That semi-known writer with a few successes and an admin for Rage Reviews.
Twilight is Best Pony6,371 stories ·3,072 members
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In her latest bid to impress Princess Celestia, Twilight takes to mapping out the Everfree Forest. Along the way she discovers that some things are not to be disturbed. She also learns to get a second opinion whenever Spike offers her advice.
Artwork courtesy of Short Circuit: http://shortcircuitca.deviantart.com/
Editing by TypeandKey.
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well... what the heck? is this a vampony fic? I'm thinking so... also is this related to nightmare moon?
interesting....
Now onto the issues... I've never been much of a fan for first person fics... so it was already a little hard to read. what I found was the pacing and dialog just felt off... somehow disjointed at times. I think you did better with the conversations/interactions between the ponies than you did with Twilight's inner monologs.
I think you need to search for an editor. There is potential in this story.
Remnants of a nightmare... even just a remnant can stick to you. I know that one to well, when I failed them back at Sing...
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Yeah, I was worried about it feeling disjointed. I tried to show that Twilight wasn't all there in the head after the incident and that it seemed like time flew by for her.
"Map the Everfree forest" he said, "It won't be dangerouns" he said...
Not bad, not bad.
Dun..dun..DUN!!!
Well, that was quick getting to the need for blood.
I find it amusing that Twilight's library has THAT. What, is it the dumping ground for all obscure texts in existence, or is Celestia REALLY that Crazy Prepared?
Filling an entire library with random obscure but inevitably useful books for years and then sending Twilight to live there... hmmmmm.....
seems fishie to me.
Sweet, an update, I like how you you have written Twilight, it's in character and makes sense, keep it up!
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It's Twilight we're talking about. She probably went out of her way to stock up on reference guides.
2042322
Thanks.
I'm liking this so far, great start for a vampire pony fic.
Well, that won't arouse suspicion at all...
This is so AWESOME!!!
More, MORE, GIMME MOAR!!!! Plz.
Thank you for writing this piece of awesome.
go to the everfree tonight. don't stay in ponyville for the feeding.
I would love to see where this is going
should be 'stake' , unless you want to stab twi with a piece of meat.
Ahh, I see we're in for a dream consult. I'm curious to find out if Luna has any sort of vampire connection or knowledge, you frequently get that in vampony stories.
2294023
Fixed.
I wonder who twilight will forget next
I love the heart of darkness quotes that are in these stories. I jumped up in joy when they added it into the show and now it's a common thing now.
Hopefully Luna can fix this before it gets really bad.
2294023
hmm if you put it in the freezer it could work
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Yeah, if you wanted to bludgeon her with it. Steaks aren't very sharp
2294023 She could mean they feed her fat till she gets a blood clot in the heart and has a heart attack!
or... it could have been a typo 
It would seem Luna panicked... justifiably.
My guess? That remenant of Nightmare Moon is like an infectious disease, and a method of survival or procreation. If she is defeated and that tainted shard of her is tapped, it either converts it's victim into what might be called her "child" (AKA a vampony) or it slowly converts the victim completely into her, which might explain the memory loss.
2294023
Is it wrong that I'm sad that it's gone... I laughed so hard!!
I wish it said steak instead.
Well that's a strange request... dream walking is strange is it not.
Let's hope tht luna protects twilight from jeff the killer
i.imgur.com/tfZQS.jpg
More please! And soon?
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Don't worry, the next update won't take nearly as long. In fact, I have the next (and last) chapter already written and edited. I just didn't want to put up both at the same time.
Oh damn.
2407557 Why? I never understood that. Why not put it up? Why make us wait? There is no benifit for making us wait, you don't get paid, more views, less views, or anything. Other than people whining for you to get the next chapter out already.
I never did understand why authors did that. Write out 2+ chapters, but only release 1 at a time. You can't even use the 'excuse' to have it be a buffer, since you said it was the last chapter, which is disappointing really.
Best chapter ever!!!!!!
Yeah...didn't really like this ending...at all
pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/136167937061.jpg
Yeah... That was not an ending... That was just another cliffhanger. Story was going.. going... Major event that is going to expose everything and ruin their life!!...... Then suddenly a dream that explains everything away, while keeping a 'happy' ending for the 'real' Twilight.
Aka, Author got lazy and just wrote something to end the story now and not continue it...
eh its like half and half. Its good but at the same time it feels like I am looking at something that should't be. I truely don't know how to react.
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Yeah, I won't deny it. I got really burnt out on this story, and wanted to end it.
2412576 Yeah. I kinda figured lol. Not the best, but hey, if people want better, they can write their own stories!
If you ever want to, a sequel is highly possible, and I would read. Just if you want to though
Writing is great and the story is great!
I admit I first didn't understand Luna's explanation of what happened to Twilight, guess I'm a little slow.
Anyways, following!
And then the Dawnguard showed up and Isran killed Twilight the Vampire.
I shall dub thee Half-Light, for you are indeed Twilight, halved. You created by a foul spell, and meant to be a foul creature, but by the hands of fate, or chance... you are not. You are not a monster lest you chose to be, for you do have a choice. In your origins lie both the roads to darkness and light. Dark by birth, but Light by foundation. Some would call you an echo. A reflection in a dark mirror. They would be horribly wrong. You are no pale imitation. You are something else.
You, my dear Half-Light, are a bridge between light and dark, much as Twilight herself is a bridge between day and night. You are her counterpart. You are her opposite. You are the yang to her yin. You... are Daybreak.
...
I don't get what they're whining about here. This was perfect! From a story-perspective of course, there were a few grammar-errors here and there.
But this ending made this story go from 'good' to 'great'. Ending it like this, after tying off all the loose ends is great, and it's properly chilling.
You're left wondering what happened next, while knowing that it's actually going to be fine. Luna is going to forge Dawn, or Dusk, or whatever a new identity, possibly even give her a new cutie-mark. She'll be tutored by the night-guard and the Princess herself in how to hide her 'flaws'. In time she'll practically be Luna's shadow, her best friend and confidante. Twilight will of course be told the story later, after Dawn/Dusk/whatever slips up at some point.
slightly creepy,but amazing story! it turned from horror to sci fi ish in a snap! love it!!!!!!!!!!!1
Oooo what happens now?
2416091 I think I love you for that comment.