A Tale of Two Lunas

by Everythingpossible

Quidditch

In a shocking turn of events, it was not raining in Scotland on this particularly dreary day of February. The skies above Hogwarts castle were a uniform shade of dull grey, the morning sun completely lost behind a façade of clouds. A cooling breeze blew in from the North Sea and across the Highlands. More importantly, it was Saturday, which meant only one thing at Hogwarts School: Quidditch.

Princess Luna was equal parts excited, anxious, and confused as she strolled across the grounds towards the jade-green pitch. She had never actually seen the illustrious game, only having heard students and professors toss around a mysterious cavalcade of confusing terms and scores. Normally, she was not very interested in sport of any kind, due to it usually involving rules and some form of social interaction, but she figured that this shouldn’t be too boring, considering that it involved both flying and a high possibility of severe injury.

She took her seat in the staff box, a wooden structure a hundred meters high that she suspected was held up only by force of habit. She was a bit early, so the only others there were Hagrid, Dumbledore, and Professor Snape, whom she imagined was only here because Slytherin was playing; Snape was the sort of the person who would come to something as gleeful as this only under the Imperius curse. Down on the field, the teams, dressed in long robes of maroon, for Gryffindor, and emerald, for Slytherin, were doing stretches. Luna thought that this seemed rather pointless for a sport that was played on broomstick, but she figured that these kids had to get a little exercise somehow.

Sensing a prime opportunity for a nap, she closed her eyes and laid down on the wooden bleacher. She could usually find some sleep during the day, as her dream-invading powers only had a limited range and not many people had dreams at quarter past noon. She slept peacefully for a good half-hour, over the crescendoing roar of several hundred children arriving to the stadium. She was only awoken when Professor Sprout gently tapped on her shoulder to inform her that the match was about to start, and also that her royal flank was intruding in her seat. Luna got up with a grudge and trained her eyes back on the field. The two teams of students were gathered in a circle around the centre of the pitch, where Madame Hooch had placed a tacky old suitcase on the green.

“Now, I want a nice clean game from all of you,” she said, glaring equally at Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, perched on opposite sides of her above the other players. With these words, she opened the suitcase. Luna was astonished to see two small black balls, about the size of her hoof, fly into the air and begin to rapidly sail about the teams.

“Those are the bludgers,” Professor Flitwick whispered in her ear from behind. Luna could imagine why, seeing the two orbs, possibly made of ebony, or worse, stone, fly through the air at a dazzling speed. Madame Hooch now grabbed the oddly-shaped brown object from the middle of the suitcase, and threw it in the air, causing both teams to jolt forward and upward, like moths drawn to a flame.

“The quaffle,” said Flitwick.

The game was quite interesting to watch, even if she had no idea what was going on. The quaffle was taken around the field by both teams, while the beaters flew in every direction before being redirected by players with heavy wooden clubs. Eventually, the physical dialogue had to go somewhere, and the quaffle was eventually hurled by an eager Gryffindor directly through one of the lower rings on the Slytherin side of the pitch. The cheer that arose from three of the houses shook Luna, who was dozing off in the possibility of another nap.

“Ten points for Gryffindor!” The announcer triumphantly declared.

She applauded without knowing why. She didn’t really favour Gryffindor, but as far as she knew, Slytherin was home to the most vile dregs of human society, to put it delicately. The action continued, ten points here, ten points there, until she suddenly saw a flash of gold, followed closely by Potter and Malfoy. Confused, she turned back to Flitwick.

“That,” he said, a cheerful smile coming to his lips, “is the Golden Snitch. The team that can capture it wins one hundred and fifty points, and the game ends”.

Luna was at a loss for words as she looked back at the pair, now chasing the Snitch hundreds of feet above the engrossed crowd. The way that the two skirmished in the sky was not just sport, it was art. This wasn’t just a Quidditch match. This was personal.

While she was enchanted by the pair above, the battle continued in the stadium. The weak Slytherin team was no match for Gryffindor, who had taken a decisive 70-20 lead. Crabbe, one of the unfortunate team’s beaters, was suddenly approached by his partner in crime, Goyle, when there was a lull in the action.

“See horseface in the teacher seats?” Goyle said, pointing his bat directly at the Princess, still mesmerized by the aerial ballet of Harry and Draco.

“Yeah. Why?” Crabbe responded, his meager intellect struggling to keep up.

Goyle said nothing, only looking around the field before smiling. An iron bludger sailed directly at the pair from nine o’clock low. Seizing his bat, Goyle struck the speeding ball, sending it hurling towards the stands occupied by the staff and personnel of Hogwarts School. The looks on Crabbe’s face was mirrored by dozens of observers, who saw the bludger flying towards the crowd, until….

Wham.

Now, immortality is pretty useful at certain times, but several pounds of high-speed metal directly to the face will still hurt like hell regardless. The bludger made direct contact with Luna’s raised jaw, preventing her from expressing her surprise before she was hurled back a few rows from the sheer momentum of the impact. Still conscious, she scanned the sky for the offending party, until her sttel-blue eyes met the terrified ones of Gregory Goyle, paralyzed in place with bat in hand. Spreading her wings, she took the sky in unrepressed fury before the other professors were able to contain her. Seizing the unfortunate student by the throat in midair, she was only stopped by the magically amplified voice of Albus Dumbledore.

“Please, refrain from violent activity, Luna. We’d like to avoid a murder this afternoon”.

Luna’s mind was a hurricane of rage and confusion.

“Just one?” she requested in response.

Dumbledore clutched his beard pensively for several seconds, before eventually saying “I’ll allow it”.

Luna poised one hoof with a direct trajectory with the hideous Slytherin’s face, and was prepared to strike, when she reconsidered. After thinking it over for a second, she then rammed her silver slipper directly into the young man’s groin.

Comments

[The Red Angel]

Oh damn! That's gonna be sore for the next 1000 years..... He deserved it.

[clearshot01]

YAY! NUTSHOT! I AM PLEASED!

[Ormus Von Orbulon]

D-D-D-D-DOUBLE KILL - Kill...kill...kill

[way2dawn]

and i thought getting a hoof to the foot was bad...

[Lunar_Twilight]

And here I thought she was about to go all Nightmare Night on his ass. At least I'm certain he'll be having nightmares for the rest of this story!

[Corporal Lyra]

OH DEAR GOD OWWWWWWWWWWW

[Sunny Smile]

[Cobalt Shock]

2129870 That would have been awesome

[Blaze Song]

... a Alicorn Nutshot? Bah-bye to Goyle spermatozoa... along with his pelvis..

[Clopian26]

Goyle said nothing, only looking around the field before smiling. An iron bludger sailed directly at the pair from nine o’clock low. Seizing his bat, Goyle struck the speeding ball, sending it hurling towards the stands occupied by the staff and personnel of Hogwarts School. The looks on Crabbe’s face was mirrored by dozens of observers, who saw the bludger flying towards the crowd, until….

https://youtu.be/6b6Sn0RBmRo

Luna poised one hoof with a direct trajectory with the hideous Slytherin’s face, and was prepared to strike, when she reconsidered. After thinking it over for a second, she then rammed her silver slipper directly into the young man’s groin.

https://youtu.be/8NtMop7mEBA