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The story of Nightmare Moon is simple, and everypony has heard it. It states that Luna became jealous of Celestia, and tried to overthrow her. But, as Luna takes the time to reflect back on her life, and tell her side of the story after a thousand years of solitude, what will come to be the real justification of her actions?
Naw, those are for my reaction... this fic needs an AWESOME label right now! 
You, sir have understood Luna on a level we amateurs couldn't dream of. Your writing style is flawless. You managed to do the exact same thing MLP did; you got me to hate my favorite character when you introduced her (she was being so cynical and horrible), but then got me to fall in love with her afterwards. Bravo! I might have to delete everything else off my favorite list just because they can't hold a candle to this masterpiece. I also might have to quit writing just knowing I'll never create something this excellent.
Write more of it. Idc if you keep using the "his/her magic" lines, idc if it was meant to be a one shot, JUST WRITE MORE OF IT 
(All my 5 are belong to this)
Although I am kind of disappointed with the ending. There would at the very least be a small fight between them. In your ending it all happened too fast, you could have at the minimum given NMM one parting line or something, I would be content with that...
That was utterly amazing.
Once a Trollestia always a Trollestia. 
But like StSebastian said, I kinda wish there was more to the ending. A nice fight scene would've been nice. Also a conversation a the end where Celestia and Luna talk about Luna's anger would have been great.
But hey, it was YOUR story and you did a damned good job telling it. 
5/5
Ah, I do love the Nightmare Moon story as a sort of...reverse romance.
Here and there you let the first-person convention get away with you, in terms of sort of irrelevant phrases tossed in to reinforce the anguished mental state of the speaker, but I'm hardly one to judge there, am I?
And don't let anyone tell you different, it ended right when it meant to. Really spoke to me. Well done.
this was powerful. and a admit you made me kind of hate luna at first with all the talk of
"zomg celestia is evil i am totally right!"
he-hem... anyways
you managed to turn one of my least favorite characters (Nightmare Moon) into a sort of misunderstood tragic figure. Yeah who would've thunk i'd ever say this about a fanficton. But it's true, you showed us how Celestia just seemed to stop caring for her and i can believe it. It may not be canon my good sir, really no fanfics are, but you made this a believable backstory. I can see Celestia becoming disttant from Luna, if theres one thing i dont like however Celestia didn't seem to try to reason with her, or realized why she did it. Celestia probably would've at least figured out why her sistser did it and try to be somewhat empathetic, and i really doubt she had the elements on hold just in case of this eventuality, even she seemed shocked when this happens. I don't know i guess celestia is somewhat OOC here and thats fine, besides when people give 1st person acounts they distort facts so who can say is this really ever happened?
cheers~
>>141376 Is it because his avatar is Celestia ? 
Anyways, that last line. It reminded me of something...Giygas? All they wanted, was to be loved. I used to hate the way bronies turned Celestia into trollestia and whatnot, but now, seeing this story and what she did. I think I may be agreeing with them... Awesome story, man! You just made me like Luna even more, ha ha! But, why is there no Luna emoticon? SOMEONE, EXPLAIN TO ME THIS MADNESS!!
An enjoyable tale. As I read along, I had my suspicions that maybe, just maybe, your Luna had been partially inspired by mine. It was only after chatting with you in the fimfiction channel that I discovered I was actually right! It's fun seeing these sorts of things ripple and pass on through the community.
I especially liked your portrayal of Discord. You certainly stayed true to his rather playful (and ever-scheming) demeanor. Good work. 
Oh wow, 
Two things:
This was good. Awesome first person. I can never get enough of this stories about the past of the princesses.
Is curious how much your vision of Luna reminds me of mine too. Luna is getting cohesive throuout the fandom, interesting. But also your story is similar to mine in some details. Celestia was a prankster that became a workaholic, a mean one, and Luna misses her sister. You even gave Luna the same Elements I did. 
Nice.
I've been POed that there is no luma emote from the day I got here. Apart from pinkie there are simply no others with more emotional depth the Luna herself, and pinkamina isn't even close. there is much more to luna's story than any one author can relate, but you have done a good job of that, and i for one would like to see many more introspectives presented. If Celestia thinks she has this wrapped up neat and tiddy she has another thing comming. True evil is always done by the self-appointed, the self-ritcheous. In the name of the almighty Celestia, eternal ruler, none shal stand in her way. There are times I realy hate that bitch.
Oh, dear author, what can I say? That it's a bewitchingly written fanfic? Duh. It really captures tortured Luna along with a mean-ass Celestia, my two favorite versions of each of the princesses. Their castle in Everfree, their ascension to royalty, the undetermined quantity of Discord's influence in their lives, the changes over the course of their lives. Yes. Everything seems to be here, and it is SUPERB!!! Uhhmmm.... I was wondering about the exact reason why she did what she did, but of course, I know what was intended. Waiting on more of your work, obviously.
Okay, I'm not writing an addition to Envy, but I will make a quote on this. Luna's narration was unreliable, and it did not depict events as they actually happened. She was hurt by Celestia, therefore in her story, made Celestia out to be evil. In reality, stress caused Celestia to snap, and she had loved Luna all along. But that was never mentioned in the story, because Luna never knew that.
The point I'm trying to make are that most of the events in this storyline did not happen as they were written, however, after Luna's thousand years of solitude within her own thoughts, that is how she sees and describes them.
It was good. Perhaps not the best representation of Luna I've seen, but a good read none the less.Were I one to rate, I'd give it 3.5 to 4 stars.
In my opinion, you portrayed her thoughts as too disjointed. I realize you were trying to get across that she wasn't quite as "mentally healthy" as she should have been, but it still seems a bit forced.
Hey, just my opinion, bro. Critics aren't always liked, but we do try to provide constructive criticism when it's needed. I found something I thought he could have improved on, so I let him know. Does that make me a bad man? I'd like to think not.
I suppose, though, that if I'm going to claim to be a critic, I might as well make an effort and act like one:
Celestia and Luna lived in the Everfree forest? Sure. Lived their younger lives without knowing much about the outside world? Ok. But why the sudden shock at seeing another pony if they knew they existed? Why did that pony display so much fear if, later, you described the alicorn sisters (or at least Luna) as being heroes to the people? Did Discord actually rule Equestria at one time, or was that a lie? If he did, and he manipulated the sisters into turning him to stone, why would he have chosen a thousands-of-years long gambit when he's the embodiment of chaos? Taking the long road doesn't exactly seem like an idea that would strike him at any point in time.
As for the parents, you mention them then hand-wave them off. It actually took me two read-throughs to find where you intimated that they had passed away. And what happened to them? You'd think loosing your parents would be a rather devistating event in a kid's life... but Luna hardly even mentions them. It just doesn't really add up.
I could say a few things about how Celestia acted after the two thousand years of them reigning, and how it did seem rather out of character. But your excuse of it being Luna's rather broken recollection, plus Celestia being stressed to the max, does a fine enough job to smooth out most of my disagrements with that part.
There. Now everyone should feel justified in hating me. I know you want to, go ahead. I can take it.
Celestia and Luna living in the Everfree forest is Canon.
Otherwise, I respect your points. But it was much more fun - in my opinion - to write a story, not a history text book. Yes, there were a few things that got left out, and that's because they were not relevant to the storyline.
Thanks for your post.
I'm a little confused. The ending was very abrupt. Luna thought she had thought things through, but the magic items that could hurt her were within easy running distance of a group of guards? That strikes me as being astonishingly unprepared. It paints Luna as being very shortsighted and foolish.
The writing is very good, but the ending left me scratching my head.
That was just... Oh my god... I don't even know how to describe that other than it was simply amazing. You took on the roll of Luna so well. We feel her going insane. we feel her rush of emotions. In a way, it provided a feeling similar to before one commits suicide. A feeling it is all going to be better, even though you know it won't. Sir/Madam, you deserve a Nobel Pony Prize.
You have to understand that EqD readers generally expect much higher quality fiction than FIMFiction readers do. In my opinion, the rating given to me on the blog is more than fair. The people against my fic made some very good points, and their disliking of it is legitimate and respected.
Asking people to high rate a fic just for the sake of raising ratings annoys me.
this was a good read, but some things felt rushed, the entire "battle scene"? felt terribly rushed, or maybe you didn't want to have that part take over, but the ending really bothered me, no exploration of her feeling when stuck on the moon? no aftermath thoughts?
anyhow, a good read.
well done <3
I cannot express how much I love this. Criticism first, however: I usually can't stand 1st person, but you generally make use of it well, though I fell that the intro takes it a little too far. Bits like "Maybe I'm getting a tad ahead of myself" and "However, I will warn you, it is quite... Ah, never mind. It doesn't matter." are pretty trite and stale at this point, and don't start the story off well.
I'm currently tied between loving and disliking the ending. I understand that you were trying to end it on an abrupt, bitter note, and I like that idea a lot. I love that type of ending, when the ending is purposefully disappointing and terse in order to convey the emotions and mood of the story. However, I do feel as if the whole ending, from her hearing the 'voices' to her banishment to the moon, was very rushed. Not in a purposeful way, either. I honestly don't have many ideas on how to improve that, besides that a battle scene is definitely not the solution. If anywhere, I would expand the bit where she starts to plot against Celestia. The actual confrontation and aftermath should definitely be left as they are (no clue if that made sense or not).
On the other hand, You portray Luna and Celestia perfectly here. With the noticeable exception of the intro, 1st person POV is used perfectly to convey Luna's emotions. I know her relationship with Celestia well: sharing a bond with someone, yet reviling them, all the while depending on them. The single shittiest feeling in the world. You portrayed it perfectly, and I felt exactly the same about Celestia as Luna did. Conveying the emotions you did here is not an easy feat, and I applaud you for it.
So, despite a somewhat lackluster opening (I couldn't really find the words to fully encompass my complaints, however) and my neutrality about the ending, I feel that this is still deserving of 5 stars. Like I said, conveying the emotions you did is hard, and you did it spectacularly.
Actually, the rushed ending was purposeful. In order to preserve the status of Luna's narration being unreliable, I could not add too much dialogue without leading to the alternate conclusion - and random, silent fight scenes are boring. So, I decided to keep it short and sweet.
This is complete? It doesn't really make sense.
The ending doesn't mesh with canon, how do the events of the series opener satisfy Luna's need for love?
Why does Discord hand over his kingdom and leave that scroll behind?
And just why exactly would the guards just happen to have the Elements of Harmony right outside the doors?
It does not seem complete.
i loved the story but this seems like a teaser thats all i have to say but its a good teaser mabey you cna make a longer more filling third person story from this(this si realy late at night for me so if used the wrong words i mean a obsivor should narriate the ataul story but im 99%sure im right with the wording) escuse the typos
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All she ever wanted was to be loved. Best story ever. You make me like Luna more. 
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