[2nd-Person Fic starring you and Fluttershy]
You wanted to live your life simply, make the best for yourself, and maybe make a few friends along the way. But with one backstab too many, you find that last point to be impossible. You make it a point to never put too much faith in your so-called "friends," and you wonder if you'll ever be able to trust again.
Will the kindness of a simple mare be able to turn you around?
Author's Note: I've read a few 2nd-Person fics around, both on here and elsewhere, so I thought "Why not give it a shot?" My first fanfiction, not only about ponies, but about ANY sort of material, so criticism is welcome. If you spot grammar issues or whatever, I'll try and get them all sorted out as well.
Why Fluttershy? Well, she's my favorite, of course. That, and I've yet to develop a story for any other character thus far.
As for content? It won't be incredibly saucy, and some foul language is about the worst I'll throw into this, so don't worry too much about that.
So sit back, and enjoy the ride! I hope you do, anyway....
Art by ~Lucia-Conchita on DeviantArt.
TRAITOR!
My God, Russ just rubs me the wrong way simply because I know people like him exist.
You've given your characters a nice little kick off from the start, firmly establishing personalities as ones I'd like to see develop (and possible get a comeuppance) along with nice foreshadowing that I can't wait to see explained.
All in all, a good start and I look forward to seeing more.
Russ, you ass! D:
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137002
That's exactly the response I was hoping to envoke!
137013
Hearing that coming from you means so much to me! I'm a huge fan of your work Number One!
Fantastic
138652 Yeah, I though that fitted here. The last time I used it was when we saw RD fly out of the labyrinth in Season 2 Episode 2.
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139554
Glad to hear it!
The story so far has:
Drawn me in? ...CHECK!
100% Fluttershy approved? ...CHECK!
Been very well edited? ...CHECK!
This story is now greater than or equal to Rainbow Dash levels of awesome.
141414
Glad to hear I'm doing something right!
To be honest, I'm a little nervous about releasing this chapter. This is where my ability to replicate existing personalities comes into play. All the characters I've released thus far were of my own creation.
And yes, I know. Erratic chapter lengths are erratic. I hope you all enjoy this one!
Don't worry, I think you did a great job on this chapter. Although, I want to beat the CRAP out of Russ, that was just horrible. But yeah, liking the story, looking forward to the next chapter! :D
IS GOOD DAY FOR READING TINY PONIES.
Also, do "I" get to set Russ on fire later?
143584 Thanks, it's a relief to hear that...Also, that's good! Hold on to that feeling of hatred, embrace it!
And the next few chapters may be a little slower to release, because A WILD ILLNESS APPEARED!
143601 NYET! RUSS IS KREDIT TO PLOTLINE
I feel this chapter has been the best so far. The emotions with this chapter were clearly expressed in a way I do not usually see. Each paragraph from our main character is dripping with all sort of different emotions. It also left a lot of different choices on how the story could be continued from here, so that's a big plus from me. Also I couldn't find any blaring spelling/punctuation errors. Anyway, can't wait for next chapter and I hope you feel better sometime soon.
143849 So I AM doing something right! It's a relief to hear it!
Also, great, now I feel like I'm supposed to write spin-off plotlines for this or something.
Don't worry about me, it's nothing too big. Should clear up in a day or two.
Good chapter. Nice descriptions and imagery, as always. The stares from wheeling yourself around town and the feelings in the leg during the exercises were excellent.
My only complaint is that it feels a little repetitive in a couple places. Fluttershy seems to excuse herself to leave your house twice, which felt a little off. You mention it feels like heaven when she holds your leg and again when holding your hoof. Also, I feel the manticore part was overdone a bit (my personal feelings, could be different for others).
Nothing story-breaking, though. Well done!
144869
Thanks as always for the feedback, mate! I tried to extend the amount of details like you suggested, but I have a bit of a hard time coming up with new examples to explain them. (i.e. the "feels like heaven" twice thing.)
Perhaps once I've finished the story, I'll go back and polish up some things. Maybe....maybe.
Thanks this is actually better than what i originally thought(no offense) normally these types of stories drive me up the wall but this is well written and the stoyr rings true with anyone that has somewaht of a heart.(overestimation?) I enjoyed it you have made me happy and sad but i await your nxt chapter thanks
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None taken, and I'm glad you're enjoying it!
143659 OH NOOOOOOO! IS SAD DAY!
It wasn't bad at all. You can only get better from here
160592
Thanks, it's always nice to have some reassurance!
Is it kinda wrong to hate this chapter's ending?
Cause now I hate myself!
160848
Uh...not sure if good or bad that I invoked this hatred...
It wasn't bad, but I question the action of 'me' immediately coming to the conclusion that she was using me and/or wanted me to give her money. I dunno, it kind of really seems out of place emotionally and logically.
But that's just me, perhaps there are those who experience this as it is. Do continue!
Why am I so stupid?!
And of course Big Mac is cool. BIG MAC IS BEST PONEY
160857
It's a 2nd person fic. Get it? You put yourself in the place as the main protagonist.
Therefore, hating myself
Hm. That confrontation With Russ was definitely calling out for the phrase 'you left me to die'. Still, bloody fantastic job.
Also. Russ is back. NOW IS COWARD KILLING TIME!
Okay, let's see...
160899 I was figuring the broken sense of trust "you" carry would make sense of this. Perhaps the next chapter will justify it a bit more.
160987 Idk.
Still waiting for Big Mac episode...
161068 Yes, I know. I meant was it good or bad that you hated the chapter?
161179 I already told you you're not killing anypony! Also, thank you!
TWIST
162559
Would this extra 5 star rating mean anything?
Yes. I like the story and thus I am still tracking it
163492 That's what I was going for!
163541 Yes, yes that would mean a lot. Thank you so much!
Wat
*sees Russ* HALT CRIMINAL SCUM
Imma firstfag :D
Cool story, bro.
I've been waiting for this! Good to see some resolution, really eager to see how this plays out!
182804
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Jk, and thanks!
182811 I think you'll be pleased with it...Well, I hope you are, anyway.
It's all Pinkie's fault that this happened in the first place!
182861 Jesus, you guys are fast.
Also, don't hate on the Pink.
Well FINALLY, I almost punched my screen for the last chapter but oh well I guess my monitor has a second chance . MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
182872 I'm gonna have to ask you to step away from the computer...
God damn it, the main character is so DAFT... Did you really have to make him an idiot of this caliber?
183026
That depends. Is that a bad thing? I can avoid it in the future if so.
The extremity of his poor judgment is something of a result of events that will be explained soon enough. His ludicrous accusations are there to show just how weakened his sense of trust is.
Or this is just me fruitlessly defending myself.
I thank you for getting a punch in, though I was expecting a Rainbow Roundhouse Kick, or a lightning bolt at the least, but I still forgive the protagonist/me. You've done well with this one.
183084
Honestly, I feel it makes for a good story. But I feel its a little over board. Does he really not trust in the good of any thing anymore? Even if he doesn't couldn't he have at least waited to know the full situation before storming out of the party?
I couldn't take me seriously, I'm sorry. I think you've made the main character very, very dumb and blind... His whole conclusion (which he strongly believes in) of Fluttershy (FLUTTERSHY! COME ON!) about her taking advantage of him is honestly the last thing I'd have expected. Not to say that this is completely improbable, but it's still very hard to believe. I'm not un-tracking or anything, but I think this little "bump in the road" from storming off from the party was a little uneccessary. Still overall a good story.
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Under normal circumstances, I would have argued that your character's inane sense of trust would justify this, but to be honest, I agree with both of you.
Looking at this now, I do realize just how overboard I may have made the main character. I mixed up "stubborn and not trusting" with "nonsensical and downright stupid." Somewhere down the line I made some wrong turn, because I never really intended for that to happen.
And Zetta? There's no need to sugar-coat it. I fucked up, and that's all there is to it.
Now I'm not gonna quit, or cancel the story or anything. The last chapter is in production now. I'm not cutting this short or anything, in fact, I initially planned it to be five chapters + prologue. I broke it up for the sake of pacing.
Again, sorry for anyone who finds this chapter disappointing.
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