It is the dawning of a new age in Equestria. The three tribes of Earth, Pegasus and Unicorn have set aside their differences and united in the name of friendship and harmony. But not all is as peaceful as history would remember. With the old order being upended, a power struggle has erupted as Wing, Hoof and Horn vie for supremacy over all of Equestria. Little did they know, with their actions unseen forces have been stirred and gods have taken notice. What matters the affairs of mortals compared to that of the divine?
Chapters (9)
um this princess=
? idk what your talking about 
"everything to be absolutely absolutely perfect"
-Double word.
"Just as he was rushing out to find their honored guests, the trumpets sounded and the grand gilded doors to the great throne room swung opened, revealing the whole of the earth pony envoy that had braved the climb up the mountain to Canterlot Castle."
-Wow. That took some brain power to truck through. You have quite the run-on sentence here.
"Not this again. When she had suggested to..."
-If the 'not this again' was a thought by Princess Platinum, put it in italics. I see that you know that thoughts are in italics already, but you may have missed it here.
That's most of the grammar and spelling mistakes I could find. Let's dig in!
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The portrayal of the three leaders are quite good! The snootiness of Princess Platinum, the some-what goofiness of Chancellor Pudding Head, and the pridefulness (that even a word?) of Commander Hurricane were spot on.
The writing style that you have is very nice, as well. Thoughts into the character's minds, some background information, and more!
The pacing that the story is at is brisk and clean. Maybe a smidgen quick, but that's probably just me. Nice cliffhanger, by the way. I had the feeling something like that would happen towards the end of the chapter. (Was that Celestia?)
The chapter, in terms of spelling and grammar and all that, could use some tweaks and corrections. There weren't too many that were hugely visible (aside from the double 'absolutely' in the beginning). If you need one, I could fill in as an editor for this story.
Overall, this story is off to a pretty good start! There's not much more I can say, really. I'll be keeping an eye on this one. Pretty nice for your first story.
1888330
Thank you for the notes, I'll fix those right now. I already have a editor but I wanted to get this first chapter up for the new year so I skipped him and went right to publish.
1888214
IDK what you're talking about
1888461 Ah, that's quite alright.
I believe Raindrops Sparkle is referring to the Princess Platinum that Rarity played in the Hearth's Warming Eve episode. I think he's/she's asking if the Princess Platinum in the story is the Princess Platinum in the episode.
1888461 in hearths warming eve i guess that was raritys name?.
1893335
Rairity was playing the role of Princess Platinum.
1894717 yup yup.
So is this like ,... um the beginning of Celestia's rule????
1928086
Yep
1928209
Um is she meant to be mean and as time passes she becomes nice or is the Celestia we know a mask?
Ooo! This is looking to be a very, very fine story!
This chapter was amazing. The writing style, the advancement, the detail, the alskhjkdljakskd- everything! I normally would pick out little random details and look over the concept and go off of those to give feedback... but damn it! I, honestly, have nothing to say in terms of suggestions. How this doesn't have more attention, I have no idea.
)
(Also, feels for Pansy. Stuff's gotta be rough.
You win this time, gjhorst.
1928358 I think it's to portray and elaborate on how Luna acted when she came back to Equestria in Luna Eclipsed. So much as a mask, I wouldn't say that (unless the author has something up his sleeve), but maybe as to show how the old ruling standards and attitude changed over time, I think so. Maybe it has a connection to The Elements of Harmony. Hell, all I can do is guess.
Oh, I do love this opening.
2055380
Close but Pot shine is a Cybermare, not a Dalek.
I thought Luna's talent was the night sky, not just the moon. Or maybe it just overlaps?
2183997
Overlaps, I mostly figured the moon made a nice seat of power.
Hey hey! Back and in action. For now, at least.
Let’s dig in, shall we? Seven chapters missed, and now seven chapters down the hatch!
Luna
A beautifully put chapter. I’m not quite sure if I missed something or it was my initial dazedness of just waking up, but I was a little hazy on where the first chapter took place for a while. (Of course, I eventually found out.) It’s just something that I’m a little picky about, so don’t worry too much. Otherwise, another chapter well done!
Pot Shine
A nice perspective from one of the working class ponies. I (and I bite my thumb at you for this!) find myself with no idea how to give you any sort of feedback. I honestly think that there is very, very little that you need to improve on. Flattering, I am not trying to do, but I’ll try my best to give you something to work off of in the next chapters... if I can.
Gentle Prod
(snicker) What? Nothing, nothing. Ahem.
“Canterlot Royal Honor Guard”. I’m not quite sure if it’s supposed to be “Royal Honor Guard”, but you mention him as just an “Honor Guard” the times afterwards, so I think that might be a smidgen of an error.
“6 hours straight”. It’s best to spell out smaller numbers, usually in the range of one 101 and one. Makes for a tidier looking story.
“Mayhaps”. Caught my eye, is all. Is that supposed to be “perhaps”? “Maybe? A combination? Question mark? I’ll just go with it’s part of her accent (or whatever that word is that I can’t think of right now.)
No criticism yet, you glorious bastard.
Smart Cookie
“Who would have thought the Unicorns could be gelded so completely.” A rhetorical question or a sarcastic thought? Can’t tell, honestly. That’s me and me brain. Yar, she be a cruel mistress. Also: “guided the heavens, was no longer.” Couldn’t help but notice that’s a double space between the comma and "was". It’s one of my bigger pet-peeves, so that’s burning my eyes right now. Oh hi Celestia!
“...Clover knew was being torn asunder...” Another douBLE SPAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!! EEEERRRGGGHHHHHHHHH-
“...middle of being loaded , its contents sprawled...” Hang on. Let me get it prepared. Almost. Okay. ;SAKJDKFHJADSKFLHJHJASDKFJLHAKSDJF- I’m good, I’m good! Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. Excuse me while I remove the keys from my eyes.
That scene with Smart Cookie and Chancellor Pudding Head was a little weird to me, considering I was using Applejack and Pinkie Pie as visual models of them. So that was interesting. How’s your day been? Any weird thoughts? No? Alright. No criticism from me... yet. Next chapter!
Sweet Dough
“...too drowsy to care. Sweet Bread yawned once more...” What? Who the hell is Sweet Bread!? I said Sweet Dough! Call the hospital! They gave me the wrong kid again! Take this thing back! No! I don’t want- oh alright fine. Come with me.
The new characters are very nice! I like the different perspectives and backgrounds and smallowageniffybopers and all that (What’s a smallowageniffyboper you ask? Hell if I know; don’t ask me.) I’m still a bit curious as to what’s going on in this chapter. Royal Canterlot Caps Lock is usually for Royal Canterlonians, so I’m not sure if that was Flower in the beginning or Celestia. I’m confused I want to go home where am I NEXT CHAPTER!
Commander Hurricane
“It was no good, Pansy was too infatuated...” Comma splice! My arch nemesis! How dare you intrude into my territory!? Have at you, rapscallion!
Not too many errors in this chapter. That I saw, at least. I’m looking forward to seeing those wing blades clash between Hurricane and Dash. Good ole fisticuffs! Er... wingicuffs. Blade-icuffs? Wing Blade-icuff- oh screw it. MOVING ON!
Zoe Lulamoon
“...sealed with a thick and creamy magic spell.” No error here; I was just really intrigued by the imagery. Creamy... mmm....
“Were the fools in canterlot really that...” Corporal Capitalization! I would expect this thing from the janitors down on Level Three! Get your head in the battle before I have you demoted!
A capture of the princess!? Blasphemy! Get the president on the phone! It’s time to war! (Cue theme music) A very nice way to end this chapter. Suspense! Where have you been!? Ah, come here! Oh, right. Internet. Not real. Gotcha.
Suggestions for the story? Psh. This is going perfectly! I would, honestly, give you something to go off of, but my mind starts to deteriorate after reading enough words to the point where I have no idea where I’m going with things. Pudding? No thank you. Anyways: This story. I like it. More. Kthnxbai.