based of Rarity (hence the resemblance!). Picture here, although the version in this fic doesn't have the necklace or crown for obvious reasons.
1954596
That would be silly.
Also when did you get this thing on EQD, Helios? You're making your proofreader nervous. :)
1955849
It was actually on EQD before FimFiction, I posted it here after the EQD comments all complained about GDocs.
1955998
You cheating bastard you. :)
Well, w/e. I reckon there's not much I can say here that I haven't already. Loving this story, simple as that, but having dibs on new chapters makes me want to do evil laughs. Keep it up, my man.
I'm waiting for the panzers to show up and teach the ponies about how real tanks are made
1956012
Really regretting it, actually, since I probably would have a lot more views now if I had submitted the FimFiction link instead of the GDocs =c
This looks like a really promising story. It thrusts us right in the middle of the action, when canon Twilight is pulled into a war-torn Equestria right at the start of a new war. It's always a good sign when a story begins with a lot of problems for the protagonist. It promises lots of conflict and a good, long story that's not going to resolve itself easily in a few chapters. I like the intrigue with the changelings and the traitors, and I'm drawn in by some of the unanswered questions, like wondering how Applejack and Rainbow Dash fit into all this.
The combat is extremely well written. The scene where Twilight ripped a steel door off its hinges and threw it at a couple of pegasi was the kind of inventive use of magic that I like to see. It's nice when unicorns don't just sling spells at each other, they use the environment to their advantage. But what I like most about that part was the reasoning that went into it. She couldn't afford to slow down and fight them, but she had to take care of them somehow. When a character in combat is planning and problem solving, when they have an objective in mind, it makes it far more interesting than a straightforward blow-by-blow account of a fight.
The Shining Armor sequence was even better. Again, what made it work was that he always had a clear objective in mind. He didn't just run through the city randomly fighting some grunts, he fought a squad of soldiers that were between him and the weapons and armor he needed. When he fought the assassin, he did it to protect one of his country's leaders. Throughout the whole thing, it's clear what's at stake, why he's fighting, and what the next step will be as soon as he finished dusting off the latest bad guy.
From the desperate flight to escape an invaded bunker, all the way to the train fight with the teleporting assassin, this story has shown us several different types of fights, and it has yet to repeat or feel pointless. The teleporting fight in particular was well thought out and creative, much like the rest of the alternate universe we've been shown so far. When Shining Armor thought about how the usual strategy for fighting teleporters is to strike while they're disoriented after a teleport, and how it wouldn't work on this one because she's too fast, that made the whole thing seem so much more real. Details like that draw me deeper into the story.
One thing that concerns me is not knowing canon Twilight's role in this. She's not the main viewpoint character, and she seems to have been brought there by accident. Furthermore, she's had enough screen time at this point that I feel like we should know more about her role than we do.
The only thing that might make me stop reading is that I'm not feeling any emotional attachment to the characters. The last thing I read that had this much action was Fallout Equestria, one of the greatest stories in this fandom, so I think it might help to look towards it to learn a thing or two. What it has in common with this story is great worldbuilding and great action, but what made Fallout Equestria great for me was the characters. It didn't start with the protagonist, Littlepip, in danger of losing her life at the hands of the monsters of the post-apocalyptic wasteland. It started with her in danger of spending the rest of her life as a social outcast. That was what motivated her to step outside the vault and place herself in danger. She was all the more courageous because she had a choice, and she chose to try to be a hero, even if it meant doing something nasty and dangerous that no one would ever thank her for.
With this story, neither Twilight is given a choice about whether or not they're going to fight. Or if there is a choice, it's not a clear and concrete one like Littlepip's choice of staying in the vault or going outside. If you've ever heard of the three act formula or the Hollywood formula, you know when analysing a lot of stories, you can look for a point at the end of the first act where the protagonist faces a fateful decision, where their role in the story is revealed to them and they get to decide whether or not they're up to the challenge. If Littlepip had stayed inside, she would have lived a safe but lonely life in the vault. If Neo had taken the blue pill, he would have lived a safe but empty life in the Matrix. I wonder if Twilight will face a moment like that. It would help clear things up about what role she's going to play in the story. It's the difference between, "next, we're going to get the shields back online," and "I need to get my friends together and activate the elements of harmony." One is a goal for the next chapter, and one is a goal for the rest of the book.
There's one more thing I'm concerned about here. Because the only threat they're facing is the threat of immediate death, it's hard to feel a strong emotional connection with Shining Armor or the two Twilights. Danger doesn't make a character sympathetic. Suffering and loss make a character sympathetic, as well as courage, sacrifice, humor, dependability, and a good attitude.
It takes more than great action to get us hooked on a story. It also takes great character development. If you want to give us more than just action heroes, if you want to give us real characters, you need to make them bleed. You need to drag them through the mud, threaten everything they love, and drive them to the point of despair. That's another thing that Fallout Equestria did a lot: Littlepip didn't just have to fight monsters, she had to deal with her drug addiction and learn to live with herself after massacring an entire town in the wrong way and for the wrong reasons. There's a lesson there for authors: even action heroes need more interesting problems than just life or death struggles.
You also might want to take a look at "Solitary Locust," by "the parasprite". In that story, like this one, Twilight faces great danger, but in that one, she is far, far more sympathetic because she suffers greatly and because the danger is concrete: she isn't just going to die a generic death, the citizens of Ponyville are going to break her horn and imprison her. Even if she survives, she'll never be able to use magic again! She has to escape from them on a broken leg, and then she has to set it herself without anaesthetic. Her suffering is what makes us care. Compare that to this story, where I have a hard time imagining Shining Armor ever getting hurt. He's so powerful it's hard to feel connected to him at all. He's more like James Bond or Rambo than anything from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
Overall, I'm interested in seeing where this goes storywise, and I'm hoping for some character development soon.
1955849 This is a land of magical colorful ponies. Everything is silly. :P
1957068
First, thank you very much for the review. Before I respond to your particular criticisms, I would first like to acknowledge that characterization is probably my weakest point as an author. Your critiques of the way I have treated the characters thus far ring true, and as I know this to be a weakness of mine, I would appreciate any help you would care to offer in this department, if you would be willing.
However, there are a few things I would like to say in my defense. The first is that, although the plot is already at 18k words and rapidly climbing, it is still very early in the story. The characters are still in the mad, fast-paced scramble for survival and victory that the fic opened with, and there has not been opportunity yet for character development to show. I hate to admit it given that you've already pointed it out, but the pace doesn't slow down enough for serious characterization to begin until Chapter 5, with it only going into full force in Chapter 6. Which brings me on to my second point: As this is fanfiction, readers supposedly already have pre-existing emotional attachments to these characters, which, I reason, should allow me to delay character development for this long.
With that said, character development is definitely something I don't want to leave out. I'd rather not get into spoilers in public comments, but suffice it to say I don't want to merely write an action-movie fic here. And since you raised the point of Shining Armor, yes, he is extremely physically formidable and not likely to get hurt by anything, and therefore his struggle will be an emotional one. I hope you will follow this fic long enough for me to show you what I have planned.
Again, thanks for the comments, and I would gladly take any help you might offer with the points you raised.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Fragment
Grammar score: 10/10 (I think I spotted a missing word back in chapter one, but I don't remember exactly where it is. I'm afraid it got lost in a sea of good grammar.)
Pros: First, your action sequences are awesome. As someone who struggles with writing action, I am always impressed when I see it done well. You do a fantastic job of bringing the reader into the moment. The Shining Armor versus Chrystalline fight was a highlight for me. (Also, I really liked how she dug out after being scratched, which revealed her to be a character driven by self-interest, and also highly intelligent.) Next, your world-building is phenomenal. The excerpts at the end of each chapter are a treat, but the whole world, from the Rune Engines to the alternate history, is a fantastic creation. Finally, you have created an intriguing dynamic between the two Twilight Sparkles, and I'm really interested in where this odd partnership goes.
Cons: There is only one con that I've found, and it comes from one of your story's greatest strengths. The action never slows down long enough for the audience to get to know the characters enough to identify with them. Because they are Alternate Universe versions of the characters we know and love, I wasn't sure whether I should be siding with them emotionally or not. I started to feel like this was clearing up by chapter three, when we see Twilight start to warm up to the one from Ponyville. Basically, I was really curious about all these Alternate Universe characters, and wasn't sure whether I could trust them, which made it harder to identify with them during the entire battle. (A pro within the con: not giving the readers all the information they could want about the characters right away keeps them curious. Getting to sit down with the characters and get to know them more might be seen as a kind of reward to the audience for getting through the battle. I feel like other adventure authors do that, where the action and adventure sequences are followed by these lulls, where the characters get delved into more. The only problem with publishing your story chapter by chapter is that the audience is forced to wait for that moment...
)
Notes: You do something that interests me a lot. (Actually quite a few, but one choice in particular has me scratching my head.) You bring the Twilight we know and love into this alternate dimension, and most authors would use her as a point of reference for the readers, who get to learn about the other dimension through the eyes of someone who is as ignorant of it as they are. Then you keep your alternate Twilight as the POV character the entire time, so "our" Twilight is not the one we are identifying with. This has me really curious about why you chose to bring Ponyville Twilight into your Alternate Universe, if not to be the POV character through which your universe is seen. The relationship between the two Twilights was, to me, one of the main attractions of the story. I mean, Twilight Sparkle is my favorite character, so two of her is a dream come true!
Most powerful scenes (to me): The Element of Discord being turned back into the Element of Magic at the beginning (and later being lost); Shining Armor slitting that pony's throat (brought it all home for me); the two Twilight Sparkles joining forces; and Shining Armor's fight with Chrystalline. Just great stuff.
Enjoy your review! Now, you've already reviewed a story of mine, and given me some pretty great advice, but if you happen to have a few extra minutes I'd be really interested in your opinion on my short story, A Spell for Lyra. (I am considering revising it so that I can resubmit it to EQD and your opinion/advice on specific ways I could improve it would be most welcome. Thanks!
)
Thank you very much for your earlier review. And for this great story!
Announcement: I added an Author's Note to the first chapter explaining that the italicized documents at the end of every chapter are not strictly necessary for your enjoyment of the fic, so feel free to skip them if you want.
1968904
Thanks for the review, it's quite helpful
Okay, no longer an author helping an author, sorta. ;) Anyway, great fight there with Shining and Crystalline. I was kinda hoping he'd get sliced too. ;)
Doing some back-of-the-envelope calculations on the physics of Rune Engines over here. Just wanna run a few questions by you to get a better handle on things.
How heavy is runestone? Same weight as typical stone? Lighter, like brick? Heavier, like lead?
How fast do they burn up? If you hooked them up to, say, an average human household to generate electricity, how many years would they last? Or would you need to have it power a small town to use up its energy any time soon?
I've worked out already that having Rune Engines that were a sphere would be far more efficient than large cylinders, yet that seems to be the standard. Currently, my theory is that it's a combination of two factors:
a) Cylinders are a more efficient use of the unmined runestone ore, with less waste caused, while still allowing axial symmetry.
b) The runes carved into the surface of the cylinder have to be carved with great precision to be effective, and trying to carve them in a spherical surface would require you "warp" the runes around the non-euclidean surface of the sphere, a task which would be close to impossible without a computer algorithm of some kind
Does that coincide with your existing concept of how they work?
There are two Twilights in this story ans as far as I can tell no-one has posted this yet
i81.photobucket.com/albums/j202/Tyroq/Misc/MLPTwilightsClone.png
1995839 It is probably easier to fit two cylinders side by side than two spheres, since multiple spheres are very bad at filling space