Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo decide to hold a big meeting for all the CMCs that exist in Equestria. But once they all gather, things get hectic and it turns into chaos...
Warning: This story contains Sweetie Belle having a temper tantrum, Diamond Tiara being a brat that she is and a rare disease that is... PUMPKIN CAKE!
You have been warned.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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**Just finished reading the first chapter**
A couple things to point out here... but firstly, I'll say that the idea of having a CMC gathering was a great concept, and a great way to portray possible chaos that'll ensue once everypony arrives. While the idea is great, the writing style is.... Well, let me point out a few things.
Firstly, I felt like you made the mistake of telling, and not showing.
Secondly, whenever anybody talks (applies for any story; novels, fanfics, you name it), you're supposed to put a break in between paragraphs, so it looks like this:
Don't mind the content of what I just wrote... that was completely on the spot, but yeah, paragraph breaks when /different/ people speak.
Thirdly, there are a few missing commas here and there, and finally, I feel like the entire chapter could use some paragraph breaks, just to make it easier on the eye. Press enter twice when you're starting a new paragraph (or again, when different people speak).
Other than that, uh, yeah. I'll try out the next chapter!
Hope to see you improve, and keep up the good work!
P.S. If anything, don't be let down. Negative comments are only negative if you believe them to be bad. Frankly, I simply want to see you improve. Writing styles and ideas are kind of like pillars holding up the final product. When either of the pillars fall, the whole story falls (well, that's kind of an exaggeration, but you know what I mean!). Whatever it is, criticism exists to help, so I really hope to see you improve on some of the aspects I listed above.
Oh yes, I also forgot to mention the pacing... just slow it down a bit. The whole, "whose got an idea?" bit and preparation scene went by too fast, and was rather forced.
Aw,the song ponies got their cutie marks!
:,)
Thanks for your advice, Ponyzilla! Yes, the first chapter of the story was a little rushed, I know. My little sister was screaming in my ear at the time and she was really bugging me, so I couldn't help it.
I really think it is good so far, and unlike most stories on FIMFiction, yours a good plot, and you portray the characters with such ease
(And if you can impress me, you can impress anybody/any-pony)
Not bad so far but the wall of text is an issue, nothing destroys a good fanfic more than a wall of text. Trust me.
Ah the old fashioned city dwellers hate country folks sterotype, still works even in todays society.
That ended too fast for my taste. You should have slowed down a little and spread this out.
Not bad, no complaints.
Very cute! Plenty of fun but could definitely stand to be lengthened overall. the introduction of Bab's friends and then to never see them again feels like a bit of a red herring. If you ever decide to rewrite this it could be worth having them get up to trouble. The whole buffet and stag collapse felt very sudden so you could easily sneak them inciting the crowd to leave in there to help have it make more sense of everyone taking off.