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38w, 12hLyra & Bon-Bon
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[This chapter will soon be changed to third person perspective once Nethelli stops being lazy. Until then, enjoy it as it is. You're one of the last people to see it like this.]
"I am so getting thrown out when Bon-bon wakes up. I can't believe she came home so early. The whole reason I waited until today to try casting that spell was because I figured she would be gone all day, or at least long enough for me to come up with a plan."
"Consider for a moment that you're speaking to someone who might be imprisoned forever if Celestia finds out about this. That's a best-case scenario, by the way. Other possibilities include getting turned to stone or banished to the moon."
Perhaps even banished to the next season, like Luna was.
You notice Lyra's head sink lower and lower as you continue your rant. With a heavy sigh, you decide it's better to just let it go. "Don't worry about it for now. We need to brainstorm. Got any plans on how to deal with this?" You gesture to the unconscious pony on the floor, as if the question needed emphasis.
Lyra shakes her head, looking up at you with the most guilty eyes you've ever seen. She looks like she's on the verge of tears.
"Well, all I've got is something along the lines of putting her in bed and hoping she thinks it was a weird dream or something. Not really an airtight plan." Running a hand through your hair, you breathe another heavy sigh. Before you can fix this situation, you're going to have to get Lyra in better spirits. You try your best to reassure her. "Look, I know you didn't want this to happen, I know you're sorry, and I didn't mean to rub salt in the wound. We're in this together, so we need to come up with a plan together." You extend your hand to her, assuming she's familiar with the concept of a handshake.
Rubbing her misty eyes with her foreleg, she tries her best to muster a smile. Her horn begins to glow, and her hoof rapidly morphs into a perfect human hand, the same color as her coat.
That was simultaneously impressive and horrifying and I hope I never see it again.
You grasp her 'hand' and give it a firm shake. "Alright, now that we've cleared that up, I think phase one of our grand master plan should be to get your roomie off the floor." You carefully hoist Bon-bon onto your shoulder, depositing her in the nearest bed. Hearing the familiar ringing of Lyra's magic, a wave of relief washes over you, knowing that you won't have to look at that creepy hoofhand again for a while.
"I had a thought," Lyra started, "but I'm not sure it will work. I know some unicorns can use memory spells, so maybe I could try... you know..." she trails off. Your eyes are focused intently on the floor as you consider Lyra's proposal. It sounds dangerous, and the last thing you want to do is add another reason for the princess to fire you out of a cannon into space, but magic seems to be this world's duct tape, so it might be worth the risk.
"If you're bringing that up, I assume you know the spell?" You bite your lip - a nervous habit since childhood - waiting for the answer. Lyra levitates a nearby book in front of her, flipping through pages until she finds what she's looking for. "Twilight gave this to me for my birthday, a copy of one of Starswirl the Bearded's spellbooks. Who knew it would actually come in handy?" Her sudden upbeat attitude brings you untold relief.
"Okay, you have the spell. I'm afraid to ask, but if something goes wrong, what are we looking at exactly? Spell backlash? Complete memory loss? Summoning some kind of mutant fishdog from another dimension?"
And just like that, the upbeat smile vanishes, replaced by an unamused stare that could melt stone. "I'll shut up and let you concentrate, then."
Lyra huffs and moves over to her roommate's bed, quietly reciting the spell, memorizing it to the best of her ability. After several minutes, she takes a deep breath, and her horn begins to glow brightly. A similar glow appears around Bon-bon's head. Without warning, blue sparks erupt from Lyra's horn, filling the room with light. The display ends as quickly as it began, and you decide it's safe enough to stop cowering in the next room.
Just a precaution, I wasn't scared. Much.
"This might be a stupid question, but did it work?" You approach with caution, just in case things aren't over yet.
"No way to know yet. When she wakes up, we'll see just how much trouble we're actually in. If I did it right, she shouldn't be afraid of you anymore, at least."
You notice her legs are shaking and her breathing is labored. That spell must have taken a lot out of her. "While we wait for that, how would you like to relax and listen to a story or two from my world? We can go back to the Q and A tomorrow."
She nods her head, following you to the next room where she takes a seat (like a human, of course) and eagerly waits for you to start. You consider taking the seat opposite her, but decide it'll be more fun to play-act some of the scenes.
Like a bolt of lightning, inspiration strikes you. "Alright, I'm going to start with one of my favorites. It all begins in a secret laboratory in the desert, a facility called Black Mesa..."
Minutes turn to hours as you regale Lyra with the fictitious exploits of Dr. Gordon Freeman. You have to stop every once in a while to answer her questions, but for the most part she seems content just to watch you make a complete ass of yourself as you fight off invisible aliens with your invisible crowbar.
Just as you're finishing up the finale, you hear a stirring upstairs.
"Sounds like she's coming to. I really hope this works." Lyra's in good spirits, so you decide to press your luck. "If it doesn't, can you at least have Celestia turn me into marble? If I'm going to become a lawn ornament, I at least want to look like a classy one."
Lyra rolls her eyes at you. "Not a good time for jokes. Besides, I'm positive the spell worked."
The two of you stare at Bon-bon intently as she sleepily makes her way down the stairs, barely even taking notice of you at first. Halfway to the kitchen, she stops abruptly in her tracks, turning her head toward you, wide-eyed in shock.
"Uhhh... Bon-bon? This is Taylor, the human that you might remember from earlier."
"A Human.... but I thought that was just a bad dream."
Maybe we should have stuck with Plan A after all.
"So, Heartstrings... you did this? Brought a Human to Ponyville? To Equestria? Do you have any idea how much trouble you'll be in if people find out about this? Even after the way Princess Luna reacted when you brought this up, you still went ahead and brought one here!?"
"If I can speak in my own defense," you begin "I haven't done anything wrong, aside from the whole 'existing' thing."
"Oh great, and it talks."
Wow, really? "It"? Rude.
"Yes, Taylor talks and writes and does everything else that we do, so what's the big deal?"
"The big deal is that you brought a Human here! To our house! They're dangerous!"
Lyra stomps a hoof on the ground in protest "No, they're not! Taylor has done nothing but try to help me! I've already learned so much more about the other world by talking to him than I could ever have gotten from my books!
Sweet, the author finally gave me a gender! In the same moment, I broke your precious fourth wall.
"Lyra, even if he's not dangerous, having him around is. Someone might find out about this. If word gets back to Celestia before we can either convince everypony he's harmless or send him home, we're all going to be in serious trouble - especially you, for bringing him here in the first place."
"Well, unless Lyra knows how to reverse the spell that brought me here, it looks like my only option is to go out there and prove that I'm not some horrific mythical beast."
"How do you intend to go out in public without scaring everyone away, or worse, attracting the attention of the Canterlot Inquisition?" Bon-bon asked smugly.
"Simple. You're familiar with Lyra's transformation spells, correct?"
Bon-bon's shudder confirms that for you.
"Thought so. If she can change herself into a human, what's to stop her from doing the opposite to me?"
Before you can finish your sentence, Lyra's already bolting up the stairs to get her spellbook.
There is an awkward silence between you. Bon-bon clearly doesn't trust you in the slightest, but she does care enough about Lyra to give this whole thing a shot.
"You'd better be right about this." She turns up her nose at you, but you ignore the gesture.
"I have faith in Lyra. She'll make this work. If she can manage to pull me out of my world into hers, and do that... thing with her hoof, then changing me into one of you guys should be simple, right?"
Lyra had just come back with her spellbook, horn already glowing with magic. "Okay, I've got the spell ready to go."
You give her a confident nod. "Alright then. Magic me."
A bright flash of light.
The nauseating feeling as your organs shift.
Soon, it's over, but it's going to be a while before you adjust to the odd balance of this new body.
You clumsily trot over to a nearby full-length mirror in the corner.
Oh you have GOT to be kidding me.
"Lyra, why am I PINK!?"
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Chapter three is up, as promised. A bit more humor in this one, because I felt like it.
And yes, I added a few sprinkles of Half Life. Everyone knows that it's not a proper story without a little Gordon Freeman.
I'm going to go punch a pillow with my face and hold the pose for half a day or so. I apologize for any errors you might find. They're on my to-do list for whenever I regain consciousness.
Get a GED, become home schooled, or get transfered to a private or charter school, and move on with your life. If you really feel so tortured by the system, then get out of it, but don't stick around and antagonize other people by purposefully failing. It is only logical.
As for the story . . . I don't think I'll be continuing it. I've always disliked the whole "Brony in Equestria" trope, and this story really hasn't changed my mind on it. So good hunting, Nethelli.
Image: http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lugqxufazW1r3k1m8o1_500.png
The meeting was going well,even if it was a tad boring. The boredom was especially hitting Luna hard. Being left on the moon for a thousand years had definitely lowered her tolerance for boredom Just when she thought she was going to die of boredom a strong stallion wearing a EDF (Equestrian Defense force) uniform rushed in and yelled out in a voiced that cracked with panic, "Oh my good princesses!! A human is in Equestria! We are going code skin color!!!!" the following silence was short, for everypony in the room except the Princesses quickly fell into a state of panic. Luna smiled, and looked at Celestia.
" It seems Heart strings took the bait, sister." Luna said whilst wearing a bemused expression. Nopony heard Luna's statement, due to the level of commotion going on.
"Good." Celestia responded, then turned her chair around and pushed her hoofs together maniachly. She said in an ominous tone, " Soon my sweet Lyra, soon."
I think that should be in there eventually... btw, I really like the story!!!! 
Taylor, there's an easy explanation for this. You know how poison dart frogs are vibrant colors so people know not to touch them?
You're pink because you broke the 4th wall. That's the warning color. Pink things break the fourth wall.
Where did I get this idea? Gee I don't know. 
is this real 
>>139486 And of course, by mentioning these things, you have invoked whatever Law/Rule of Nature/The Universe/Fanfiction that automatically forces these things to appear in this fanfic. (Even the turkey sandwich if Taylor can find a turkey, and actually knows how to butcher poultry.)
>>139486 And of course, by mentioning these things, you have invoked whatever Law/Rule of Nature/The Universe/Fanfiction that automatically forces these things to appear in this fanfic. (Even the turkey sandwich if Taylor can find a turkey, and actually knows how to butcher poultry.)
Well actually hopefully NOT Rule 34. That would ruin this.
Gee, all ya need to do now is bring forth the Holy Hand Grenade, then yell out "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUSITION!
I look forward to the reactions of these many ponies when they find out exactly what "Molestia" is.
Just have Pinke Pie whip a computer, it will be justified because she is simply being "Pinke Pie."
Lo'behold, may something ruin Taylor's sanity. Just to make things interesting, I suggest bringing in either Gilda, Pinke Pie herself, or the Great and POWERFUL Trixe. Some wisdom and philosophy should shape up those characters from Taylor.
Innit great? I'm blown away by how much response I'm getting from just the character of Taylor.
Slam-buckin'-dunk if I do say so myself
Yeah, the thing is, Celestia's not exactly the kind and loving ruler that the show portrays her to be. It's actually a giant propaganda machine. In reality, she's an oppressive dictatorial monster that people fear.
Look at the opening of Sweet and Elite. Rarity wasn't doing all that out of gratitude. It was utter terror, for fear that if she did not lavish praise upon the great and terrible Celestia, she'd get sent to the stone, or turned into moon. ...wait
Anyway, yeah, Inquisition is totally a thing. Think about it. In a world where everyone is getting along and everything is wonderful, why does Celestia - a powerful alicorn - need a royal guard? What would they be guarding her from?
I'm going to be introducing her to it a little at a time over the course of the series. She knows a bit about general human behavior from her books - enough to realize that she has to shift her perspective a bit to remain comfortable around us. She has no idea about the things that we've done since ancient times, however.
It will become clear in time.
Congrats, very entertaining so far. I don't feel connected at all with Taylor though, he seems very Gary-Stuish. His snarky commentary and supposedly "brilliant" intellect but complete lack of knowledge of biology makes me want to punch him. He comes across as very obnoxious and too self confident. Sets him up for a fall though, if that is the plan then I highly encourage it. Also Half-Life 
Bah, In midst of writing you a full opinion... My page refreshed. (sigh) So I will now summarize, my opinion instead. Prologue, I enjoyed you character development, as it provided emotional connections to the main character. You closing statement breaking the fourth wall was comical, and you are quite right it was cliche. But not being a writer myself, I haven't the slightest idea how to transfer across a dimension to a different world without being cliche. First Chapter, what anypony would expect from a opening. As it kept my interests, and compelled me to read further. Nothing outstanding though, in the opening chapter, however, since this is your first fic and I have yet to write a single one. I am not in a position to judge you on it, hmm? The next chapter was most enjoyable for me as your occasional inserts into the story reminded me of a habit I have when speaking, but I digress. This chapter was quite humorous, as you intended with adding more comedic value. At time I did find myself rereading to find who was speaking, nothing major though. Progression though your fic, seemed to be quite predicable until the end. I felt you did well with your minor plot twist at the end, and at the same time I expected a twist. (Oh he is PINK lolz) Overall you are doing quite well, the language at times is above the average persons standards. The prologue I think is almost necessary so you can display the characters perceived higher intelligence. Finally I do look forward to future chapters. For the fun has just begun has it not?
I wrote my opinions for you because it only seems like a natural thaks for entertaining me. I gave you a 3 1/2 because I want you to write more. I feel there is just to little of the story to yet give it a appropriate score.( I believe scores are overrated(no pun intended)) I don't in anyway hold you so far limited story agents you. I can take while to get you story all nice a fine! Good luck!
Oooh, this is the kind of feedback I like very much!
It should probably be pointed out for everyone that chapters 1-3 are mostly introductory, setting everything up, etc. I tried to break everything up into lunch break sized pieces. It's mostly personal preference, but I find it easier to get into a story if I feel like I'm getting somewhere, as opposed to reading for thirty or more minutes and still not having seen chapter two (and I'm not exactly a slow reader). I believe a sense of progression helps keep the reader hooked.
That said, with most of the groundwork out of the way, I am going to be making future chapters longer. Not so much of a design change as it is a realization that I can't possibly fit all I want to write into the same space that I have been. Unfortunately that also means I'm not going to be able to fire off new chapters as often as I want to. 
[That means no update for today, but don't worry, chapter four will be ready by the weekend!]
I understand how you are thinking entirely. When you don't have the comfort of progress like you do turning the pages of a book. Some may feel a bit downcast seeing all the reading they have before them. I often prefer longer chapters, just for the locational lifestyle I have had of late. Jumping from place to place. I just load books in my tabs so I can read when I have no internet. That aside, don't rush your chapters. Time may be precious, but as Rarity said a "stitch in time saves nine," or how I use the similar phrase, an ounce of prevention is worth more than a bound of cure. Point being, don't rush if you can help it. I can wait. Not sure I can speak for all your readers though 
And you know we have no magic how? Hmm? Do your parents tell you that? Or did you read it on the internet? Also, if you are religious in anyway you best believe in some form of "magic", because every religion has some. Beyond that, Your writing in those responses was mediocre at best. Sentence fluency was stagnate and broken up by your odd use of a semicolon.
Best if you would stick to reading and not writing, regarding any persona you use.
>>140780 Silly person, this is the internet! Also, to counter your argument, do you have proof it even exists? No! Just like I have no proof it doesn't exists. You have made an overly emotional response to my emotional response. Therefore, I also don't take you seriously, and you have also lost respect.
First you never countered my views you supported them. Second, emotion can not be shown though text, only implied. What you received as an emotional response was though your own interpretations. Third, don't ever take anything too seriously that's just silly.(Especially on the internet) Fourth to lose respect I would have had to of had some, dose that mean you respected me before?
Love and tolerate, oh! And on a side note thank you for not using semicolons this time.
>>139283 PONIES AND HALF-LIFE WITHOUT BEING TERRIBLY QUESTIONABLE AND/OR EXTREMELY CRAPPY CROSSOVER! YAYZ!
Very Well done. And up to date! Great work. Definitely continue for the good of Equestria! And great work on the characters. (sorry I can't think of better words than great. Southern Hemisphere TOO HOT FOR GOOD BRAIN FUNCTIONS!)
15 of my two thumbs up to you! 
From Starswirl the Bearded's Compendium of Magic - Seventh Edition
"As with all magic, transformation is a serious matter indeed. It's important to remember all the basics and fundamentals when undertaking such a procedure. Failure to do so can result in undesirable consequences such as missing limbs, extra limbs, or critical spell backlash. In order to properly transform your subject, be it an object, your own extremity, or an entire pony, you must have a clear picture in mind of the end result through the entire process. If you do not properly visualize this, the end result may have slight imperfections. In some cases, they may become magically volatile, severely hindering or utterly preventing further use of magic on the subject. Additionally, several cases have been reported in which the subject became a mutant fishdog. None of the reports have been confirmed, but be advised - it could happen. All the more reason to exercise the utmost caution."
Don't mind me. I dropped my box of chapter four teasers and that one happened to get away. 
[Mutant fishdogs are serious business]
Friendship bro. Friendship is magic.
Image: http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ldkzq29ynZ1qa97a6.gifI thought the only notable spell Starswirl invented was the spell for making facial hair? Seriously, Twilight says he invented the moustache-making spell in a fancy way.
He's just writing the book, that's all. As the respected authority of follicular magic, he felt qualified to document and preserve all known spells of his time. Of course, he made sure to include - in painstaking detail - the steps necessary to use any one of his 3,991 different beard and/or moustache spells.
It pretty much takes up the majority of the book.
[Friendship is the drill that will pierce the heavens!]
>mfw this fanfiction
Image: http://jamiedubs.com/fuckflickr/data/xzibit-yo-dawg/xzibit-happy.jpg
But how do you get around without your trusty steed? You have all sorts of places to go, like the apothecary, the haberdasher, the cobbler, and the smithy.
And the king has several quests for you.
[This may or may not be what my fellow Americans think, but it's still funny. Probably. Okay, it's actually not.]
Okay, I have to get this off my chest. Writing in second-person has become stressful. It's causing hangups and delays everywhere. Ultimately, it was an experiment that, in my opinion, has failed. I know several of you enjoyed the style, but I just don't see any way I can keep it up while adhering to my overall schedule.
Insert erectile dysfunction joke here.
That said, I'm strongly considering the change to third person, going back to revise existing chapters into the new style (chapter one will likely remain the same) and I'd like to hear your opinions on this. I'm not writing this story for me, I'm writing it for you, and your feedback is infinitely valuable to me. Just know that I'm going to continue updating until it's done. This is not a "we're doing it my way or the story's over" ultimatum. I promise.
Eh, well, I enjoyed the idea of a second person point of view and such for the story. I've always had a habit of putting myself into stories I've read, and I was really psyched about the second person view of this story at first, but I have to agree that it's pretty difficult to get into details on the character if you try to keep it in the second perspective and such. Also, in my opinion, I think you've already established the second person as their own character and not as a self insert of the reader or anything, so continuing using second person might not work in the long run I suppose...
Maybe first person if you want to have it be like the human's narration of the situation or something, but if not, then yeah I'd go with third person.
Hope my opinion has some affect, I'm really a huge fan of Choose Your Own Adventure and Interactive Fiction stories and such, so I'm honestly a huge fan of the second person perspective...But I have to admit it might work for a better story if it's in the third or first person view. Imma be putting myself into the story in my mind anyways, hahahahahah.
Well with whatever choice you make, best of luck and I hope you enjoy writing this, I've had an awesome time reading it, and I've been refreshing this page quite a bit the past few days. If you see any CYOA or IF stories based on the MLP: FiM universe, please let me know! Even though I'm anonymous....I may have to make an account on here later...
Started reading this on a whim because the wait between Anthropology on mondays (that seems to be the schedule Jason's set for it, judging from the last couple updates) and the other fics I read that seem to come out the same time each week got too long. Saw Jason's comment on his page, figured I'd give it a shot. Now, I know I'm just a visitor who hasn't bothered to register yet so I know y'all might take my words with a few grains of salt, but here's my two bits anyway.
First off, I can't say you've won me over, but you're off to a good start. I usually shy away from HiE fics, to be honest. The ideas of wanting to be a pony when you're already a perfectly excellent human (with HANDS! :D) or going off on Narnia-esque escapades into non-existent fantasy realms have always struck me as highly impractical dreams to pine over -- so the wishful thinking in these stories always make me roll my eyes a little and find another story to read. Maybe we just haven't hit that spot yet, but I'd like to be optimistic this time and say that I think you might actually have something here that's latched on to me. I know that that doesn't sound at all like any sort of proper praise and that I sound like a jackass mouthing off from my high horse over here, but I've never been one to lie or sugarcoat things. I guess my point here before I go into details is that a diamond in the rough still needs a lot of work before it's finished.
Taylor's past: You made a character who reminds me a lot of myself a few years back, but that's not necessarily a good thing. It's hard to feel sympathy for a dropout who got lazy and quit attending school because he didn't want to be part of the System, and if you ever rewrite Taylor's background, that's something I'd fix. I'm not saying you should change him into an abject object of pity who didn't have time for school because his parents die and he had to feed his eighteen brothers and sisters, mind you. Hell, a better writer than me would stick with it and then dump some heartfelt character development on his ass, letter to Celestia and all (or maybe not, considering what she might think of humans). Just try to keep in mind: Where is the struggle or obstacle that he failed to overcome in his past? That thing we've all failed at once, or at the very least, seen and sympathized with others failing at. Is that piece of trouble going to come back to haunt him in this strange, new, colorful world, and how will he cope with it with the friends and lessons he's learned while here? Could he have done things any other way the first time around, and if so, how can we do the same, to read and learn from your story and become better people (ponies?) from it all?
(Running off on a tangent there, I know, sorry about that. Took a course on American litterature last semester and all the literary analysis really got into my free time after a while.)
Lyra (and Taylor): She doesn't feel like she's... spot on - using JasonTheHuman's portrayal of her as the baseline, here - she doesn't seem like the type to be so nervous around a human. She'd be worried when Bon-Bon arrived, but I can't see her quitting her cheering or endless questioning.
The Half-Life story could have been handled better, I think. Did he explain to her what a computer game was? Or what a computer was or a television set was? If he glossed over those details and focused on the story, why did he act it out and which parts did he emphasize? Why did Taylor tell that story in particular? Couldn't the guy who'd all but aced high school (even if he'd flunked out of college) think of a better story to inspire, connect with, and/or educate the pony who had summoned him, and just ran with the idea he got? Or did he mull over it for a second before realizing that it was actually the best choice in some what or another?
(Half-Life is not that a bad choice, mind you, if you want to introduce somebody to aspects of the human mindset - in this case, the willpower and mental fortitude to just. Keep. Going no matter what, those qualities that we like to think we've managed to keep from our hunter-gatherer days when we often killed our prey by chasing it until it died of exhaustion - even if it could give other sentient species the wrong idea about how we'd handle our first encounters with alien lifeforms. I'd tone down the "act out of the violence" around any of these fairly peaceful-looking ponies, though, and instead go with "he grew to be a great and cunning warrior etc." or some such.)
Having said those things, I like the whole "I'm the pony abductee and I'm the calm one" dynamic going on. And while "What do you eat?" seems like a really weird question to start off with, having thought about it, it's actually pretty smart! I know that if I summoned a creature from a foreign realm, I'd probably want to know if it was prone to take a bite out of me, too.
Perspective: Have to agree with Quill there. Like Quill said, second-person is a great way to write when you're writing a CYOA/IF story. Maybe you could write the rest of the story using the suggestions in the comments? If you're feeling artsy, you could even put up some art to accompany the story! That's not to say that you can't have a great text-only IF story -- google You Wake Up In Razor Hill for an amazing example (some of the jokes and references might be lost on people who never played, though, or never played before Cataclysm).
I wouldn't do something so drastic just because some idiot in the comment said it'd be a neat idea, though. Just consider how the perspective colors the reader's experience of the story. Alternately, if you don't mind a more extreme approach, consider changing the format of the story. If I were me and I weren't just throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks, I'd probably stick with the format and just change the perspective to a third- or first-person one.
Speaking of writing, I know everybody loves a fast update, but don't be afraid to take your time and let some days or a week pass between them. It'll be better for your story, and you'll have more time to work anything JasonTheHuman puts out in the future into your own story - unless you're doing an "inspired by" instead of a full-on Anthropology fanfic (fanfics of fanfics? Fanficception!) - so you don't end up with divergent material. Again, assuming that that's the plan.
I think that's... it? Boy, this one turned out longer than expected. 
Now this is some good feedback!
This story is absolutely an ongoing work in progress, and I'm making subtle changes to previous entries as I go to iron out the kinks. Don't worry too much about Taylor, he'll have a few challenges to overcome and lessons to learn in time. I'm not saying he'll do a full 180, but I will say that I AM a complete sucker for a redemption story (Chris Metzen syndrome?).
As for Lyra, studying humans is one thing, but having one sitting in front of you, speaking your language, knowing your name... that might be just a tad unnerving for her, don't you think? 
On the subject of Half Life, it wasn't implied too strongly in the story, but he's telling it more like a fable. No need to spend all that time explaining what a video game is, he's just going full blown fairytale. For all Lyra knows, it's a 100% accurate retelling of actual events. I'll bet she didn't even care, with all the play-acting Taylor was doing to entertain her, she was probably just enjoying the show (and wasn't it nice of him to put that much effort into it for her sake? Maybe there's some good in him after all and we'll see a giant "d'awww" moment later on)
But yeah, there's really no telling why he chose that story - maybe it's one he really liked, maybe it was just the first thing he could think of, maybe the author just wanted to throw in a little something extra for the audience to form a connection to. I think the answer is whatever the reader wants it to be.
Regarding the fanfiception, it is absolutely a "inspired by" story. I have no idea if Lyra even intends to summon/transport a Human to Equestria at any point in JTH's story (although from what I've read, she seems like she'd definitely do it, given the opportunity 
). Mine is working on the assumption that she discovered where all the humans went and found a way to transport one to her. It allows me to branch off from the original line and do my thing without having to worry about conflicting with anything.
Lastly, the perspective issue is a tough one to tackle for me. I really wanted to do things in the second person, especially after how many people seemed to really connect with the character of Taylor, but it's just not a comfortable writing style for me. There's so much I'm having to omit that I could have offered in third person, and it's frustrating. I feel like I'm detracting from the overall story, as well as my own enjoyment of writing it. Not a good feeling. It would probably have worked in a different story, but for what I'm trying to do, it just feels wrong. Needs more cowbell or something.
Anyway, no matter what I end up doing with the perspective, I want to assure everyone that I will update this thing until it reaches its conclusion. No cop-outs, no "baww I gots a tummy ache, no updates forevar" or anything like that. As long as I have a functioning brain, internet access, and at least one working finger (hell, I'll resort to typing with my nose if I need to) you're getting your story.
I'm stubborn like that 
Glad you liked it! I was a bit worried about offering criticism, always feels like I'm coming on too strong or too biased.
There is one more thing I would suggest adding in if you ever revise these few first chapters, though -- the human-to-pony transformation spell came a little too easily. It could easily be handled in one chapter, but a trial-and-numerous-errors approach would have been fun to see, even (maybe especially?) if all the failed attempts were just implied rather than described outright. At the very least, some worry and then amazement on Lyra's part that she somehow managed to get everything right on the first try.
("Hey, I almost got it right last night! Sure, you were still bald all over and you kinda had most of your... nose (that's what it's called, right?), but at least you didn't grow four extra--"
You cut Lyra off with a well-timed glare before she can remind you any further.
"...eheheh, ninth time's the charm?")
Pink's a nice choice, though! Considering how Bon-Bon works at Sugarcube Corner, are you setting things up for Pinkie Pie shenanigans?
Easiest perspective to switch to would probably be the first person; instead of you narrating the scene the way the reader (Taylor?) would experience it, you've got Taylor telling us how he experience(d) the scene; a third-person narrator doesn't necessary rob you of all the details you could add in with second-person storytelling, so long as you're writing it as a limited omniscient narrative. You should also keep in mind that past tense usually works better than the historical present when you're not addressing the reader directly by writing in second person.
Alright, this has me rather nervous.
Before I explain why, let me first say that I love your story so far. I read Anthropology before reading this (like suggested), and for the most part it almost feels like reading the same story, which is great. One slight problem I had at first was how Bon-Bon acted like a complete jerk every time she opened her mouth to talk. Seeing her acting like that really didn't seem to fit her character (shown in the other story), and didn't make much sense to me. Other than that, I love it. Characters are great, writing is great, etc.
Now, on to my main concern in relation to the top of this message. Please try to refrain from making Celestia like that. That entire argument about her being a cruel, ruthless tyrant is just stupid on so many levels. I'm sorry if that insults you (since I don't want you to think I don't like you or your story), but that's just how I feel. It's just, there's nothing in the show that actually shows this. Normally I wouldn't complain this much, but there have been plenty of times I've been reading a nice story only for it to be ruined when it turns Celestia into an evil tmolesterlestor/troll/etc. It's getting irritating, to be honest.
In fact, were you even serious when you said that? If that was just sarcasm, then just ignore this, since it wouldn't really apply to the story in that case. The reason I ask is that it seems the examples you used were jokes. At the beginning of S&E, it's pretty obvious that Rarity was just really thankful, and was just hamming it up (which she always does, and often gets called out on it). In fact, if you looked at Celestia's face it's pretty easy to see that the over-the-top thanking was making her uncomfortable.
Bon-bon, despite being frustrated by Lyra's fascination with humans, is still exceptionally protective of her, and tends to scold her in much the same way as a parent might do to their child. Especially in a situation as serious as this one. She's experiencing a bit of shock, with there being a real live human in her home. It's unnerving, to say the least, and it's no secret that all things - human, animal, pony, etc. - tend to fear what they don't understand. Once she gets a bit more accustomed to having Taylor around, she'll relax a bit, but she'll still probably remind Lyra frequently that Taylor needs to go ASAP.
You were half right about Celestia. She's definitely not cruel and tyrannical. Most of that was humor, but we are definitely going to explore the topic of why she needs guards. After all, she's extremely powerful, not to mention the fact that alicorns are practically immortal , what purpose could a royal guard serve other than living decorations? I think you'll find it ties in nicely with why she and her sister are opposed to any talk or study of humans.
Both Luna and Celestia have history with humans, and there are a few pretty big secrets they're keeping from the rest of ponykind.
Alright, that made me feel better. I'm glad most of it was just humor. I suppose I'm still expecting all the problems I see from other human-in-equestria fics (especially the ones on fanfiction), which tend to go out of there way to try and make the story become grimdark (since some people seem to think that throwing in a bunch of angst in a setting where it doesn't fit always makes things better).
Oh well, I guess I just like lighter stories with comedy (which makes me glad that comedy is a tag for this story). Anyway, I seem to be rambling, so I'll just stop talking now. Looking forward to the next chapter. :)
I always thought the reason Celestia needed guards was obvious... Crowd control. Celestia is the ultimate celebrity in her realm, and celebrities need somebody to fend off the paparazzi and fanboys, to give her some privacy. Not to mention, somebody has to handle security around the palace.
The guards aren't there to fight off assassins (although they'd no doubt give it their best effort, if it came to that). There are plenty of other duties for them to perform.
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