(9/10 Equestrian Critics Society)
Erebus:
The Sun and Moon no longer shine over the alabaster walls of Canterlot. A darkness long forgotten has begun to seep through the cracks and erode the morality of those it touches. But at the edge of the light there is shadow, holding back the darkness
Episode 1: Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!
The Royal Sister Music Hall is reopening after being closed for renovations for almost two years. Everypony whose anypony will be there, including two ponies who haven't shown their faces in Canterlot for nearly a decade. Some scars can be painful no matter how old... others can be down right deadly.
Many thanks to those who helped:
Ponky for helping with the characters, inspiration, and editing.
Steel Wing for editing my mess of words.
Saddlesoapopera for more help with characters
Doomande For constantly putting up with me.
Eventorizon For more help Pre-reading
Awesome art by: Rattlesire
Fear me mortal that read this story, thus I know how it all end! I have seen the notes and I can promise that it is only going to be better from here on out. And... Ha ha! I steal first comment and first fav! I am just so evil today and no one can stop me.
Hehehe! I know what comes next! The evils...
Brilliant as usual. No errors so far either that I can see (But thats not saying much coming from me)
Though I do feel that changing whole chapters just to change perspective is a little overkill. Why not just a really elaborate page break; maybe a little like this...
Just without the movement
2063641
I considered a number of ways to release it... that one never came up.
The story isn't particularly long so I figured it would work this way. Later stories in the series will likely be longer and the chapters will be structured differently.
lol im gussing its called suprise because pinkie did it.... the cupcake frosting stuff was a giveaway I dont really like writing where pinkipie is the bad guy but ill keep reading it as it comes out anyway
because it might not be what i think and also because it has a batmare:P sorta vibe from the suit on the cover and rarity at the scocial thig even through i dont think ponys have cabs...
2103946
This very much is a Batman crossover, the art was commissioned and paid for by me.
Well they have "horse drawn carriages" and since vehicles are a big part of Batman's arsenal I needed to bump up the tech level to match. (A good author introduces an idea in a small way before making it important.) It's not a taxi though, it's Filthy Rich's private car.
As for the frosting... this story is on the darker side of things, but I didn't want to make it too dark. The 'deadly frosting/pastries' is my compromise and will be important for later characters.
This story is criminally under read and appreciated.
What? No authors note this time? How come?
2112986
No exposition for this kind of "Alternate Universe" fic is an excellent idea indeed.
I believe that the frosting angle is a clever play of some of the villains in the Batman universe.
2123430
It is always nice to know one achieved what one set out to do. Thank you.
2123469
I despise exposition in most everything. I realize that it can make things 'complicated' for the readers, but I feel it also adds a certain re-readability once you figure everything out.
2112263 You said a mouthful.
I'm getting the sense that the mare is either an alternate version of Pinkie Pie (used to be normal, like the Joker was, but fell into a vat of acid that changed the color of their coat/skin and mane/hair, and basic personality to comically insane), or an alternate version of an OC called "Surprise", the supposed daughter/relative of Pinkie Pie.
Anyway, have a like and a fave.
2123613
Hehe.
It will all make sense in the endWhen it came to choosing which characters would play which parts I put a fair amount of thought into it. Some of the choices will be fairly obvious for good reason, while others will probably make you go "Huh?" But I have confidence that my choices are logically justified.
Rejected character concepts:
Rarity as The Mad Hatter
Spitfire as Firefly
Pinkie Pie as The Riddler
Called it.
Do you currently have an editor?
2132850
No. My editor left for a two year mission to Italy on the sixth. He only got through the first three scenes.
2134500 Hmm... Well, if you'd like, I can probably be your editor.
No problemo! BTW, it's "Steel Wing", no "s" at the end.
2143494
Can I be your editor?
Lookin' forward to it!
Not a bad start, placing the story in the near future creates a good atmosphere of mystery, and the question on "what has happened to our favorite characters?" hooks the reader nicely.
This is also what fanfics are all about, exploring areas, like the near future of the source material is always interesting, since the possibilities are endless, I also liked the bit where Twilight was burdened with the task of being royalty.
The amount of detail was excellent as well, the world came more alive when everything was clearly described and it gives you a sense that the author has a clear vision of his world.
Of course, the mystery must be revealed as well, and that can be a downer or a winner...let's see --->
The very short second chapter gives us more mysteries!
Hopefully these are all explained in a way that satisfies the reader.
-->
Exposition is very vague, but anyone familiar with the source material of the crossover should be able to guess whats going on so it can be forgiven, I was easily able to connect the dots with a kill that involves frosting (I think it's the J as the PP) and so would be any Batman/FiM fan.
However, if you're not familiar with Batman, this crossover is obviously not for you, heck, it wasn't even made for you. (and honestly, who doesn't know batman?)
I always appreciate some good friendshipping, and "good old times" type memories are not bad.
At this point we've had multiple main characters, I'm not sure where this is going tough, the story seems to have no direction, unless all of these loose strings are somehow bound togheter at the end.
For now we are observing Rarity's return, and mysterious characters around her doing something unknown (most likely bad things.)
And the crossover does the crossing over! Hello Joker Surprise!
I have faith that this all ties together in the end, and the amount of detail is still nice. Batman is also a detective so it's fitting to write this in a way of a mystery detective novel that leaves you with questions, but only if those questions are answered well in the end.
2314083
A running commentary!
Allow me to say this, when conceiving this story one of the primary ideas was to write a series of, not necessarily chronological, stories that revealed the past slowly over time.
With this in mind I very intentionally left a great deal out.
I apologize if the story doesn't meet you're expectations or standards because if this. Either way I look forward to any thoughts you might have and thank you fit the time you are taking to both read and comment.
This story has been reviewed by: The Equestrian Critics Society
Story Title: Erebus: Episode 1: Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!
Author: Honey Mead
Reviewed by: Shahrazad
Erebus: Episode 1: Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! is a fun crossover using MLP and batman. Specifically the Adam West version of batman, so no overwrought introspection here. It keeps the story light hearted but still action oriented. The story is at the razors edge of fast paced, almost too fast for readers to keep track of what’s going on, much less catch their breath. Almost. The end result is a story that keeps readers turning the page, or scrolling down in this case. The quality of this story places it near the top of the pile, readers need to place this author in their watchlist.
Full Review
Score: 9.0/10
I know this is quite late, but Congratulations on being The Equestrian Critics Society's September Fic of the Month Honey Mead! You've earned it!
3214406
Thanks! That's pretty awesome.
So, this was real good; but there's a whole load of unanswered questions still, and it's been a year since this was finished and I didn't see a sequel in your list of stories. Is this world on the backburner...?
4030493
More so than I would like to admit. I have far too much I want and not half the skill to pull them off. I think I have five stories of mine own that are in progress and another four with which I am involved. Perhaps it is time to revisit this one, We'll see...
4030531 Ah yeah, I know the feeling.
Hmm, perhaps if there's some ideas related to this story that you weren't planning on putting in the others, you could add a chapter as like an appendix...? I don't know if you have anything like that though, or if that's even something one does.