The Best Night Ever
Episode 26 – The Best Night Ever
I opened my eyes and felt different. I remembered… for some reason… I remembered right away that today was the day… The Grand Galloping Gala… My date with Fluttershy… will it go well…? I removed myself from bed and walked to the bathroom. I turned on the shower and climbed into the tub. I rinsed myself for a while until I got out again and shook myself dry. I looked in the mirror and observed myself. Was she really right…? Or can I somehow prove her wrong…?
I snapped out of my thoughts and walked out the bathroom. I wonder if the girls are already getting ready for the Gala… I walked down the stairs and out the front door. I began walking through town, thinking about going to Fluttershy's to see what she was going to do, but several ponies caught my attention when I passed by Rarity's shop.
"Ahh! I... can't... believe... the Grand... Galloping... Gala... is... tonight!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed joyfully while she excitedly continued to bounce on a trampoline.
Twilight was by her, trying to read one of her books but was unable to, due to Pinkie Pie disruptive behavior. "Pinkie! Please stop shouting, I'm trying to concentrate." Twilight called out to Pinkie Pie, who was still having fun on her trampoline.
Rarity walked out her shop when she noticed Pinkie Pie bouncing on the trampoline. "Pinkie Pie!" Rarity scolded as she quickly walked over to her. "Stop that right now. It's time to prepare for the Gala and I refuse to let you put on your new dress if you're all sweaty." Pinkie Pie immediately ceased her bouncing and gave Rarity a slightly annoyed look. After, she jumped off the trampoline, obeying Rarity's command. Rarity sighed in relief and spotted me near them. "Oh, Alex! There you are, dear! Quickly, I must get you in your new tux right away!" Rarity began grabbing my hoof and was about to take me into her shop but Twilight stopped her.
"Hold on, Rarity… there's just something I want to try first…" Twilight announced while still keeping her eyes on the book.
Pinkie Pie looked at Twilight with a confused expression on her face, then at Spike, then back at Twilight. "What's Twilight doing?" Pinkie Pie whispered to Spike, most likely to prevent any distractions towards Twilight.
"She's got an awesome magic spell she's been working on for the Gala." Spike answered.
"Where are the others?" Rarity asked in slight frustration as she walked over to Pinkie Pie and Spike. "It's getting late."
"Hold your horses, girl. We're here." Applejack called out as she walked with Fluttershy towards us while Rainbow Dash flew.
Fluttershy saw me and presented a bright, yet slightly shy, smile towards me.
"Perfect!" Twilight closed her book and lifted her head. "I'm ready."
"For what?" Rainbow Dash asked excitedly.
"All right, Spike." Twilight announced to Spike, who was bringing over an apple and then delicately placed it on the grass in front of Twilight.
"An apple!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed out loud. "Are we having pie?"
"Shh!" Spike quickly shushed. "Watch!"
Twilight concentrated herself and soon, a light glow emerged on her horn. The apple began slightly levitating and instantly began shifting into something new. Suddenly, it expanded into a large and magnificent carriage. The girls formed a collective of awes and amazement.
"Thanks. But that's just the start." Twilight walked over to Fluttershy. "Fluttershy, did you bring your friends?"
"Yes." She answered, happily. Four mice appeared from her mane. Fluttershy lowered her head to allow the mice to descend towards the ground. "Will they be safe, Twilight?"
"You have my word." Twilight responded confidently. She focused on the four mice that stood in the ground below and worked her magic to instantly create the mice into stallions… well almost… Instead, their heads still had their mouse features, such as their ears, noses, and teeth…even their tails… "Ta-da!" Twilight presented. There was another collective from the girls, but instead, they returned surprised and slightly confused expressions as the mouse stallions squeaked. "Neat, huh? And don't worry. They'll be mice again at midnight."
"Opalescence, no!" We heard Fluttershy suddenly cry out. Opalescence had been sneaking around the bush. When she spotted the mice, she quickly pounced at them with her sharp nails. The cat scared the mouse stallions and caused them run away while the one that Opal hung on to kicked her off and followed the others.
"Wait! Come back!" Twilight called after them, but they were too frightened to come back. She looked back at us, worried. "Those horses were supposed to pull our carriage. How will we get to the Gala?"
The girls remained silent for a moment until they turned towards me. I confusingly switched my eyes towards each of them. "What?" I questioned.
Rarity cleared her throat. "Ahem. Alex. Would you so kindly pull our carriage to the Gala?" Rarity released a wide grin as she fluttered her eyelashes.
"Um, sure. I guess…" I replied.
"But pulling the carriage with ALL of us in it is would be difficult for Alex, and he's supposed to be enjoying the Gala with us too, you know?" Twilight commented.
Rarity returned an annoyed look and responded with a dramatic mock. "What ever shall we do?" She glanced over to Twilight with another annoyed expression and walked away, heading towards the group of colts hanging by and talking. Rarity walked up to a couple of colts and began talking to them. "Uh... ahem. Excuse me. Uh, would you boys mind pulling our carriage to the Gala?" Afterwards, Rarity grinned at them as they could only return nervous-looking smiles.
They had attached the carriage to themselves and brought it over to the girls and me. "Oh. Yeah. Right…" Twilight presented an embarrassed smile.
"Well, you gentlecolts wait right here. We'll be out in a moment." Rarity told the colts who were going to help me bring the girls' carriage. "Well, come along then!" Rarity told us. "We don't have much time before the Gala begins!"
Rarity led us towards where we were to prepare ourselves for the Grand Galloping Gala. Rarity spoke to Spike and me as she had the girls enter a room. "You boys wait right here, okay?" Rarity looked towards me. "I'll be out as quick as I can to fix you up in your tux."
"Okay…" I replied.
Rarity nodded with a smile on her face and walked into what looked to be a dressing room.
Outside the door, Spike and I waited while we heard the sounds of dryers inside. Soon enough, Spike grew very impatient and began banging on the door for the girls to let him in as I leaned on the wall near him.
"Come on, you guys. Let me in!" Spike exclaimed.
"Sure thing, Spike." Rainbow Dash's voice responded from inside.
Suddenly, Rarity intervened. "Heavens no! We're getting dressed."
"Dressed? Uh, beg your pardon, Rarity, but, uh... we don't normally wear clothes." Applejack added.
Rarity sighed irritably and opened the door. "I'm sorry, Spike. Some of us do have standards."
"I still can't believe we're gonna be at Canterlot tonight." Spike walked in as he excitedly talked about the plans for the event. "Our home town, Twilight! And the best part is that we all get to hang out together all night long!"
The door remained open for me to walk inside, but I continued leaning by the doorway.
"Uh... I-I don't know, Spike." Rainbow Dash responded with a worried tone to her voice. She was laying on one of the chairs with a towel wrapped on her head.
"We'll just have to see." Rarity added as she just finished placing on one of her eyelashes from her makeup accessories.
I saw Applejack wearing a towel on her head as well. She was scrubbing Fluttershy's front right hoof as Fluttershy returned a light smile. However, Fluttershy transformed that smile into a slightly disgusted look when Applejack spat on her hoof. "We're gonna be a mite busy."
"Busy having fun!" Pinkie Pie joined as she just finished using the dryer. Her hair was straight and long like it was during that little…episode…, but it suddenly inflated again.
"Oh… Okay…" Spike replied with a depressive tone, placing his hands on his face.
"Don't worry, Spike. We'll all get to spend some time together." Twilight assured as she placed on the powder with a brush.
"Great!" Spike exclaimed and began running out of the room. "I know just what we're going to do!"
Once he left, the girls continued to get ready as Rarity finished placing on her dress and walked over to me. "Come on, Alex. Let's get you into that new tux!" She glanced over to the girls. "You girls finish getting ready while I work with Alex!" Afterwards, she grabbed my hoof and began leading me to another one of the dressing rooms.
The dressing room was empty except for a few different stands of clothes. Rarity walked me over to one of them which contained my tux. She pulled out each piece of clothing and gave them to me one by one. "Here, put them on."
I did so, with some struggles, but Rarity was able to help me with them. When I had finally placed them on in the correct order and fashion, Rarity observed me with glowing eyes as her mouth was agape with excitement. She walked around me, analyzing how it fitted me. She moved to the front of me and looked at me, observing the tux in front. She continued to lightly fix me up in the front. "You look smashing." She commented with a soft happiness in her voice. "I'm positively sure Fluttershy will be so happy to see you wearing this at the Gala…"
"Thanks, Rarity…"
After Rarity finished with the slight touch ups, she stepped back a few feet and looked at me. "My, my, Alex. You really are such a handsome young star. I almost feel jealous that you're going to Gala with Fluttershy, instead of me." Rarity giggled. I began to feel a little red as I slightly looked away in silence. Rarity noticed this. "Oh, Alex. I'm just playing around with you. Besides, I was hoping to find the Prince at the Gala." Rarity walked up to me and dusted my shoulders a bit. "There! We should get going to the Gala. We don't want to be late!"
I nodded and Rarity led me out of the room and the building.
When we were out, we saw the carriage filled up with excited shadows. It was already nighttime.
"Well, we're ready to go when you are." Rarity told me, forming a smile. Afterwards, she opened the carriage door and jumped inside, closing it after her. I thought about how I could probably get something for Fluttershy at the Gala, so right before leaving, I quickly rushed over to my house and placed several bits of my savings in my tuxedo pockets. Right when I arrived back at the carriage, I walked up to the front and began strapping myself in to start moving the carriage while Spike sat behind us in the coach's seat wearing a tuxedo as well, with a big red bow tie.
As I finished getting ready, Spike commented on how I looked. "Wow, you look great, Alex!"
"Thanks…" was all I could really reply with.
The couple of other colts and I began walking, pulling the carriage towards our next destination: Canterlot.
Spike began talking to the girls in the carriage as he sat behind us with the reins with him. "Oh, tonight's going to be so great! You wanna know why? Cause I planned out my insider's tour of Canterlot. I've gotta show Rarity the crown jewels. And Applejack the Princess's golden apple tree. And Pinkie, we gotta go to my favorite doughnut shop." Spike looked over to the heart shaped window where the girls sat inside speaking to each other. However, the girls didn't seem to be too interested in Spike's plans. Nonetheless, Spike remained excited. "Then let's get moving! Hyah!" Spike slapped us with the reins he had.
The colts instantly reacted by stopped, which also caused me to stop. "Excuse me!" One of them exclaimed, angrily.
"Um... I..." Spike tried to respond to them, nervously.
"If you weren't friends with our neighbor Rarity..." The other one added, shaking his hoof. "Hmph!"
"Easy, guys…" I stated.
The two of them began walking again, however, looked back at Spike coldly. Spike wiped the sweat off his forehead and released a breath in relief. We continued on our way to Canterlot as we passed a waterfall on a bridge.
When we arrived at Canterlot, we saw many ponies outside, gathered in groups and talking. As I began to release my strap, Spike excitedly bounced off the seat he was in and landed by the door. He quickly opened it and jumped off, bowing. As I finished removing myself from the strap, I heard footsteps near me. I turned my head to see all the girls in their dresses, looking absolutely amazing…especially Fluttershy… Spike had reacted for me.
"Wow! You all look... amazing!"
Fluttershy noticed me and rushed over to me, softly excited.
"Fluttershy… you look so…beautiful…" I could hardly express as I remained in awe at her.
Fluttershy blushed as she looked at me while rubbing her hoofs shyly. "Thank you…"
Fluttershy and I walked over to Twilight and the others who were all standing very excitedly in front of the entrance to the Grand Galloping Gala. "I can't believe we're finally here. With all that we've imagined, the reality of this night is sure to make this... The Best Night Ever!"
"At the Gala (at the Gala)," Twilight began singing joyfully as everypony joined her.
"At the Gala, in the garden
I'm going to see them all!" Fluttershy had flown over to me softly, looking at me with such delicate and calm eyes as she sang so sweetly and amazing.
"All the creatures, I'll befriend them at the Gala! (at the Gala!)
All the birdies, and the critters
They will love me big and small!
We'll become good friends forever
Right here at the Gala!" Fluttershy and I began walking towards the gates as she looked back to me after she was finished singing.
"All our dreams will come true right here at the Gala, at the Gala!" Everypony that followed from behind us joined in harmony.
Applejack began walking in front us, introducing her voice to the song.
"At the Gala (it's amazing!), I will sell them (better hurry!)
All my appletastic treats! (yummy, yummy!)
Hungry ponies (they'll be snacking!), they will buy them (bring your money!)
Caramel apples, apple sweets! (gimme some!)
And I'll earn a lot of money for the Apple family!"
"All our dreams and our hopes from now until hereafter
All that we've been wishing for will happen at the Gala, at the Gala!" Several large stallions introduced Rarity, who began her turn.
"At the Gala, all the royals
They will meet fair Rarity
They will see I'm just as regal at the Gala! (at the Gala)
I will find him, my Prince Charming,
And how gallant he will be,
He will treat me like a lady, tonight at the Gala!"
"This is what we've waited for, to have the best night ever!
Each of us will live our dreams, tonight at the Gala, at the Gala!"
Horns sounded throughout the area, introducing the wonderbolts as Rainbow Dash began singing.
"Been dreaming, I've been waiting
To fly with those brave ponies
The Wonderbolts, their daring tricks
Spinning 'round and having kicks
Perform for crowds of thousands They'll shower us with diamonds
The Wonderbolts will see me right here at the Gala!"
"All we've longed for, all we've dreamed, our happy ever after!
Finally will all come true, right here at the Grand Gala, at the Gala!"
I saw Pinkie Pie excitedly bouncing so high above the crowd as she could not wait to enter the Gala.
"I am here at the Grand Gala, for it is the best party
But the one thing it was missing was a pony named Pinkie
For I am the best at parties, all the ponies will agree
Ponies playing, ponies dancing, with me at the Grand Gala!"
"Happiness and laughter at the Gala, at the Gala!"
I saw Princess Celestia rise above us graciously as I stood near Twilight, observing the sky.
"At the Gala (at the Gala), with the Princess (with the Princess)
Is where I'm going to be (she will be)
We will talk all about magic and what I've learned and seen (she will see)
It is going to be so special as she takes time just for me!"
Everypony was singing in unison as they marched towards the entrance of the Gala.
"This will be the best night ever!
Into the Gala we must go, we're ready now, we're all aglow
Into the Gala, let's go in and have the best night ever
Into the Gala, now's the time, we're ready and we look divine."
"Into the Gala, meet new friends" Fluttershy sang as she grabbed my hoof with hers and pulled me towards where Twilight was marching.
"Into the Gala, sell some apples" Applejack joined with us.
"Into the Gala, find my prince" Rarity added herself next to Twilight.
"Prove I'm great!" Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie both sang as they joined us as well.
"as a Wonderbolt is" Rainbow Dash added to her verse.
After, the girls stated their reasons for being so excited at the Gala.
Fluttershy: "To meet!"
Applejack: "To sell!"
Rarity: "To find!"
Rainbow Dash: "To prove!"
Pinkie Pie: "To woop!"
Twilight Sparkle: "To talk!"
"Into the Gala," They all sang. "Into the Gala!
And we'll have the best night ever!
At the Gala!"
We had finally entered the Gala.
"Yeah! This is gonna be the best night ever." Spike exclaimed, excitedly. "You know why? Cause we're all gonna spend time at the Gala to—
Before I could hear Spike finish his sentence, Fluttershy quickly grabbed my hoof and fled me out of there.
She took me towards the garden where she instantly began observing over many things so excitedly, but in a calm way. Something had caught her eye, which she walked over to. When I walked to her, seeing what it was… it was a rose that she was attracted to.
"Oh, my… it's so… it's so pretty." She commented. I thought for a moment, but something inside me had lowered my head to the rose. I grabbed it with my teeth and placed it in Fluttershy's mane, where she had all the other flowers decorating her mane. When I pulled my head back to see Fluttershy's face, she began blushing almost intensely. She held her hooves to her mouth as if she couldn't believe what I had done. "Alex… that's… that's so sweet of you…"
"…Really…?" I asked.
"Yes, really…" She answered as we stared into each other's eyes for a long moment until something had flown between us. Fluttershy turned her head back to analyze it. "Oh my! A meadowlark!" She exclaimed softly. She began following it as I walked behind her.
When we reached between a couple of trees, we heard whistling which caused Fluttershy to gasp happily and look at me. "I think she's calling to me. It's exactly what I wished for!" She began humming out to the bird. Then she held out her ear with a hoof on it to hear if the bird responded back. There was more whistling. "Let's go, Alex!" Fluttershy grabbed my hoof and began to excitedly take me towards where the whistling was heard.
Fluttershy continued humming to call out the bird. When the whistling was very nearby, she immediately began running towards it. "My little meadowlark is right around this bend!" However, she stopped suddenly with a shocked expression on her face. When I caught up with her, I turned towards what she was looking at to find out it was actually an old pony, raking leaves, that was whistling. "Was that you?" Fluttershy asked.
"Yep! I love whistlin' while I work." He replied happily and continued whistling.
"Oh! Yes... Well... Excuse me." Fluttershy responded as she slowly began walking away, looking highly disappointed and gloomy. I was about to comfort her until we suddenly heard more animals sounds, which brought Fluttershy's spirits up again. "Oh! I see a toco toucan! And a spider monkey! And, oh! Is that a wallaroo?" Fluttershy immediately flew towards them, but they all ran away from her. "Oh, Fluttershy. You're such a loudmouth…"
I walked up to her and carefully brought her down from flying, looking at her. "Fluttershy, they've never seen you before. You may have a sweet and innocent face, but you have to show them that you're okay to be around with, do you understand?"
"Yes…I think so…"
"Alright… how about I go get us some punch… will that make you feel better?"
"Yes, that would be lovely… thank you."
"Alright, stay here… I'll be back."
"Okay."
I walked through the gardens to the area where punch was being served outside of the dancing hall.
I suddenly heard a sigh. "This ain't what I expected at all…"
I turned my head to see Applejack who was leaning on her cart of apple treats looking very disappointed and down. I walked over to her to see what was wrong.
"Hey, Applejack… what's wrong?" I asked.
She sighed again. "I've only made ONE sale for the entire time I've been here…"
I looked at her as she rested her head very gloomily. I thought for a moment and then brought out several bits that I had in my tuxedo pocket. "Here." I stated, surprising her when I dropped the bits in front of her. "I'll have a couple drinks of apple juice, a couple of apple fritters, a couple of regular apples, and… a couple of those apple fries."
"Alex…are you serious…?" Applejack asked, still shocked.
"Yes…what's wrong with it?"
"It's just that…you're my friend… and I can just cover you for the food…"
"And I'm your friend, and I can help you with your fundraising for your family. So… please accept my money."
Applejack's eyes formed into sweet and understanding ones. "Thank ya so kindly, Alex…. You're such a great friend…"
"No problem. Friends help friends, right?"
"Yes…they do…" Applejack filled the food I requested into a bag and placed it in front of her, removing the bits and placing them into where she was keeping the money. "I can't thank you enough, Alex. I really hope you have a great time with your date with Fluttershy…you really deserve it…"
"Thanks… Applejack. I hope you sell as much as you can."
As I grabbed the bag with my teeth, Applejack could only send me a sweet and warm smile.
I started my way back towards the garden.
I arrived in the same spot where I left Fluttershy, actually feeling a bit positive about being with Fluttershy.
"Hey, Fluttershy…" I spoke as I walked towards the garden. "…I brought some things for us to eat. I thought we could have a picnic right he—
I dropped the bag of food from my teeth as I saw Fluttershy continuing to chase animals, but they had all continued to run away from her. "This isn't what I wished for…" She muttered softy. When Fluttershy didn't see any more animals, she spotted me and began walking over to me, panting.
"I'm sorry, Alex… what was it you were saying…?" She asked.
"…I was just saying that I thought we could—
"A bunny!" Fluttershy suddenly exclaimed, cutting me off and running towards the bunny that had appeared, which ran towards a hole in the tree after seeing Fluttershy.
As Fluttershy continued to look through the hole and around it, I could only sadly sit down and look away, feeling as if my only piece of being positive had suddenly disappeared. "This isn't a date…" I mumbled depressingly, feeling as if everything was over. However, I shook my head lightly and thought to myself. No… I've got to try… this is my night with Fluttershy… my date with Fluttershy… I have to… I have to make this the best night ever!
During my thoughts, Fluttershy had vanished. I looked around but found no trace of her.
"Fluttershy?" I called but received no answer. I stood up and looked around for her, bringing the bag of food with me until I heard some noises nearby. When I turned at a part in the garden, I managed to find Fluttershy doing something. I was about to talk to her but then I noticed she was doing something very strange now. She had just finished placing a carrot below a box that was held up by a twig. The twig had a rope attached to it… It's a trap!
"I just have to be more bold, like Twilight says." Fluttershy muttered as she brought the end of the rope to where I was. "I'm so sorry to have scared you, my friends!" Fluttershy said out loud. "But I'm leaving now, so you can all come out!" Fluttershy quickly hid behind a rose bush and waited for an animal to enter her trap.
"Fluttershy, listen." I tried to tell her while she was waiting. "You need to—
Something had suddenly eaten the carrot Fluttershy had placed as we heard the crunch. Fluttershy quickly pulled the rope, causing the box to fall. "Gotcha!" Fluttershy exclaimed and quickly began walking over to retrieve the prisoner. "It's okay. I promise not to hurt you. I just wanna be your... friend?"
Fluttershy was shocked as she saw that old whistling pony again eating the carrot she had left. "Mmm... Sounds good to me." He replied as he finished eating the carrot.
Fluttershy returned an angry look and began walking away as if I wasn't even there. I could only close my eyes in sadness and walk away as well, keeping the food on my back. I didn't follow Fluttershy that time. Instead, I went to the dancing hall to see if I could come up with anything to save the night. But so far, nothing had appeared in my mind.
As I was walking through the dance hall, I began hearing two voices, causing me to look up. "Miss Rarity! Stop!"
"Oh. Prince Blueblood! How chivalrous." It was Rarity and another stallion, whom I was guessing to be the Prince. He had prevented Rarity from stepping on a puddle.
"One would hate to slip." He added.
"Yes. 'One' certainly would."
"One's cloak should take care of the problem."
"Oh, of course it will."
They both stared at each other for a moment. I assumed Rarity was guessing that the Prince would sacrifice his cloak, but he wasn't doing anything. Rarity lost her smile and lowered her head in annoyance, she grabbed her cloak and threw it over the puddle, but I suddenly grabbed it and prevented it from being soaked.
Rarity eyes were widened when she was surprised to see me. "Alex?" She questioned.
"What's wrong with you?" I asked the Prince as I held Rarity's cloak on my hoof. "She's a lady and this is how you're treating her?" I started placing the cloak back on Rarity. "She's the most generous pony you'll ever meet. So you have to give her every bit of respect you have."
"Alex…" Rarity answered in shock as I finished placing the cloak on her.
"Sorry, Rarity… I don't really have a "cloak" I can place down on the spill, so I can pretty much only walk you around it…" I grabbed her hoof and gently walked her around it. Afterwards, I let go and looked at her. "Well… I guess I should be going now…" I began walking away as I could feel the "Prince" feel a little angry with what I just did.
After a moment of more walking, I spotted Pinkie Pie who held her head on a table where she sat by herself, almost like Applejack… I walked over to her.
"Pinkie Pie… is something the matter…?" I asked.
"Yes…" She answered gloomily. "This party is totally not what I thought it would be…"
"How so?"
"Well… you know… it's not… super happy… like any of my parties…"
I sighed as I tried to think of an answer to that question. "Sorry… I don't really know what to say…but you're good at making parties right? Well, why don't you see if you can 'liven' up the place?"
Pinkie Pie immediately gasped and pulled her head up. "You're totally right, Alex! Thanks!" She gave me a quick hug and rushed off to start her party plan. I sighed and just decided I should get back to Fluttershy and maybe… just maybe… I can somehow save our night…
"C'mon everypony! I know what will make you shake those groove-thangs!" I heard Pinkie Pie from the microphone onstage as I exited the dance hall.
I passed by where Princess Celestia and Twilight were together, shaking hooves of other ponies, when Pinkie Pie began singing.
"You reach your right hoof in
You reach your right hoof out
You reach your right hoof in"
One pony grabbed Twilight's hoof and shook it very… strongly…
"And you shake it all about
You do the Pony Pokey meeting lots of folks with clout
That's what I'm talking about"
I began heading towards the exit to the garden.
"You step your left hoof in
You pull it right back out
You step your left hoof in
But you better help him out
You do the Pony Pokey but should find a different route
That's what it's all about"
Nearing the entrance towards the garden, I saw Rainbow Dash with a couple of wonderbolts. She was in front of a table. She was whistling but then kicked her back leg towards the table, causing the bowl of water with a straw to fly up in the air.
"You kick your back left in
You pull your back left out
You reach your back left in"
Rainbow Dash caught the bowl with her leg.
"Just be brave and have no doubt
You do the Pony Pokey feeling like you're gonna pout "
She had impressed the couple of wonderbolts behind her, but suddenly another group of people grabbed them and took them to take a picture.
"That's what I'm singing about"
Rainbow Dash returned an annoyed expression.
I was now at the door to the garden, but I spotted two familiar ponies again. It was the Prince and Rarity.
"You tilt your head in" The Prince motioned for Rarity to open the door with his head.
"You tilt your head out" Rarity tried to challenge this by doing the same thing.
"You tilt your head in" The Prince saw this and now shook his head more stubbornly.
"Then you shake it all about" Rarity shook her head more fiercely as the Prince was now upsetting her very much. The Prince saw this and looked away as a stubborn child. Rarity now grew angry and was about to open the door, but seeing this made me really angry now. Instead, I barged through them and slammed open the door, possibly leaving it open enough to go through without holding the door.
"You do the Pony Pokey even though your date's a lout
You're better off without"
I was now at the garden to see even worse things.
"You stomp your whole self in" Fluttershy threw herself to a triplet of ducks who managed to fly away before she caught them.
"You stomp your whole self out" Fluttershy then threw herself to a bunny that ran away in time.
"You stomp your whole self in
And you stomp yourself about" Fluttershy ran over to a couple of squirrels, but when they ran away from her, she began pounding the ground with her hoofs in rage. Her hair was not even delicate as it used to be anymore… I looked around me. I saw animals hiding in the trees and bushes. They were absolutely frightened as they trembled tremendously in the trees, even holding their young ones with them.
"You do the Pony Pokey and you give a little shout—
"COME OUT!" Fluttershy screamed and continued waving her hooves in anger as I heard Pinkie Pie sing inside. I could only stare motionless.
"That's what I'm talking about
You do the Pony Pokey
You do the Pony Pokey
You do the Pony Pokey
And that's what it's all about
Yeah!"
Her song had ended but Fluttershy's rage didn't. I could only stare in disbelief as she continued to try to trap animals. This isn't Fluttershy… this isn't Fluttershy! This isn't the Fluttershy I know! How could have she changed so significantly? What happened to the Fluttershy I know? …I miss that Fluttershy… so dearly… I don't know this Fluttershy… I don't… I don't… It's like if the Fluttershy I knew was replaced by the complete opposite… I don't like this Fluttershy… I'd do anything to have the old Fluttershy back… anything… this is not the Fluttershy that I truly—
"I'll catch you yet, my pretties." Fluttershy spoke across me as she stood in front of a net she made to trap animals. She looked at all the animals hiding as her eye continuously twitched. "Oh yes. As soon as one of you little birds or monkeys or bears touches this net... you'll be MINE! MINE!" Fluttershy began laughing… no… cackling… so frightening that I couldn't believe that it was her voice… I couldn't believe it… I just wanted it all to be just another nightmare… Fortunately, she lost her balance and fell into the net. "Whoa!" The net trapped her and had her hanging on a branch. At least the anger ended for the moment… A bunny had hopped below her under the net as she could only just see it and sigh.
I had walked up to the net and looked up at her. She noticed and called out to me. "Oh, Alex… um… do you think you can cut me down?"
I had a bit of an angry and depressive expression on my face. "If I cut you down, will you stop acting like this?"
"Um…" Her eyes moved left to right. "Yes."
I sighed. It wouldn't matter anyway… I couldn't just leave her there. I walked over to the rope and clenched it with my teeth. After, I cut the rope, but quickly grabbed it with my hooves so Fluttershy wouldn't fall. I slowly released it as Fluttershy was lowered carefully towards the ground. When she was set on top of the grass, I walked over to her and tore the net.
When she was free, she slowly stood up and shook her head, even rubbing it a bit. She looked at me and then lowered her head after noticing my expression and possibly the way she's been acting. "I'm sorry, Alex… I didn't mean to do any of this… It's just…it's just…" She sighed. "There's something I need to tell you…" She began rubbing her foreleg. "I…" She paused. "I…uh…" She paused again, causing me to be concerned about what she was trying to tell me. "You see… I… I really… I really l—
She had suddenly stopped and stared at something as if she had been hypnotized.
"Fluttershy…?"
She began speaking in broken sentences. "The… the… animals. They… they're hugging each other… I... want to… no… I need to… join them."
I immediately placed my hooves on her. "Fluttershy. No. Don't go after them. Snap out of it!"
"I…I…I… have to… I need to!" She instantly ran off and charged toward the animals.
"Fluttershy! WAIT!" I cried out to her.
She instantly alerted the animals and caused them to run away while I could only try to run after her to stop her. All the running and stomping caused the ground to actually shake. Then, I realized that they were headed towards the inside of the dancing hall. No!
"Fluttershy!" I called after her but it was too late.
The animals burst through the door while Fluttershy could only remain there panting. "You're... going to LOVE ME!" She screamed out loud, causing the entire dance hall to transform into complete chaos. All the animals Fluttershy had scared into the dancing hall were running wildly inside. All the ponies were freaking out and running along with them as well. Some ponies even had some of the animals on them. I could only stare… unable to believe that what I thought that could have been the perfect night was actually the worst one…
All of a sudden, a whistle broke me out of my trance. I looked to see where it had come from. It was Twilight, who whistled us to get out of here as fast as we can. All of the ponies realized this and began to run out of here. I was the last one to reach the staircase. Before descending down the stairs, I glanced once more toward all the destruction that had been caused. After, I turned back, saddened, and continued my way out of the building.
All the ponies ended their fleeing at a doughnut shop. I slowly and sadly walked in after they did.
"Twilight Sparkle! Ha, ha. Long time no see." The person who ran the shop spoke.
"Hey, how was the Gala? How was your best night ever?" Spike immediately asked Twilight, running over to her. The girls had gathered around a table while they explained briefly what happened. "That sounds like the worst night ever!"
"It was!" The girls exclaimed in unison and began laughing after that. I could only look away… and remain quiet.
"I just hope Princess Celestia isn't upset with us for ruining the Gala…" Twilight hoped.
"That was the best Grand Galloping Gala ever!" Princess Celestia had walked in the doughnut shop, unexpectedly.
"Princess Celestia?" The girls cried out her name in surprise.
"Pardon me, Princess, but tonight was just awful." Twilight noted.
"Oh, Twilight. The Grand Galloping Gala is always awful." Princess Celestia responded in a cheerful tone.
"It is?"
"That is why I was thrilled you were all attending. I was hoping you could liven things up a bit. And while the evening may not have gone as you planned, I'm sure you'll agree that in the end it didn't turn out so bad for this group of friends."
I scoffed mentally.
"You're right, Princess. Friends have a way of making even the worst of times into something pretty great."
"Yeah! Hanging out with friends!" Rainbow Dash added.
"Talking!" Fluttershy added as well.
"Laughing!" Pinkie Pie held her hooves out.
"You mean doing exactly what I wanted to do the whole time?" Spike boasted.
"Yes, Spike. You were right." Twilight responded.
"As horrible as our night was..." Applejack began.
"...being together here has made it all better." Rarity completed the sentence.
"In fact, it's made it..." Pinkie Pie set up.
"...the best night ever!" Every girl exclaimed.
Once more, they all shared a laugh. I had enough…
I immediately sat up and began walking out the doughnut shop, but Rarity called after me. "Alex? Where are you going?" She asked.
Honestly, I didn't want to answer…but I didn't want anypony to worry, so I made an excuse. "I… I just feel like having a fresh breeze…" After, I exited the shop. I sat down outside and stared at the moon. I felt really angry… but… it wasn't because of how the Grand Galloping Gala ended… it was Fluttershy. She made me feel really sad…because… she was a completely different pony… I just couldn't believe it… and I still can't… It all feels like a nightmare… and I actually wish it was one…
"What is wrong, Alex?" Princess Celestia's voice startled me, but I didn't look back. "Are you not having fun with your friends?"
I remained silent for a moment, but then finally replied. "I don't know… I sure don't feel good inside so… I must not be…"
"Why is that?" She lowered her head closer to mine with concerned eyes.
I sighed and took a deep breath. "I saw somepony turn into something I thought I'd never see her as in my life…"
"Let me guess… Fluttershy?"
I sighed again. "…You know me well…"
"I've known you ever since you were little, Alex. Of course, I would know you well and that is why I'm telling you that you need to tell her how you feel."
I slowly looked back at her. "…what?"
Princess Celestia returned a warm smile. "Come with me." She led me back into the doughnut shop. "Sorry, everypony. Everything is alright; we just wanted to talk before you all had to leave."
Everypony understood and began getting ready to leave back to Ponyville.
"But, Princess Celestia… why did you…?"
Princess Celestia placed a hoof on me and smiled. Then, she moved her head closer to mine and whispered. "Trust me." I looked at her face and slowly nodded. "Go now then… You should get back home. It's been wonderful having you here, truly."
"Thanks… Princess…"
"Goodnight, Alex."
"Goodnight, Princess."
She waved as the girls and I walked back to the carriage. I strapped myself to pull the carriage along with the other couple of colts who were going to help. I looked back at Princess Celestia and noticed how she continued to send me a heartwarming smile. I waved and turned the carriage around to begin going back.
Princess Celestia had destroyed the little bit of anger I had left… but there was still sadness in me. A lot of sadness…
I pulled the carriage in silence as I heard the girls talk to each other in the carriage.
When we arrived back in Ponyville, it must have been really late. Spike jumped off the carriage to open the door for the girls as I removed myself from the strap. The colts did the same and then they walked over to Rarity.
"There you go, Rarity. Anything else we can do for you?" They asked.
"No, thank you, boys. You've done quite enough." Rarity replied.
"Okay. You have a goodnight, Rarity." They began walking away.
"Yes, Goodnight." Rarity then walked over to me and smiled. "And thank you, Alex."
"No problem…"
"Not just for pulling our carriage, but for showing me how a true Prince is supposed to be."
"Huh?" I turned towards her in surprise.
"Before we arrived at the Gala, I thought the Prince was to be such a…well…charming Prince. But he was actually such a… rude… stallion. It was you who was the true gentlecolt. I don't see why you aren't the Prince." She giggled, jokingly.
"Wow, thanks, Rarity…" I slightly looked away as I could only keep thinking on how Fluttershy was a completely different pony…
Rarity noticed my behavior and pushed her head towards me in concern. "Is something wrong?"
"Um…" I responded without moving my head. "I'm just tired…you know…?"
"Of course… I should let you go to sleep before I keep on rambling about the Gala." She giggled again. "Um, go ahead and keep the suit at your home. I can probably come by tomorrow or some other time to wash it and make it good as new."
"Okay, thanks, Rarity."
She smiled and nodded. "Goodnight, Alex."
"Goodnight…"
Afterwards, I turned home and began walking.
When I entered the house, I closed the door behind me and walked over to the kitchen. I still had the food I wanted to share with Fluttershy… I sadly placed it on the table and sat down. I closed my eyes as I felt tears begin to form in my eyes. I placed my forelegs on the table and lay my head on them in depression.
Suddenly, a knock sounded at my door. I quickly lifted my head and looked towards the door. I wiped my eyes with my hooves and then walked to the door. I opened it to see Fluttershy. She was looking at the ground, a bit sadly as well.
"Hi, Alex…"
"Fluttershy, what is it…?"
"Can we talk…?"
"Um, sure…"
"Bring the bag of food you got at the Gala."
"Um…okay…" I walked towards the kitchen, grabbing the bag with my teeth and walked back to the door.
Fluttershy grabbed my hoof and led me out of the house. She continued holding on to my hoof as she walked me over to her cottage in silence.
When we arrived, I could only feel confused.
"Fluttershy… what are we…"
She hugged me and pointed towards a blanket outside of her cottage. "Our date's not over yet."
"Huh…?"
She pulled me towards the blanket and sat down. I sat down as well, placing the bag of food on the blanket.
"Listen, Alex… I'm so sorry I ruined everything at the Gala… it was supposed to be the best night ever… but I was so selfish to forget about our date… I was too obsessed with making friends with the animals that… I guess I just lost control of myself…"
I looked at her and sighed. "I just missed you so much Fluttershy…" Fluttershy's head immediately lifted up after she heard me say this. "You were a completely different pony… like… if I had lost the old Fluttershy forever… you weren't you… and that made me…really sad…"
She quickly moved over to me and embraced me. "I'm really sorry, Alex! I really am!" She slowly pulled away. "I can understand if you never want to see me again…"
"No…" I shook my head. "I do want to see you… I just don't want to see you when you're not you… I want to see the real you."
"Oh, Alex… then would you mind if we finished our date the right way? It's the least I can do…"
"Of course not… as long as you're you, Fluttershy."
"I promise!" She embraced me once again.
We began eating the apple treats from Applejack as we sat on the blanket under the moon. The treats were surprisingly still very warm… I felt better… After Fluttershy and I got all that out of the way, I wasn't as sad anymore. I began seeing the Fluttershy I missed for so long, which began to remove the sadness away from me.
After we finished the food and apple juice, Fluttershy looked towards me. "There's still something I want to do before this night ends…"
"What is it?" I asked.
She didn't answer but stood up and held her hoof out towards me. I grabbed it and she began walking me away from the blanket. She stopped when we were in an open grass area. She let go of my hand and walked over to a branch where several birds sat upon. She whispered to them and they nodded their heads happily afterwards. As Fluttershy began walking towards me, the birds began singing a slow song.
"Fluttershy, what are we…?" I tried to say.
She grabbed my forelegs and placed my left one on her shoulder while she placed my right one on her waist. After, she wrapped her forelegs around my neck and held on to me as she began moving. I unknowingly followed.
"We're having our dance." She responded softly.
"I… I don't really know how to dance…"
"That's okay… I'll help you. Just relax and follow my movements…" I calmed myself down and did so. It actually wasn't that hard to follow. I continued to follow her movements, softly. "There you go…" She announced very softly, sounding sleepy. "You're doing great…" She rested her head on my shoulder. "There's something I want to give you…after we finish our dance…"
Something she wants to give me…?
We continued to dance under the moonlight, still in our formal attire. As I continued dancing with Fluttershy, I couldn't help but feel really warm in my heart. It felt great… really great… I didn't want it to stop.
Finally, the birds finished singing, causing me to stop my movements. I looked at Fluttershy and saw that she still hadn't pulled away from me.
"Fluttershy?" I softly called to her.
She didn't answer.
I lightly lifted her to notice her eyes were closed and she was breathing softly. My eyes formed into understanding ones. She had fallen asleep…
I lifted her from me and placed her on my back. I carefully carried her to her cottage and walked inside. Then, I walked up the stairs to her room and opened the door. I turned on the light and walked towards the bed. I lightly placed her on there as she continued to breathe softly, soundly asleep. I was about to walk back, but then I noticed she was holding something in her hooves. I leaned closer to her to grab the object from her hooves.
When I softly and carefully grabbed the item, I noticed it was a hoof-crafted heart… It was made with many things from nature… This must have been the gift Fluttershy wanted to give to me… I continued to analyze the heart, feeling something even more special occur in my mine.
I looked at Fluttershy with caring eyes. "Fluttershy, you're so… amazing…" I softly muttered. I thought I should get out of her home, but there was something I was struggling to do before I left. I continued thinking if I should really do it, but I finally shook my head and prevented my negative thoughts from intriguing between Fluttershy and me. I leaned my head over to Fluttershy's and slowly kissed her on her cheek.
I pulled away and continued looking at her. "Goodnight, Fluttershy…" I grabbed the covers and pulled them over her. After, I began leaving the room, turning the lights off after me. I turned all the lights off in the home and walked out. I began heading home feeling so much warmth in my heart than ever before…
When I arrived, I entered my home and walked upstairs to my room. I spent some time taking off the tux and placing it somewhere neatly. After, I carefully placed Fluttershy's gift on the nightstand near the bed. I lightly lay myself on my bed and continued looking at the heart.
Everything bad that happened at the Gala seemed to vanish when I spent the rest of the night with Fluttershy. I slowly closed my eyes and began to think.
Maybe this was the best night ever…
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842560
Which is better? Seeing "He/She paused." ten times or seeing "..."?
842490 Yes, I do. Ellipses are the punctuation marks you used. Yes, you used them to indicate pauses, but as Broken Soldier pointed out, there are other ways to accomplish that.
To be honest, it's not really a huge problem. You just overused them in that one paragraph, it's not like you had them in every paragraph. Really, everything else I mentioned is a bigger problem.
842587
*sigh* That's it. I can't say much more. I've been trying to reason with everyone but...really...the only thing they can do is read the story. For example, when you were talking about him showing respect to Princess Celestia... The answer lies within the story. That's all I can say. I tried.
842607 I did read the story, at least the first chapter. I understand why he'd want to show respect to Princess Celestia; no one wants to offend royalty, but the problem is not him wanting to show respect to her. The problem is there's no indication that he knows Princess Celestia is going to be there. He mentions a special event, something he doesn't even care enough about to remember any details about it. How the hell does he know Celestia is going to be there if he doesn't remember anything about it? If I read the story, will I discover that he has a habit of knowing details about things, but not caring enough to mention them?
As I said, I'll read more tomorrow. Maybe some of the things I mentioned will improve as the story goes on. I do suggest you at least fix the discrepancy between the dialogue in your story and the dialogue in the episode though.
842679
I meant further in the story. There's a reason for everything. The answer is just not in the same page. This allows time for thinking about the reasons and such. The answer is pretty far from the first chapter actually... so you may be "bored" before you get to the better parts but... *shrugs* There's nothing I can do about it.
I'm totally excited for the season 2 chapters/episodes.
Haven't read it yet, and I probably won't. I read your summary and some of the comments, and I can tell your OC is probably going to be the 'depressed for no reason' or 'depressed for a really stupid reason' type of OC that is very common on this site. It's either the depressed OC or the overpowered OC.
843804
*smh* It's none of those two reasons. If you really want to find out, then read the story. But if you're going to base it on the opinions of others then don't bother.
843912
Like I said...you have to read the story. And no, not just the first two, three, or four chapters. And I know it isn't. I'm the one who wrote it. His name is like that for a reason. And I'm talking about a real reason. One that you have to think thoroughly on... But maybe you'll think Season 2 is better, I don't know. That's if you decide to read on.
That's it. I'm done with everyone. You don't like the story? Fine. Then stop reading it. You seriously don't need to resort to cussing. If any of you are going to take this as a child, then say goodbye to your comment. Obviously, a lot of you that use your little cuss words can't read. So just leave. Now. And take your ignorance with you.
Actually these stories are whetting my appetie for the 3rd season.
847323
You mean that they're keeping you busy, in a good way?
847418
Actually they are.
847921
Alright. Mind pointing those out for me?
852944
I understand. He doesn't exactly have his OWN episode... but there's a story behind him...
I think maybe it is a good idea to remove this story from.fimfictionbut don't worry i will still be reading this story on fanfiction. anywho, i look forward to more chapters in the future. ecomonococo away!
841567 Guess who doesnt give a shit. I don't give a shit, Alex doesnt give a shit, so why should we give a shit?
ok now i dont see why people are insulting this story rather than finding a different one that suits their puroses better but i personally enjoy this story and would apreciate if all the immature little kids would GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE COMMENTS SECTION SO I CAN READ POSSITIVE COMMENTS RATHER THAN COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT, i would like to thank alex for making this story and putting up with the bullshit thats going on above this comment
(thorndew)
sory about swearing it happens when im mad
Alex, listen to me; I have read to your story on fanfiction from near the start, don't recall the exact spot of it but somewhere in January.
And even today, I visit on the site to regulary check if there's an update on A New Hero.
Okay, FimFiction audience is accustomed to a lot storied that follow certain patterns for example no Alicorn OC, no Marry/Garry-Stue characters, no OOC canon characters (expect if its part of the concept), no self-insert unless done absolutely brilliant and so on. But wthat you've got here does break couple of those with an OC that falls for Fluttershy (trust me, there's a lot of this in here).
But you should, in all honesty listen to some of the advice like Erica gives out for you. I honestly doubt she's here to pick trouble. Don't find it negative, instead do take a look on it at your future writing and learn along the way. No one isn't perfect enough to not take advice when its given out.
In short, here's a fellow desirirng for more.
877305
Yeah, yeah. I understand. I was just really fed up with all the nonsense those other guys were bringing up. Like I said, I'm open and willing to listen to criticism. Just don't introduce yourself as some arrogant child who says I'm "sad" for writing this, whether it's a joke or not. I take it personally. If you want to offer me advice, then bring it up. Just don't flame. I'm not talking about you though, I mean the audience in general.
841451 u really don't understand th concept of a powerful character, do u?
Okay. I'm here to put my two bits into this... even though I'm pretty far past all the fighting.
Actually, I don't think anyone even comments on these anymore. But whatever. Just saying,
this seems to be a very long comment, so don't read this unless you have the time and you
want to.
So from what I see, it's this: Alex puts up a story he's been working on a while; Mr. Ignorable
comes in with his opinion; Broken Soldier comes in, along with Bronytim01, and lastly Erica.
First off, I'd like to point out that Mr. Ignorable and Broken Soldier have been a little harsh.
I would be the first to say that this story has some bad points, but there is no need to act
like that if you want to tell someone that you dislike their piece of literature; you need to
have better conduct like that. Assuming we all follow the mantra of 'Love and Tolerate',
I think this is what should happen here. Either, you like the fiction, or you don't. If you
don't, then you should either move on to something you would like better, or give supportive
criticism. While I acknowledge the fact that if you "Sugar-coat" the words, the comment doesn't
really help, that doesn't mean that you should be completely negative. You should alternate
with positive comments about what Alex did right, and then you point out the flaws with some
suggestions of your own that you think would help. Alex accuses you guys of flaming, and to
an extent he is right; you guys are a little harsh. But on the other hand, you guys do point
out some of the flaws, and have intelligent suggestions. Which is good, but you are going
about it the wrong way. Also, Bronytim01? Don't fight fire with fire. Love and Tolerate.
I read this fiction a while ago on fanfiction.net, which by the way, currently has 48 chapters;
way more than the one posted here. What I noticed at first, is that the first chapter is kinda
confusing... and vague. So he's in Ponyville, goes the celebration, and doesn't really do
anything. If you are gonna go like that, I think it would be better to start at the fight with
Nightmare Moon, perhaps in Twilight Sparkle's point of view. Anyways, as the story starts,
I think that the first few chapters are kind of flat, with Alex just being there and not really
doing anything at all. As the story goes on, he does get involved more; from rescuing Rarity
from the Diamond Dogs, to even being Mare-do-well; that was pretty awesome. So this is like
a gradual build-up, and that's good. But you started from too low - He does pretty much
nothing. At all. So my suggestion would be to have him be a tiny bit more active around the
Mane 6 at the beginning; not enough to go over the whole sadness thing, but enough to change
the story. I mean, Alex is a boy, right? Suddenly, the Mane 6 are hanging out with a boy pretty
much 90% of the time. It's going to affect how they act.
One thing a lot of people are going about is the 'depression' thing. Now, I've never really been
depressed; perhaps sad, but not depressed; but it seems to me that Alex is just really sad.
He doesn't act suicidal or anything, he just never smiles. Over time, he eventually gets over
it; after the "Return of Harmony" to be specific. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that there
are varying levels of sadness and depression; just cause' someone is sad doesn't mean that
they are suicidal, and cut themselves, and it doesn't mean that the author is doing a bad job
depicting a depressed person. It could be that the main character is just on the sad side.
Another thing: the Marty Sues. Alex does lean toward being one, but he isn't that much of one
really. He isn't the typical one: the type that can fly and shoot laser-beams out of his eyes and
saves Equestria with his sidekicks the Elements of Harmony; But he doesn't have that many flaws.
Alex seems to be the sense of reason among the group; He stops several things that happen
in the show from really happening; like, in 'A Friend in Deed', He stops Pinkie from crushing
Cranky's wig, and the whole, "THIS DONKEY IS REALLY BALD" thing. That's good: interaction
with the with the Mane 6 is good. But he doesn't have any minor flaws to back him up. His
sadness with his family could be seen as a flaw, but it's not really something you could count
as one: it's more of his Family's fault. So just toss some bad stuff in, whether it's a fear of
social interaction, or perhaps he just really hates a certain food. Stuff like this makes the story,
and Alex, more interesting.
I'll list some of the things that I've either seen pop up a lot in the comments, and what I think of them,
and some of my more minor points.
1. Self Insert
Just because he bases his username and avatar on an OC doesn't mean he put himself into the story;
after all, he seems to only have made his account for the sole purpose of posting this story. It's already
been in Fanfiction.net for a while.
2. Wording
I think Erica said some stuff on this, and she (I think it's she) is right; you do say some stuff which
isn't technically correct, but you wouldn't say in real life. So stuff like the wings, perhaps consider
changing it to something like "on her back were a majestic pair of wings", or something like that.
I can't really write.
3. Alex's name
It's true; Alex doesn't make a very nice name. Perhaps changing it to something pertaining to what he does
would be a good idea...? Which brings me to my next point:
4. The Cutie Mark
The wolf lines up really well with the 'lone wolf' thing (like your username), but it doesn't tell us what he does.
Does he work for Mr. Breezy as a clerk? Does he make wood carvings? Maybe his cutie mark is a wooden
carving of a wolf? I mean, the story mentions savings several times. Does Princess Celestia give him bits?
5. Alex's Family
It's a little unclear at first about why Alex's family hates him. Did he have a falling out? Did he ruin the family
business? Perhaps he doesn't want to continue the business when he grows up, and his parents got angry?
I don't know, perhaps you'll explain that stuff later. Oh, and you know the scene where Alex's sister breaks
the vase? It's a little vague on how they kick him out because of that, and why the sister immediately blames
him... could it be sibling rivalry? That's my guess.
6. Concept
I don't think the concept is bad, just that a lot of people have already done stuff like this, and not always with
good results, so this sort of fiction just has a bad reputation with some people. Just prove to them that your
story is better.
7. Alex's own episode.
I really want to see that happen. In several episodes, Alex has a large part, but he's not the one who learns
the lesson. Having him write the letter to Celestia (Which I've only seen him do once) would be really cool,
and help prove him to not be a Gary/Marty Sue, because he had a flaw, and then he went through the episode,
writes letter to Celestia, and lesson learned, etc.
8. Fluttershy
I guess some people don't like Alex being shipped with the Mane 6. I really don't mind.
So anyways, that's my review-rant-'two bits'. I don't want to offend anyone, whether it's the author or the people
who were arguing with the author: I have a feeling they probably aren't even in the conversation here anymore.
This is just my opinion on the situation, and the actual fiction itself. In my honest opinion, the story isn't bad;
just that it could use work. It's better than what I could write. The season 2 chapters are much better, but they
seem to be posted on Fanfiction.net only.
If you are reading this, thanks for looking over what I think about this story, and thanks for your time. This is a really
long comment, I guess.
~ Hydropony
906861
Thank you very much for spending the time to write this comment. You have correctly written a good review. About your suggestion with Twilight's point of view of the Nightmare Moon fight, that's really good. Unfortunately, I didn't think of it at the time. About the "depression" thing, I got really personal about it because I have been through it, in fact. I used that and placed it in the story. I don't know what kind of "depression" the others have been, but they seem to be making a joke about it when it certainly is not. And that's right. Just because you are in depression doesn't mean you're cutting yourself all the time. I never did. Actually, in the beginning, Alex did have a fear in social interaction. I never really pointed it out, but I thought it pretty much presented itself in a non-direct way. Um...I guess there are other several flaws about it (well if you consider them flaws), such as he disliking snooty ponies instead of a certain food. On the wording, I admit I could probably describe it in the right mind to where readers understand a bit more. About his name, he was named like that on purpose. I know I could have gone with a pony name, but it is done for a very special reason and is a hidden meaning beyond the story. His cutie mark doesn't necessarily describe what he does for a job, but it has been stated on what it means when I revealed it. I'd bring it up, but it'd probably be a major spoiler to those who read the comments before reading. With the family, those reasons will be coming up later. About the episode, I understand. I'll try work one in there in Season 3, unless I make a side story, which would probably be much easier. He's actually written a letter twice, but... *shrug*.
I'll try including the Season 2 chapters as soon as I can, but I've been busy with updating it on fanfiction. Sorry, if I missed any other questions. I couldn't remember them all.
874812 Amen.
I would suggest this bit of classical music for this chapter
P.S: Bow ties are cool
Whoa. This was clever. Since Alex's reason for coming to the Gala was for Fluttershy, and Fluttershy's reason for going was the animals, Alex suffers as Fluttershy doesn't spend time with him, as the animals don't spend time with her. Awesome!
Also... *sniff* Your fanfic was so awesome, it made me cry. No one should have to see an unhappy Fluttershy. Seeing a happy Fluttershy is the greatest experience a Fluttershy fan can have.
A'wwwww that ending
after reading this I got my mom to read this and after she read it she walked back to her room with a sad face
. next I'll try to get my girlfriend to read this.
5715053 I was a out about to say who trolls their family, but I don't have room to talk. Otherwise I'd be a hypocrite.
Since when do they have hands?
You do know they're ponies and not humans right
What is celestias connection to Alex she said she knew him since he was little so there has to be a connection of some kind celestia doesn't just know every pony since they were young
906861
That was well said man, I can see many points. One thing I see is that yes there are varying levels of sadness/depression. My brother has depression, and is often tired, (something That Alex does a lot). There are some grammar mistakes but all
In all, I am enjoying this story.