Envy
Empty. Numb. Those are the only words I can use to describe it. I feel nothing now.
Maybe I'm getting a tad ahead of myself, but I really don't care anymore, believe me. I stopped caring a long time ago. I've had more than enough time to myself to decide what is and what is not worth my tears, and she is definitely not. She never will be. Nopony ever will be. I am all that I need, and I am content with that.
You have all heard the story that she has told. That I was a monster. That I was jealous of her! Laughable. Though I won't deny that I did wrong to my country, I will tell you that it was within good reason. I had to, before I lost even more of my sanity to this. To her.
You're all probably confused horribly by now, so I'll begin my tale without further adieu. However, I will warn you, it is quite... Ah, never mind. It doesn't matter.
It all started a few thousand years ago, I think. I don't really remember the exact dates anymore. I wouldn't even be able to put a hoof on how old I am, actually. Somewhere between thirty-two and thirty-three hundred? I don't know. Now, where was I? Oh, right.
Let me take you back to happier times for a moment. We begin in what is now the Everfree forest, at the ancient temple of the two sisters. Celestia and I were but young fillies then, and needed not to worry about trivial things such as politics and laws. It was a beautiful day, so our parents were outside enjoying it while I was happily drawing some obscure mythical creature or whatever I used to do.
Now looking back on it, I wish it was raining. We needed the supervision more than I would have ever admitted. No wonder I ended up trying to destroy the sun, beautiful days like that must have scarred me for life. I remember my sister galloping into my room as if the castle was on fire, eager to victimize me in another one of her maniacal schemes.
---------
"Lulu!" Celestia exclaimed, her bright pink mane messy and unkempt to match her sweaty white coat.
I looked away from my unfinished sketch to face my sister, barely able to contain my laughter as she panted, her eyes darting everywhere. "What, Tia?" I asked.
"You have to come to my room, quick!" she urged playfully, tugging at my hooves with her magic.
And here is where I made the mistake. Here is where I made the horrible, gut wrenching, disgusting mistake. I have regretted this decision for thousands of years, and I will never forget what I did at that precise moment. I will never live down the fact that instead of being rational, I said the most terrible, fate twisting word to ever exist...
"Fine."
I should have known better by now. I should have seen it all coming, but she was my big sister. I was willing to help her no matter what. How stupid of me. Alas, I followed her down the hall in a full gallop to her open room, only to see that dreaded, condescending phoenix of hers perched on the bed. It was obvious that that thing was in on this. It was a conspiracy. They could never take me down alone, so they had to team up. Cowards.
Celestia had motioned for me to go inside, and I must not have been thinking clearly. No. This was obviously one of her mind tricks, some evil witchcraft used against me. I never would have been so foalish without such intervention. I ran in into her room courageously, eager to do whatever task my sister required of me...
... Only to be met with a huge splash of freezing liquid to the face.
That little rodent. How dare she interrupt me from my art, play this evil trick, and after all of it, add insult to injury! I remember her trotting up to me victoriously, laughing and flashing that sickeningly pleasant smirk on her face. "Got you again!"
I growled deeply as I extended my wings to shake all of the excess from my fur, ruining my perfectly groomed mane in the process. I had intention to turn around and kill this undeserving brat for her crimes against me, but as I tried, something up on top of her door frame caught my eye and curiosity got the better of me. Curses.
"Tia... What is that thing?" I asked.
Following my line of sight, she looked up and laughed as she realized what I was talking about. "Oh, that old thing? That, sister, is Celestia's Convoluted Contraption of not-so Consensual Chaos!" she beamed. This new level of enthusiasm could have made even Discord become annoyed with her almost immediately. It was obviously not wrong of me to be painfully irritated.
I have never understood my sister's train of thought, especially in her youth. After registering her praise and giving further inspection to the ever so treacherous device in question, I was undoubtedly confused on how exactly she could ever think this was some amazing accomplishment.
"All you did was tie a rope to a bucket of water."
She grinned evilly. "Did I? Or did I tie a rope to a bucket of water, ungroom myself, turn on the oven and stand next to it to get all sweaty, put on the perfect dramatic act, fool you into coming into my room, and on top of all of that, sit Philomena on the bed so you would be distracted by her and never figure out my master plan?"
I brought a hoof to my forehead as that vile rat with wings squawked in delight. At that very moment, I came to realize that I hated that bird, I hated my sister, I hated her pranks, and I hated my life. I hated everything. I was a filly, and fillies were not supposed to be dealing with borderline assassination plots against them! Why couldn't Tia ever see that? All she did was terrorize me every single day...
... And I loved every minute of it.
The rest of the day went by uneventfully, I got cleaned up then returned to my room as usual. After all of that, I had completely forgotten what I was trying to draw, so the collection of scribbles looked alien to me. Frustrated, I threw away the scroll and began something new. To my displeasure, the only thing on my mind at the time was her stupid phoenix, so I drew that.
Seven times.
Every new Philomena I made increased in detail, lucky for me, I had - and still have - a photographic memory. It wasn't special either, who could have forgotten that pestering creature? Anyways, just before I expected to be called to supper, I heard a faint knock on my door.
"Come in." I said.
To my surprised, in walked a very distraught looking white alicorn filly. Her mane was slightly tangled, and she hung her head as she walked. Being the good little sister I was, concern overtook me and I walked over to Celestia.
Before I could do anything, however, my mess of papers grabbed her attention and she flew right past me in order to get a better look. I didn't protest, I was quite proud of my work. You could draw that conclusion that she was too, seeing as for the better half of the awkward silence, her mouth was hanging wide open.
"You drew these!?" she asked in utter disbelief. No compliment she could have ever given me was better than those three words. Not in my book.
I giggled involuntarily and took a look at the drawings myself. "Yes, do you like them?"
"They're amazing... They all look just like Philly. How did you do this?"
"Oh, I don't know. I guess I was just bored." I said, and what a lie that was! I had slaved over those pictures, but today was not the day that my sister would think any less of me than perfect.
I remember her pointing to the seventh sketch in the pile, the one I had just finished. "Can I have this one?"
That made my day. Why did she even have to ask? "Of course you can."
She grabbed the scroll with her magic and tied it with one of the black ribbons on my desk before placing it neatly back down. She looked at me with the largest grin I'd ever seen, but just as she was about to hug me, a look of dread took over her expression and she directed her gaze below her. It confused me for a moment, until I remembered how unhappy she looked when she came in here.
"What's wrong, Tia?" I asked, lowering my head to intervene her staring contest with the floor.
She immediately looked to the side before speaking. "I... Well, I was thinking about earlier. I'm sorry Lulu, I didn't mean to upset you."
I will never know why, but that actually did make me feel a lot better, even if I never will lay eyes on the masterpiece that my sketch could have been. I reached a hoof out to my sister, inviting her in for a hug. She gladly accepted and gave me a warm smile, one which I ever so eagerly returned. "It's fine, Tia. You know I will always love you. Even if you are a foal."
"I love you, Luna. I love you so much." she said.
If only that was true.
----------
As time passed, Celestia and I grew closer and closer. She was always the first to learn new things, and she was always so good at everything she did. I didn't mind at all, my sister was my idol. She was everything to me. I loved her so much, more than anything in the entire world. Nothing could have ever separated us. Not Discord himself. You know, saying that is actually quite funny three thousand years later. Guess it doesn't matter now, does it?
Century long story short, we grew up. Well, not quite yet actually. We were both around three hundred at the time, my sister being a couple decades older than me. As odd as that might seem to other ponies, those are the adolescent years for alicorns. We were still fillies, just significantly more rambunctious ones. Being fillies, we still had to deal with the most important, most unbearable, and most despicably wretched problem of all.
It made no sense to either of us, why we were hundreds of years old and yet still did not have our cutie marks? Not to be arrogant, but I was getting quite amazing at fine art, both painting and quill drawing. Tia on the other hoof, had the most soothing, soft, beautiful singing voice you would ever hear. She would always lull me to sleep with it if I had a nightmare, oh my do I miss that. How she would comfort me, hush me, tell me everything would be okay... But it was all a trick, so I don't care. Moving on.
I had always wondered that if those were not our special talents, what else could be? What artistic genius could Tia and I possibly posses? To most foals, that question is their form of enjoyment. It gives them something to look forward to. Ours, however... Well, they would be much more important.
Before I continue, I need to explain a few things. At this time in our lives, Celestia and I had no idea that other ponies of the world had left their original countries. Ponyville had long yet to exist, and the closest town was hundreds of miles away. Everything that we know, we learned from our parents when they were still alive. The Everfree had more than enough food to go around, and we never had reason to leave. If you had asked us then, we would never have been able to tell you what the hay an 'Equestria' was.
That being said, it is quite obvious that our time of ignorance did not last. The day in question started out normally, I was tending to my flowers while Tia focused on some new spell. She always had such a thing for magic that I never understood. Carefully I levitated over my watering can and focused on one special white rose. It couldn't get too much or too little water, or it would die, so I had to proceed with extreme caution.
Which is exactly why a strange lime green pegasus stallion flew over our home and caused me to drop the entire can on my rose in shock.
"What in mother's name!?" I shouted into the open air. It wasn't everyday you saw that.
The green pegasus stopped moving immediately, and looked down at me. I remember that look of awe, fear, confusion, astonishment, and curiosity all in one face. To be able to manage that, he had to be a very special stallion. Either that, or I was a very special mare to be able to discern between all of those.
Though, it wasn't long until that priceless facial expression suddenly turned into fear, and it wasn't the kind of fear you get from anticipating the argument with an angry gardener. It was much worse. The stallion didn't wait another moment before turning and fleeing in the same direction he had been going before.
Sometimes I believe that if I had not done what I did next, Celestia and I would still be happy. We could have led normal lives, but no. I had to care. But how was I to know? How was I to know what was to result of my actions? Out of a little curiosity, and a whole lot of deep concern, I flew after the pegasus in pursuit.
He was fast. Not nearly as fast as an alicorn, however. I quickly caught up to him and settled to his left, keeping steady at his speed. The scariest part was that he barely even noticed me. He was too focused on what he was running away from, which from my point of view, were trees.
"Are you okay?" I called out to him, louder than I had intended. In my defense, splitting winds did tend to muffle sound.
He didn't answer, just kept flying. Occasionally he would look behind himself just to check that something wasn't following him. Now, I wasn't as concerned for the pegasus' safety as much as I was concerned for his sanity. This guy was a lunatic. I decided it would be best if I just stopped him with magic and have him explain himself. But I never got that far.
As soon as I even thought about using magic, the pegasus became surrounded in a strange black and red aura. Almost instantaneously, there was a flash, and he was gone. I slowed to a halt and frantically looked around to try and identify the source of the magic. Nothing. I was alone, flying above an empty field, and a pegasus had just teleported.
I stood there for a good few minutes just staring at the grass, trying to explain to myself what exactly had just happened. As of now, I had completely forgotten about my stupid flower which was what made me chase him in the first place. I'll have to remind myself to make gardening illegal the next time I hold night court. Flowers are a conspiracy.
Then, with another flash of light, the pegasus was back. But he looked different now, almost pale. Not only that, but he was lying on the ground. Upon further inspection of the pegasus, I gasped slightly and hung my head. Instead of the two ponies and an explanation that I thought I would be returning home with, I had one pony, and a very heavy load to be respectfully laid to rest.
When I arrived back at our castle, Celestia was already outside waiting for me. I had inferred that she had seen me leave, and was worried. It was very rare that either of us would abandon the other without talking about it. At first she looked irritated at me for running off like that. No, furious. I would have sworn to it that she was just about to yell at me...
... Until she saw what I was carrying.
Her look of anger turned instantly to concern and grief, something I hated Tia to have to experience. She slowly approached the pegasus and I as I laid the body down carefully before me. Her bottom lip trembled, and her entire body began to shake. I don't think I noticed it at the time, but whenever we had talked about it in our later years, Celestia had explained to me that my condition was much, much worse.
"Luna... What happened?" she asked.
To be honest with you, I didn't really know. But I tried my best to explain to her all that I had just experienced. It was hard. I barely got a word out without butchering it to the point of it being incomprehensible. My voice cracked, and my knees buckled. I just remember sobbing so hard... All my control, all my stoicism, completely destroyed.
Then she was there. The warm, loving embrace of Celestia to make everything better. Her hooves and neck wrapped around mine, her soft shushing, and the way she ran her hooves through my mane. It did calm me. It did make me feel better. I don't know what I would have done without her.
Celestia, oh Celestia... Why did you have to be so perfect?
Sadly, the touching moment didn't last. Whoever - no, whatever - was doing this obviously had not eaten their fill. Celestia and I backed away flank to flank as the Everfree forest was warped from it's true image. It was horrific. The once peaceful flora, now blackened and twisted. I remember Celestia taking flight and calling to me.
"Run!"
I didn't need any further instruction. I kicked my back hooves and took off as fast as I could in her direction, my heart beating faster than ever before. I felt as if the forest was closing in on me as I caught up to Celestia, us flying side by side. We could see the open fields now, we were finally going to make it out.
That was of course, until a black and red flash of light dropped us onto a cold, stone floor.
I immediately jumped to my hooves in astonishment and examined my surroundings. For a few seconds, I actually did not believe it. I thought it was a trick. "We're in... My room?" I asked hesitantly.
Celestia, however more cautiously, did the same. "How?"
Then we heard it. The most sickening, demented, evil laugh you could ever imagine. It rung through both our heads, seemingly coming from everywhere at once. Both Tia and I immediately cringed in response, which only made it get worse.
But as soon as it began, it was already over. We felt our senses return to us as I noticed something peculiar out of my window. "Tia... Come here." I said.
So she did. She gave me a confused look after staring closely for a few moments. "What? It's perfectly normal."
"Exactly."
Realizing her obvious stupidity, Celestia brought a hoof to her forehead. She looked out of the window a second time, and gave a tired sigh. It had been a very exhausting day for both of us, both physically and emotionally.
We both looked at each other in silent agreement as we climbed into my bed, unwilling to sleep alone for now. I levitated the covers over both of us, and they were warm, however I was still shivering. I was so scared. But then she sung, she sung the most harmonious lullaby I had ever heard in my lifetime. Sometimes I like to tell myself that at one point in time, she really did care about me.
Calmed by my big sister, I allowed myself to fall into a well deserved deep sleep.
----------
That was a terrible idea.
I had never experienced a lucid dream before, but this isn't exactly what I had intended as my first. It was cold, dark, and wet, the unease within this place being almost audible. The only thing I could see was the faint image of Tia, but she just kept drifting further away. There was nothing logical in standing around doing nothing, so I flew after her.
Her image just kept shrinking, no matter how fast I went. No matter how hard I tried, she just continued to distance herself from me. I don't know how, but traces of sweat formed across my forehead as I raced on. That was, until, a towering figure formed above me.
"Hello, Lulu." It said.
I backed up in fear as my eyes transfixed on the creature. It was hideous, like one of the mythical creatures I used to draw when I was a foal. It's serpentine shape, it's mixed body parts, it's lazy eyes. It was like somepony conjured up the worst of all animals and made them into one. The moment it noticed my weakness, it burst into deafening laughter which echoed through the surrounding darkness. I could feel something rough and metallic stroke my back, sending a chill down my spine.
"Wh-What are you?" I asked.
The creature laughed again, this time softly. It shook it's head slowly as it chuckled to itself, not maniacally, but almost... With pity? For me? At the time, I never understood it, nor did I care. With a flash of magic, it shrunk it's body down to a much more realistic size before speaking.
"Oh, but this isn't about me, dear. This is about you."
Always good at playing games, he was. Though I never had the strange obsession with him that Tia had developed, I will admit his charisma was impressive. Not only was he good at playing games, he was good at winning them. Sadly, for me, I was too young to know when I was losing.
"Did you kill that pegasus?" I asked. Such an irrelevant question, why did I waste my time with it?
"No. He killed himself, by disobeying." It said.
I scoffed at the snake-like creature. "How could you kill a pony for not listening to you?"
He roared gleefully into the open air. "Don't worry, you'll get used to it, Princess Luna."
That was the first time I had ever been called by that curse of a title. It comforts me sometimes to believe that he caused all of this... But I know he didn't. He only saw what would become, and he had his sick fun with it. I can't blame him, either. As I said before, I find my whole situation laughable.
"Where are we?" I asked, scared out of my wits. Why was I scared? Maybe if he had just killed me right then...
"We are in your mind, this is a dream." He said.
I looked around and examined the plane that we were standing in. It began to fade once he said that, I guess it is often complicated to stay within a dream once it has been identified as a dream. I tried my hardest to focus and wake up, but it was futile. I only got so close, but felt some magical barrier keeping me trapped inside.
"What is your name?" I asked him. Looking back on it, this was more like a job interview than it was a hostage situation.
The creature slithered away from me, and with a snap of one of it's claws, was wearing a full suit, hat, and cane. Maybe it was because I had been alone for three hundred years, but my oh my, was he handsome when he cleaned himself up. I was too frightened of him then, but when I think about it, I get how Tia managed to fall in love with this thing. He was everything she wasn't, and you know what they say, opposites attract.
"Discord. Charmed to meet you." He said, sarcasm emanating from every syllable.
I rose to my hooves, slowly gaining confidence as the conversation went on. "So, Discord, how do I get out of here?"
For the first time in this entire dream, that was something he hadn't expected. "Of all the things you could ask the King of Equestria, that is your question?"
"I've asked you a lot of things. Also, what is Equestria?" I asked. Always asking things with me. That's how you play the game, the one putting the other on the spot has control. Or so I thought.
He seemed legitimately offended by my question. "You don't know?"
"No. Celestia and I don't leave home often." I explained.
The moment I said that, we were no longer within the dark cave. Now we were floating above a mountaintop, at a vantage point to see all of Discord's kingdom. Closest to us was a cliff of a city, built with gilded marble and the finest of mahogany wood. By looking at the castle which took up a good portion of it, you could tell it was the capitol.
From there, he explained everything. The story of hearth's warming eve, the elements of harmony, and his own rise to power. I listened carefully, all of these things sounded very important. I no longer had any fear, I was confident that he could do nothing to hurt me.
I had never been more wrong.
As he finished his stories, he turned to me. "So, Princess Luna, what do you want more than anything else?"
"I just want to leave this place, and see my sister again." I answered, come to find out how bad of a decision that really was.
"Celestia? That is what you want?" he asked. How could I not have gotten it? So stupid, so stupid...
"More than anything."
He brought his face so close to mine, I could almost taste him. "I would have chosen differently."
Yeah, same here buddy. "What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.
"I will tell you, Luna, but I will only tell you my way."
And with that, the world around us faded to black.
----------
Waking up was not what I'd call pleasant. I expected the soft feeling of my mattress, my blanket, and possibly even Celestia's mane if she hadn't woken up yet. Though I had just slept for what must have been hours, I was completely exhausted. It was hard at first, but the sunlight in the room slowly forced my eyes open, blink by blink.
I was no longer in my room. Looking down, I saw my disheveled coat and mane, along with a white brick floor. I tried to move to get up, but couldn't. I was so weak. I could barely move my head around to see him standing there, him and-
"FILLIES AND GENTLECOLTS!" Discord boomed, adding to my splitting headache.
The crowd roared, not in spirit, but in fear. Once my eyes adjusted fully to the light, I could see that most of the spectators in the colosseum were held there in chains. As I looked around, I saw the very center of the stadium. The thing between Discord and I. It was a cage, and inside the cage was what I would have laid down and died for.
Celestia.
Adrenaline pounding through my veins, I mustered the strength to rise to my hooves and stand my ground. The crowd went absolutely nuts with glee, I guess I was some sort of hero to them.
Discord cleared his throat and faced the audience. "Today, we thine liege hast been challenged to a duel, by none other than thine alicorns themselves!"
The statement caught me off guard, and I turned my attention to the draconequus. "I never challenged you!"
With a loud snap of his claws, he was once again standing in front of me. "Oh? But Tia here said she would do anything to free my ponies from me. Did you think that you are the only one I visited? She got a wish too."
I glared angrily at Celestia, only to get the same look back in response. I sighed and fixed my gaze back on my opponent, knowing that there was no point in debating this. "So what do I do?"
He smiled eagerly as he registered my will to comply. "Good question! The game is simple. You must not destroy me, however, you must fix the error I have made. Once you have, your sister will be free, and I will be vulnerable to the elements. Ready?"
I thought for a moment before answering. "Uhm, no I'm not, what error are you talking abou-"
"BEGIN!" he shouted as he teleported away from me, creating a powerful quake as he landed on the other side of the stadium. I gasped in shock, but quickly jumped into the air to avoid any further injury.
"Error, error, error..." I thought out loud as I browsed my surroundings in search of anything wrong. All I could think about was the dream, and how only yesterday I was happily taking care of plants. It's hilarious how your life can change so much in a day, but I wonder, why us? Just because we're alicorns? Couldn't he have chosen anypony else to play with?
My thought process was interrupted as a yellow ball of fire whizzed past my head, inches from reducing me to ashes. Astonished, I flinched and fell backwards onto the ground. This was it, my defenses were down and I had already lost the game, even though it had just started. I shut my eyes in fear as a lightning bolt came down from the sky...
... And landed right next to me.
"What are you doing? You could have had me!" I yelled to the brown chimera, who only laughed in response.
"But why would I want that? I'm having far too much fun." He argued.
I growled and jumped back up into the air, my patience running thin. I was met with another barrage of magical flames, all of which missing me by next to nothing. It was becoming obvious that he actually had no intention of killing me, so I began scouting the stadium for his error. A broken chair? A pony with no eyes? This was going to be more difficult than I had wanted.
"Ignoring me now, Lulu? How bold." He hissed.
This time I didn't even respond, my body somehow knowing exactly when to dodge attacks even though I wasn't trying to. I was just about to give up looking at all of the spectators, until I saw a very odd looking one. One that should not have been there.
A lime green pegasus stallion.
Not only was this supposedly dead pony standing there, he wasn't looking at the competition at all. He was staring directly upwards. In disbelief he could do this for so long without even wincing in pain, I fixed my gaze to the sky as well, only to find the error I was looking for. The moon had been blocking the sun, creating a solar eclipse.
I screamed at the top of my lungs in frustration. "The moon!? How am I supposed to move the moon!?"
"Why don't you give it a try?" Discord asked in an almost pleading voice.
So I did. I reached my magic out as far as I could in the moons direction, trying my best to grasp it. It was so heavy, but to my surprise, I could move it with ease. At this point, I was almost considering the fact that this might just be another dream. I pushed those thoughts aside, afraid that they would cause me to break my focus.
Eventually, the moon lowered below the horizon and out of sight. As the full power of the suns rays shone down upon the colosseum, the iron bars trapping Celestia melted away. As soon as she walked out of her cage, I felt a terrible burning sensation on my flank.
I looked behind me, and gaped at what I saw. My cutie mark, a crescent white moon surrounded by a black aura. I had always thought art would be my special talent, but moving the moon? I was impressed by myself. I was even more impressed as I saw Celestia's flank, which was adorned with a cutie mark of the sun. The sun gave her power, which was exactly why she couldn't escape such a simple trap. It all made perfect sense.
I flew down to my sister and inspected her for injury. Satisfied with what I saw, I made my way to Discord, closely followed by Celestia. As we grew closer to him, a three pointed black crown with white gems appeared on my head. A similar gold crown also formed above Celestia's horn, hers with purple gems.
"Well, well, well. It seems my little ponies have won the game!" Discord announced as he backed up, and with an abstract hand movement, painted a target on his own body. "Fire away."
I didn't know how to use the elements, but I didn't need to. I felt a small spark shock my head, and then I felt warm. I could hear laughing, cheering, and singing. In my own head, three words repeated themselves over and over. Loyalty, Honesty, and Generosity.
Then without any of our control, a rainbow shot from both of our horns and engulfed the draconequus. Instead of the cries of pain that I expected, he only smiled and laughed. Slowly, white washed stone took hold of his entire body, turning the powerful creature into nothing but a statue.
When it was all over, my earlier fatigue came back to me and hit me at full force. I fell to my knees and gasped in pain. Celestia knelt down to make sure I was okay, but anything she could have said was drowned out by deafening cries of joy and the chanting of our names. To believe, only the day before we hadn't a clue this place even existed. Speaking of that...
"Tia, where are we?" I asked her as the crowd calmed down slightly.
"We're in Canterlot, the capitol city of Equestria." She answered.
I was pleased with that, but there was still one thing I couldn't get off my mind. "Do... Do we just leave now?"
"And let these citizens crumble without government?" Celestia asked. Always so logical, she could have convinced a starving colt that he was not hungry, but thirsty instead.
"What did you have in mind?" I asked, however, I already knew the answer.
Celestia smiled knowingly as she walked to center stage and addressed the huge crowd, only getting another round of fanfare in response. She told them everything, how we would be leading them from now on. How times would be better, and how harmony would prevail. For someone who never had anypony to talk to either than me, she was one hell of a politician.
As Celestia continued speaking to our new subjects, I noticed a small scroll at the foot of Discord's statue. Careful not to strain myself, I levitated the paper over to the ground before me and read it silently.
In which time forgets the crimes of past,
The moon shall no longer ever last.
While the world bathes in golden light,
Can they tell what's wrong or right?
Imprisoned in her own creation,
Waits what history deems an abomination.
But at the dawn of the sun on the thousandth year,
Her cry for help the stars will hear.
The truth of the matter is quite ironic,
How the real victim is the one demonic.
For as the sun sets without delay,
The Twilight shall reconnect night and day.
If only I knew just how literal that was.
----------
The stress of immortality is only understood by the immortal themselves.
It had been two thousand years since our confrontation with Discord. It had been two thousand years since Celestia and I had taken leadership of our great nation. A nation that I had grown to be very proud of, but nowhere near as proud as my sister. Equestria was everything to her.
When we first began our royal duties, the responsibility was a handful, but we managed. We did everything together. Never would we hold court alone, never would we speak publicly alone, never would we even eat meals without the other one. I had my moon, she had her sun, and we were happy.
But the one thing about living forever is seeing everything you love change. It is a fact of life, one I have learned all too well. It was she who insisted the employment of guards, who only seemed to make our meetings difficult and awkward. At first I didn't mind, the extra protection was good. But, slowly, it began dictating how Celestia and I spent time with each other.
That was only the first of changes. Eventually, Celestia began pointing out flaws in our schedule. She said it would be better if I was awake in the night, and she was awake in the day. I hated this idea so much, and it took her a very long time to convince me that there were more important things than my feelings. She hadn't meant it, but that was the first time she had ever truly hurt me. The first of many.
So I went along with it. We never saw each other for more than a couple of hours each day, and it killed me. I was so alone, so cold, so empty. In my free time, when I wasn't holding court of filing paper work, I continued my hobby of drawing. Now an aged mare, I had much more skill than I could have ever dreamed of having as a filly.
One night, I decided to delay court so I could work on a project. Celestia and I barely spoke anymore, so I wanted to draw a sketch of her. For hours, I slaved over the picture, working my hardest to make it as realistic as I possibly could. I wanted to impress her, I wanted to make her love me again.
When I was finished, I was too excited to wait until morning. I galloped at full speed to Celestia's bedroom, eager to show her my gift I had been working on. When I arrived, I swung open the door and trotted victoriously up to my sister.
"Hey Tia, wake up." I said, nothing but cheer in my voice.
I couldn't help but giggle childishly as she grumbled and opened her eyes. "What? What is it?"
I had to contain my giddy laughter as I spoke. "Well, I had a surprise for you so I had to wake you up. I was busy making this, so I held off court for awhile and-"
"You did what?" Celestia snapped.
"Uhm... I delayed the court?" I defended.
She immediately jumped out of bed, fuming with anger. Using her magic, she snatched the drawing from me and looked it over, a look of absolute disgust forming on her face. She threw the scroll aside and approached me, her nostrils flaring.
"You ignored your royal duties and woke me up for that!?" she shouted.
As I backed up in fear, I could feel warm tears welling up in my eyes, blurring my vision. I had expected my sister to like my drawing of her. I had needed my sister to like my drawing of her. I never wanted to believe it, but she was everything to me. I always wanted to be just like her, and I wanted her to accept me. But I was nothing to her. I was a pest. An annoyance.
"I... I thought you would..."
In her haste, she cut me off entirely. "We aren't fillies anymore, Luna! You have responsibilities, and you can't just postpone them to go have fun! What did you expect? Me to say thank you? Me to give you a hug? Is that what you wanted?"
I could barely hear anything. I was openly sobbing at this point. "Tia..."
"And stop calling me by that pet name! We are adults, and you are to address me as Princess Celestia, or nothing at all!" she screamed.
No longer able to take the emotional assault, I flew out of her room and was quickly flanked by my two highest guards. Instead of their usual unreadable expressions, their faces showed pure pity and concern. Something I couldn't take right then. I made it back to my own room and bid them goodnight, unwilling to show anymore weakness than I already had. Unwilling to let the world see my broken soul, my tortured mind, my hopeless life that I lived.
You destroyed me, Tia.
----------
This is the part where history was made. Where I ruined my own image, and everything I ever stood for.
As the years dragged on, I grew more and more distant from everypony around me. The love I once had for my sister taught me a valuable lesson, a mantra to live by. Something to never forget. It is the one golden rule I hold dear, the thing which guided my entire life from then on.
To live alone, to never have attachment to anything but yourself. You may not be able to understand, but there's a cold logic to it. Love nothing, need nothing, and nothing can hurt you. If you don't expect somepony to be proud of your work, no disappointment. If you don't expect somepony to celebrate the holidays with you, no disappointment. However, once you break that rule and form an emotional relationship with somepony else, you've openly handed the entire world the key to destroying you.
For awhile, I managed. I tried my best to avoid my sister, to forget about her. But whenever I saw her, it was the same forsaken thing. She was giving her advice to one of her subject, passing a new law, or giving some huge donation to a pony in need. It's funny how that drove me to hate her. In a sense, she was right all along. My heart was filled to the brim with envy. But she was wrong about one thing, I wasn't jealous of her.
I was jealous of everypony else.
The last straw, the thing that tipped me over the edge, was when she started taking in those confounded apprentices of hers. As if her only goal in life was to mock me, to show me exactly how little I meant to her. She gave them everything, all of her love, all of her affection. The love and affection I so desperately needed.
Then the voices started coming. The terrible, maddening voices. Telling me constantly to listen to them, demanding me to just kill her. They were convincing, too. I wanted to just give in. What right did she have to live after all she had done to her own flesh and blood? The pony who looked up to her so much.
"Is it worth your sanity, Luna?" asked a dark feminine voice.
I gave that long consideration. Was it worth my sanity? Was hiding behind a mask of stoicism worth everything it did to me? Come to think of it, I was trying to form a response to myself. I was right. It had gone way too far, and I couldn't bring myself to deny it any further.
----------
For weeks, I did nothing but plan. I planned everything so well, it was almost sickening. I knew the two things that mattered to Celestia most. Her precious subjects, and her precious sun. As angry as I was, I could not bring myself to kill. So I decided on the second option, take away her star. The source of her power, the source of her being.
I studied magic carefully. I would never be as good as my sister, but I could harness enough energy if I tried. I also studied the inner workings of my own mind, reading through various psychological books. If I give into the hatred, which has given me strength, I could gain so much more. More than this. More than just silence.
The day finally came. The day where justice would be brought down upon Princess Celestia. The day where my tears would stop falling. The day where it would all just end. I had thought of everything, of all she could do, and of all she could not. I was ready. I had forgotten nothing.
Except one thing.
It was high noon when I approached the throne room, steaming with rage. With a quick flick of my horn, I expelled the entire room, leaving only Celestia and I. I will never forget her face, so angry, so confused. Pathetic how she never saw this coming.
"You..." I began.
In her anger, she interrupted me as usual. "Luna! What is the meaning of-"
"Be quiet, you overgrown foal." I commanded. Her face instantly turned from anger to astonishment, and then to fear. Such beautiful, well deserved fear.
It was then I could feel myself change. I allowed darkness and hate to flow through my body, and it felt so good. I had never felt more powerful in my entire life, and the best of it was Celestia's response. She backed up in absolute terror, bumping into one of the white pillars as she did so. Instead of the usual dark blue coat I possessed, my fur was now a petrifying jet black. Fitting.
As I spoke, I noticed my voice had changed as well. "How dare you."
The insect trembled as it spoke. "Lu-Luna... What are you talking about?"
"Your sun shall never shine again."
She got a rush of confidence somehow, and flared with anger. "You can't do that!"
I never got a chance to respond before her regiment of guards rushed in, one of them carrying a selection of six gems that I hadn't laid eyes on in two thousand years. I couldn't believe it. I had thought this all through, and now everything was about to fall apart. I immediately extended my magical grip to the elements, only to have them shock me in response.
Severely injured by the sudden hit, I fell to the ground, vulnerable. Celestia then took her elements, which imbued themselves within her crown. I closed my eyes in defeat, in disbelief, in plain anger. This wasn't supposed to happen. I was finally supposed to be happy. Now I was once again at my sister's mercy. Once again, she had the ability to break me.
She approached me, that arrogant, disappointed look on her face... That mocking, terrible disgust in her eyes. I couldn't watch. She never said anything, and when I thought I was going to be given a second chance, the right to explain myself, I felt it.
The calming, soothing warmth. The beautiful singing of a thousand ponies in perfect harmony. I felt my body begin to move with the music, though in reality I wasn't moving at all. I could feel my own energy dissipating from the world around me, being sealed away in a strangely familiar object. Then I realized where I was. My own moon. It was ironic really, how the very thing that gave me strength would be the thing that brought upon my destruction. It was funny, too.
All I ever wanted was to be loved.
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nice a NMM POV dont see too mant of these!
amazing, truly amazing. Kinda reminds me of myself at times.
I'm not good at writing reviews, so im just going to say it was really good and leave it at that. 5/5
and i love the cover art.
140145
That's two.
140153
You, sir have understood Luna on a level we amateurs couldn't dream of. Your writing style is flawless. You managed to do the exact same thing MLP did; you got me to hate my favorite character when you introduced her (she was being so cynical and horrible), but then got me to fall in love with her afterwards. Bravo! I might have to delete everything else off my favorite list just because they can't hold a candle to this masterpiece. I also might have to quit writing just knowing I'll never create something this excellent.
Naw, those are for my reaction... this fic needs an AWESOME label right now!
Oh so beautiful. Poor, poor Luna.
All she ever wanted was to be loved. Best story ever. You make me like Luna more. 
100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000/5 stars.
it was rather.....dry....i suppose...but im not a very big reader so uhm.....4.5/5
140248 I'm gonna punch your lights out
i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/008/301/christian_bale_american_psycho_patrick_bateman_axe_10989289_RE_PwnzElite_has_declared_war_on_Grammar_Nazis-s400x300-173837.jpg
Write more of it. Idc if you keep using the "his/her magic" lines, idc if it was meant to be a one shot, JUST WRITE MORE OF IT
(All my 5 are belong to this)
Although I am kind of disappointed with the ending. There would at the very least be a small fight between them. In your ending it all happened too fast, you could have at the minimum given NMM one parting line or something, I would be content with that...
that was just..wow...just..wow.
You...you inspire me.
That was utterly amazing.
Once a Trollestia always a Trollestia.
But like StSebastian said, I kinda wish there was more to the ending. A nice fight scene would've been nice. Also a conversation a the end where Celestia and Luna talk about Luna's anger would have been great.
But hey, it was YOUR story and you did a damned good job telling it.
5/5
that. that made my story of luna's "rise" sound like a toddler telling the story of his dream he had in a nap.
how can i rate this high enough? 5 STARS ARE NOT ENOUGH! anypony know how to get about 10 stars in?
Ah, I do love the Nightmare Moon story as a sort of...reverse romance.
Here and there you let the first-person convention get away with you, in terms of sort of irrelevant phrases tossed in to reinforce the anguished mental state of the speaker, but I'm hardly one to judge there, am I?
And don't let anyone tell you different, it ended right when it meant to. Really spoke to me. Well done.
141341
Coming from you, that means a lot.
this was powerful. and a admit you made me kind of hate luna at first with all the talk of
"zomg celestia is evil i am totally right!"
he-hem... anyways
you managed to turn one of my least favorite characters (Nightmare Moon) into a sort of misunderstood tragic figure. Yeah who would've thunk i'd ever say this about a fanficton. But it's true, you showed us how Celestia just seemed to stop caring for her and i can believe it. It may not be canon my good sir, really no fanfics are, but you made this a believable backstory. I can see Celestia becoming disttant from Luna, if theres one thing i dont like however Celestia didn't seem to try to reason with her, or realized why she did it. Celestia probably would've at least figured out why her sistser did it and try to be somewhat empathetic, and i really doubt she had the elements on hold just in case of this eventuality, even she seemed shocked when this happens. I don't know i guess celestia is somewhat OOC here and thats fine, besides when people give 1st person acounts they distort facts so who can say is this really ever happened?
cheers~
141619
That's a good point that some people have been confused on - Luna is what most authors call an Unreliable Narrator. She is giving her personal description on what happened, and it may not always be 100% accurate.
Thanks for the comment.
Truly masterful, good job! I am insanely in love with Luna, and you just gave her the best background I could have hoped for. Bravo!
This is absolutely wonderful! You get 5-more stars and an author inspired to make his writing even stronger!
Oh god, Luna has some issues. If only I could harness the power of a thousand hugs and inject it directly into her bloodstream...
An enjoyable tale. As I read along, I had my suspicions that maybe, just maybe, your Luna had been partially inspired by mine. It was only after chatting with you in the fimfiction channel that I discovered I was actually right! It's fun seeing these sorts of things ripple and pass on through the community.
I especially liked your portrayal of Discord. You certainly stayed true to his rather playful (and ever-scheming) demeanor. Good work.
141897
Two of my favourite authors commenting that they liked my fic.
... I came.
5 stars i loved this.
Oh wow,
Two things:
This was good.
Awesome first person. I can never get enough of this stories about the past of the princesses.
Is curious how much your vision of Luna reminds me of mine too. Luna is getting cohesive throuout the fandom, interesting. But also your story is similar to mine in some details. Celestia was a prankster that became a workaholic, a mean one, and Luna misses her sister. You even gave Luna the same Elements I did.
Nice.
A very different interpretation of these events than I'd ever thought. I like it!
Wow ... what a wonderful story and how sad it all was. Its surprising how in some ways you can relate to such things.
Wonderful, I never thought I could love Luna more
And yet I only notice now that she doesn't seem to have her own emoticon face...
It was AMAZING THE END!
on further thought, epilogue now!
Can't talk, no time, write follow up and Have My Staaaars!
Different from the other fics i've read, but good all the same ^^
5 Stars
Why Luna... it makes me so sad...
I was hoping that NNM's conflict would have been a bit more... climactic, but that was still awesome.
I've been POed that there is no luma emote from the day I got here. Apart from pinkie there are simply no others with more emotional depth the Luna herself, and pinkamina isn't even close. there is much more to luna's story than any one author can relate, but you have done a good job of that, and i for one would like to see many more introspectives presented. If Celestia thinks she has this wrapped up neat and tiddy she has another thing comming. True evil is always done by the self-appointed, the self-ritcheous. In the name of the almighty Celestia, eternal ruler, none shal stand in her way. There are times I realy hate that bitch.
That was incredible!
this reminds me of alot of things...
i kind of wished it was.. i dunno longer? or had a continuation after luna goes to the moon, but then again the way you ended it was perfect! just a little abrupt is all 5/5
Oh, dear author, what can I say? That it's a bewitchingly written fanfic? Duh. It really captures tortured Luna along with a mean-ass Celestia, my two favorite versions of each of the princesses. Their castle in Everfree, their ascension to royalty, the undetermined quantity of Discord's influence in their lives, the changes over the course of their lives. Yes. Everything seems to be here, and it is SUPERB!!! Uhhmmm.... I was wondering about the exact reason why she did what she did, but of course, I know what was intended. Waiting on more of your work, obviously.
Awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome. Awesome. Awesome awesome. Newest addition to my fave file! 5 million stars and a moon.
Please give us something about how Celestia felt about this.
144676
Okay, I'm not writing an addition to Envy, but I will make a quote on this. Luna's narration was unreliable, and it did not depict events as they actually happened. She was hurt by Celestia, therefore in her story, made Celestia out to be evil. In reality, stress caused Celestia to snap, and she had loved Luna all along. But that was never mentioned in the story, because Luna never knew that.
The point I'm trying to make are that most of the events in this storyline did not happen as they were written, however, after Luna's thousand years of solitude within her own thoughts, that is how she sees and describes them.
Envy has been passed by the Equestria Daily pre-readers, expect it on the blog tomorrow.
145552
Congrats on the post. Expect your view count to skyrocket.
145572
I do. Lmao.
It was good. Perhaps not the best representation of Luna I've seen, but a good read none the less.Were I one to rate, I'd give it 3.5 to 4 stars.
In my opinion, you portrayed her thoughts as too disjointed. I realize you were trying to get across that she wasn't quite as "mentally healthy" as she should have been, but it still seems a bit forced.
@Basilisk Hack (guest) HOW DO YOU OT LIKE IT ENOUGH FOR 5 STARS!?!?!?!?
146498
Hey, just my opinion, bro. Critics aren't always liked, but we do try to provide constructive criticism when it's needed. I found something I thought he could have improved on, so I let him know. Does that make me a bad man? I'd like to think not.
I suppose, though, that if I'm going to claim to be a critic, I might as well make an effort and act like one:
Celestia and Luna lived in the Everfree forest? Sure. Lived their younger lives without knowing much about the outside world? Ok. But why the sudden shock at seeing another pony if they knew they existed? Why did that pony display so much fear if, later, you described the alicorn sisters (or at least Luna) as being heroes to the people? Did Discord actually rule Equestria at one time, or was that a lie? If he did, and he manipulated the sisters into turning him to stone, why would he have chosen a thousands-of-years long gambit when he's the embodiment of chaos? Taking the long road doesn't exactly seem like an idea that would strike him at any point in time.
As for the parents, you mention them then hand-wave them off. It actually took me two read-throughs to find where you intimated that they had passed away. And what happened to them? You'd think loosing your parents would be a rather devistating event in a kid's life... but Luna hardly even mentions them. It just doesn't really add up.
I could say a few things about how Celestia acted after the two thousand years of them reigning, and how it did seem rather out of character. But your excuse of it being Luna's rather broken recollection, plus Celestia being stressed to the max, does a fine enough job to smooth out most of my disagrements with that part.
There. Now everyone should feel justified in hating me. I know you want to, go ahead. I can take it.
147256
Celestia and Luna living in the Everfree forest is Canon.
Otherwise, I respect your points. But it was much more fun - in my opinion - to write a story, not a history text book. Yes, there were a few things that got left out, and that's because they were not relevant to the storyline.
Thanks for your post.
Truly amazing work. A sad yet loving look on the struggle the two sisters have. 5 Stars.
Dayum is it me or the views just skyrocketed?
147566
And I'm fine with that. My critiques aside, I still quite enjoyed reading your story.