After traveling into the Bermuda Triangle following a vision, Magnus ends up in a place filled with fairytale creatures and a secret concerning his lineage.
Twilight Sparkle enjoys her friends' visits. They only want to help. But when the line between dream and reality blurs, she must decide whom to believe, the ones she's known for so long, or the one she mistrusts the most.
Hello there! The comments section looks rather lonely; allow me to fill it with a bit of reader feedback.
First off, a couple of general notes: Ellipses are followed by a space. So you'd have... this, rather than...this.
You punctuate dialogue well. Sounds like a hollow compliment, but believe me, you have no idea how important it is.
Now this is where I give you my thoughts on the gist of your plot.
See, I skimmed. I didn't pay attention to the dialogue, the specifics, the anything. I skimmed and managed to guess the general idea fairly well. It's a human, probably a self insert, who goes into Equestria and makes friends with the Mane 6. He has happy times, there's a surgery scene, and then he dies. Oh boy.
There's nothing wrong with you wanting to write this. I'm sure you feel good for having done so, and that's good on you. However, as someone who isn't you, I don't feel satisfaction from the events in the plot because I know what's coming, and there isn't any surprise or deviance. I don't sympathize with Midnight, because his personality is pretty blank. He doesn't get any significant conflicts to deal with. Everything goes relatively smoothly. Kudos to you for not making him romantically involved with anypony, and keeping everything friendship-level, at least.
Your story's basically "Guy gets to be friends with ponies". For someone as cynical as me, I have to ask bluntly: don't you think that's kinda vapid?
I mean, there's not much in the way of values, like being loyal, or making tough decisions, or following your heart, or moving on. It's a guy who gets his dreams granted, is happy, and then dies happy. It doesn't leave a mark on me, nor changes my view of the world in any manner. It doesn't enrich me.
You had fun writing this. You wouldn't have managed 10k words otherwise, I'd say. And that's perfectly fine. I'm just saying that as an outsider, I can't find anything to appreciate in this aside from the nice punctuation.
So in the off-chance that someone comes in and basically says the same thing I do, but much harsher, you'll know where he/she is coming from.
Hello there! The comments section looks rather lonely; allow me to fill it with a bit of reader feedback.
First off, a couple of general notes:
Ellipses are followed by a space. So you'd have... this, rather than...this.
You punctuate dialogue well. Sounds like a hollow compliment, but believe me, you have no idea how important it is.
Now this is where I give you my thoughts on the gist of your plot.
See, I skimmed. I didn't pay attention to the dialogue, the specifics, the anything. I skimmed and managed to guess the general idea fairly well. It's a human, probably a self insert, who goes into Equestria and makes friends with the Mane 6. He has happy times, there's a surgery scene, and then he dies. Oh boy.
There's nothing wrong with you wanting to write this. I'm sure you feel good for having done so, and that's good on you. However, as someone who isn't you, I don't feel satisfaction from the events in the plot because I know what's coming, and there isn't any surprise or deviance. I don't sympathize with Midnight, because his personality is pretty blank. He doesn't get any significant conflicts to deal with. Everything goes relatively smoothly. Kudos to you for not making him romantically involved with anypony, and keeping everything friendship-level, at least.
Your story's basically "Guy gets to be friends with ponies". For someone as cynical as me, I have to ask bluntly: don't you think that's kinda vapid?
I mean, there's not much in the way of values, like being loyal, or making tough decisions, or following your heart, or moving on. It's a guy who gets his dreams granted, is happy, and then dies happy. It doesn't leave a mark on me, nor changes my view of the world in any manner. It doesn't enrich me.
You had fun writing this. You wouldn't have managed 10k words otherwise, I'd say. And that's perfectly fine. I'm just saying that as an outsider, I can't find anything to appreciate in this aside from the nice punctuation.
So in the off-chance that someone comes in and basically says the same thing I do, but much harsher, you'll know where he/she is coming from.
And I suppose that's it. Huh.
GAHHHH, the FEELS, bro!
Damn.... you made me cry
Such a sad ending. I didn't know a story could have such an effect on me. I loved it
1936509
Wow, I'm really glad you enjoyed it! Had no idea my writing could have that effect
1936882
I will be watching you.
I maybe can get inspiration for my own stories.
If thats okay of course.
1936890
Absolutely Feel free!
1936892
THANK YOU!
*brohoof* /)
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