• Published 21st Dec 2012
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Forgiveness Pending - Kiroberos



Moon Mender's adventure continues right where left off. He jumps at the chance for a new life, but will his old one truly leave him in peace? Some things are better off forgotten.

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Chapter 91

It was amazingly similar to where I was before. There was confusion, though. I couldn't quite remember who I was. No, I did, but I couldn't honestly decide which I was. There was a conflict. My head hurt, and I could barely breathe as my thoughts swirled around in a jumble, thousands of voices whispering in my head. Which one was mine?!

Regardless, there was a lot that I remembered now. I floated in white nothingness, a photo negative of where I'd been before. It was so white I felt blinded by the absolute light all around me. I squinted, then realized I couldn't really even see myself through the searing brightness. Her forelegs wrapped around me, and I felt an old connection open up again that I'd forgotten I had. My eyes opened, things not seeming quite so bright now as I looked partially back over my shoulder. A smile danced across her muzzle.

"Mender. Moon Mender. That's your name now," she reminded, holding me tight. It felt like her forelegs held off the crushing weight all around me, and I could breathe again, with some effort.

Frowning, I shook my head. No, that wasn't how it was supposed to work. "That was the name I came up with. Aren't... You're supposed to name me. You, Dad, and my other mother," I declared, not quite sure if it was really 'law' or not, but it felt right.

She smirked, and I paused. My memories came back slowly. Wait, no, something was added. The soft light of dusk came through the window. Twilight gave me a warm, happy smile as she spoke, almost thinking out loud as she suggested things. "He's very good at fixing things, both mechanical and involving ponies' feelings. Repairing? No. Too forced. Fixing? Hmm, no. A little too literal..." She trailed off, considering it for a moment. My mother, meanwhile, drifted behind her before swatting her in the head. It didn't do anything, of course, her almost white hoof passing through Twilight with no effect whatsoever.

"No, I said Mender! Moon Mender! We already decided on it after I talked to the rest of our herd," she hissed, almost shouting it into Twilight's ear before crossing her forelegs and giving a pout. She brushed her mane back out of her eyes, it filtering the light dancing through the window. For a moment, I almost saw the color, realizing the blue was my own coat tint, or at least very close to it.

I'd heard it, however, on some level. Maybe just the faintest whisper even, and I smiled shyly. "Mend?" I offered, looking back at the pretty mare. She grinned, of course.

"Moon Mender," she spoke out loud. Spike cheered, and I smiled.

It was so long ago, it felt like. I'd heard it, however. She smiled softly now, the mirth faded from her expression. Mother. "We named you. It's not easy trying to communicate with someone I don't have a link with, you know. But no, we gave Twilight that name. She's a very sensitive unicorn, although for good reason," she explained, more 'real' now as I relaxed back into her soft chest. She seemed perfectly happy to stay right here, holding me. I imagined she didn't get the chance very often, especially after I'd forgotten I had the link.

"Good reason?" I asked, finding myself mildly curious, above and beyond wondering where I was.

Mom just smiled even wider, though, and I remembered yet another instance, this time a bit closer in my memories. It was a reunion, I think. She grinned, golden brown mane bobbing as she tossed up her hoof in a salute as I passed. She was a strange one. But no, it was different. Mom floated along next to me, and I remembered she'd held me when they were talking about my other self. I had felt strangely calm, even without knowing the source. Snapshot was strange, too. Mom had given her weird looks with a raised eyebrow. No, not strange, really. She was strange enough without losing the meaning of the word. She didn't show up right. Every grin she did, every little movement, every laugh or squeal or gasp... There was no vibration that matched it. Despite being so animate, happy, and energetic, there was nothing mirroring it on the inside. She either held it all in extremely carefully and was on guard every waking second I'd seen her, or there was really nothing there, and it was all an act. Strange. Yeah, I guess it still fit.

Mom was more interested in my mates, of course. Well, future mate in Twilight, as we technically hadn't 'mated' yet, but that's just arguing semantics. Gem loved Fluttershy, of course, gleeful in what she declared to be amazing chances of getting grandfoals from her. I couldn't argue, really, as Fluttershy did strike me as making a really good mother. She liked Twilight, too, but I vaguely remembered her spending a lot of time kicking her in the head for one reason or another. Heh.

This time, she was poking her instead, which I estimated to be a slight improvement. Twilight didn't notice, of course. Why was she poking...? Wait, no, I remembered now. Wait, what?! I didn't see them at the time. Mom wasn't poking Twilight, but playing with faint wings that were on Twilight's back. They weren't fully there yet, the wall showing through the other side of them as we walked towards the Royal Dining Room. Pinkie had insisted, if I recall. No, I was getting distracted. Why did Twilight have wings?

I hadn't asked that. Mom did. Tia smiled, but didn't smile at the same time. Only part of her smiled. How did she do that? No, I already knew. Alicorn were Ancients. Ancients existed on multiple layers at once. "Twilight's changing. I've only seen it once before, and this time, I've been guiding it. Last time it almost killed the mare, but... no, not again," Tia spoke, but didn't speak. Only Mom, and now I, heard her.

"Oh, right. That new Alicorn. What was her name? Cadbury?" Mom asked, scratching under her chin lightly as she considered it. I decided her goof was probably intentional.

Tia smirked, then corrected, "Cadance, and yes. She used to be a pegasus, but due to an extremely rare soul pattern and essentially unique conditions, she somehow triggered the creation of her own Ancient form, then turned into an Alicorn. Twilight possesses the same pattern type, but I'm hoping to guide her more gently towards her change, if she decides to take that route." Twilight, become an Alicorn? That was exciting, yet terrifying at the same time. No, I'd just forget it for now.

Mom smiled, a light giggle sounding around me as she held me close. "You don't belong here yet, my son. You need to wake up," was spoken out loud, in surprisingly not her voice. Her smile widened as did my eyes, and I looked past her as a darker shape faded out of the light.

"Here?" I asked quietly, taking in every detail I could about my father as he walked up, a warmer smile on his face. His coat was bronze, probably where he got his first name from. His mane and tail were almost black, but with an all too familiar silver streak shooting through them. It was a surprise to see him, but less so to see my other mom step in next to him, giving me a more timid smile. Auraprism. She was somewhat shy, although not as bad as Fluttershy. Reserved, and usually soft spoken. Similar to Dad, who was also reserved, but could be very demanding when he needed to be. Usually to protect his loved ones or values. My mother's own feelings and understanding of the two of them came to me at the same time, trying to make up for a lifetime of not knowing either one of them.

Auraprism shook her head slowly before admitting, "We're not entirely sure. Once you pass into the Ether, in theory, the only ones that can communicate with you is either a necromancer, or a visiting Ancient. You're not trained in necromancy, nor are you an Alicorn or Draconequus, so we're not sure." Huh. That was either really good, or really bad.

Father chuckled before shrugging. "It feels like we're close to Equus. The planet, not the dimension. You're our bridge from the Ether, and we're piggybacking on your mother, who has a link with you. She's linked to your soul, due to the three hundred years she anchored herself to you while you slept, I imagine," he reasoned, somehow managing to sound completely sure of himself despite intentionally admitting that it was just a theory. I attributed it to experience. Still...

I stared at him, eyes softening. For a moment, he got a confused expression to his face, slowly turning to look at me fully with his amber eyes that mirrored my own. Mom rolled her eyes, and my other mom just giggled to herself before reminding, "Dear, this is the first time Mender's met either of us." He looked momentarily surprised, but Gem rested into my left side, nuzzling me gently. I relaxed, feeling safe here as she smiled.

"You lost out on interacting with any of us, and it's not fair. But maybe you lucked out in other ways?" she suggested softly, eyes opening as she looked into my own. Lucked out?

Aura nodded, looking away from Bastion as she sat down, watching me. "She's right. Such a strong link normally isn't possible. It's why we're here right now, even though you're still alive, Mender. You're not dead," she revealed. My eyes widened a little. Seeing all of them here like this... How could I not believe that I hadn't made it?

Bastion smirked at that, then remarked, "He really does jump to conclusions fast. You were right, Gem." Hey!

My ears flattened back as I momentarily glared at him, getting a wider grin in return. "Seeing my parents, floating in white cliché nothingness, getting flashbacks from my exceedingly brief life... What was I supposed to believe?" I defended, flailing at him in frustration. Aura giggled at that, of course, while Gem whistled innocently.

"He even does her flailing routine. Heh. You have both of them in you," the white and green mare complimented. Her coat was truly white, so much so that she almost blended in with the background lights. Her mane wasn't too far off from her distant descendant who shared part of her name, but much, much lighter in color. The pictures also didn't do her eyes justice, which were a rather brilliant teal color, maybe a couple shades lighter than Fluttershy's. Huh. Her personality sort of matched, too, although Fluttershy still beat her several fold in shyness. But she cheated, having that in her name even!

She looked surprised when I smiled to her, then pointed out, "Don't sell yourself short either. You're also my Mom, no?" She surprised me by blushing at that, and then I was surprised when Bastion made a stomping motion with his right forehoof, then grinned.

"See?! I told you, Aura. Mender was going to accept you just fine," he teased, causing her to flush more and shrink a little. Smiling, I gave her smaller form a soft hug, and she relaxed a moment later, resting her left cheek against my shoulder.

"You earned your biological mom's sense of justice and drive, though. I'm glad for that," she admitted, smiling up at me as I tilted my head.

Gem wiggled her ears and coughed awkwardly, and Bastion just shrugged. "She was the best of us," he admitted, before furthering, "She fell through the portal before she could tell us about copying pretty much all of our group's secrets into her journal. And now, fittingly, our son knows every single one of our secrets. I wish she'd told us, but... Now I understand it was the right thing to do." The final part came out as a whisper, and Gem's ears flattened down a little, looking over at him, but he shook his head and held a hoof up to her.

"I forgave you already, even though I didn't need to. You were right. Look at what BEID has become now, trying to keep all of their secrets from the populace. Mender... Son," he offered softly. I perked, looking back at him as he fully addressed me. He was so confident in himself sitting there, it felt strange to hear him admitting a wrong so easily. But it only added to that aura of confidence, that he was able to just say he was at fault.

I wasn't exactly anticipating what he said next, though. "Princess Celestia dissolved BEID less than a week after the accident. To us, it felt like she was ordering us to abandon Gem and the foal in her stomach to that horrible place. We could not accept that order. Aura, Ether, and I cut all ties with the Princess and royal court, ignoring all summons and refusing all visits. Going against her direct order, the three of us gathered those who thought the same and reformed BEID in secret. Its mission was to recover our own, and guard our great world against such monstrous places, standing guard for everything we loved when nopony else would. Up until just a month or so ago, we'd failed at both of those counts." His explanation caught me off guard, not realizing that they were the original founders. The level of feeling he had for getting us back was, well, I expected it from what I'd heard, but seeing it right in front of me, I honestly didn’t know what to say to that.

He scowled to himself, however, looking downright disgusted for a moment before closing his eyes. "It's pathetic, though," he corrected, followed by, "The very thing we set in motion now becomes one of your biggest problems three hundred years later. They put so much emphasis on guarding against the dimensions that they're losing themselves in the process. They can't even see that you really are a pony, through and through. Your mother shames us, Mender." Eh?!

Aura reminded me she was still there by nuzzling my collarbone for a moment, looking sad. "He's right. Gem looked over you and guarded you faithfully for three hundred years, despite how much it hurt her. She loves you. And look at all we've done for you both. We lashed out in petty spite at Princess Celestia despite it hurting her gravely, just because she was the only target we had. You couldn't even meet us for three hundred years, and the first thing we cause is to get you attacked and slandered by the very organization we created," she explained, looking up into my eyes again.

I didn't know what to say. Three hundred years of pain was a very, very long time. This close, I could feel the immense oceans of regret from both of them that would take a long time to drain off. I rested my head on top of hers and let her shiver against me as Gem hugged me from behind. Finally, she reminded, "You're both just ponies. You have feelings and needs just like Mender and I. Maybe you didn't make the best of choices, but thankfully, there's always time, and now opportunities, to fix them. I talked to Princess Celestia, and she feels deep remorse over what happened. Reach out to her." I got the distinct impression this wasn't the first time Mom had suggested that.

Dad looked down towards his hooves for a moment and sagged a little. For the first time, I saw the sheer weight of the ages behind his eyes, and he truly looked exhausted. "Gem, I don't think we deserve her forgiveness for how we acted. But... There are opportunities, and your link with Mender provides us with an unheard of one," he admitted, looking back up at me. I looked up again as he set his strong hoof down on my shoulder, eyes locking with mine a moment later.

"Son, I've done nothing for you your entire life so far. Neither of us have. We've just made things worse for you, our own spite coming back to be your problem instead. But please... Aura and I truly apologize for not being there for you, and for causing all of this mess in the first place. If you accept our apology, please, let us help you now that we can," he requested, falling silent to watch me carefully.

Closing my eyes, I felt inside myself. No, I knew what hate was. I knew what anger was. Even irritation. There was none of that, and I confirmed the answer I already knew as a light smile came to my muzzle. He tilted his head in a surprisingly familiar way, a habit I hadn't realized I'd copied. Heh. Instead, he froze up as I just leaned forward and hugged him. "No, I can't accept your apology, because you didn't do anything wrong," I replied, feeling him relax a bit and hug me back as Aura's eyes widened to my right. I shook my head, however, and leaned back again before elaborating with, "Your only wrong was wanting to get my mom and me back so badly that you went against your ruler's wishes to try to make that happen. Sure, in hindsight, you might have realized it backfired, but Mom's right. We're just normal ponies who can't predict that sort of thing. If my life has taught me anything so far, it's that the hardest pony to forgive is yourself." They weren't my words, I realized, but Tia possessed immense wisdom she'd garnered over the years.

Bastion looked surprised for another long moment before it slowly melted into an uncertain smile. Auraprism was faster to react, however, grinning and pouncing my right side again instead. "You grew up better than any of us, I think. Let us help you, Mender. With our link to Gem, and her link to you, I think we can still talk to you, despite you being, uh, not dead, obviously," she revealed, blinking awkwardly afterwards as Gem snickered.

"We want to help you with BEID. Further, I think this 'Dimensional Regulation' has gotten off to a good start, far more so than our organization. We don't want you to face all of this alone," Bastion furthered, nodding to me with a grin as well. Oh!

It was my turn to smile and relax, shaking my head. "I won't turn down the help, and I definitely won't turn down a chance to get to know my parents for the first time. But, well, ever since I arrived here, I haven't been alone. Mom looked after me at first, and then I met some very special ponies who I can call my friends," I corrected, my expression softening as I realized how much Gem had done for me.

The mare to my left grinned, however, and I felt another one of those familiar "It's a trap!" moments. "Oh, a couple are more than 'friends', we noticed. Barely a month here and you've already got two lovers and a herd! Totally my son!" she chirped. I felt the heat burn into my face, then noticed Aura was almost matching me as she glared at Gem. Bastion just chuckled, however, and shook his head.

"Don't worry. We stopped her from watching the intimate bits. Besides, it's natural, no? The three of us had a lot of affection and catching up to do once Gem got back to Equus, too," he reminded. Mom blushed instead, huffing and pouting as she crossed her forelegs, then stuck her tongue out playfully at Bastion. Wow, that was just slightly too much information mixed with surprising levels of Mom being adorable. I was conflicted. Although distraction hit instead as I realized something.

Blinking, I looked around, then finding nothing to note, asked, "Wait, if I didn't die, where is here? And what's going on in Equus?"

Dad perked at that, then nodded to me. "Astute observation. We're able to view a lot of what goes on in Equus, especially with those we're connected to, such as you. If we're helping you, let that be our first bit of aid," he offered, gesturing to the left. Oh?

Raising my eyebrow, I looked to my left, past Mom as the fog slowly parted, a faint image coming into focus. Frowning, I looked a bit closer, then realized it was me in the image! Seeing myself from an outside perspected, I saw all six mares lying around me, completely still as Spike tried to move through them, pulling them into more comfortable positions.

"The Princess said she'd be here in ten minutes! We have to see if we can wake them up!" he frantically declared. The view panned over to Auramirror a moment later, who stepped back and forth on her hooves, alternating left and right sides nervously.

"This is bad. Really, really bad. They're all fine, but Mender's life signs are all over the place! They all have elevated heart rates, but his life energy is flaring up like crazy," she exclaimed, looking surprisingly concerned for what I had remembered had been about to happen to her before I stopped it all.

That's when the lights exploded from above somewhere. My 'view' spun quickly, looking towards the stairs, then barely dodging to the side as the massive rush of rainbow energy shot past. It spun, following the energy as it crashed into me specifically at absurd speeds, contact already being made before the camera even rotated to look back at me. Spike screamed, barely dodging out of the way as he exclaimed, "The Elements of Harmony?!" The jewelry... They were in the upstairs loft!

All six mares started to glow, a single color each that comprised of the Elements, I realized. The rainbow radiance exploded out from me into a spinning whirlwind of energy, lifting my body up slowly with it. Each of them either gave a start or gasped as they woke up, but were still frozen in place by the paralyzation effect. Oops. Okay, maybe five minutes delay had been a bit generous of me. Still...

My body rose, my own eyes opening even though I didn't recall ever waking up. They were two burning orbs of pure white, however, and suddenly I was rather glad I was unconscious through that. Instead, an unearthly scream I barely recognized as my own voice echoed out as my body started thrashing inside of the light. My chest literally exploded, three tentacles ripping out of my skin in a small spray of blood. To my surprise, they hauled a rapidly petrified CPU Core out of my body, violently throwing it away from me as some of the rainbow light followed it into the air, finishing turning it stone, and not in the gentle way. Sharp ruptures and fractures split across the surface of it as it rotated through the air, several spikes exploding out and destroying the core from within. Despite it exiting my body and my tentacles rapidly retreating, the energy descended upon me still.

There was a huge flash of light, and my screaming ended abruptly, drops of my blood landing all over the place as the energy whipped it into the air like some macabre fountain. The miniature tornado crushed inwards and was gone just as the flare of energy ceased. A dull thud resounded through the now eerily silent library as my petrified form landed abruptly on the wooden floor.

I stared at the image in shock. The stupid things had turned me to stone?! What the hell?! My eyes softened as the still petrified Fluttershy started slowly writhing and crying, looking at me stuck there, and Rainbow started almost thrashing against her own body. All six of them were stuck there watching me for however long it was before that last order I sent was executed, I realized. They were stuck, unable to do anything.

The image faded, and Gem hugged me again, giving me a squeeze. "I followed you, of course. I was the camera in the vision, and came back to Equus when we all felt the disturbance caused by that Keldarian," she explained softly, kissing me on the chest.

Bastion nodded, now next to me on my right as Aura held me from behind. He added, "Once whatever was paralyzing them ended a few minutes later, Fluttershy was hysterical. Twilight was panicked, but the Princess arrived soon after that. Apparently Spike sent the letter like Twilight asked. She thought it too risky to unpetrify you in the library, however. They didn't know if ejecting the core had gotten rid of that influence, and your sudden ability to control the Elements of Harmony was worrisome for her." Well, okay, I couldn't fault her for that. It's what I would have done.

"What happened, then? Where am I now? How much time has passed?" I asked, staring at the reforming image. They had my form covered in a tarp carefully exiting what appeared to be a train. I was on rollers, probably significantly heavier than normal, I realized. A distraught Rainbow Dash and angry Applejack pulled me, heading down a familiar looking cobblestone street. A few nearby ponies gave the group confused, slightly worried stares as the Princess lead them along, several other royal guards to each side to keep ponies clear of the path. It was Canterlot.

The view shifted to inside of the palace less than a heartbeat later, sinking through the floor of the throne room to a large, circular chamber below. It halted, almost ten meters away from me this time, a statue frozen in the midst of what looked to be pure agony, a large chunk of my chest missing still.

"It's the casting chamber under the palace. It's only used for experiments that are deemed risky, like spells that are being prototyped or new alchemy formulas with sensitive ingredients. I couldn't even get any closer than that," Gem explained, filling in narration for the scene. Fluttershy and Applejack rested outside of the barriers, the yellow mare looking miserable and the orange one rubbing her shoulders gently. Rainbow was stomping about in the background looking generally pissed off, and Twilight was talking to Princess Celestia, gesturing to the circle.

"Are you sure we need to wait? What if this is having some sort of bad effect on him?! The only one who was petrified for a prolonged time like this was Discord, and he's an Ancient," she pointed out, sounding more than a bit concerned. I felt myself warm up a little as I listened to Twilight worry about me.

Tia shook her head sadly, though, and then promised, "It's a couple days at most, Twilight. The specialists are coming in from multiple locations around Equestria to protect both you six, and Mender himself if that entity isn't gone. We need to be prepared." Wow. I was kind of honored that I warranted such a large scale 'rescue' attempt, just in case that monster had lived. Of course, I knew he hadn't at this point. Actually, if anything, his death was actually overkill. He'd been cut into three pieces physically, mentally tormented until his psyche split itself into two fighting over his own guilt, got the evil portion of his psyche blasted by the Elements of Harmony, got what was left ripped apart by a billion angry spirits wanting revenge, then had any vague bits that might have still existed nuked by the Elements yet again. Of course, that last one had hit Malice and me as well, but it was a comfort to know how thorough the Elements were in purging evil. Maybe a bit too thorough, but eh. Who was I to say I wasn't at least a bit evil? I didn't think any normal pony, of which I definitely was, didn't have a bit of darkness to them.

Rainbow flailed, then screamed something out at Tia, but the sound and video faded away after that. Instead, it snapped back to the six of them, all watching carefully in a loose circle around me, just barely two meters in each direction. Tia gave a nod on the sidelines, and all six of them closed their eyes, the gems they wore starting to glow and pulse. A moment later, I glowed softly, radiating out energy before it dispersed, suddenly leaving me in my familiar azure fur and rapidly closing amber eyes. The large hole in my chest splattered out blood as I just fell sideways like a sack of potatos, including anticlimactic thud sound. Fluttershy cried out and rushed to me almost immediately, followed by Twilight, Applejack, and Rainbow an instant later. The paramedic team rushed in from the other side, apparently ready to do with bandages and a full trauma kit. Redheart, interestingly enough, led the charge...

The picture faded again as Bastion shrugged, pointing out, "Nothing was found inside of you except for you. The petrified core is a Computer Core in shape only as well. They discovered it was completely hollow, the magic of the Elements only petrifying the casing for it. They shredded the inside, then set it on fire. Uh, I hope that wasn't important to you." I blinked, then decided that they were definitely overkill.

"No, thankfully I can grow a new one, this time without the fragmented soul of the evil parts of a madman," I assured, huffing at that. Was the fire really needed after dicing it? Gem snickered at that and rested against my left side, and I heard Aura giggle behind me, massaging my back.

"Regardless, they treated you first and foremost, then the Bastion Guard and Necromancers gave you complete scans," Aura explained gently into my left ear. Eh?

My similarly named father smirked at my confusion, then elaborated simply with, "The Royal Bastion Guard, Royal Air Force, and Royal Guard make up the defensive forces of Equestria. The Bastion Guard are the unicorns." Oh. Well, the three phenotypes could specialize into unique things, so it made sense to split up their training and whatnot. I made a mental note to suggest that to Shining for DReg as well.

"So I'm all clean, then?" I asked, watching as the image shifted to me lying in an unfamiliar hospital room, probably still in Canterlot. The various tubes running into me were familiar anyway, and I exhaled softly. Crap. They had me on life support. How long had I been out?

Gem smiled and nodded to me before standing up instead. "Yes, and your chest is completely healed. Redheart made sure you were well taken care of before heading back to Ponyville, so you should thank her!" she chirped, smiling at me.

I nodded as I stood as well, Aura and Bastion coming forward and standing to my right. My father nodded gently to me, a soft smile on his face as he assured, "We'll be here whenever you need us, and you can reach us when you dream as well. I know you can pull them in with you, so let us meet your herd soon, too." The request seemed simple enough, and I knew Fluttershy would be delighted to meet my parents, at least. Still...

Coughing, I corrected, "Actually, all six of them will probably want to meet you three. Do you mind?"

Aura simply smiled softly and shook her head, answering for all of them with, "Of course not, Mender. You're our son, and we want to get to know your friends, too. Plus, maybe it will bring us a step closer to being ready to talk to Princess Celestia again." She softened visibly with that last bit, and I nodded to her.

"Tia's a nice pony, but she has a lot of, well, very similar regrets and pains. I think she'd like that," I pointed out, earning a surprised look from both Bastion and Aura.

"Told you she told him to call her that. Chill," Gem repeated, smirking at both of them before wrapping her forelegs around my shoulders. "We need to haul you back to your body, though, Mender. I think you've worried everypony enough already," she added. Huh?!

"Wait, I'm not in my body?!" I asked in surprise. I thought they said I didn't die!

Gem gave a sheepish grin before assuring, "It's just a tiny coma. Relax! I can fix this... Here we go!" Wait, what?! I didn't have time to argue further as she hauled me backwards in a flare of light, my dad starting to laugh behind me. Damn it!

* * * * *

Note to self, when ponies become spirits, they develop a remarkable lack of empathy for normal mortal concerns. Like the difference between being 'dead' and 'technically dead'. Apparently those are a gray area, and allowed to be completely synonymous once you're 'actually dead'. Bleh.

Waking up was about as pleasant as usual after a long term hospital visit. After I had become partly, or mostly, cybernetic, I thought I'd be cutting down on these, but I guess 'fate' conspired against me. I'd have to talk to Auramirror about that after this. Maybe she knew a way to get rid of a few billion potentially hostile spirits? Regardless, I woke up with an immensely dry mouth, nasal congestion, and an incredible stiffness to every single muscle in my body, including my eyes. At least, this time I both checked for and deflated the catheter before 'removing' it. Oh, and I didn't remove it by jumping out of bed this time either. Fun times.

The IVs came next, and were less fun to remove, but at least my first aid training paid off. Pity I kept having to use it on myself. I was both comforted and saddened by the fact that the holes in me sealed up almost immediately. Just one more reminder. But no, this was different, wasn't it?

Yeah. I was me, this time. Everything was back, and I looked back into my own file systems. As I had wondered, there was no video. It had never been a video, and I hadn't been 'repairing' any of it. They were my own memories, and I had been using some convenient way to block them out and move them out of mind this whole time. To pretend that I hadn't killed and eaten my mother-figure after being turned into a weapon of mass destruction. To try to forget that I broke my promise and left Keela behind. But I had indeed seen her again, hadn't I? I couldn't decide if that was a kindness, or some ironic hell I was being forced to live, now.

My eyes stared blankly ahead as I lay in the hospital bed feeling empty of pretty much everything. I was Azure. I was also Moon Mender. I'd favor and use the name Moon Mender now because that's what my parents had named me. There was no disconnect there, though. There was no clear spot where his memories ended and mine began. I was him. He was me. We were the same pony. They were my memories that I remembered, and now I'd probably answer to Azure as easily as Moon Mender. They came as easily now as if I'd lived it myself, which I had, of course. I'd only forgotten. Memories. Every time I got some back, it hurt a little more. And now that I'd gotten them all, I had a full scope on how messed up everything in my life was. Adding this month in Equestria to it, I was seven months old. Seven months. Not even a year of life, and I was in an adult body with adult emotions. I was a fully trained spec ops assassin, essentially. Capable of advanced magical powers and survival training tossed in. Why? Because the lady I ate hadn't been 'purified' yet at the start of her project, and thought I might do well having survival and combat skills in an, at the time, unknown world. I... I couldn't fault her for that thinking. She didn't know they didn't need 'warriors' in Equestria, and had already apologized for it. But what's done is done. Plus, like she'd said during that last conversation, she hadn't escaped her past after all.

The pings alerted me, snapping me out of the dark haze. They weren't active. Ping 'logs', I should say. I could view logs now. Right. With him gone, there was no other user left on my system that could share access privileges, and now I was in absolute, ultimate control of all of my fancy systems. Lucky me. I opened the display, and forty-three instances showed up. Oh...

Maybe a part of her remembered? She had gotten to trust me amazingly fast. She cast a spell that enslaved her soul to mine under penalty of her death if disrupted, which was kinda weird, now that I thought about it. Even the most trusting of individuals might second guess themselves for considering that sort of thing, let alone acting on it. They'd started four days ago, her only pinging three times that day. The next day saw seven pings. Two days ago was thirteen. That left twenty pings since yesterday. She was panicking now. Of course, she had no way of knowing what had happened apart from me just stopping answering. Oops.

Exhaling, I wondered if that monster hadn't quite had the power to 'completely' erase their memories. What if they had something similar to me? A subtle sort of suppression. No, wait, that wasn't the monster's power at all. My eyes widened, and the book was there on the bed like I knew it would be when I turned and looked. Purdue still listened to me, and I felt her out carefully.

Her response was a mixture of timid and terrified, slowly peeking out from some hole where she had hid herself. Two eyes slowly opened in my mind, and her image faded in over the book, only for my vision. "U-Um, yes, Master?" she stuttered out, looking like she might pass out completely if I even raised my voice.

"Purdue, you know you can call me either Mender, or brother," I reminded, smiling softly to her. If that monster had been her last owner, everything suddenly made so much more sense. He hadn't even known her name.

Her eyes widened, mouth hanging limp as it looked like she momentarily couldn't process a reply to that. No, I wasn't him. I had his memories, but they were not mine. I had his training, and his magic, which I willingly took from him. By force, as two occasions had proven. He had deserved getting bucked in the face. This little filly didn't.

She felt my own feelings, and I saw her eyes shimmer and start to water. I held my hoof out, and she collided with my chest almost instantly, starting to cry. I just held her there, words not really needed, but her whispering 'sorry' over and over again anyway.

"I tried. I tried to stop him, but he knew me. He knew all of my powers and abilities, and had prepared to avoid them," she murmured, answering what I already knew. She looked up, cheeks wet now until I wiped them off, still the only one that could touch her.

Shaking my head, I assured, "I already guessed that. It was the only way he surprised you, I know. But he's gone now, and you don't have to worry."

Her eyes softened, and she looked into mine for a long moment before nodding. "He... He's gone now. I no longer feel his connection to me. You're now the only one who can command me. I should have warned you about him sooner, though, but I thought he was just some errant bit of code left behind or something," she muttered, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against my chest. I rubbed her back, letting her image slowly fill with her blue and bronze colors now that she felt more at ease.

"Purdue, sis, relax. I'm not blaming you, okay? I just wanted to make sure you were okay," I explained, lifting her head up to look at me again. The images she appeared as that day were... Well, I'm just glad they were fake graphical distortions and not something he was actually doing to her.

She smiled and shook her head, messy mane flailing about for a moment. "No, he wasn't fully him, and didn't have much power over me at all. That felt like just a part of him, really. All the really bad parts, I think," she muttered, frowning at that. She had known him quite well, I imagined.

"I think the real him died that day a month and a half ago. That was more an evil twin, of sorts," I reflected. Although the real him wasn't a saint either, that much I'd seen. He had been driven, and unfettered by almost everything. The only thing that mattered to him was his messed up goal. And I had only gotten in the way. I wasn't even an enemy to him. Just an obstacle. Part of him had refused to admit defeat even after being cut apart and washed away in his own regrets.

"She's still a threat," Purdue suddenly warned. My eyes snapped open again, and I gave her a questioning glance, spurring her to continue with, "Nirru. She's not dead. There is a rounded up seventy-three percent chance that she is still a threat to Equus. She wishes she were dead, but she's currently the captive of the Grosh. They're... No, I don't want to predict what they're doing to her." Oh.

I shook my head. "Thank you for confirming her fate, but you don't have to go any further than that. Use your powers for yourself, Purdue. They're yours, not mine," I reminded.

She gave me a surprisingly cute focused look before nodding twice. "No, I am using them for me. I'm using them for the me who wants to protect you! I'll... I'll only warn you about the really nasty things that I can't stop, don't worry. Apples falling on you, you'll have to deal with yourself," she explained, smiling after. I widened my eyes for a moment, honestly not expecting a joke from the little filly. We both smiled after that, and I held her closer again as she giggled. Yeah, she needed this. If I was going to get my second chance, I was damn well going to try to give her one of her own.

After the book was safely back inside of me again, and Purdue cheered up, I sat up fully on the bed and looked down at all the wires against my chest. Ah, right, I was hooked up to an electrocardiogram. That made things a bit trickier, I noted. Glancing up at the beeping noise I'd drowned out until now, I saw it was indeed running just fine, with a little line logging my heart movements. A wire was also coming out of it and running up the wall, then into the ceiling. Crap. No, I was out of excuses anyway. This was a pony hospital in Canterlot, not some limb chop shop run by a Keldarian. Hopefully, I wasn't set to be executed or something for this latest incident. My own dry amusement made pushing the call button easier.

Admittedly, the nurse probably would have come faster had I just pulled all the wires off. However, she was in a much better mood when she peeked into the room through the doorway. We locked eyes for a moment, and she hesitated before smiling gently and trotting into the room, a clipboard floating after her, glowing the same color as the green aura around her horn. "Oh, excuse my hesitation, Mister Moon Mender. I was afraid it might be the pink one again to order more room service," she apologized, bowing slightly after coming to a stop. Room service...? No, that didn't really surprise me either. Wait... White coat, aqua mane and tail... Oh, and she was without her reading glasses this time. Oops, she had green eyes instead. I had been close! It was the nurse from the field hospital that had taken care of Rainbow after her wing jet disaster.

"Oh, right, my name is Nurse Carejoy, but you can call me Care if you wish, Mister Moon Mender. I'm sorry I didn't, um, recognize who you were earlier at the fair. I'll be your check-out nurse for today," she explained. Recognize? Check-out?

I tilted my head slightly, then noted yet again that it was a tick I'd gotten from my dad, but that didn't really bother me. "Checking out? You mean I'm clear to leave? Also, what do you mean recognize?" I asked, head filling with questions already. No, resist bombarding her!

"Oh, well Miss Twilight Sparkle is easy enough to recognize, alongside the other Elements of Harmony, but you're rather new to general celebrity status, so I didn't recognize you at first," she explained, doing another small bow. Oh Celestia, I wish I hadn't asked. That explained the formalities, too. Flustering, I flailed my forelegs and rapidly shook my head, and she blinked, taking a step back from me.

"No, it's okay. I'm not a 'celebrity'. I'm just Mender, really. Don't add anything to it just because I'm in charge of half of DReg. Um, I thought I'd be staying in the hospital for longer, however," I explained, trying to get her to relax the formal attitude a bit.

She eased her posture and smiled, nodding to me afterwards, and I took a breath of relief. "They told me you were down to earth. Um, that's not a play on words or anything!" she exclaimed, eyes widening as she slapped her hooves to her mouth a moment later. Huh? Why would it be a play on... Oh. Earth pony, right. Heh. Snickering, I shook my head again and she relaxed once more, although a few stray hairs stuck out of her mane now. Wow, she was really high stress. Kind of the opposite of Red.

"Ah, um, right. No, your healing progress is remarkable. That Zebra potion they gave you worked wonderfully well, although I can definitely see the special situation involved. It's not every day somepony accidentally gets petrified by the Elements of Harmony themselves! Your healing was mostly complete after the second day, and we were just waiting for your mind to rest. Now that you're awake, I can give you a final check up, and clear you for leaving," she furthered, answering quite a bit. Ah, so I was given a 'special Zebra potion', huh? I idly wondered what it really was. High energy pure sugar syrup to boost the hell out of my nanites’ regeneration routines? Back logs showed them working overboard on my chest, which I recognized to have taken a beating when my body spit out the fatally damaged CPU Core. Damage readout showed it obliterated my muscle and dermal layers momentarily, and fractured two ribs on its way out.

Exhaling, I slowly inquired instead with, “Petrified?” I didn’t know exactly how much information the nurse was privy to, and didn’t want to reveal any information I wasn’t supposed to. Plus, my mind still felt foggy and it was helping to focus on other things at the moment.

She lit her horn up further, setting the clipboard down and lifting the stethoscope up from around her neck. I presented my chest instinctively, and she placed the silver disk to it before admitting, “I don’t really know the details myself. You arrived here six days ago, on the first day of the harvest festival. You were a statue then, and there was something sensitive about your case. Specialists were pulled in from a lot of places before you could be cured. Then you were badly wounded, and they administered alchemical, magical, and medical support to you. You’ve been unconscious for almost four days.” Well, at least I had a timeframe now for myself. The sun was slowly lowering through the window, and I didn’t need Clocky to tell me it was probably close to six in the evening. That meant that eleven or so tonight would have made day four of my coma. Living out six months of my life in four days was disorienting to say the least.

That’s when I distinctly realized something. Apart from the nurse, I was alone in the room. I glanced about as she was listening to various spots on my chest, and saw that the room was remarkably bare, little to no sign of passage whatsoever. A few cards rested on the windowsill next to a small pot of flowers, which I took interest in, but there was no sign that the room had been lived in otherwise. I didn’t know what to think, and looked back at the nurse as she was writing on her clipboard.

“Um, where are my friends now? The Elements of Harmony?” I asked, not entirely sure what I was expecting her to say.

She stopped writing for a moment, then glanced back at me before explaining, “Oh, each of them is rather crucial to the Harvest Moon Fair, and preparations for winter. They stayed for the two days you were petrified, and part of the day after you were cured, but couldn’t for any longer after that, and in your condition, we couldn’t transport you back to Ponyville. We had plans to move you back in a couple days if you hadn’t woken up by then, but obviously that’s not needed now. Oh, and your heart and breathing are perfectly fine.” Oh. Yeah, I don’t know why I’d expected them to stick around. They did have a lot to do in their own lives. Fluttershy and Twilight had been especially busy with the animal hibernation schedule and managing the coordination of the town getting ready for winter. Applejack had her farm to manage with harvests, Pinkie had tons going on with the Fair, Rainbow was surprisingly busy with winter weather moving in, and Rarity had a sudden influx of winter clothing requests, if I remembered right.

Closing my eyes, I nodded mostly to myself, and I heard the nurse resume writing. I shivered lightly, realizing that I was mostly alone in a distant town now, with my seven main friends a good distance away. This was the first time I felt mostly by myself since I’d arrived here, and I realized I didn’t even know where I was in Canterlot, only knowing that it was a ‘hospital room’. This wasn’t the clinic that was set up in the castle, that was for sure.

The nurse flipped a few more pages in my chart, looking it over once more before nodding to herself, then glancing back up at me with a pleasant smile again. “Everything seems in order. We already tested most of your systems while you were asleep and you’re in amazingly good health after your recovery. Your chest is in good shape now, and you’re cleared to leave,” she assured, nodding twice as if finalizing her statement.

I considered it, then frowned, asking, “Um, what about a bill? I don’t think I have any bits on me. How much is all of this going to-“ She interrupted me with a giggle, and I inwardly sighed.

“Oh, your bill had come to a couple dozen bits, but Princess Celestia herself already cleared it. You’re something of a special case,” the nurse reminded, confirming exactly what I had predicted, and I sighed fully instead.

“All right. Um, thank you for helping me recover,” I added, suddenly uncertain of what I should say, and feeling a little vulnerable.

Her smile widened, and the nurse nodded, her aqua mane bobbing in time with her movements as her ears flicked once. “Oh, think nothing of it. I’ll escort you to the exit, as you’ve never been here before. Also, you should take your things,” she suddenly reminded. Oh, right!

Trotting over to the window, I looked the cards over. Two were from Pinkie, one wishing me well as soon as physically possible and the other hoping I recovered fully. I wasn’t entirely sure what the difference was, but didn’t think about it too hard. The third was from Octavia, to my surprise, who must have visited me once I was in the hospital. Interestingly enough, she told me to look her up once I woke up, and she wanted to try the visit to her restaurant again, hopefully to actually eat something this time. A smiley face was added after that, and I snickered. The last surprised me even more, being from Twilight’s parents. They wished me well, and told me to visit before I left town. Visiting them without Twilight would be… Well, the only word I could describe for it would be awkward.

Retrieving my saddlebags from the foot of the bed, I put all four cards into the left front pouch and turned back to the nurse. Giving a nod, I followed her out of the room and down the hall, swallowing the nervous knot suddenly in my throat. I tried to distract myself instead, looking at the signs and paintings on the wall as we turned down the stair well and hit the ground floor. It didn’t help much, and she stopped and turned, giving me another relaxed nod before nonchalantly walking off to the right, towards what looked like a nurse station. Crap.

Looking back to the left after she disappeared, I saw the double doors in front of me, looming ominously as I felt like I was trying to swallow an apple whole. Slowly, I stepped outside of the hospital and looked around. The street was busy, with ponies walking on both sides. They ignored me for the most part, of course, as I was just a normal pony about my own business. Except I had no idea where I was, what I was supposed to be doing, where I had to go, or where I could stay tonight. Well, I knew I could probably find a comfy area in a nearby park to lie down in. I wasn’t afraid to sleep under the stars.

Sighing, I looked over the rooftops instead, scanning higher up until I saw the largest landmark possibly available, which was both the continuation of Mount Celestia, and the huge royal castle. Tia would probably want me to check in with her after waking up, regardless. Exhaling, but at least knowing the direction I was supposed to head in order to find someplace familiar, I slowly started towards the huge castle. My thoughts slowly drifted back to Azure, and reviewing my own feelings on everything that had happened. Pinging Keela was set for after talking to Tia, even though I dreaded it. Keela. My feelings played all over the place thinking about her, and I focused instead on just watching my hooves while I walked…

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