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Happycamper

Joined August 2012
37 followers

Stories (3)

  • Sorority Among Thieves
    A young filly named Accident is abandoned in the streets of Canterlot, before being taken under the wing of a burglar who trains her to be a master thief. Adorableness and hilarity ensues.

    48,286 words · 388 views · 37 likes · 0 dislikes
  • Hitmare
    Rainbow Dash is ruthlessly pranked as part of an evil revenge plot. The Mane 6 try and find the hitmare and the mastermind.
    7,753 words · 613 views · 26 likes · 1 dislikes
  • Hug's Warming Eve
    Shadow, a young teenage burglar, enacts a yearly Hearth's Warming ritual that she's kept secret from her big sister. This year, however, Sky's going to find out where she goes ever Hearth's Warming Eve.
    4,348 words · 564 views · 9 likes · 1 dislikes

For the past few days, Rainbow Dash has been on the receiving end of the most brutal pranking streak ever to hit Ponyville. The identity of the pony behind it all is a mystery, as is the identity of the hitmare prankster.

Coincidentally, this pranking begins shortly after Rainbow has crashed into Twilight's library and sent her books flying everywhere for the fiftieth time this month.

First Published
13th Jan 2013
Last Modified
22nd Apr 2013

Comments ( 20 )

#1 · Chapter 2 · 80w, 4d ago · 1 · 3 ·

(Joke) Alt. Title: S#!tmare

#2 · Chapter 2 · 80w, 4d ago · 1 · 1 ·
#3 · Chapter 4 · 79w, 1h ago · 1 · ·

Evil Mastermind Twilight Sparkle- hard at work avenging ruined books everywhere.

#4 · Chapter 4 · 78w, 6d ago · · ·

>>2018735 Isn't she just the most adorkable "evil villain" ever?

#5 · Chapter 4 · 78w, 6d ago · · ·

>>2022256

Yes. Yes she is. She should have an equally adorkable 'Evil Villain' name... The Librarian! Although that's not very evil.

#6 · Chapter 4 · 78w, 6d ago · · ·

>>2022343 I don't know about that. I've met some pretty psycho librarians in my time. :twilightangry2:

#7 · Chapter 4 · 78w, 6d ago · · ·

>>2022352

Hmm, true, true... Librarians can be pretty evil. What do you mean by psycho, though?

Her catchphrase could be "Shhhhhh!"

#8 · Chapter 5 · 77w, 4d ago · · ·

>>2022534 I like this idea! Hmmm, don't suppose I made the chapter title a bit too obvious, do you? :twilightsheepish:

#9 · Chapter 7 · 73w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

i was actually aiming for spike to be the prankster but maybe not

#10 · Chapter 7 · 73w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

Agent 42.

Equestria's greatest prankster and universal parallel to Agent 47.

#11 · Chapter 6 · 71w, 1d ago · · ·

Okay friend. I'm gonna give you some editing advice to make the story look better and be easier to read for people. I'll just take a segment of this chapter for example.

"Good evening, Rainbow Dash!" Rarity smiled, flinging the door wide dramatically. "It's quite all right darling, I understand that you couldn't keep yourself away from my wonderful boutique! Now, how can we help you?"

"Somepony wrecked my house." replied Rainbow groggily. "Don't know who it was...they're gone now...can I stay with you for the night?"

Rarity pouted as she looked her friend over critically.

"Well," said she, after a cursory inspection, "I suppose I can spare a bed...I mean, Pinkie and I were going to have a slumber party tonight anyway, and Sweetie Belle's away at the hospital with her little friend, but we simply must do something about your coat and mane!"

"That's the other thing I was going to ask you." Rainbow said as she half walked, half-crawled inside. "Is there any way you can fix this mess?"

"I might have a couple of ways to fix that. Ooh, we can do makeovers! It'll be so much fun!" Rarity clopped her forehooves together in excitement."

Alright, first thing I like to do is space out the conversational text. Like so:

"Good evening, Rainbow Dash!" Rarity smiled, flinging the door wide dramatically. "It's quite all right darling, I understand that you couldn't keep yourself away from my wonderful boutique! Now, how can we help you?"

"Somepony wrecked my house." replied Rainbow groggily. "Don't know who it was...they're gone now...can I stay with you for the night?"

Rarity pouted as she looked her friend over critically. "Well," said she, after a cursory inspection, "I suppose I can spare a bed...I mean, Pinkie and I were going to have a slumber party tonight anyway, and Sweetie Belle's away at the hospital with her little friend, but we simply must do something about your coat and mane!"

"That's the other thing I was going to ask you." Rainbow said as she half walked, half-crawled inside. "Is there any way you can fix this mess?"

"I might have a couple of ways to fix that. Ooh, we can do makeovers! It'll be so much fun!" Rarity clopped her forehooves together in excitement.

See? Much easier to read! And it doesn't take all that much time to do. Second thing, I normally separate out the actions of the characters from the conversation, except for when their actions go before, between or after them talking. You didn't have any of those longer 'action' segments in there, so nothing of that was separated, but I hope you get what I'm talking about.

Another thing is commas, when you have a conversation go like "Talk talk talk here" *said character does action or whatnot here* "More talk talk here" there's a place where you want to put commas or periods. Example:

"That's the other thing I was going to ask you." Rainbow said as she half walked, half-crawled inside. "Is there any way you can fix this mess?"

After the first set of conversation Rainbow says, there's a period. Instead that should be a comma, making it look like this:

"That's the other thing I was going to ask you," Rainbow said as she half walked, half-crawled inside. "Is there any way you can fix this mess?"

In my opinion you don't really have to do this, but that's just how I was taught it was supposed to be done.

I hope this helps! I'm enjoying the story so far, but it would definitely be nice to make it easier to read like I suggested.

#12 · Chapter 7 · 71w, 1d ago · · ·

>>2292839 You give sage advice, Himntor.

I have to admit, I'm aware that there were slight slip-ups with the writing of some of these chapters (especially when you cross-reference submission times with NZ time zones), but that is incredibly helpful advice that I'm going to put to good use. The purpose of this story was to give some laughs and get me back into the habit of writing, and being told what works and what would work better is absolutely invaluable.

Thanks very much, mate!

#13 · Chapter 7 · 71w, 1d ago · · ·

"Commentaries on the Equestrian Xarxes "

Omgosh, Oblivion reference. 10/10.

#14 · Chapter 7 · 71w, 1d ago · · ·

>>2292894 YUSS! Someone has spotted the Oblivion reference! Bravo sir! Bravo!

#15 · Chapter 7 · 71w, 1d ago · · ·

>>2292938

I'd never miss Oblivion references, was a great game. :ajsmug:

#16 · Chapter 8 · 66w, 3d ago · · ·

:scootangel: It couldn't possibly be little Scootaloo.

:moustache: And of course Spike was fantastic.

#17 · Chapter 2 · 66w, 3d ago · · ·

I guess when it comes to clenliness. Rainbow Dash doesn't have the grade.... PAINT. Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo ha ha ha ha ha

#18 · Chapter 4 · 66w, 3d ago · · ·

I KNEW IT!!!! Well you know what they say.... NO ONE SUSPECTS THE BOOK WORM!!!

#19 · Chapter 8 · 66w, 3d ago · · ·

>>2466325 I don't know. Sometimes the culprit is the least suspected.

#20 · Chapter 8 · 66w, 3d ago · · ·

Fluttershy hasn't been seen this whole time.  Same with Applejack.

One of them is the hitmare, I'd guess. (Fluttershy)

~Skeeter The Lurker

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