As Christmas, or whatever it's called in the MLP universe, approaches an unknown mastermind plans to stop Christmas. Jack, a human from earth, who is now part of the Equestrian special forces takes time off for the holiday but is soon thrown back into the action to stop this Christmas stealing menace.
Yeah yeah I know, someone plans to steal Christmas? How original, but it's pretty awesome because it's more along the lines of an action book rather then something like The Grinch who stole Christmas. I'm gonna try and have it done for Chrsitmas, ironic right?
Chapters (16)
wow, this story is so awesome !
A gunslinger named Jack?
reddead.neoseeker.com/w/i/reddead/thumb/4/46/Jack.png/320px-Jack.png
Yeah... I've been playing too much Red Dead recently.
1836767 oh my god... I never thought about that until you said that, I was gonna name him bob but that didn't seem awesome enough
1836733 sweet, thanks man... note to self 'someone thinks my story is awesome yessss
1836767
Jack Marston has finally got redemption, but his life still feels empty.
He's forgotten something.
He hasn't forgotten his morals.
He hasn't forgotten to turn the stove off.
Oh, damn, yea.
He forgot to save Christmas.
Well this seems funny as hell and becasue of what Gher said, I'm going to laugh my ass of.
Keep it going!
1836799 No, he saved it. Edgar Ross was the evil Federal Agent who planned to steal Christmas from the West.
1836858
There we go.
Christmas novel classic, right there.
Make it happen.
"Celestias gonna have a hissy fit about this" classic line, right there. Since the world didn't end. Please make a sequal
1836863 Done.
It's amazing what a bored guy can do in ten minutes or so.
Funny thing is when you said all the guns had to be relinquished, I thought after he showed the revolver I thought, Jesus now he's gonna pull a shotgun outta his undies
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, at least this is semi-original
1839513 yeah, what would happen if The grinch stole Christmas but someone shot him instead
Jeez, how many firearms does jack have?
Best story on fimfiction by the way
1840241
Infinite, he can pull them outta thin air, like me with blades...
I like to carry at least 4 blades on my person...
1840244 hey thanks man, when someone says "You book is awesome" it makes me feel good and if I was one of those people that are really dramatic I'd cry but I'm not one of those dramatic people so I'm not crying.
Okay sorry it's a little off topic but while I was writing this I was watching a terrible movie called The legend of the Titanic and apperently according to this movie no one actually died on the titanic and it was actually a gang of sharks that sunk the titanic... and a giant fucking octopus saved all the people and they all lived happily ever after... jeezus christ why is humanity so disrespectful
You write action scenes pretty well, but that first chapter was painful. That's what's known as an info-dump. I think it actually hurts the story because it turns people off before they get to the good parts of the second chapter. A better way would be to take all those details and slowly reveal them over the course of the first real chapter or two as they become important.
Your spelling and grammer are above average.
1843868 uhhm thank you? sorry but I'm not really sure if this is a compliment or not but thanks
Paint it black is a perfect song for this situation. I love how you put lyrics at the end of the chapter. I'd say yould have to be my favorite author on fimfiction.
1846287 OH SNAP, YEAH BUDDY, yo D thanks man, that means alot I read that and I was liek YEEEEAAAH. Oh buddy this is going in things to remeber. Yeah when I was writing the end of this chapter I searched for like an hour for a suitable song, listen to Fortunate son, freebird, house of the rising sun, big guns basically all the classics that kicked ass anyway I'd sit there listen to the track and picture it with that song going and I figure Paint it black was the best one, glad you agree
I'm serious, your stories kick ass. So, when your done this Wadda ya gonna do.
1846691 Have christmas with my family, screw around then finsih my other story, Predator: Equestria. It's a combonation of Mlp and the movie predator then I'll start another story about Pipsqueak the pirate or something, all while I somehow manage out my daily life schedule, working and what not.
this is rad as hell
1: holy shit Tia died
2: fuck magic, desert eagles kill demons
3: probably one of the best chapters
1850007 no spoiler but next chapter is boss
You should make the ending where Jack and Luna hook up.
1850901 man... I made the chapter last night and you totally called that... you must be a Leprechaun
ahhahaha well to any of which thumbs up man have a Merry Christmas
Nope, I'm not a leprechaun, I'm a wizard. Great story. At least nothing sexual happened.
good story needs more views damn it
1852975 ahhh I don't mind, but thanks for the compliment, the reason I don't have many views is because not many people know me or whatever, usually people skim through to read the "Big" stories, like Fallout Equestria and what not... but I don't mind I say at least 1 person likes it so that's good enough for me
Doubt break the fourth wall
1845417 I have to agree, the story is pretty good but I won't sugar coat it. The first chapter just sucks, I really suggest rewritting it, it's just that most people won't read the next chapter if the first one is crap and thus will never come to the good stuff
.