Derpy is known for two things a walking disaster and her wall eyed gaze. Nopony trusts her as far as they could throw her. But who is her family everypony knows that she has a daughter and that is it.
The day starts out normal and ends weird in this day in the life of the Enigma Known as Derpy Hooves.
The teen rating is for the use of the terms Sex toy, Orgy and Rape. There are no clop worthy details. I have received some concerned messages so i want to clarify There is absolutely No clop in this story.
Edit: please pm me if you thumbs down this story. I would like to know your reasoning behind the fact so that I may know for future stories what people don't like.
Chapters (10)
1874155
got a problem with that. the gore comes in the flashback.
I gave it a read, and there's a few grammar and punctuation errors here and there. I didn't think it was too bad otherwise but you might want to go find a composition book and give it a quick skim through.
I forget those things all the time myself
1874225
will do thanks for the comment
Oh... My...
...wow.....Slot #8 on my Top 10 list may just be filled by this amazing story.... A few more chapters and It'll probably take up permanent residence on said list. I REALLY wanna see more of this!
1877766
well you will see at least three more chapters, I hope.
If you're gonna make it teen, take that out.
Otherwise, the sex toys, gore, and family REALLY doesn't belong in the same sentence.
1874155
i1355.photobucket.com/albums/q714/mufffinpatrol/tumblr_m85bw9fGtf1rqfhi2o1_500_zpse7a27512.gif
Well.....I'll be blunt. The Mating/Heat jokes were used too willy-nilly in this chapter. The general FanTheory, is that most Mars go into heat during the Spring. I think you are getting the same reaction as most Alicorn OC's get for one reason.
You aren't sticking to the universally accepted"Springtime equals heat" Fanon. I've noticed people don't usually like change, like with Nyx in the story Past Sins. She's an Alicorn, She's technically an OC, but she's not a MarySue. Some people don't lke Nyx because of the amount Fanon that went into deciding how magic works.*
*She was "created" via Magical means and a small piece of Nightmare Moon's power. She is a living, breathing, 100% sentient and feeling filly, though some characters don't think that. Which is what starts most of the conflicts poor little Nyx gets into.
1882788>>1882788
what would you suggest. Like i have said i am not entirely sure on the fanon. thank you for your input i will get around to change the time of year. however i would like to know what you suggest about the willynilly ness of mating/heat
1882975 Just...well, It isn't so bad, unless you plan to make it a running gag. I suggest if you plan to use the subject any more, you be careful about how often you use what jokes and when. Jokes get old fast, as do references/innuendos if you use them too much.
1882993
Ok I will work my writers magic and keep things smooth.
Hmmm..I see that this story is picking up speed rather quickly...
Good job.
1889004 Also, a bit of info. You have 8 thumbs down out of 11. That isn't so bad for 4 chapters. once you get a few more, more people will probably read this. Mainly because I've noticed alot of people wait for there to be a certain amount of chapters before reading and commenting. Mine is generally about 3 chapters minimum. This story grabbed my attention so it's not unlikely it did the same to others.
The shadow on dinky's neck looks like a collar...
2.bp.blogspot.com/-eHOER-ouZ_Y/UB7mM7UpktI/AAAAAAAACK0/M6s34WiwIFk/s1600/oh-children-its-dinnertime.gif
...Kinky
I for one think you've found your niche in writing stories. Everything just seemed to.."flow". It had a small twist, but nothing that you could easily have guessed.
I must say, i'm quite impressed.
The pure randomness of this chapter. I found this chaotic, but it was awesome. It is a lot of fun.
I liked it.
I enjoyed it. It was not the best story I have read. I really enjoyed the fact that Derpy was the one to save the day because she is my favorite. she deserves to be a hero. The whole alicorn thing was weird, but it does not change my enjoyment of the story.
When Dashie was raped i was like encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQy3R4xXbj9MfMuxUkdK1oP8FpaNjPUL2Lj2sNM1TJGg8C-po8v
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQOP-_WLoUqnorpiF2sE3fzGTBXahd3bQXAzAvdhUTRY6pSm8qGzQ
myconfinedspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/I-am-so-done.jpg
... nope.
1890188
What... I don't even...