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Daetrin 23933

Joined August 2011
674 followers

    Daetrin's Stories (2)

    • Off The Edge Of The Map

      34,918 words · 9,255 views · 866 likes · 9 dislikes
    • Apotheosis
      Twilight and Luna explore a land that appears on no map
      44,956 words · 12,523 views · 1,503 likes · 23 dislikes
    298
    12,523


    When Twilight is sent with Luna on a diplomatic mission to Draconia, they quickly find themselves somewhere that doesn't appear on any map, and Luna is lost in more than one way...

    Thanks to RBDash47 of Pony Fiction Archive for formatting it for submission.

    Title image by Valcron

    A sequel to Off The Edge Of The Map

    Also, Bpendragon is doing a ramble-reading here, though it's not complete yet.

    First Published
    17th Jan 2012
    Last Modified
    17th Jan 2012

    Comments ( 298 )

    #1 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·
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    Glad to see this pop up here on FiMFiction! I've been meaning to give it a read. I'll add it to my Tracking list as a reminder. :)  Love your work.

    #2 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·
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    Oh. My. Gosh. It's on Fimfiction.

    It's like the second New Year this year, mixed with Christmas... only better!

    [Favourited, 5/5, watch, tracking]

    #3 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·
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    Holy shitting dick nipples, who woulda thought this fic would make it here! Bout time. A good ol romp through the surreal, the sublime, and the abjectly horrible, and with a blooming romance to boot. Really, I can't rate this anything other than five stars.

    #4 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·
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    Woot, loved reading it on EqD, gonna have to re-read it here at some point. :twilightsmile:

    My stars, take them all :rainbowlaugh:

    #5 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·
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    I read this on Equestria Daily, and loved it. It's one of my favourite fics.

    Five stars!

    UFB
    #6 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·
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    Got to say, not been reading fan fiction much, just the last few days trying to catch up with all of the great stuff, but this is by far my favorite story so far, great work!

    #7 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·
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    Sweet mother of God Apotheosis is on fimfiction! This is one of my favourite adventure fics ever written. I loved every second of it and I can't wait to read it again! Keep up the fantastic work!

    #8 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·
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    I loved this story when I first read it and I love it now. It doesn't get the attention it deserves. I hope to see more from you at some point in the future, because it's a pleasure to read.

    #9 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·
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    Hmm.

    Saw this was on here, was surprised. Didn't expect this, but it's still good regardless!

    #10 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·
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    I already read this a while back so let me just count up your stars, there five stars.

    :heart:

    #11 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·
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    Glad to see this one on here, will you ever write up a sequel?

    #12 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·
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    Read this on eqd, awesome fic o/

    #13 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·
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    :yay:, it is here!

    #14 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·
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    I just finished reading the whole thing!

    Epic.

    #15 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 1d ago · · ·
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    twiluna ship?

    #16 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 23h ago · · ·
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    Good to see this fic make it onto FiM Fiction.

    #17 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 23h ago · · ·
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    one of my old favs!

    #18 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 22h ago · · ·
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    Just finished the whole thing. :twilightsmile:

    I love it and easily deserve the 5 stars.

    #19 · Chapter 4 · 74w, 20h ago · · ·
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    Go magically epic Twilight!

    #20 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 20h ago · · ·
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    I loved this story. Good to see people putting there art here for more people to enjoy. :)

    #21 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 19h ago · · ·
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    Apothesis is on Fimfiction? Yes, please!

    #22 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 19h ago · · ·
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    Two famous stories posted on FIMFiction on the same day?

    The buck?

    #23 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 18h ago · · ·
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    I doubt Apotheosis is famous...

    Anyhow, I kinda-sorta want to make a sequel but 1) I don't have the time at the moment and 2) All I can think of for it is how messed up Luna and Tia are emotionally, which is considerably heavier than what is implied by the epilogue.

    #24 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 18h ago · · ·
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    Hmm, read this a while ago and had a kind of issue. The ending seemed to be very much of a dues ex machinma. Celestia shows up and says "lol, kidding. I was behind it all the time!" and everyone just instantly forgives her. They don't get angry, or hell even mildly irked.

    #25 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 17h ago · · ·
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    >>138279

    The real fallout would appear in the sequel, yes, if I ever get around to writing it.

    The fact that there isn't serious issue in Apotheosis is A) I didn't really have room for it and B) They're both riding a weird dual emotional/divinity high.  That sort of manipulation is pretty poisonous for a relationship overall though and at the very least Luna and Tia need an emotional confrontation and catharsis.  On the other hand, I don't know if Twilight is capable of thinking ill about Celestia.

    #26 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 17h ago · · ·
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    >>138307

    Sounds to me like she'd play an excellent role of an anguished mediator then! Torn between her girlfriend and adored mentor :).

    Either way I'll jump at a chance to read it should you ever write it.

    Also: You're horrible for teaching me new words :P. I mean, "liminality", "quiescent" and "theopneusty". It's certainly words I hadn't come across before this fic. Well, quiescent sounds familiar, but the others are new.

    #27 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 16h ago · · ·
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    5 stars

    #28 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 15h ago · · ·
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    >>138307

    You're making me want to beg annoyingly for a sequel more with every mention. The thought of real consequences to the end of this story is really appealing.

    I can imagine Twilight would be torn between her love of Celestia and her feelings of protectiveness toward Luna. Though honestly, I can see her having every right to be very irritated by her mentor. Knowing Twilight though, not even she knows the extent of her feelings until it all explodes at once. With her newfound power, it probably won't be a quiet and private affair, either.

    Luna... I imagine she's a wreck at the moment. I mean, she's definitely stepping in the right direction, but the mare has issues. I wanna give her a hug for most of this work. I think living and being accepted in Ponyville would go a long way, though.

    #29 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 15h ago · · ·
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    That was wonderful, but I hate you now Daetrin. I sat in one spot for like 6 straight hours reading (I'm a slow reader) and now I don't want to move. :ajsleepy:

    Lol, JK, anyway, it was really good, and I'd love to see a sequel if you ever wrote one. It had me interested throughout the entire story, and that is definitely something to be proud of. 5 stars, nice work. Please write a sequel, because I'd love to read it. :ajsmug:

    #30 · Chapter 6 · 74w, 13h ago · · ·
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    The methods of speech you have come up with in this story are fascinating and well done--not unlike the story itself. Keep up the good work!

    #31 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 12h ago · · ·
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    I just spent my entire Monday reading that.  :rainbowderp:

    Best Monday of my life!  :rainbowkiss:

    #32 · Chapter 4 · 74w, 11h ago · · ·
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    I can't wait to see if in this story and the actual show if Twi' turns out to be a goddess. That would be amazing and make sense.

    #33 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 10h ago · · ·
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    too me the luna and twilight coming to terms with their relationship seems rushed, and i can undertsand how there was buildup and how life or death situations tend to accelerate relationships. But i still think it's somewhat of an akward transition from luna more or less fearing twilight to becoming her girlfriend...

    otherwise, really solid story, dont like the ominous celestia comment at the end, when celestia smiles like that, some poor fool was trolled. And i think you could have an interesting sequel going for you if you ever decide to milk this ratings cow series for all its worth, i know i wouldn't complain!

    #34 · Chapter 4 · 74w, 9h ago · · ·
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    >>139366

    Well, 'apotheosis' is the process of raising an individual into godhood...

    #35 · Chapter 5 · 74w, 9h ago · 1 · ·
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    Those are the four stars that freed Nightmare Moon, aren't they.

    #36 · Chapter 1 · 74w, 9h ago · · ·
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    awesome

    #37 · Chapter 6 · 74w, 9h ago · 1 · ·
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    Yay, a new vocabulary word! :twilightsmile: For anybody wondering, a 'theopneusty' is a divine revelation.

    #38 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 7h ago · · ·
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    o__o If a sequel ever happens....Twi needs wings. :pinkiecrazy:

    #39 · Chapter 3 · 74w, 7h ago · 1 · ·
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    Honestly, this is probably my favorite part of the entire story, with the glass-ish(?) clock, and the shifting distances. Seems so surreal, but so sensible at the same time. I know that might be a bit confusing, but that's just the way it is.

    Overall, this is one of the best fics I've read, and five stars to you when I login. :pinkiesmile:

    #40 · Chapter 2 · 74w, 6h ago · · ·
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    So far, I am enjoying it very much. Love the mythology you are weaving into it.

    But it could be better. When I begin reading each chapter, your writing is preparing me for a long, enjoyable ride. But then, it ends. I feel as though I've missed something, like there are paragraphs and whole scenes that have been omitted. I hate to compare stories, but in my opinion, in this story I should be reading something with around the length of the chapters from End of Ponies. Which happens to be one of my favorites.

    Advice I would have for you is to be more descriptive, add more content and expand on the situations the characters find themselves in. More introspection, less rushing emotions. This certainly is a good story so far, don't get me wrong. But with more work, it could become quite epic.

    Of course, these are only my initial musings. We'll see how things turn out.

    #41 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 3h ago · · ·
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    Already read it all from EqD. You already get 5 stars from me. Epic Twiluna story is EPIC.:twilightsmile:

    #42 · Chapter 8 · 74w, 59m ago · · ·
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    This is the first Twiluna I've read, and now I'm addicted to Twilunas! Awesome fic too.

    #43 · Chapter 8 · 73w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Wow, I can't believe I forgot to mention that this was a sequel to Off The Edge Of The Map.  I guess I didn't think about the fact that didn't translate into the new formatting.

    #44 · Chapter 1 · 73w, 6d ago · · ·
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    i feel like i saw an aliens reference here XD

    anyway... i've only read the first chapter and i'm a bit puzzled about something... luna said she still love celestia? then why did i get the feeling of everything else luna did and said more or less told me she hated her guts? perhaps luna was just lying to herself to make herself feel better about something? i dunno...

    #45 · Chapter 8 · 73w, 6d ago · · ·
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    >>140284

    Luna's in a bad place.

    #46 · Chapter 2 · 73w, 6d ago · · ·
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    Wandering around in a dead land with its destroyer is a pretty powerful image. I also liked the characterization of Luna and Twilight's relationship. Great stuff so far.

    #47 · Chapter 2 · 73w, 6d ago · · ·
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    an interesting chapter, i guess with enough time to think and reflect everyone would come to see more clearly on ones own actions if they have nothing else they can do. but i must admit i almost find this tozo more interesting than the rest of the char so far and i would have liked to know more about him and the people that he destroyed and why. onward to chapter 3!

    #48 · Chapter 5 · 73w, 6d ago · 1 · ·
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    Ouroboros will be released into the atmosphere, ensuring complete

    global

    saturation

    :pinkiecrazy:

    #49 · Chapter 3 · 73w, 6d ago · · ·
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    yeah okay... i didn't quite understand the ending, so celestia built a machine that could control the moon for all that time luna was trapped on the moon? and what was with that memory transfer thing? i guess i'll find out in a later chapter. but on its own a few things didn't make to much sense in this chapter.

    #50 · Chapter 7 · 73w, 6d ago · · ·
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    For anypony that wonders, when they are talking about Everfree Forest it refers (loosely) to the events of http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/06/story-sun-doth-not-shine-moon-doth-not.html, which is not on FiMFiction.

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