• Member Since 30th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 11th, 2022

Inky Shades


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Ponies all over Equestria rejoiced over the defeat of Nightmare Moon. These ponies had no idea about the cost it took to grant them this peace. Princess Celestia had to seal her own beloved sister, Luna, away on the moon. For the first time she is going to have to raise her sister's moon. She wonders if there had been something she could've done to prevent her sister's descent into darkness.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 32 )

I know you where going for sad, but it doesn't feel complete with out their reconciliation too.

1838703

I thought about adding their reunion, but I thought that if I did it would be less sad. However, you may be right. Perhaps I will add it on at a later point. Thanks for reading!

Okay it's official I am going to add the reunion stay tuned.

You know what you should add as a part of Celestia's penance... have her share Luna's memories before and during the banishment... vice versa that will be interesting

1848347

That is interesting. I don't know if it will happen, but we'll see how the final chapter goes. Thanks for the idea!

1838703>>1848347

The epilogue is complete I hope you both like it.

Comment posted by Celestias Paladin deleted Dec 28th, 2012

*applause* Good job on the story. This is one of the better ones I have read.

1868437

Thank you! Do have any suggestions for it?

1868447 Well, you did a pretty good job of wrapping it up. I can honestly say that I can't think of any improvements.

1868468

That makes me very happy to hear! Thank you for reading!:twilightsmile:

1871618

Thank you to you too. Your view and comment are appreciated!

1871630 I always loved the Idea of Nightmare Moon being a mystical force that claimed Luna, and if i ever find inspiration to writing a fic, that will be the premise, but what you've done giving her anger and jealousy voice was amazing. well played and well done. i look forward to seeing your future works.:twilightsmile:

1871648

Thank you! I am glad that you enjoyed it. I will be curious to see what you end up writing someday when that inspiration strikes. :twilightsmile:

Although short this was a very enjoyable read, going to be looking forward to any future storys you're writing.:twilightsmile:

...thats pretty sad :fluttercry: but, great story so far :ajsmug:

You know why they were going inside. They didn't appreciate you! Nopony understood the beauty you brought with the bringing of night. They cast you aside in favor of your sister's sun. Even when you blanketed their lands with millions of stars they still wouldn't love you like they loved Celestia! In fact wasn't it Celestia who told you that they were just tiered?

....im sooo tiered...nice chapter, again :rainbowkiss:

With this story, you have earned a like, fav, and a new follower :heart: P.S: made me cry, WELL DONE

1884455>>1885055

Thank you both! I am glad that you two liked it!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

PS: Is there anything either of you would change or add?

1885359

umm...could you somehow involve a sequel? :pinkiesmile: i would love that...:raritywink: question is, where would the story go? Celestia and Luna rebuildin their realtion ship? or Luna trying to get redemption for turnign into NightMareMoon? :unsuresweetie:

1885388

I suppose a sequel could be a possibility. This is assuming that I could get the proper inspiration for it and make it just as good as the first one. Hmm... we shall see what happens in the future. Thank you for the response and for reading! :pinkiehappy:

I can't believe how long I delayed to read that last chapter. It definitely didn't deserve that!
The story, even if it's rather short, is so hearth-warming as a story of this length could be. I loved how you drew Celestia's and Luna's points of view parallel, never touching each other and yet the same at the same time, while Luna's dark side strikes through again and again. Bravo! I really enjoyed this one.

Carpe noctem,
--Chaodiurn

2336807
Thank you for reading and commenting! I am glad that you enjoyed it! Is there anything that you would add or change?

2337466

It's never a good idea to ask me whether I would add something or not. I'm a fan of complex and long writing, so I find something that I would have loved to read almost always.

As in this case, on the one hand everything that was necessary to tell the story has been told. There's nothing I would see as a absolutely needed addition or change. But also, what I personally would have loved to read about, however, are the details about Celestia's spell and Luna's punishment. The story sounds like Luna is physically banished to the moon, but how does that create Luna's face on the moon? Is NNM's voice, which speaks up on several locations, only a dead relict of her dark side, never going to grow again but also never going to be exterminated completely, or is it a potent seed for further problems? Is Luna even aware of the danger, if there is one? How does Luna physically feel about the punishment? Even if she is immortal, is there pain? It's not told how she feels about that, giving me the feeling as if there were no physical harm. But then again, there's nothing to eat on the moon, so if she's trapped physically on the moon, she's most likely starving for thousand years. That would definitely leave marks on her soul, despite the damaged trust because the two sisters, which is portrayed perfectly to say it once more. Luna is physically exhausted, but seems to have a still properly working brains when returning. That is almost the opposite of the type of banishment that she seemed to have received! Why that? How could she keep that up for such a long time span? Does Luna's dark side play a bigger role than both of the goddess still believe it to do?

Baaaad timing to ask me such a thing. :moustache:

2337527
Thank you for the response. All of your ideas are excelent! Perhaps I could write a second story and maybe go into some of the things you suggested. I don't think they'd fit into the story as is, but if I could think of a plot for a sequel then I think it could be great!
Also it is never a bad time to ask such a thing. :moustache:

I can't say that I'm all that good at commentary, but I'll do my best. First, the idea/plot/execution. It falls into my number two category for ideas; that is to say, ideas that have been done, but have a new twist and a unique point of view when presented here. I think you're well on your way to finding your particular voice and the subtleties and details will continue to evolve with time. Just keep writing as far as that goes.

Second, the characterization/dialogue. That could use a bit more work. It seems to me that you know what you want to say, but perhaps not how to say it with as much nuance and meaning as might be wished. One might well imagine the scene with Celestia pouring out her regrets, but the language and words used seem alternately too formal and too stylized, like lines in a Shakespeare play. For me at least, I believe realism is better whenever possible. I grant you that no one talks in real life like they do in stories, but still, I would expect someone that broken-hearted and remorseful to have great difficulty speaking and when she did speak, it would likely be in an informal style, full of sentence fragments that might mean something only to her and Luna. This leads me to another point. When Luna first returned, it was as Nightmare Moon, fully commited to world conquest, thus, it follows that she was like that when she was banished, yet the second chapter is from Luna's viewpoint, not Nightmare Moon's. If you intend to put forth a different theory, which is perfectly viable, you need to flesh it out a bit more and show that this is, in fact, how things happened.

A final point: the psychology and build-up to Luna's banishment is extremely important and I get that sense that you have thought about it carefully. Again, the articulation is where things seem to let the reader down. If you intend to frame that background through Luna's memories, I would expect less talking to herself and more remembering, such memories would be something visceral, something primal, less detached.

In summary: Good take on a standard idea, excellent thought, lacking execution, but with the potential to become something worthy. I hope you find my remarks of help. Keep writing!

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2695950
Thank you for the review. I too have noticed that my dialogue could use a little more work. I should look into adjusting some of Celestia's lines. As for Luna, I could consider adding more to her memories. You do make a point she should be experiencing much stronger emotions while she recalls how everyone treated her.

Honestly this is probably the most helpful review that I have received on one of my stories. While I don't know how much of my story I'll adjust I certainly apreciate the time you took to give your remarks. Thank you! :twilightsmile:

Sooooo beautiful. I wish that Luna hadn't forgiven Celestia as quickly though. I've always thought that though, so it's not really you. But try putting in more commas. I saw a few places where there should have been commas, and it kinda threw me off.

4183703

Thank you. Yeah, I'm sure there are quite a few places that need commas, but this is one of my fics that I posted back in 2012. So there are probably more mistakes in it then in some of my latest ones.

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