Hey everypony, im Navy Shadow. Also known as Azura
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(If you are going to dislike please leave constructive criticism in a comment please :) )
The new NerveGear MMORPG Sword Art Online has just been released. Only 10000 copies are available and Kirito has one of them. This is the game that will change his life. But is it for the better? Only time will tell.
Based off of the anime Sword Art Online
Sword Art Online is the Intellectual Property of Reki Kawahara. I do not own any Character names or Place names mentioned in this fiction.
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This is good..... very good.....
Hmm... I'm not sure if I like this or not, because in my opinion SAO is too great to be messed with. Still, I'll give ya the benefit of the doubt, because this is a mix of my two favorite shows...
I hope you can make this story as awesome as I'm hoping it'll be.
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Thanks, unfortunately 5 others seem to think otherwise
3131794 Took the words right out of my mouth... This... should be interesting, to say the least.
3131794 3132616
Thank you for being interested :) I should have the next part up today or tomorrow
3132658 Nah, I'm always game when there's ponies involved. Too bad about your negative response so far, though. My fanfic started off slow, but now I'm actually getting "some" readers (only a hundred, but still more than I expected).
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yeah i see no reason for all the dislikes really. My grammar isn't the best and i have already noticed a few mistakes of my own :/ i guess it's just something they don't like
While not perfetct, this is starting to get interesting so I'm willing to give this story a shot.
I really like the idea, and the execution wasn't too bad, but the whole "dream catcher" thing, in my opinion, doesnt seem to fit, I was expecting like a wierd glitch thing to merge SAO and mlp, not kayaba himself, it's kinda Ooc. I'd recommend reading the light novels in addition to watching SAO, do a bit more research, and tweak some things. Just keep working on it. I will put this on my read later list.
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the way i write stories... i don't plan, i just start writing and put down what comes into my head at that time. yeah yours could have been a better idea and i may have thought of it myself if i actually planned but whatever
I don't know where i was going with this comment but thanks for the feedback anyway :)
i.qkme.me/3smm2m.jpg
I'm gonna say it, Kirito is definitely Ooc, but I will be continuing to read this. It's not bad, but you need an editor, not gonna lie.
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Yeahhh i know. kirito is a little OOC, been a while since i've watched SAO. sorry, i'll try and fix it
3138446 i'll assume this is positive and say "yay"
Well looks like you've been hit by the dreaded "douche voter" syndrome. I see you have more dislikes than likes, but the comments say otherwise.
I'll give this story a read and see whether or not it deserves the rating.
Okay, I've read just the first chapter. You have some pretty bad grammar/spelling/punctuation mistakes throughout the chapter. Some things I noticed were mostly things like lone I's that you didn't capitalize, or additional punctuation marks where they didn't belong.
You have a good concept, but your presentation was lacking. Honestly, you don't deserve the rating you got. You just need to clean up your chapters. I'd volunteer to be your editor if you want.
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Thanks for the feedback. Yeah i deserve the rating honestly. my grammar and presentation is absolutely horrendous but i'm working on it, slowly.
As for being my editor, Thanks but i already have a few friends who have volunteered :)
3150241Well, my offer still stands if you ever change your mind. Seeya~
The premise of this Fic is amazing. I honestly haven't seen a crossover of this nature anywhere.
...but after reading both chapters, I felt I had to downvote it.
The formatting was terrible, the flow was off, basic mistakes were everywhere, and anything not directly stated in the anime went completely against the flow of the story.
I hate to be a dick, but the quality of this Fic doesn't do either of the shows it's crossing over any justice.
3139558 i demand MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
WE WANT MORE
if thats ok with you
OK, I'll give story a chance. While the concept is ingenious for making a crossover of these two elements, you need to analyze the character's personalities to see if you are expressing the same personality as in their shows/manga. The flow was acceptable, but has room for improvement, I normally try to express how a character is feeling at that moment as well as adding scenic description to describe the surroundings, not just saying what they are.
But you need to take into account how you are going to implement this added concept to the original story line without affecting it too much. Maybe for each episode of the anime, you make it into a two to three part chapter, with half of it worth some pony interaction.
What I see here is that you are only telling us what was shown on the anime, but not trying to develop it unless you want to add some element that didn't happen originally. And a warning about fabrics that try to merge a new element into the story line of another, do not change the outcomes for different events too greatly or at all. Only exceptionbeing if the outcome doesn't affect the outcome or the desired message is not being alter, like Kirito's moment when he had to face the death of close teammates as guilt ate at him.
Asuna and Silica are going to LOVE it here.
Wow it has been a while since you made an update.
This story isn't that bad. That said, I think kirito feels a little ooc and I think the way Equestria got into SAO is a little weird. (Not saying impossible because kayaba did show is he wasn't evil at the end of his world.before the fairy game.) I think that you could improve your grammar a bit though. Not down voting or liking yet, but I'm going to keep my eye on this.
That....is kind of Cliche, but I like it. Awesome so far, please continue!
Must....Have more......To read! Why for no updates in a while? this is awesome!
4845522 seeing as how 3/5 of his fics were canceled, i dont have very high hopes for this one
4881744
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
4882139 I know that feel bro. I've been waiting for Gyvon to update his Halo: on the Wings of Angels for two years now. Unlike this author, Gyvon is rather successful, but apparently stopped giving a fuck about his readers two years ago :pinkiesad:
4882450
Damn. So I guess I'll have awesome, albiet dead, fics sitting in my favroites.
I have no words, but nice incorporation of two fandoms together
4845522
4881744
I'm sorry :'( fanfic writing just kinda escaped me and i don't feel like i could make a comeback and hype up a new story/chapter without it being awful.
thank you for supporting me though and i'll see what i can do :) i still have a few ideas floating around so you never know. i might continue with this :3
This is AWESOME
I totally love you for this so please continue!
5681939 pleeeeease continue!!
I like how you decided to connect the two, really neat spin on classic SAO. A bit extensive change to apply to Aincrad, so I am wondering how much of Aincrad will remain and how much of Equestria will there be. I mean, it still needs to have those 100 levels in some form...
5681939 Want someone to help? I have resently watched SAO one and i'm pretty sure this is going to follow a similar story line am I right?
your name is marina like the new character from equestria girl named condrea marina have you heard of the movie sword art online condrea marina the girl from the high school stefan luchian botosani Romania still yes please answer me
Condrea marina