In Which Allergies Are Stupid
Tick, tock.
Roseluck's green eyes bored into her target's cyan ones.
Tick, tock.
Surfa Dood felt several beads of sweat roll down the back of his head.
Tick, tock.
The rosy-maned earth pony mare licked her lips, hooves shifting only a bit to show their restlessness.
Tick, tock.
The aqua-maned earth pony stallion fidgeted with his tie, trying desperately not to look away, yet wanting to more than anything.
Tick, tock.
The poor waiter, serving tray positioned carefully in front of his face, subtly levitated the untouched wine glasses from table six, trying to not make any sudden movements.
Tick, tock.
All the regulars in the incredibly expensive restaurant tried to quietly reposition so that their dates were in-between themselves and Roseluck.
Tick, tock.
Sentinel nervously pulled out a little blue box, building up the courage to ask his long-time-frenemy the big question.
Tick, tock.
Roseluck gingerly hefted the small pouch full of Truth Dust.
Tick, tock.
Surfa blinked.
"CHANGELING!" Hollered Roseluck at the top of her lungs, lobbing the little sack of dust at her date as her forehooves shot straight up, spontaneously bursting out of her chair with enough force to shatter it and send a small barrage of chair splinters across the room and into a certain guardspony's entire back.
Surfa Dood, finally losing his cool, let out a ferocious reverse battle cry, and together with Sentinel, charged straight out of Restauran' le' Fancí, both bubbling and screaming like absolute mares.
Roseluck blinked - duly noting that the Truth Dust had no effect on the gangly surfer pony - before slowly turning to see the scowling face of the head waiter, Horte.
"Eh heh, I can explain...?"
"Grumblegrumble," Roseluck grumbled, kicking at a rock from her perch on the curb in front of the restaurant, "Hundreds, maybe even thousands of them flood Equestria in one giant wave, and I can't find a single one...."
The mare continued to terrorize pebbles. It just wasn't fair!
Roseluck had been the one who had spent years searching for one of the giant black bug-ponies to become a burden to, not her penpal waaaay off in the frozen north, but then she gets some super-romantic changeling out of the blue...
The cream-coated pony pressed her cheeks into her hooves, continuing her sulky tantrum.
She had been the one to derive Truth Dust - a compound that made changelings (and pretty much all newcomers to Ponyville, oddly enough) sneeze when they got in proximity, in theory - from the common corn stalk, not her distant cousin who had been happily married to one for years...
Raindrop trotted out of Fancí's, looking respectably aggravated as she followed the little trail of blood drops her mare of a coltfriend had left behind as he bled away, weeping in agony - however, on passing the dust-coated rose vendor, she came to a sudden halt began to sneeze uncontrollably, tears springing from her eyes almost immediately. Roseluck turned quickly, eyes wide. Not again!
"Ach, sorry Raindrop!" She exclaimed, stepping far enough backwards to stop the incessant nasal explosions, "I got a lot of my Truth Dust on me - the stuff is nasty when you get a bit right into your nose!"
"S'alright, Rose," The pegasus coughed back after a moment, flaring her wings to push back the offending powder, "Just be more careful with that stuff - think I'm allergic..."
And with that she was off. Roseluck blinked once. 'Allergic?'
Could it be that her Truth Dust, something that she had proven - again, in theory - to only affect changelings (and newcomers), was actually an allergen to several normal ponies, too!?!"
She gasped. As improbable as it was...
"I have to check with Twilight!"
And that was the tale of how Rosel-
Gaaachhooo!
"Argh! Sorry Shade! Also Winter! I'll pay for that soup, I promise!"
"Twilight! Twilight!"
Roseluck was now, as one may have guessed, bashing a hoof repeatedly against the Ponyville Community Library door, calling for it's only important resident.
"TWIIILII-" Her hoof met face as the purple librarian swung the door open, the lack of resistance allowing for the limb to continue it's swinging momentum towards the inhabitant unhindered.
The minute Roseluck had shaken off the defensive teleport spell and ran back across town again, she threw herself dramatically at the unicorn mage's feet, groveling to the absolute best of her abilities.
"Twilight! Please! I need your undoubtedly superior wisdom!" She pleaded, tugging on a fetlock, "I'll make it up to you, I swear!"
Celestia's protégé narrowed her suspiciously sleep-deprived eyes.
"Roseluck, I swear, if you're here to sit in the 'C' section and spend days looking for changeling detection spells again, I'm going to-"
"No, no!" She responded dramatically, fumbling around in her saddlebag until she managed to grab ahold of the small, airtight cylinder that held a generous portion of her Truth Dust, "It's something that even you, the best magician I'll surely ever meet, uhm, ever! ... Will be interested in!"
A skeptical eyebrow. "And what exactly would that be?"
"Biological-slash-horticultural science! Also pony allergies!"
Twilight's eye twitched. As much as she loathed Roseluck's midnight visits - especially when they cut into her study time with Chip - she had a valid point: what could possibly be more interesting to one who could metaphorically snap their fingers and do anything but the study of how boring old reality worked?
"As much as I'll probably regret this..." The element of magic mumbled, closing the front door and opening the one to her super-secret science lair (basement) and waving the intruder in, "... Let's practice science."
"Actually, if Raindrop was right, we may just be practicing medicine!" Roseluck exclaimed, half-excited and half-horrified.
Twilight just looked eager at this point, and it frightened the rose-maned mare.
But hey, if she got a changeling to cuddle with in the end, it had to be worth it.
Three days, eight hours, seven minutes and eleven seconds later, Roseluck broke open the cellar door, panting furiously and clutching the vial of Truth Dust: while they may not have proven anything at all about it or her changeling addiction, it was the only intact remnant of her treasured saddlebag. Everything else had been...
"Roseluck! Are you coming back down, or what?" Came the innocent voice of Twilight Sparkle, forcing Roseluck's heart rate to skyrocket and get her adrenal gland to produce ungodly amounts of it's characteristic hormone.
"NEVER AGAIN!" She screamed back shrilly, turning to bolt for it and making it about two feet before tripping over a unicorn with a slightly swollen face.
"Whoa, are you okay miss change- er... Pony?" He asked without delay, magic'ing her up and levitating the cylinder of dust up to her, "Twilight held you in there for-"
"-Three days, I know..." The mare finished, an uncanny chill blaring through her body as she gestured from the mysterious stranger (oddly enough, with a name tag that stated 'Chip' in hardly-legible hoofprint) to the Truth Dust and back, "...
And I still don't know if normal ponies are allergic to this stuff..."
The unicorn curiously unscrewed the top of the tube, bringing it to his nose and inhaling deeply. After a second, he shrugged, popped the top back on, and returned it to her.
"I dunno, maybe it just-"
And then he froze, nose giving off a near-imperceptible little twitch.
Roseluck regained consciousness halfway across town in her own little crater, coated liberally with Truth Dust, Twilight's eastern wall, and mucus. The sun was lower in the sky, and the field medic crouched over her breathed a sigh of relief.
"She's alive, everypony! Doctor Convene E. Yent has done it once again!"
Before Roseluck could really understand what had happened, several dozen reporters and photographers swarmed her, though one left after a single shot due to a painful-sounding expulsion of oxygen via the nose, crying a name that sounded kind of like 'Trilby...?'
'Weird.'
"Hokay everyponeh, clear away, ya? Missa Roseluck here needsa' peace an' rest an' quiet!" Shouted the concerned medic in a thick, culturally-incorrect accent, "Who 'ea knows thees mare, o at least where 'er 'ouse ees?"
A great accusatory eyes and sheepish shuffling motions were made, yet nopony made a single move to lend a hoof - not after last week's 'Chagnet' incident. Mirror hadn't left her house since the fireponies had recovered her, and especially Silky seemed to have developed an irrational phobia of iron after all the chainsaws that somehow got involved in the 'Changetestector'.
... Like Bon Bon's phobia, but with actual rationale.
Roseluck looked around, cold realization spreading through her chest. Not a single pony in the crowd - and she knew the vast majority pretty well - took even the smallest step to help her. Her crazy changeling addiction, all of the things she did, the inventions she created, did nothing but drive those she held closest away...
A small tear formed in the corner of her eye, and the mare clambered to her feet, ignoring the protests of Convene, and began to make her way home, head held low and life long dream shattered into-
"Wosewuck!" A familiar voice called out from behind her suddenly, startling the earth pony back into a better posture as she swiveled around to see an equally familiar form running towards her, "Sorr' I didn' say anythin' bu' I wa' pudding in ndose pugs cus of your Sneeze Dust and ahl! Let me jus' helb you home cay?"
And, just like that, hearing the sound of her rather normal (albeit friendly and with an obvious secret crush on her) neighbor's nose-plugged reassurance, all of Roseluck's hopes and dreams and general positive views on the world popped right back up into full swing, just like that.
"Sure thing, Splinter! Race you there!" She said happily, taking a great big bounding step forward, feeling quite bubbly now that her dreams weren't shattered.
Luckily for her, Splinter the light grey unicorn had a quick enough reaction time to surge ahead and catch her falling form over his back. It seemed hoof strength didn't hold up amazingly against sneeze-induced craters. She grinned sheepishly.
"... On second thought, how about we take our time? Beautiful evening, and all..."
Splinter smiled, and slowly sauntered towards her house, trying not to think too hard on the pretty mare leaning on him a bit more than was necessary. People told him she was a little bit crazy, after all - and as much as he may have had a secret little crush on his neighbor, it was probably best to take things slow.
Granted, after the halfway mark and the near-constant nuzzling, he couldn't help but feel as though his worries were completely without reason.
Kind of stupid of him.
Knock, knock, knock.
Roseluck blinked, that weird shower-induced happiness still clinging to her drying self. Who could that be, so recently after that day's endeavor?
'... Ten bits says its the Guard. Again.'
Knock, knock, knock.
"Just a sec!" The mare hummed back, tossing off the towel and trotting over to the door, flinging it open with a practiced grace and planting a hoof on her drying mane, still damp enough to flow down her face in cascades.
"Oh officer, I'm ever so sorry, I..." An awkward pause. "... Splinter?"
"Ahaa, thats me," He replied meekly as he took a single step inside, trying really hard not to think about how pretty she looked when her mane was down, "I just wanted to check if everything was alright, after... You know..."
She shrugged, not all that perturbed - it wasn't like her searches hadn't failed horribly in the past.
"S'alright, I doubt sneezing them out would be the best way to find a changeling, anyway." She said with a simple shrug, "Thanks for helping me out though, it..."
Splinter had no idea how much apprehension Roseluck held to say "... It really means a lot to me." to a unicorn and not a changeling, but she did anyway. And then he raised an eyebrow.
"No problem, but... A changeling? What does that have to do with anything?"
She shot him a little, confused glance. "... Splinter, you've lived next door for like a month now, isn't it pretty clear that I tend to go overboard quite a lot in the hopes of one day finding a changeling somewhere in Ponyville?"
His second eyebrow went up. "Why in the world do you want to hunt changelings?"
Immediately, her eyes boggled and she shook her head.
"No, no - not hunt, find. Its just that its been a goal of mine, ever since I was a filly, to find a changeling all by myself and hug the living daylights out of the adorable thing..." She smiled again, and Splinter felt a tad bit uncomfortable. "Silly, maybe, but a mare can dream..."
Nothing was said for a second, yet judging from the way Splinter was moving his eyes, he felt quite awkward. Roseluck noticed.
"Splinter, what's wrong?"
"Um, Roseluck, I hate to have to break it to you," He began, twiddling a hoof. She gave him a significantly confused look.
"... But I thought that, after a month, you'd have realized that I'm a changeling. Its not like I've made that big an effort to hide it, what with all the others in town."
Her jaw hit the floor with a soft 'plop'.
To prove his point, he briefly engulfed himself in green flame and came out a black-shelled insectoid pony, giving a little 'tah dah' and flourish when his neighbor didn't move a muscle.
Time stopped for a moment as Roseluck processed this new information. She thought as hard as she could.
And, in hindsight, it made glaringly obvious sense. Huh. Go figure.
The soft-coated pony took a pretty big step forward, wearing a look that was now definitely not 'bewildered' with her muzzle almost touching his own.
"Do you want a hug, Roseluck?" The blushing changeling asked after a full minute of silence. She nodded. They hugged.
"Feeling better?" He asked, mid-hug.
"Definitely," She replied, strengthening her hold on him by the smallest of increments, "And I suppose its time now..."
"Yeah, it is pretty late, I should be getting-"
"Time for sex."
"Exactly, home!" He confirmed. About half a second later, he heard what she said.
"Wait wait wait what?"
Roseluck grinned from ear to ear.
Slam. Click. Click. Went the door behind Splinter.
"... And thats how you two were made."
Shard the changelet's jaw was smashed into the floor. Flare the earth filly looked like the universe had opened up before her very eyes.
Their father's face was buried in two holed hooves, and he was emitting a sound halfway between a groan and a sob. Roseluck giggled and pressed his limbs aside, giving her husband a quick little peck on the lips.
Changelings were awesome.
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This fic sounds EXTREMELY silly. Will read when I am actually awake in the morning. I'm nor like some people who will deprive themselves of sleep just to read a fic
Poor Splinter. He had no idea that it was Rape o'clock in the evening when he went to his friends house.
that was beautiful, fav'ed, liked, and followed .
... Wat... did I just read? Is this FROM something, or going to be continued from, or... Was this just a totally random one-shot?
1833910
Totally random one-shot written in all of 5 hours of typing
I'm so proud of it
I guess Splinter didn't notice that the train he got on didn't have any brakes.
You know, for someone who writes heaps, I SUCK at criticism.
But here.
You use the word 'definetly' once or twice. It should be definitely.
There. I criticized.
Sentinel wasn't there enough for me to gauge, but you got Raindrop pretty well!
A silly story, and the ending made me giggle. Happy apocalypse comment!
Ponies with Changeling Fetishes.
Humor and actual other things, Ooooohyesss.
I like this, I liiiike this.
After reading, the weird contraptions on the title page start making sense... Hilarious sense.
Now that's a place where I never imagined to find someone inspiration. As it looks though, inspiration really can come from the most unexpected of places.
How'd I miss this?
Quite possibly the most unique source of inspiration for a story I've seen yet.
1891298
Indeed, you totally can't deny the look that she's giving [Generic Changeling Icon] ~ clearly this was a match that was inevitable.
(Really though, I just wanted to write a fic with an obsessive pony, and Roseluck was the first one who came to mind :D (which is why I didn't mention her fanon background at all!)
1892688
AH! You! Writer of the Leech things! Of which I made a refrence in here!(Granted super-vague, Leech was one of the photographers in there, and Trilby sounds like Trixie in the land of sneezing, right?)
Suddenly all of my heroes on this site are commenting on my fics, so much joy
1894375
Now that WAS a subtle reference, didn't pick that up the first time around. Thanks!
Hero? Crikey, I feel like I should be wearing my underpants outside my trousers.
I'm speechless...Roseluck is now my favorite BG pony.
*facepalms and groans* Oh gawwwddd. That picture sucked me in.
Hey, ships have sailed for weirder reasons.
Is that a Mendacity reference I spy? If so, kudos.
Enjoyably silly story with an enjoyably silly inspiration. Amazing where ideas can come from, ain't it?
1955880
AHA! I knew, eventually, someone would find that and point it out :3 (For the record, it is :D)
... Though I think my story is now devoid of unfound refrences O_o! Clearly, I must write something like this in the immediate soon-time!
"... And thats how you two were made."
That has to be one of the best endings I have ever read, have a
Somehow I missed this one.
So many changelings! Mendacity, Affliction of the Heart, Smoke and Mirrors, My Little Changeling (One of them, at least)... I missed the Leech reference, that was pretty subtle. Probably missed a few others, but the only one I know I'm not getting is the pen-pal one. Well, maybe Shade and Winter, I suppose.
Cute story
(Also, yeah, the gadgets in the description make even more sense having read the story!)
1962971
Agreed! I had to stare at it for a moment to make sure i wasn't seeing things.
After that I lost it.
Haha. This was so ridiculously awesome.
This is ridiculous and silly and I love it.
I love this. I love it so much.
Best doctor name ever.
2104437
YES! Someone got it :D
Though I think the story has run out of secrets now :c
2105067 Really? Awesome! Four years of TF2 hasn't been a complete waste, then.
Sorry, did I find the last one?
2105108
I think so, but... I don't even know anymore O_o
This is terrible. I shouldn't have laughed. I really shouldn't have upvoted. I'm not even going to get into the favorite.
2467904
But, like all my stories, the badness is what makes it so good :D
Interesting...
Welp, thought it was time to give this another read
"Doctor Convene E. Yent has done it once again!"
You know, given pony names, that was totally unnecessary. "Doctor Convenient" would've worked just fine
Corrections:
> calling for it's only important resident.
> to continue it's swinging momentum
> ungodly amounts of it's characteristic hormone.
"its", in all three cases
2735153
Blast, infernal grammar! I thought I had mastered you after I learned to tell 'then' from 'than'! It seems as though this new grammatical concept champion is stronger :< (I'll get to those ASAP, though I'm glad my lack of a pre-reader didn't affect the story too negatively :D)
Also, thanks! Made my day just like that ~ IT'S great to know that my stories are still puttering along :P
2736645
Master me? Hah!
I posted this nice blog on the subject of Self-Editing, Stealth Mountains and Regicide. Unless you master all of those, not a chance
(I'm aware this was probably directed at the concept of grammar. I don't care!
)
(Side note: do not actually try to master regicide. srsly. Gets you into trouble.)
2467904
I laughed
"Yeah, it is pretty late, I should be getting-"
"Time for sex."
"Exactly, home!" He confirmed. About half a second later, he heard what she said.
"Wait wait wait what?"
Roseluck grinned from ear to ear.
Slam. Click. Click. Went the door behind Splinter.
Another passenger added to the rape train. Poor guy.
The big, bad, scary changeling got owned AND whipped.
Didn't see that coming.
3435481 I'm pretty sure it was the changeling who locked the door...
Hahaha, that was entertaining to say the least. I loved that ending even though it was almost predictable. Though really, I was hoping it'd turn out he wasn't a changeling and they'd still go on a date.
I guess there must be a reason for Roseluck to be known to chase changelings, but i never got it?
Bonbon is an agent and Lyra crazy for humans and....... at this point i tilt
What character selection window are you talking about?
11468998
^^^
im confused as well