• Member Since 7th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 8th, 2015

Causal Quill


Not a changeling.

T
Source

This is a story of how the grand spirits of Tyranny and Pride fought in ages long past, battling over the future of the world 'neath stars newly born on a nameless field in the distant north. It is a story of blank skies, of strange endeavors, and of things prehistoric. At least, that's how it starts.

The Crystal Empire makes Equestria look young, and Twilight Sparkle is about to find out just how old Celestia really is.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 133 )

Oh yay! I don't know what sort of miracle GOH and Bad Horse pulled off to convince you to post this despite your commitment to away time, but surely it must qualify them toward sainthood.* This was genuinely worth sharing and I'm glad they helped you to be persuaded of that fact.

It's delightfully ambiguous whether Celestia's pulling Twilight's leg here or not, but I love the notion that the alicorns themselves are Gaimanesque personifications of traits every bit as worrisome as Discord's. You make them very deific in the classical sense: gods as mortals writ large, casually shaping the world via their whims and foibles, a reflection on a cosmic scale of the ones who tell stories about them. … though with Celestia telling the story herself, that analogy goes into weird places. (And also what better reflection of Pride?)

The interstitials took me a little time to get used to, but I'm enjoying the Princess Bride-like framing they're providing.

And the stars as not only destiny, but destiny as a regrettable thing? Beautiful.

Going to dive into chapter 2 after heading home from the office!

--
* Edit: For some reason I was interpreting the author's note as them being the reason this story was posted. On a re-read I have no idea where I got that from. Either way: I am pleasantly surprised to see your story; it has brought much joy to my evening, and (without any sense of obligation) I look forward to what more is produced!

Quite nice. This part is a bit drier than the first, and I'm not sure where you're going with this narrative, but I'm willing to stick with it and find out. It seems like we're just scratching the surface here.

I like the idea of Cadence as a Crystal A/V geek. Hm. I've really got to step up my Cadence game, now...

That's a beautiful story. Certainly the best creation myth I've read for Equestria, though I've seen few that go as far back as this one. I can't really say too much more that horizon hasn't, but I found it very interesting that, regardless of whether Celestia was pulling Twilight's leg at any point, that in the story she told, she and Luna were Pride and Tyranny. Traits generally considered to be awful, but made to actually fit them very well in a rather whimsical and (for lack of a better term) human way.

This is wonderful. Seriously, I'm absolutely loving this story. Leg pulling or not, this is has amazing headcannon potential. A perfect mix of serious and funny.

It's always fun seeing Celestia written as a playful, yet very subtle prankster and you really captured that sort of nature with her story telling and little verbal jabs at Twilight. Seriously, this is the perfect antidote to all the sadlestia fics out there.:trollestia:

Twilight is pitch perfect and the single edgy joke aside, the whole thing feels ripped right out of the cracks between episodes.

Please continue this for I fear I am quite addicted now.

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St Malus Equus, Patron Saint of Thoughtful, Considerate, Supervillainy and St. Heraclitus The Loquacious Patron Saint of Talking Way Way To Much.

:pinkiehappy:

But yes, we helped with the story, but we didn't get PPP to post it.

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She aims to laugh where she must, be candid where she can;. But vindicate the ways of Alicorns to man.

With apologies to Alexander Pope. :twilightsmile:

I'm really glad you enjoyed it! And I anticipate with utter glee the upcoming Cadence-off. :pinkiehappy:

Being the huge fan of "Whom the Princesses Would Destroy..." that I am, I loved the way it alluded to the aristocrats going ape-dump every time Twilight comes to visit.

:twilightangry2: For the thousandth time, NO! No, I do not plan to become an alicorn princess, seize the throne, and rule Equestria with an iron hoof! There is not one single part of that cockamamie theory that is ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER--
(One season 3 finale later)
:twilightblush: So... okay... I know how this looks...

Twilight wiped her cheek with a hoof. Having won her secret battle against the mighty armies of the yes-dance and having even defeated the devious assassins of squee, she forced her expression into a rapt normality. “Just... just continue, I’ll be fine.”

Of course, even if she does rule with an iron hoof of tyranny (no, Luna, it was a lower-case 't') she's just too adorkable to get mad at.

Another wonderful chapter. A bit more bluntly silly than the first, given the shift in narrative framing from Celestia's fairy tale-style delivery to more of Twilight's inner thoughts, but just as well done. I'll be fav'ing and looking forward to more!

Well, my prediction has come more or less true. This is going straight to the favorites. :pinkiehappy:

2180664
Devious Assassins of Squee needs to be a band name. :twilightsmile:

I found this first chapter very enjoyable, and very much in the spirit of the show. Very good stuff, and I'm very happy to have heard about it and gotten the chance to read it. That said, I want to pick out three blocks of text to comment on.

“Laugh? I wasn’t even aware of it. History books don’t... I can’t even... No, it’s all obvious, why was I starting to think Pride and Tyranny were you and your sister? Haha, no, silly me, you’re talking about some other pair of alicorns. Who get into food fights with each other.”

This bit I found somewhat confusing. I was pretty sure I knew who was speaking in the interstitials, but perhaps because sarcasm is just hard to pull off in writing, or perhaps because the lack of referrands in these parts made it more difficult to adopt a character's perspective smoothly, I didn't know how it was meant to be read.

She could fight some of them all of the time, and all of them some of the time, but not all of them all of the time. Tears dripped unheeded down her cheeks.

This phrase is so cliche that it really takes me out of the story when I read it. That may be a personal quirk of mine, but I found it rather jarring.

Few know this, but Pride is the first owner of all things. There is no shortage of artisans in this world who have created their greatest works simply to feel the fondness of Pride, having never a greater purpose in mind for what they create. The world is vast, of course. Pride owns few things forever. It is merely that she owns all things first.

In 4000 some odd words with a lot I love, there's nothing in this chapter that grabs me with half the force of this paragraph. This is a piece of artistry. It has the classic feel of oral tradition. It's deeply insightful. And it's beautiful. This is writing at its best.

I'm a bit tired, so I don't know that I have a whole lot to add beyond that, except to say that Luna was fantastic here. You hit her awkward, joyous idiosyncrasis out of the park.

Wow! I really like the detail and logic of the history you're setting up! Kudos! :pinkiehappy:

Suddenly her imagination found the prompt usable(!?).

Oh? Twilight you naughty thing. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia.png

Pride had not yet found her connection to the sun. The unicorns had not yet invented it.

Her connection or the sun itself? I ask because the story says straight up Pride had a tendency to take others ideas as her own without noticing.

This story is so awesome. Conflicts with my own headcanon regarding the princesses all the way, but that's no problem. :pinkiehappy: I love seeing all the different views people have regarding them. :twilightsmile:

Have a watch!

nothing could stop the schmooze

I giggled a little too much at this little line. Christ, I saw the MLP movie when it came out. That's a reach back in the memory bucket...

Wow. Great idea and excellently executed. Kudos to you. And kudos to GhostOfHeraclitus for recommending it.

I've actually done that before... only it was a mix of metaphysics, chemistry, and particle physics being twisted around in such a way that made the line between an individual person and the rest of everything that existed being extremely fuzzy if not totally nullified. My poor sister was sitting in the middle while me and my friend discussed "unpredictable fate" and "organized chaos" while rendering several hundred fields of study and various religions seemingly obsolete by our musings of how the universe worked. I've always wanted to start one of those conversations with someone from the Vatican and possibly tempt the wrath of some ancient religious order of assassins. Would be an interesting way to go, even with as morbid as that thought is.

BACK TO THE STORY AT HAND...
I enjoyed the comically thought provoking aspects of this story and even more so the implications they had on MLP:FIM's canon (or at least my own personal version of it) I also enjoyed the less thought provoking and more "just plain funny" moments such as Twilight's "suddenly cooperative imagination" in the hedge. You're a good writer and I'm sure you'd be one even without some editing help. Doesn't mean you're not smart enough to take it though, and somehow, you've managed to find yourself a couple of amazing pre-readers. I expect this story to continue being of high quality between your writing ideas and your editors' skills at knocking out the dents and flaws. (faved and ^ed)

PS I may have just coined ^ed. If that's the case, then consider me to be one of those lazy, lolspeak creators. :twilightsmile: I might just be a total fraud though. Just never seen it used before and didn't feel like typing out "thumbs up-ed" for some reason until now... in fact, I could have just typed "thumbs up-ed" and saved myself this whole paragraph of nonsense.

I'll stop now...

ok now...

now.

no now.

You're seriously still reading this?

LOL! ^_^

Ah, the Playful Pony side of our Beloved Noble Leaders.

I'm very much loving your characterization of Cadence here, as well as Pride & Tyranny. The story about the discovery of writing was very cool as well, pun totally intented. :pinkiehappy:

You know, it wasn't actually so long ago I was reading Thanqol's The Old Stories, and I found myself wanting to read a little more mythology-type stuff. And now this comes along!

And with all due respect to Thanqol—who has put out some rather good stuff—I think I may end up liking this better. Overall, it feels a whole lot smoother and more refined. The two stories—the story of the past and the story of Twilight's quest of discovery—meld together very well. And there are lots of cute moments such as Tyranny writing petty revenge into the skies.

Speaking of which, I have to say, I just love the idea of a being cruelly writing all of fate into the skies in ignorance of the gravity of what she is doing, then regretting it, and being unable to rescind it. It's such a great explanation for misfortune and evil. Of course, if we are to believe it literary, we do have to wonder why Luna doesn't use this immense power for good more often. Or does she? But with mythologies, that's the sort of question you're not meant to ask.

If I possibly can, I may have to stealbe influenced by that idea.

Hey look! My cover art was actually used. Oh, and... congratulations on the feature.

I am favoriting this so hard you have no idea.

I was curious about how you were going to reconcile the connotations of 'pride' with what we know about Celestia (IE, pretty much not the connotations of pride). But you didn't. You threw the connotations of 'pride' out the window, and did your own thing.

And it is fantastic. (I daresay we-as-in-humanity needed something like that.) Good work.

2180718 2180910 It needs to be a pop/metal crossover band (metal > devious assassins, pop > approximation for 'squee'), and it needs to play exclusively stuff that sounds the way the likes of Kirby and MLPFiM look.
...
I'll get my violin.

Ghost: You play violin?
...not currently.:trixieshiftleft: I can fix that.:scootangel:

[[Sorry for hijacking, PPP]]

Twilight wiped her cheek with a hoof. Having won her secret battle against the mighty armies of the yes-dance and having even defeated the devious assassins of squee, she forced her expression into a rapt normality. “Just... just continue, I’ll be fine.”

That line is genius. :pinkiehappy:

2183189
GH: You play the violin?
TF: Well...no...I mean not actually pl--I own a violin. That's gotta count for something, right?
GH: ....
TF: Right?
GH: mother

:twilightsmile:

The Devious Assassins of Squee are opening, I hear, for Elmo the Happy Goth and His Merry Band of Necrocore Troubadours. Truly they are moving up in the world!

:pinkiehappy:

2183820 I wish. I want to play, but do not own. :ajsleepy: If I did, this wouldn't be quite so much of an issue (I'd either play and be okay, or I'd know I'm not that good).

(Oh hey, not getting conveniently ignoring the joke again! 'Sallright, it's all cool.)

What an excellent story. It's like a pile of fantastic world building wrapped up in amusing alicorn antics.

"Star light, star bright,
The first star I see tonight;
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.
- Equestrian Foal’s Rhyme, Traditional."

Naw bro, Berenstain Bears all day, er'ry day.

Now to actually read...

Cadance is revealed to be a nerd?!
Twilight has never loved her foalsitter more.

2185128
Read the story. I promise you'll see the rhyme in a different light. :pinkiecrazy:

Huh. Very amusing. I have no interest in correcting grammer, so pardon my lack of corrections in this comment. However, I do wish to emphasize that it was an enjoyable read. Pride and Tyranny... Very interesting choices, indeed.

This was quite the entertaining chapter! The first chapter was meh for me – it's not the story, it's me; I've just never been a fan of the style of story that the first chapter was – but this one was utterly fascinating! Not to mention made me laugh heartily in a few places.

“I can’t imagine Celestia coming through here,” commented Twilight.  “She’d have to crawl.”
“She did!”
Twilight tried to tell her imagination to try harder.
This and the following two paragraphs regarding flanks were hilarious!

Twilight wiped her cheek with a hoof.  Having won her secret battle against the mighty armies of the yes-dance and having even defeated the devious assassins of squee, she forced her expression into a rapt normality.
Made me chuckle. :D

He tried hard to think of what Pride could possibly have been trying to tell him.  He could think of rocks.  Could he create rocks?
No.  No, he could not create rocks.
Same here. :D

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Ghost denies it, but he and Bad Horse are in fact responsible for this story being posted.

The 'shaping worlds on a whim' thing is something I hope to retain and keep revisiting. The ways of the alicorns (and other spirits of creation) are problematic because they carry the world on their backs. They lack humility. They all have grand powers and a hard time understanding when they shouldn't use them.

All the comments to the effect of "I've thrown out the connotations of Pride" may be premature. I'm just being subtler with it than it is usually treated.

2183188

The character of Pride is something that I'm going to take my time with.

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Oh goodness, that really was in 'Whom the Princesses Would Destroy', wasn't it? Ghost! Go write a sequel that accounts for the havoc of Twilight's ascension! :twilightsmile:

Oh Snap, she's back! Nightmare is back! This story just took a couple more levels of awesome!

Great as always. I demand moar.

2220831 My thoughts exactly. Moar indeed.

2220735
Just remember, there's always another day tomorrow. }:)

Ooooh. Getting even more interesting. Nightmare. And she just co-opted Twilight. :twilightoops:
(Thank you Blue, for recounting what we all just read. :trixieshiftright:)

Your little peeks into the formation of Equestria strongly appeal to my inner theologist. I demand MORE! :flutterrage:
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The ways of the alicorns (and other spirits of creation) are problematic because they carry the world on their backs. They lack humility. They all have grand powers and a hard time understanding when they shouldn't use them.

Whereas Twilight, and possibly Cadence, don't have that problem.

I may be weird but i have to wonder ... Is Nightmare evil? or just a bitch? :trollestia:

All in all, some very strange elements in this story... I like IT!

Well! This went from silly and entertaining to really interesting and slightly foreboding.

The description of the dreamlands is quite cool, and the fleshing out of alicorns and their personalities and pasts you're doing here is great. Looking forward to the next chapter!

This is getting better. I really like the flowy dream imagery! I know pulling it off in writing without the reader losing their place is hard. Props:duck:

“Princess Celestia’s bedroom is not such a... sanctum. I am embarrassed of my collection of... ancient literature,”

I think we all know what books she's really hiding in there. What a naughty princess.

My mental image of that was of Luna flinging herself over the door frame and clinging to it like a giant alicorn spider. I know that's not how you described it, but I refuse to imagine it in any other way.

That was a really fantastic visit to the dream world, despite the somewhat worrisome ending. Quite a mood shift from the earlier hallway antics, but not in a bad way.

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