Wanderings of a Non-Brony

by BronyWriter

TD Learns Some Odd Things and Meets the First of The Intelligent Races

I was awakened early the next morning by having a bucket of icy water poured on my head. Not being particularly fond of such an experience, I sat up, glaring at my host. "You jerk! What the heck was that for?!" I yelled, startling Oswald awake.

Soundspeed shrugged. "I had to wake you up somehow," he replied evenly, "so I got some water to do it."

I scooted out of the soaked sleeping bag and stood up, shaking the water out of my neck-length hair. "Okay, I get that part, but why did you feel the need to use icy water?!"

Soundspeed put the bucket down. "It worked, didn't it?"

I growled at the pegasus, but understood that I’d only get a growing headache by trying to reason with someone who, if not already off the deep end, was very well on his way there. I looked over at Oswald, who has one wing covering his beak, obviously trying to stop himself from laughing at me. I glared at him as well. "Shut it, you, this isn't funny."

He just snorted as well as a phoenix can and flew over to my sleeping bag, where his natural heat began to dry it off. I, in turn, turned to the hermit pony, whom was in the process of strapping a full saddlebag around his waist. I decided not to bother him for the moment, and instead, I walked over to my backpack and pulled off my sopping wet shirt, which I promptly threw over Oswald's head. I ignored his squawk of protest, too concerned with pulling a dry shirt away from the deep recesses of the bag, and put it on just as Soundspeed called out that was done preparing.

I took a few minutes to roll up my now mostly dry sleeping bag and secure it to my backpack. "Lead the way," I said, tossing my luggage onto my back.

Soundspeed snorted. "Do you know the reason I woke you up so early? It was so we could be out of here much earlier than this!"

"And we probably would have,” I retorted, “if I didn't have to change shirts and dry off my sleeping bag, because somebody decided that buckets of water are practical alarm clocks!"

Soundspeed opened his mouth to spit something back, but I suppose the small still rational part of his brain realized that I was in the right here, so he closed his mouth and settled for a glare and a jerk of his head towards the mouth of the cave. Oswald flew to my side as I followed the pegasus outside.

The sun was just above the horizon and the morning air was crisp and cool, indicating that it had only been morning for an hour or so. The rocks were slightly damp from either a drizzle the night before or morning dew. I considered taking a jacket out, but decided that it would be warm enough after the sun rose that I wouldn’t need it. I could deal with the chill until then.

I opened my mouth to ask Soundspeed something, but just then somebody put something over my face, blocking my vision. I stumbled a bit and removed it quickly, only to see that it was Oswald, who had gotten a little revenge from before by slamming the dry shirt on my head. I glanced over at the giggling phoenix and smirked back at him. It was too early to be mad for a decent little jab.

I rolled up the shirt and slipped it into a little side pocket before turning back to Soundspeed. "So what's the plan for the day? I mean, do you know how long it's going to take to get to the zebra lands?"

Soundspeed didn't answer for a good while, so long that I began to wonder if my perfectly reasonable question had made him angry at me for some reason – I'm sure you all know by now that his mood was a bit unpredictable. However, eventually he took a deep breath after a minute or two. "Provided we don't run into any Diamond Dogs, I'd say the trip out of here will be about five hours long,” he answered. “The rest should burn another four or so."

I nearly stopped in my tracks. "Uh, did you say Diamond Dogs?"

He turned back with a snap. "Did I stutter or are you going deaf?!" he yelled. "Of course I said Diamond Dogs, what else would I have said?!"

"Whoa! Calm down,” I said placatingly. “I don't know, I suppose. It's just that I've never really heard anything good about Diamond Dogs."

Soundspeed led me around a large boulder and down a little path that I hadn't noticed when I was traveling originally before he answered. “Yeah, they’re some nasty buggers for sure, but all you have to do is intimidate them enough and they'll leave you alone. They're cowards, the whole lot of them."

"I see. And what did you do to get them to leave you alone?"

I was half dreading the answer already.

A mischievous smile worked its way onto his face. "I killed one of them and ate his remains right in front of them. Haven't seen a single one since."

Now I did stop in my tracks. "Wait... what?!"

The pegasus turned around to face me. Only this time, he wasn’t mad. "Why do you think Celestia's so mad at me?"

~~~

I stop my story when Celestia lets out an uncharacteristically juvenile giggle. The ponies present all look at her with looks of bewilderment on their faces, while I just give her a deadpan stare. She manages to control her emotions long enough to ask, "Is that really what he told you?"

"At first, that's what he said, yes."

Celestia chortles once more, shaking her head. "You can rest assured, TD, the real reason is far more interesting than that."

"I'm sure it is," I say flatly. "Back to the story.”

~~~

Where was I? Oh yes, that's right. Soundspeed had just told me, in no uncertain terms, that he had murdered a Diamond Dog and eaten it in front of his fellows. Naturally, I was pretty disturbed by this. "So... did you really?" I asked gingerly.

Soundspeed shook his head with a snort. "Do my teeth look like they're built for anything close to ripping through solid flesh? Of course I didn't eat a Diamond Dog, dimwit, don't be ridiculous."

I breathed a sigh of relief, and Oswald chuckled beside me. "I guess I should have figured. But really, what did you do to get them to leave you alone?"

"It's a thrilling tale involving a fish,” he responded calmly, “a dried apricot, four bags of flour, and a torch. I'd really rather not give you any details, if you don’t mind."

I didn’t. There was no way I could imagine just what the heck he did with the supplies he listed, and I’m sure I don’t want to know even now.

I opted for a more prudent question instead. "So what are the odds that we'll run into some?"

"It's hard to say, really," Soundspeed said with a shrug. "I think we might be okay just because they know to avoid me, but one really never knows what's up with those flea bitten mongrels."

"I have a friend who dealt with them before. Her review was less than glowing," I explained. "I heard that complaining is an excellent way to get them to let you go."

He shook his head. "Not gonna work with the dogs around here. That might do it for those namby-pamby pups from Equestria, but out here, it's a different story. These dogs are much more resilient to that kind of thing; if they think you're too much trouble, they'll just look for their 'free labor' somewhere else. They just… wipe you off their record, so to speak."

At that, I gulped and began to look around nervously for any Diamond Dog holes that might pop up randomly. Thankfully there were none. I doubted they could pop out of solid rock at the drop of a hat… or at least, I hoped they couldn't do that. I didn't know much about Diamond Dogs aside from what Rarity told me about them, and now I really didn't want to meet any to find out more.

The journey progressed on in relative silence from that point. Every now and again Soundspeed would jump at a noise like a rock falling, and his blowgun would be out and pointed in the direction of the noise in half a second. It got to the point where his paranoia got to me, too, and I readied Reginald so that I’d be ready to fight in the instance that somebody actually did attack us. Of course, nobody ever did, and the trip would continue onwards like he hadn’t ever been scared.

The sun was high above the three of us by the time we finally saw the first traces of the flat grasslands that made up the borderlands between Zebrica and Equestria. I have to admit, it was kind of exciting to see a land inhabited by beings other than ponies. Sure, I knew Zebras are pretty close to ponies in the basic genetic makeup department, but they were unlikely to be ruled by a group that was out to pretty much get me under home arrest.

Or I hoped so, at least. I found out pretty quickly that you can never really tell with the other races, if you remember what I said about Chrysalis.

Well, anyway, once we got out of the rocky foothills and onto the grasslands, Soundspeed signaled for us to stop so we could take a meal break. Grateful to get my backpack off of my shoulders, I set it down next to a large tree stump, and Oswald took up his usual spot on top of it. I sat down on the stump and scratched his head feathers to show I wasn’t mad at all at the payback from before, which elicited a contented coo from him.

Soundspeed had taken his own luggage off as well, and was rooting through them for what I presumed was food and water. Sure enough, he soon emerged from the depths of his bag with a hay bar balanced on one wing and a water bottle on the other. Even though I was allergic, seeing they hay bar just reinforced how hungry I was, so I dug into one of my own pockets.

Fish jerky again. Oh joy. I bit the bullet and took a chunk out of a particularly large piece, then looked over at Oswald. "I don't suppose you can hunt something a little more palpable, can you?"

Instantly, he went into ‘search mode’, swiveling his head around, scanning the empty horizon. His eyes froze on a particular spot, and with a fiery swoop, my phoenix pal took off in the direction of whatever he’d seen. I stood up and sat back down in front of the stump so that I could use it as a backrest, taking another bite of the jerky – it was unlikely that whatever Oswald had found was big enough for the two of us to have a proper meal, so I decided to let him have whatever he had found and keep to my own sustenance.

I turned my attention from the vast plains that Oswald had disappeared into to my pegasus guide. "So, tell me a little more about yourself, Soundspeed."

“What?” His head snapped up from his meal. "Why in the world would you want to know anything about a little old pegasus like me? Are you sure you're not a spy for Celestia?"

“Again?” I groaned. “Seriously, dude, stop asking me that. If I was, then I would have already used Oswald to tell her where you were last night after you went to sleep."

Soundspeed shot his gaze in the direction that Oswald had gone. He opened his mouth, but I cut him off. "He's just getting lunch, not another pony. Let the poor bird get some food."

Soundspeed grumbled something under his breath, but he slowly swiveled to look back to me. "The question still stands of why you would want to know anything about me."

I shrugged. "Just making small talk, really. We could quid pro quo it if you wanted to: I tell you about me in exchange for a question about you."

Soundspeed narrowed his eyes, but he took a breath. "Okay, then, what do you want to know?"

I had to think for a moment to actually come up with a question. In truth, I’d been so certain that he would flat out refuse that I didn't even think up one. I did eventually land one, though. "Okay, why are you running from Celestia?"

"Next question," he said flatly. "I don't trust you that much yet."

I sighed, but nodded. "Fine. Next question. What did you do for a living before you came to be out here?"

At this his chest puffed out, and a smug smile spread across his face. Call it déjà-vu. "I was a racer, if you must know. A darned good one, too. I learned that I loved flying really fast during my mandatory military service, back when I was a youngster in Cloudsdale."

I raised my eyebrow in interest. "Cloudsdale pegasi have to do mandatory military service?"

Soundspeed nodded. "All able bodied ones have to enlist when they're eighteen, and unless otherwise specified, they're released when they're twenty one. If they want, they can sign up for additional tours of duty, though most prefer to go to the jobs that correspond with their cutie marks."

I scowled and scratched the back of my head. "Never heard of that before. I know two pegasi from Cloudsdale and they never mentioned military service."

~~~

"Wait, we didn't?" says, to my total surprise, Fluttershy. "I thought for sure we’d brought it up at some point."

My jaw practically hits the floor at the admission that the butter yellow pegasus has just made. I turn my gaze over to Rainbow Dash, who nods. "Guess it just never came up," she agrees. "But yeah, me and Fluttershy did our military duty just like the rest of the pegasi from Cloudsdale."

"How else did you think I became so good at medicine?" Fluttershy asks. "I-I mean, it wasn't trial and error, I had to go through training. Once I figured out that my special talent was with animals and I knew that I wanted to take care of them, I figured my military duty would be as good a time to learn as any. Of course I took classes before then, but I didn't get the bulk of my training until I signed on for military duty."

"You were an army medic," I say, hardly able to believe it.

Fluttershy nods with a hint of shyness this time. "Sergeant First Class Fluttershy reporting for duty, sir."

Jaw, meet floor. "You were ranked that high up?"

"I don't like to brag about it," she mutters. "I didn't really like the attention I was getting anyway, but I put up with it because I was helping ponies."

Rainbow Dash snorts and wraps a wing in around her fellow pegasus. "Heh, medical corps begged her to stay once her duty was up, but she wouldn’t have any of it. She just wanted to get to her animals right away."

"It's also where I learned to sew," the other continues. "I made a few bits on the side by repairing uniforms, and I liked it enough that I took a few more advanced classes in Ponyville."

"You don't say." I turn to Rainbow. "And you?"

Rainbow Dash shrugs. "Nothing special. I was just a private in the CAF reserve battalion, and didn't advance from there. My superiors always told me I was too reckless for that. I left when my duty was up, and that's really all there is to that."

"Did you learn much about combat?"

"Yeah, I learned enough to hold my own in a fight,” Rainbow nods, “though I made a note to forget most of the more advanced stuff, you know, the lethal part. Never wanted to use it anyway, and most of it was textbook."

I blink at the duo in pure, unabashed surprise, before shaking my head to clear it. "Huh, the more you know, I guess. Anyway, back to me and Soundspeed."

~~~

"Yes, I did my military duty just like the rest of us. You see, in its earlier roots, the pegasi race was a largely militaristic society." Soundspeed scratched the bottom of his muzzle thoughtfully. "Are they still teaching that Hearth's Warming Eve story? You know, the one with that cheesy pageant?"

“Yeah,” I nod. "I saw a presentation before I left."

"Right. Then you remember that all of the pegasi are dressed like they're going to war."

I took a moment to think back to the pageant, and realized I did see Rainbow and Fluttershy dressed in military outfits. "Yeah, from what I saw."

"Exactly," Soundspeed said with a nod. "That's because the race during that time was made up of a series of ten to twelve pegasus clans, all lead by one head pegasus called a 'flock leader' and his or her 'vice-leader'."

"Commander Hurricane and Private Pansy."

"In that instance yes, but we're going off on a tangent here. My point is, the original pegasus society was militaristic, and that trickled down to the point where you still see traces of it. Military service is one of those."

"And that's where you learned that you loved racing, you were saying."

"I set a company record for the fastest armored ten mile dash!" he said proudly. "I probably would have set the record for the fastest unencumbered ten mile dash if the wings worked the same way under both conditions, but I never could get my wings positioned so that I could get the most speed out of them without the armor. I know, it sounds odd, but that’s how it goes for me – I fly better when encumbered.

"But anyway, I did my service and then went into racing full time. I got even better at it than I was in the army. I was good enough that I made a living out of it." Soundspeed looked at his wings ruefully. "I still try to keep in shape with these babies when I can, but there aren't many times now when Celestia's spies aren't around."

I had to expend a serious amount of effort to prevent myself from rolling my eyes at him, but I managed somehow. Thankfully he didn't notice, so he turned his attention from his wings to me. "’Quid pro quo’, strange being. What are you called?"

"My name is TD Harrison Powell, but everybody just calls me TD."

Soundspeed cocked his head. "What does that stand for?"

"Nothing. They're just letters."

"So you had unimaginative twats for parents who just pulled letters out of a hat after your mother didn't want to expend the same amount of energy into naming you as she did giving birth to you, is that it?"

I gave the pony my best glare, but he didn’t so much as wince. "I wouldn't say stuff like that if I were you. There really is nothing preventing me from contacting Celestia to tell her where you are."

"Except for your 'Pinkie Promise thingie," he said idly. "You really seemed adamant about not breaking that."

Now it was my turn to be thwarted by logic. I decided to let the issue drop and hope that he wouldn't say stupid stuff like that again. "Anyway, I'm a creature from a planet called Earth, more precisely a human."

"I see. And do you have ponies on your world?"

"Not like your species. We don't have pegasi or unicorns, and the ponies we do have can't talk. I don’t think they’re even rational."

Soundspeed frowned. "Well, I don't think that's a place I'd like to live in, then," he said. “I’d feel completely alone.”

"Same to you about this planet," I tossed back. "Which is why I’m traveling to find a way to get off this rock."

Soundspeed was about to reply, but at that moment, Oswald came flying back and landed on my backpack. I smiled at the phoenix and scratched his head. "So, find something good for lunch, buddy?"

Oswald nodded proudly and squawked something in phoenix, pointing a wing in the direction he had just come from. Soundspeed and I looked out at the blank landscape confusedly, wondering what Oswald was asking us to see.

We didn't have to wonder very long. The ground about forty feet in front of us began to rattle, startling Soundspeed and I to the point where we shot up and armed our respective weapons. It soon became apparent that something was about to pop out of the ground. I chanced a glance back at Oswald. "Oswald, is whatever is coming out of the ground what you're saying you found for lunch?"

He nodded happily. I turned my attention back to the rapidly expanding hole in the ground. "What did your blasted bird bring here?!" Soundspeed shouted threateningly.

"I don't know!" I paused for a moment. "Do you think we should run?"

"Bah!” he snorts derisively. “I've never run from anything in my life except for my ex in heat! Unless she's coming through the earth to chew my ear off, I’m not about to bolt from this!"

I forgot my defensive stance for a moment as I stared utterly bewildered at the gray pegasus. Again, it just wasn't worth questioning, so I returned my gaze to the hole… just in time to see what Oswald had lured over here pop out of the ground with a loud bark.

There was no mistaking what the creature in front of us was. Collar around its neck; tacky, worn down vest with jewels stuffed in its pockets; bad breath I could feel from where I was; scruffy look… all of it told me just what my dumb phoenix had led to us.

It was a Diamond Dog.

Comments

[Pilgrims Progress]

Soundspeed defaulted on his taxes, didn't he.

[Plaigh]

Ok, sounds like he ran from Molestia.

[Mr Clumpy]

NOM DAT DOG! :D

[Sage Probo]

One thing: Murphy's law

Sound said it's possible that DD show up, and was paranoid as hell about it.

Turns out: They show up. Either TD pulls of a level of whining above Rarity (if that's possibru) OR Reginald gets far more work to do than before.

Edit: FIRST

[Jh5kPony]

I didn't know Equestria had a conscription force.

Then again, that does explain the mass amount of guards I sometimes see.

[Sue]

lol

[SasparillaFizz]

Ah. So the pattern of Oswald begins.

[Aru]

Oswald have strange taste.

[Marioland1]

2212675
You ain't first buddeh.

And the trek continues. Let's see how they all get out of this mess.

[FastShadow78]

"So you had unimaginative twats for parents who just pulled letters out of a hat after your mother didn't want to expend the same amount of energy into naming you as she did giving birth to you, is that it?"

Soundspeed is best pony.

[Err23]

Military fluttershy is best shy

[Azzazel]

barnesm.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/thestupiditburnsblack.jpg

[Omni]

DARN YOU OSWALD!

[Raistlin]

Phoenix are natural trolls. Guess why Celestia has one.

[BronyWriter]

2213032 Because they're natural trolls... wait, you already said that.

[ManWithThePan]

2213102
LOL YOU TROLLED YOURSELF!

[GamerNate1996]

Oswald you flippin' troll! XD

[clearshot01]

I guess Oswald ensures that TD obeys Murphy's law... Good on ya, Ozzie!

[Herrpface]

ONE JOB, OSWALD.

[Kirb]

Oh boy. This'll be fun.

[Bronze Statue]

My sides...
Has anyone actually written a military!Fluttershy fic?

[dargondarkfire]

wow, do you already have the entire story written? this is fast!

[Siiver7]

DON'T MESS WITH FLUTTERSHY

[CIA]

The head canon for soundspeed is stuhlinger nuff said.

[Lord Guffington]

Celestia/Luna/Titan dammit Oswald!

[EpsilonWinter]

A good chapter, and an amusing new OC, but what about that "first intelligent race" mentioned in the chapter title? And as many have pointed out, has not TD broken his Pinkie Promise by recounting his story?

Have a nice day.
-BlackWinter

[BronyWriter]

2215231 I said 'meets', not majorly interacts. That's the next chapter which I am working on now on top of the next Breakings chapter. In terms of breaking his Pinkie Promise, just trust me.

[WorldWalker128]

2213032

[Bronythegreat]

iv never run from anything except my ex in heat

Lololololololololoololololol2215279

[General Darth]

Oswald was so happy about his meal too...

[UncreativeName]

So he's on the run from Celestia...but the only thing he's ever run from is his ex in heat.

[BronyWriter]

2216048 DerpedRainbow and WorldWalker128 have interesting comments on that subject...

[EpsilonWinter]

2215252

The Diamond Dogs were the first sentient species in Equestria? How odd, oh well.

I shall await the next chapter with anticipation.
-BlackWinter

[BronyWriter]

2216372 I'm not saying that the DD were the first intelligent race in Equestria, just the first non-pony race he came across on his journey.

[Chosen One 41]

2216383 Oh, that makes more sense

[A-hardie]

....Oh that stupid feather sack. God these cliffhangars are killing me!

[MemeShitlord]

NYES.

[Rezival]

That fool!

[The Watcher 509]

Oswald,WhatAre You Doing?

Oswald,STAHP!

Some Phoenix' Just Want To Watch Their Masters' Learn.

[Lord_Kalbario]

YOU SAW THIS COMING THE MOMENT YOU ALL READ FLUTTERSHY BEING A MEDIC SO IM JUST GONNA PUT THIS HERE...
i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd189/BengalRegal/fluttermedic.jpg

[kajisora]

"Bah!” he snorts derisively. “I've never run from anything in my life except for my ex in heat! Unless she's coming through the earth to chew my ear off, I’m not about to bolt from this!"

AND from Celestia.
...
It's not an "and" is it?

[drone_r0m-3]

Diamond Dog: Tastes just like chicken.

[drone_r0m-3]

In other news, Fluttershy comes out as worlds best dominatrix. Either that or she secretly uses a Death Note.

[drone_r0m-3]

2213269 Your post amuses me. Enjoy this mustache!

[Derpamon]

2225098 There was nothing involving Flutters being a dominatrix in this chapter...

[Red Fox14]

Oh, what the fortuitous.... I'm really enjoying this so far, which is rare for a HiE story. Can't wait for what comes next!

[BronyWriter]

2227567 Diamond Dogs it seems

[Shanenator]

HAH!! Oh man, this is so great. Medic Fluttershy and Private Rainbow are now my headcanon. How adorkable.

And apparently Soundspeed's ex is Celestia. Awwwkwwaaaarrd...

Speaking of awkward, oh, Oswald...

[Rubystars]

I'm enjoying this story a lot. Please continue. :)

[Dusty Old Qrow]

WAT.

CELESTIA AND SOUNDSPEED....

WAT.