Octavia lives her life, earning her keep as the cellist in a four pony musical ensemble. Not much deviation in her life, other than the strange dreams she's been having. And recently, the dream has changed. Now, Octavia must figure out the significance of the dream before she loses what she truly desires forever.
Fic inspired by the song Lullaby by the Aviators (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waMtt_8lNAw)
Cover picture will be uploaded...hopefully soon. I'm drawing it myself and since I'm such a perfectionist, I keep redrawing it...so...yea (Thanks to the ponies who submitted pictures for this story WAY back when)
Chapters (1)
It begins...
You are alive...
And I'm gonna read this later! :)
A very good story. It was unique. I had a few problems with it though. The first is that you do a lot of telling and not enough showing. For instance, when you first describe Octavia playing you tell us how a person would react to it. Instead, you should describe the music. Perhaps describe it as, " A beautiful, haunting melody. Perfect in every way, yet somehow lacking." This might inspire the reader to feel a certain way, without slapping them in the face with it. My second problem was the grammar. It wasn't too bad, I've certainly seen much worse, but it could use a bit of a touch up. I really hate to see a good story interfered with by spelling and tense mistakes. The last problem I had was the forgetting plot point. I like it, but I feel that it was poorly implemented. I think that something such as an injury would fit better as a cause for her memory loss. It needs something more than you have now. Aside from these issues, I found this to be a quite enjoyable read and would like to congratulate you on having the will to write a complete story.
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Hmm...you bring up an excellent point about the music. Perhaps I could've gone into deeper explanation about what she played.
And I didn't think I made any grammar mistakes...would you mind telling me where the grammar was iffy please?
As for forgetfulness...Look at it this way since I apparently failed to explain it well enough in the story; her whole life revolved around becoming famous so that ponies wouldn't look down on her anymore and somewhere along the way, all that remained was to become famous. Imagine if you set your mind to one thing and one thing only. Don't you think that you might begin to forget things that weren't relevant to that one thing in mind? (I hope I'm not being rude as I try to explain this)
There were a number of instances in which the wrong tense was used. For instance
"Within lied the most precious thing in the world to her; her soul."
In this case, it should be lay not lied.
For the most part, you got it, but there were enough errors that it bothered me. As for the forgetfulness, I see where you are coming from, but I just have a hard time picturing anyone so focused on something that they literally forget a person. It's probably fine, but I just had trouble wrapping my head around it.
This is a nice short *for me* story, not too many grammatical errors, though a few sentences are a little skewed. This is the first FluttershyxOctavia story I've read so it is definitely unique. All in all a good story. : )
I'm quiet surprised how few views this fic have, not only because of the unusual pairing but also because it was truly a good read.
Good Job
.
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I appreciate the kind words
Though I think that it has so few views because it's an uncommon pair, ya know?
this is beautiful and it would make myself cry if i didn't already cry all my tears out first
