- Member Since 16th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Aug 11th, 2012
Holla Jolla
I'm that one black guy. "Easy reading is damn hard writing." Nathaniel Hawthorne
Holla Jolla
Joined 16th Jan, 2012 ·
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Switch them around, and it would've been my EXACT OTP. As it stands, 4.5/5
Consensual? Involving Flutters? Blasphemy!
135976
Thanks for the wonderful feedback. It was taking way longer than it should have to write this and, since it was a request, I kind of set myself a personal deadline. That deadline was today and I was starting to feel really rushed to get this finished, so I did very, very minimal revisions to it. Basically, this would probably count as a rough draft more than a final, but I was starting to feel obligated to get it done today, so I just submitted it as fast as I could. I realize now that I probably should have done more edits in the long run, but I really do appreciate the constructive feedback. Thanks for reading.
"Dash said, nippling on Fluttershy's earlobe a bit" Lol, ponies have earlobes?
Daaaaaaamn~ though! Amazing job with this!
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I'm sure ponies have earlobes somewhere. I'm just not exactly sure where. thinklikeahorse.org/images/Massage%20horse%20ear.jpg
See? A noof. That's what the cool kids call it. Anyway, yeah, I really did want to make them humanized because I was starting to trouble with the BDSM actions. However, the request didn't call for humanized, so I tried to keep them as pone as possible. Oh, and by creamy skin, I meant color wise, like a light yellow. Addressing these issues now, thank you for the feed back. I'm really actually surprised with how well this story has done so far, considering it was my first.
Ooh, gonna have to read this one later.
I saw a fair share (not overwhelming, just one here and there) of typos and grammatical snafus in this fic but.... I think a simple proofreading would polish this to a near perfect shine because the characters are beautifully written and true to themselves, the scenery and descriptions are great, and the cloppy bits are beyond delicious. I implore you: Keep writing. Find a trusted proofreader. You'll be in the Celestia tier of this subgenre with little more effort. You've already caught my undying attention. :3
There is only one thing to be said for this.
137391 This was your first? Wow, I know when I finally start working on my fic it will be way worse than this. I do hope you continue writing!
This, this is the best clopfic ever. I love you for this
Take these 5/5 stars, TAKE THEM I SAID
Ooh, that was nice.
I'd have preferred more detailed actual pet play (rather than just the sex bits), but it's really great for a first try! Just try to get yourself a proofreader.
That was really great. I'm not into BDSM, nor roleplaying, but somehow when it involves shy ponies it's OK...
: "RAINBOW DASH!... It's okay. I. Want. It.”
"What?"
*sigh*
"Oh please don't hurt me, Miss. Dash! I'll do anything you want...”
That sound's extremely weird, but I guess you bronies know what I'm talking about.
I'm not going to say it was muffins... but it was muffins!
Coming back to the matter in hoof, Great story, I would love to read more from you, maybe you could complete the story with a little bit more of... romance, kinda of "it was just a one night stand, and I ended having feelings for her", it may be complicated, but with pacience and will, I think you could fit it just perfectly, while keeping the clop plot, maybe you could do a sequel with someting like that. I really hope this helps you, 5/5
...
Ha! Great story there. Very good quality compared to others.
Saw a few "hands" that outa been "hooves", but don't care. This was fan-bucking-tastic.
good clop fic well written to besides a few grammatical errors
my hands may have very well been in my pants for parts of this fic, and it hurts me to say it XD.
You are no fluke
Like I said before I dont really like clopfics but yours captivated me.
Good job overall nothing I need to say that hasent already been said
I don't even know what to comment here...
This is the very first clopfic I have ever read, and I am pretty sure it is the BEST of all the fics I am going to read.
I don't really like RD, personally. But that didn't really matter here, because the details were kind of focused on Fluttershy.
I really liked the fact that you managed to keep their original self (except for the swearing that cut me off for a few fractions of seconds, and which didn't built in with the story too well - in my opinion).
Sexy, competent and well executed. Hard to believe this is a first fic.
A single slice Luna's Moon glowed high in the sky, bathing the lands with it's florescent gaze.
"single slice of Luna's Moon" (Reads better this way), "with__it's florescent gaze." (double space)
"She just wasteland going to be easy then, was she?"
(I don't know what you meant to put here... "wasn't" maybe?)
The clop was good and i'm not going to say anything more.
Have to say it was really good imo. It seemed rather IC. And was about the first "romantic/sensual" pet/mistress play I've read that wasn't just "porn".
Althou, the use of "hands" were a bit meh, putting off the setting a bit, but otherwise you got it really neatly "pony shaped". I know I saw a few grammar errors, and a repetition of a word. But really, that happens to almost everyone, even with spell-check.
Really liked that Dash was dom, but still caring. It fits well. Some things I personally would have preferred otherwise would have been the use of ex: "slut" to something possibly more "kind/sensual". That, and that the vulva/lip color was pink. Would have preferred the candy vag as it makes sense anatomy wise. That, or onyx. Even if that breaks the anatomical law of the "candy vag". But yeah, overall, it was very well written imo. (And bonus points for the squirting at the end... that or she was just really well lubricated xP)
I'd like to say that i usualy try my best to leave an intellectual and witty comment.
that being said...
I came.
The whole time I was reading this, I was covering my mouth and giggling like a madpony.
...It was so hot, I couldn't even... I mean, wow. Seriously... Keep it up, boyo.~
Fuck yeah, nuff said
Dash was like:
"Hell ya"
"I am shy"
"Sorry"
"Fuck me!"
Then Fluttershy was like:
Then Dash was like:
Then Fluttershey was like:
Very Good!
wish they got around to using a gag or blindfold
I could get used to 'Mistress' Dash
136059 can I make a suggestion? when i write something, i try to use a word prossesing program with spell check, the you can catch any tiny errors. if that not enough, there is a program called grammarly you can use for more comprehensive spell checking. hope this was helpful
brohoof /)
I saw that word 'hand' in there, but other than that great work! Thumbs up from me.
A very good read. Only a few spots here or there that could be spelling and/or continuity errors, but they didn't take away from the story as a whole. I enjoyed the description of RD's mentality (being a dom myself). I think you did a good job of capturing the feel of what a dom and a sub both feel and desire. :)
...
...
Yeah, a few grammar and continuity errors shook me out of it from time to time, but the story as a whole had me absolutely horny, and I'm not even into the whole clop thing normally. Good job!
The shear amount of win on this page has reached it's limits, also to you
347329
You know we can have orgasms like that, right?
876163 What kind of orgasms? Mind you it was 15 weeks ago I read this xD
876327
I know lol, I just found this fic and your comment intreged me, it's called a squiting orgasm, not realy an orignal name, just to name it after what you do.
876424
If you've read any of my work, you know I am well acquainted with those xD
Or do you mean those "non-squirting", squirting orgasms, where the girl just gushes out lots of lubricant without prostate stimulation, or whatever now causes the "gushing".
876683
Not to sure, ive never had one, acording to my friends though, you'll know when you do
880578
You're either a natural squirter (~40 %) or have to learn how to squirt (~60 %). It's quite simple actually, first timers are recommended to use the little fillies room first. xP Then you basically yourself, or have someone repeatedly press/push at your prostate (aka: urethral sponge, aka: g-spot), it's sensitive to pressure, not friction. This might give a feeling like having to pee, then when it feels like you're cumming, you "push" it out, like when clenching your vaginal muscles, but in a slightly different way, and a stream of lubricant should ejaculate from a gland near the urethra that normally secrets vaginal mucus or something.
And
this turned TMI xD (btw, the average load for a girl is ~½ a coffee mug, compared to a males ~1 dining spoon)
882340
Holy shit, I should try that
882583
There's way more well described tutorials online
And it might take a few tries to work up ones vaginal muscles enough. Also, this might be a better PM topic than posting on a story with it technically inside xP
Thank you for using my pic... it made me read it, haha. Relevant to my interests!
I enjoyed this story I really did but......It would have been about 20% cooler if dash was the submissive one even if she's my favorite pony.....I mean If that's okay....
i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j418/WantItNeedIt/album2/mlfw1126_my-little-pony-friendship-.gif
968835
I'd chime in with that request, but I won't mind either if Applejack got somehow 'roped' into this...
The nicest touch to the story was the mid part, depicting RD's fear that she might have overwhelmed Fluttershy.
Liked it!
7/10
Terrible grammar but decent story.
Fluttershy began to shift a little as she came back to, completely unaware where she was at the moment or what she was doing. “Wha-Rainbow Dash? I...” She quickly noticed her surroundings and he less than flattering position. *Needs to be a her.
eventually, she reached the top and gently pulled up the clitoral hood with her tongue, her hot breath npw beating down on the small bead. *should be now.
Other than that I just think that there should have been a gag or something. I mean, the chains didn't do much against flutters, but it was still cool to see someone write this way. Hope you got your fair share of kicks out of this.
Not sure if gusta...
Plenty of inaccuracies, but sweet Celestia this was damn good!
It was like....
BDSM TIME, FUCK YEAAAAH!
BD-what?
Uh.... you... uh....
FUCK ME YOU BITCH
Now it's a party.
That was super hot. Me gusta.
And now I'm like,
~The Princess Rarity.... is OUT! (Man, I need a better sig.)