Uh, No Thank You
I hate to leave them on a cliffhanger, but Celestia rightly points out that some food would be prudent for all of us. My voice is growing tired anyway, so I'm glad for the reprieve. Celestia orders some food for us and we all sit around the table, enjoying each other's company and the food. I decide that it would be best if they talked for a bit, so I ask to hear the CMC's cutie mark stories. Seems Apple Bloom got her apple and hammer cutie mark after almost single hoofedly repairing major sections of the Apple's barn when Applejack and Big Mac were in Appleloosa about a year after I left. Scoots got her wheel with fire coming out the back cutie mark after Spitfire of all ponies came to town as Scoots was buzzing through and complimented her on it. Scootaloo did a few moves for her and... well, cutie mark. A few weeks later, Sweetie Belle performed for her sister's first Canterlot fashion show. Afterwards she found a black eighth note over a pink bell for a cutie mark.
I finish my crystal corn soup and lean against the table with a smile on my face as the last Crusader finished her story. "You know, I have to admit... I'm proud of you guys." The Crusaders exchange small smiles with me. "It almost makes me regret leaving a little bit. I know I wasn't exactly a fan of the show or my situation when I got here, but I have to say that I missed you." My smile flickered ever so slightly. "I kinda wish I'd been here for that."
Rainbow Dash snorts and pushes her soup bowl away. "Jeez, TD. When did you get all sentimental?"
"Hard to say," I say with a roll of my eyes. Oswald lands beside me, the remnants of a carrot dangling from his beak. He slurps up the rest of it and chirrups to me. I scratch his head feathers and he nuzzles up to my hand. "I think that my travels across the world might have done that to me. It put a lot of things in perspective, and I began to realize how much I missed you. Plus, you girls tried so hard to get your marks, and now you have them. That's gotta feel nice."
"Sure does, TD," says Apple Bloom. The other two nod in agreement just as the rest of the party came in. They took their usual seats and I pat my now full stomach.
"Just so you know, Spike and Luna should be joining us soon," says Celestia. "Luna had some business to finish up in Canterlot, and Twilight suggested that Spike accompany her."
"It was only going to be for a day anyway," says Twilight with a wave of her hoof. "He was happy to do it."
I frown and rest my head in my hand. "Speaking of that, when exactly did you guys get here? The fair is still a few days away."
"Honestly, only about four or five hours before you," says Twilight. "We were literally taking a walk around the Empire to stretch our legs after the trip when we bumped into you doing..." Twilight grimaced. "... what you were doing."
I shrug, but Oswald and I exchange a smirk. I had told him what I had done during the break. It seemed time to get back to the story now, though. I ask my listeners and they seem to agree.
"Okay, where was I?"
"The griffin you saved was the crown princess of Griffonia," says Rarity.
"Oh right." I snort and shake my head. "You would not believe the kinds of trouble that got me into."
~~~~
So there I was, being escorted by an entire platoon of Griffonian heavy guards to who knows where. After the little tidbit that Yerkes had shared with me, I was pretty silent as I contemplated the, hopefully positive, ramifications of rescuing a nation's ruler. The griffins insisted that Oswald never be more than two feet away from me at all times, and I doubt they'd appreciate the fire trick again. Oswald stayed close as per their instructions, but occasionally he saw a rabbit or something and I had to pull him back.
We walked straight through the town; not even bothering to stop for anything. Yeah, there were a bunch of griffins around and most of them knew that I was the being that had beaten a bunch of them pretty much single handedly while on fire. They kept their distance, but I could feel their stares on me and I heard the hushed whispers. I did my best to ignore them though. I had had enough of that kind of thing by that point. Heck, I had gone past the point where it bothered me back in Ponyville.
Well, it turned out that our destination was a train station. It didn't exactly look like the Friendship Express, though. It was a dull gray color, with no decorative markings to speak of. Its design was sleeker, and it was powered by steam if the steam billowing out of the top was any indication. I pointed at the train. "That what you came in on?"
Yerkes nodded. "Yes. It's your standard troop carrier. Flying fifty miles with all of our gear isn't exactly optimal. This might be a more expensive way to travel, but it's more efficient." Some worker griffins opened the doors of the train and the griffin knights began filing on. Five of them stayed around me, Yerkes included. "I'm afraid that I'm going to have to ask you to surrender your weapons and armor. The bird too."
I glared at him and subtly put one foot backwards in a fighting stance. "I'd like to see you try to take them."
Yerkes rolled his eyes and extended one of his claws. "Don't be ridiculous. You're surrounded by a fighting force far more formidable than a few peasants with sub-par weapons. If I wanted I could have you on the ground in seconds, and that's ignoring the fact that I have dozens of soldiers that could take you out if need be."
"Why do you need my weapons?" I looked over at Oswald. "Why do you need my phoenix?"
"You are to be granted an audience with Emperor Aepnet the Great for saving Princess Kathyrine. It would be a dereliction of our duty if we allowed you before him armed as you are." Yerkes smirked and gave an amused snort. "And if I may say so, it does not help your case that you are so proficient with them."
"I take it that's intended as a complement?" Yerkes tilted his head. "Right." I moved my foot back to a more relaxed stance. "I'll get them back, right?"
"Of course." Yerkes extended his claw further. "I'm pleased you are doing this the easy way."
"You'd better be," I snarked as I took off my knife belt. "I do happen to have a habit for punching monarchs."
"Oh?" Yerkes handed my knife belt to the closest knight. "What makes you say that?"
"I punched Celestia in the face when I got here then again a few months later," I said nonchalantly. I handed the guard with my knives my backpack, then crossed my arms. "I just have my staff, the chainmail, and Oswald. I fail to see why I need to relinquish any of them." My eyes narrowed and I tapped Reginald on the ground. "It's not like I'm dumb enough to try to attack your emperor when he has a ton of protection. I don't have any reason to anyway."
"I am under orders to take it all," said Yerkes with a hint of sharpness in his voice. "Either you give us your staff, armor, and bird or we take it by force." Yerkes' own eyes narrowed. "This is not a negotiation."
Oswald hissed and landed on top of my head, spreading his flaming wings. "Oswald doesn't want to go into your custody," I replied. "I can't make him if he doesn't want to go."
"We will use force if we need to. The Emperor has requested to see you, and you will comply with our demands." Yerkes signaled to his men. "Don't get off on the wrong paw with us."
I cracked my neck and tapped Reginald on the ground. There was no way that I was going into a completely alien situation one hundred percent unarmed and unprotected. That kind of thing hadn't really helped me out in the past, and I was sick of being at the mercy of some other race.
But they didn't quite see it that way. I denied their request for my arms and armor one final time, and Yerkes got the idea that I wasn't going to give in. He probably would have just told me to get out of Griffonia if he wasn't under orders to take me to the emperor. With one more claw motion, I heard the griffins behind me move to subdue me. I whirled around, Reginald at the ready. But they weren't quite willing to engage me in hand-to-claw combat. One of the soldiers behind me just happened to have a blowgun that he was certainly not shy about using.
* * * *
I awoke an undetermined amount of time later in a jail cell. Reginald was gone, Oswald was who knew where, and my armor had been stripped off of me. I growled to myself and stood up, peering through the bars in an attempt to gauge my surroundings.
"Hello? I'm awake now. You can start chewing me out after you give me back my weapons and armor." Silence was my only reply, but if anybody was listening I was going to continue to be snarky. "You're all pretty brave: beating a guy hopelessly outnumbered with ranged weapons. What's next: you dump Oswald's ashes in front of me?"
I heard a door open a few feet away from me, and Yerkes walked in flanked by two of his soldiers. To my annoyance, he looked vaguely amused when he stopped in front of my cell.
"You have spirit, I'll give you that. Most beings would have given up and surrendered without a fight."
"If I was in the habit of doing that my head would adorn a minotaur's wall," I grumbled. I leaned against the bars and glared at him. "I've gone through too much crap to willingly put myself in a situation where I'm at the mercy of some race that I've never had contact with before."
"I'll concede the point." Yerkes reached to his belt and pulled out a set of keys. "Emperor Aepnet is ready to see you now. He has your bird. Princess Kathyrine is there too, so you'd better be on your best behavior."
"From a jail cell to an meeting with the Emperor?" I snorted. "Why, what has a poor soul like me done to deserve such good fortune?"
Yerkes glared at me, but didn't respond. He unlocked my cell, allowing me to step out. His guards fluttered their wings, revealing razor sharp wing blades. The message was clear, but I rolled my eyes at them. As if I would ever be so dumb as to do something like that. Seriously, was I going to try to escape without Oswald, my armor and Reginald?
Sheesh.
I followed Yerkes out of the dungeon and through the castle itself. There were precious few griffins in the halls, but those that did see me all gasped at me in wide-eyed wonder and fear. Just like when I first came to Ponyville, everything ground to a halt just because I walked through somewhere.
The castle itself reminded me of the one in Canterlot. It was pretty ornately decorated with complex tapestries, gold and silk everywhere, and soft carpets. Most of the griffins we saw were maids and servants, so everything we came across was immaculate.
It took about five minutes to get from the dungeon to the throne room, but when we reached the gold door that could have only led to one place, Yerkes held out a claw. "I'm warning you. Be on your best behavior. Emperor Aepnet is grateful to you, but if you give him backtalk he will be less than pleased. He is already unhappy of the method we had to use to get you here."
"I'm not that dumb," I growled. I scoffed and motioned all around me. "Seriously, what exactly can I do around here?"
"It's just a warning." Yerkes lowered his claw and pushed the doors to the throne room open. We were greeted with a set of trumpets announcing our arrival, as well as the sight of a spacious room surrounded by stained glass windows depicting what I can only assume was awesome moments in griffin history. There weren't many griffins in the throne room itself. Mostly stoic guards and a gaggle of curious nobles. Of course, at the far end of the throne room was the emperor himself sitting on a solid gold and jewel encrusted throne. On a less flashy, but still very impressive, throne was the griffin that I had saved. She still bore a few noticeable bruises and scars, but she certainly seemed a lot better than she was when I found her in the forest. To complete the picture, Oswald was perched on the back of the emperor's throne, looking no worse for wear.
Once the fanfare died down, the room was deathly silent, save for the sounds of claw and footsteps on the marble floor. I stared directly at the emperor who returned it. He frowned slightly and leaned his head against one of his claws, tapping his beak with a talon. When we were about halfway to the throne, the emperor stepped off of his throne. Kathyrine stepped off a second afterwards, following a few steps behind him. Oswald squawked happily as I got nearer, and he took off to land on my shoulder. A few guards readied their weapons once my phoenix took flight, but the emperor waved them off.
The two parties met about ten paces away from the throne, and the emperor and I stared at each other for a moment. He was just a few inches shorter than I was, but he easily beat me in girth. His wingspan was likely quite impressive. I'm not very good at telling this kind of thing with griffins, but if he were human I'd imagine that he'd be in his mid-to-late fifties. Some of his feathers were starting to gray at the edges.
As I wasn't sure of what to do, I let him make the first move. He didn't keep me waiting for long.
"So. You are the creature that saved my daughter."
His voice was kind of pompous, and had a slight noble British accent to it.
Er, that's a country where I come from. I'll tell you about it later Twilight.
So I'm standing in front of the most powerful griffin in the world, and I just saved his daughter from certain death. I tilt my head in a nod when he states it. "Yeah. I found her in the woods. Healed her with phoenix tears."
Aepnet pointed at Oswald. "His, I presume?"
I nodded. "Yeah. His."
"I see. Hmm..." He tapped his beak with his talon again. "This is most irregular. What species are you?"
I gave an amused scoff. Honestly it's hard to do anything else when you've been asked that question so often. "I'm a human. I'm from an alternate dimension. I was brought here on accident by Princess Celestia when she was performing powerful magic."
That got a murmur going through the crowd. The gathered nobles leaned in next to each other and began whispering various mutterings that I couldn't really make out. It was likely the same stuff I'd been hearing before anyway. Besides, it was Emperor Aepnet's thoughts that I was the most interested in. His expression was neutral, but I could see cogs working in his head as he processed the new information. I chanced a glance back at Kathyrine who surprisingly seemed rather bored my the whole thing. When she saw me looking at her she quietly scoffed and rolled her eyes.
The emperor took a breath and lightly shook his head. "Remarkable. Simply remarkable." He chuckled and clapped me on the shoulder. His eyes filled with mirth, and his beak spread into a wide smile. "One might call it fate, almost!"
"Here we go again," Kathyrine grumbled with another eye roll.
"Image it: my daughter saved by a being from another world!" Aepnet laughed heartily. "It's as if you were sent to us to bring my daughter back to me, human!"
"Uh..." I gave Oswald an uneasy glance, but he just cocked his head at me. "I guess if you want to look at it that way you can, but--"
"This is simply delightful," Aepnet squeed. "My daughter and a savior from another world. What a being for an heir!"
"I mean, I was just here for..." My words died in my throat when what he said registered with me. "H... heir?"
"Indeed, my boy!" Aepnet seized my hand in one of his claws and began vigorously shaking it. "I thank you for bringing my daughter back to me! She's my only cub, you know!"
"I'm not a cub anymore, dad!" Kathyrine snapped. She groaned and fixed me in her gaze. "I mean seriously, I guess he's strong and all, but he doesn't even have that much fur, much less feathers!"
"No, I don't..." I tried to pull my hand out of the emperor's grasp. "Go back to the part about me being your 'heir' again!"
"Oh that's right, you aren't quite accustomed with our laws, I imagine." Aepnet sighed dreamily and smiled fondly at me. "It is the law of our land that should a princess be in mortal peril where her life is on the line, anyone who saves her shall be granted her claw in marriage!"
My eyes widened and a squeak escaped my lips. "M-marriage?!"
"I don't want to marry him, dad!"
Aepnet giggled in a way that reminded me of a foal at Hearths Warming Eve and spread his arms. "Come here, New Son!"
To my complete horror, Aepnet threw his arms around me and wrapped me in a bone crushing hug. Katheyrine facepalmed, the nobles began applauding, and Oswald was regarding the whole scene with a curious expression.
And me? Well, let's just say that I kind of wanted to go back to the place where minotaur chieftains were trying to kill me.
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Wow...TD seems to be fucked over no matter where he ends up.
Blow-gun wedding, anypony?
Guess the next chapter is how he escaped from the griffins...
Poor TD. The universe whats to screw with you... ROYALLY.
*rimshot*
If you'll excuse me, I need to find something dull and somber to do, so my face stops hurting from all this grinning.
Hahaha this made me laugh out loud hysterically. Especially the facepalm part.
Alright. ... Now we need a wordsmith to somehow make these two stories connectable. Like Lego blocks!
makes me wonder if the two 'hims' will ever encounter one another.
"So you got turned into a princess."
"Yup. And you got engaged after saving a Gryphon's life."
"Yup. I guess the universe really DOES hate me. Us. Whatever."
"Maybe, but at least you got to stay a guy!"
My god I love this story.
Very intriguing. He's either going to get out of this, or technically his ruling as heir is still valid.
3077835
I can only point out how much of an understatement that is.
3077881
Now that would be neat.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
3077946 My thoughts exactly
Not certain if this obvious pun has been made, but it looks like TD is going to be...
*puts on sunglasses*
Royally Screwed...
"You saved a Princess now ya gotta marry her!"
Talk about a fairy tale law.
punch him! punch him in the beak now!
bwahahahahahaha! oh man this is even better then what i thought would happen! well done my friend!
3078002
Hooray for surprises.
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!! XD
3078023
Applebloom's a communist!
Ha ha, hilarious.
The shit TD get's himself into......
xD
That line man....
TD never played Oblivion, I guess. *sly as fuck*
3077873
celestia fucks up again and brings princess TD and he sends prince TD home with alicorn magic
Poor, stupid TD...
the awesomeness i cant take IT!!!!
Seriously, I saw this new predicament of his coming from MILES away last chapter... and it's still hilarious, regardless. Well done.
OMG TD!!! You are the saddest lucky character I've ever seen!
This is too much!
well at lest this situation is much less permanent than his alicorn princess counterpart, however he is in quite a pickle none the less
Breaking News!
TD is getting married to a griffin princess!
In related news, Harpies are expected to be born within the next two years!
called it...
You misspelled 'THEIR' as 'there' good sir. Other than that, I'm very pleased you implemented an accent from my corner of the world
3077765
I wouldn't think indigestion would be a problem of his
Oh dear...
3078308 Fuck it. Why not both in one universe at the same time?
I'm going to laugh so hard if it turns out that he never got this marriage annulled.
3078318 Poor yes, but he's anything but stupid.
The funny part would be that the Gryphon and TD are actually husband and wife in the end but they stay as far away as they can from each other because the marriage is forced.
I smell another side story!!! >:D
I swear one of these chapters is going to have a plot twist where nothing bad happens, and its going to be the most surprising thing.
3078248 im glad i wasnt the only one thinking it.
What kind of Griffin King would want a featherless ugly bag of mostly water as an heir?
3078686 who said marriage was a bad thing, unwanted maybe, funny fer sure but not bad. At best it's unexpected
TD: Say, uh, sir? Is there any way that this...marriage could be, I dunno, canceled?
Aepnet: Nonsense, my boy! The only way I can think of would involve you going and breaking dozens of laws! But you wouldn't ever go and do something like that, now would you?
TD:
3079021 It sure is an inconvenience when you are traveling the world though, especially if the idea is to get back to your own dimension.
3079059 but then again he could use his new position to make the trip that much easier.