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Tuesday"Thread is a drag..."4 comments · 25 views
Monday"Fic hunt" part two5 comments · 23 views
A followup to this blog: (link)
7) A Pythonesque fic
There do exist fics that apparently do crossovers with Monty Python films for whatever reason, but is there a fic out there that genuinely captures the feel of the original Monty Python's Flying Circus TV series?
THE ONE THAT JUST REPLACES THE CHARACTERS FROM RANDOM SKETCHES WITH PONIES DOESN'T COUNT!
It was still funny though...
Hard mode: a Pythonesque fic that isn't directly related to Monty Python in any way.
8) A fic that does LGBT justice
This is bound to be controversial, but I want to get this out of my system: for all the claims of "love and tolerate" in the brony fandom, I can't help but feel that 99% of the homosexual relationships in fanon are done solely because someone (usually the creator) wants to fap to it. This isn't helped by the fact that 99% of said relationships is female-on-female, so any claims that it is done in the vein of "Equestria being a tolerant place" sounds like BS if you ask me.
That said, are there any fics out there that genuinely tries to do justice to LGBT relationships, as well as their effect on their environment?
Hard mode: please spare me the fics where parents, friends, or just some rabid outsider tries to crucify the lovebirds for being "spawns of the Devil" or whatever. It's fine if a fic speaks of the relationship being uncomfortable for others, but open hostility is the point where it becomes forced.
9) A fic where Octavia violently murders everyone who dares to even suggest that she has any kind of relationship with Vinyl Scratch (for she has none)
Because I am so goddamn tired of seeing the two as lovebirds all the time...
10) Same idea as 9), but replace both Vinyl and Octavia with any characters from any fanon pairing that isn't even implied by canon
To put this into perspective: "Fluttershy and Discord" shipping is okay, considering how they now apparently live together and everything. Thanks to more than one tease from the show and the movies, I guess "Lyra and Bon Bon" get a pass as well. However, "Big Mac and *insert anypony other than Cheerilee here*" is not okay. Rumors of such a pairing should come to a swift and violent end within the fic in question...
11) Weird shippings (e.g "Celestia falls in love with Matilda")
NOTE: "weird" in this context does not equal "random." In other words, "Celestia shags Mecha-Gummy" is merely random, and random is seldom truly amusing...
The idea here is to pair two characters that one would be least likely to imagine in a romantic relationship. Bonus points if their personalities would also make any kind of romance unlikely. If, despite all this, someone manages to write a story that can convince me of true love being possible between them, then I'd be more than happy to read it.
For example, there was this fic I once read that shipped Rainbow Dash with Rarity. At first, it sounded ludicrous, but the fic actually found a way to make it somewhat plausible by having the affection stem from Rainbow saving Rarity in the "Sonic Rainboom" episode.
12) Ponies from Equestria meet equines from Earth
I already know of one fic that does this, and it doesn't do a bad job either (link), while "Your Human and You" has an interesting reversal of this idea, so to speak. Then again, somewhere around ten chapters in, the author apparently forgot what made the fic interesting in the first place, and turned it into shitty "human and Twilight" shipping...
Anyway, are there any good non-comedy takes on "ponies meet equines from the human world"?
13) A new fic by Aragon that doesn't have a description that contains "things went downhill from there" or something similar
13) A new fic by twitterdick
13) A fic inspired by "Brave New World" (not necessarily a crossover)
NOTE: this doesn't apply to just any "dystopian novel," since it's very easy to try and go for a fic inspired by "Brave New World" and end up with yet another "Nineteen Eighty-Four" clone. Keep in mind that the control over society in the former is far more subtle when compared to the latter. To put it bluntly: "'1984' is where they alter or destroy history, while 'Brave New World' is where they make sure there is no need to do so..."
I found a fic that -- if I'm not mistaken -- has the premise of Equestria being a potential source of soma, which is one of the foundations of the control in Brave New World. Sounds interesting. Any others?
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- You can't say "slaughter" without "laughter"
- You can't say "sexist" without "exist"
- You can't say "belief" without "lie"
- You can't say "business" without "sin"
- You can't say "bodies" without "die"
- You can't say "decadence" without "decade"
- You can't say "failure" without "lure"
- You can't say "borrow" without "row"
- You can't say "fellow" without "low"
- You can't say "thorough" with "rough"
- You can't say "allies" without "all lies"
- You can't say "cash" without "ash"
- You can't say "hello" without "hell"
- You can't say "infantry" without "infant"
- You can't say "artillery" without "art"
- You can't say "shell" without "she"
- You can't say "herald" without "her"
- You can't say "youth" without "you"
- You can't say "innocent" without "no"
- You can't say "god" without "go"
I should probably stop writing blogs while hung over... also, you can't say "semen" without "men"
5w, 4hConcerns (part two)12 comments · 60 views
Continuation of this blog post.
So, you may be asking: "how is any of this related to MLP?"
Well, with all of its implications in mind, this whole drama got me thinking about the status of the brony fandom on the internets. Aside from getting relegated to the role of "horse fuckers" in the media from time to time, they are also famous for donating a ton of money and effort to all sorts of causes, which includes charities and— *GASP* —game development.
If pretty much no side of the web is safe at this point, then how do we know that our own media outlets are herding us in the right direction? That's not to say bronies have "serious media" at their disposal, but even so, there are quite a few places that get a ton of traffic, and whoever gets featured on them has pretty much hit the jackpot. This includes people who organize charities, conventions, make fan animations, entire fan movies, and, of course, game devs. Such publicity can potentially grant them access to an impressive amount of funds and labor, enough to make certain big companies' legal departments feel a little uneasy...
Make no mistake: Hasbro doesn't take us lightly, nor does any major organization ignore consumer response, regardless of what some people like to think. They might not do it the way we would like them to, but they do pay attention to us, or rather: pay attention to what might interest us, with a not-so-subtle intention of personal gain. Kevin Conroy, the guy who did/does Batman's voice in the animated series and certain games, mentions in the beginning of this video what most likely applies to pretty much every entertainment product out there, up to and including My Little Pony. For example, Equestria Girls was almost certainly created because Hasbro noticed how well stuff like Monster High was selling. Despite the shitstorm the former created among bronies, they're about to release a sequel now, so the first one probably wasn't an erroneous business decision. In fact, the very reason we have Friendship is Magic in the first place is because Hasbro wanted to sell a new line of MLP toys. I guess we just got lucky that they gave the job to Lauren Faust.
That said, on one side, we have "third parties" attempting to tap into the "pool of money and labor" that is the MLP fanbase, and on the other, we have a big corporation that aims to profit off of it as well. There's also the "gender and race being represented in video games" issue being dissected (among several others) in the drama I mentioned in the previous blog, and that particular topic isn't very far off from something that bronies face from time to time, i.e the whole "why do grown men watch stuff for little girls?" thing. It wouldn't be a giant leap to try and shift that toward a question about how MLP-related stuff approaches topics like "gender" and "race" and whatnot (anyone remember "Bridle Gossip"?), not to mention how the bronies themselves approach them. At first, this may sound like a silly and borderline paranoid thought, but now imagine what kind of damage it would do to the image of the fandom if someone were to start focusing on this, only to then contrast it with all the porn and gore and other nastiness bronies create. Not in the usual "thirty second segment in the news" style, but with an extensive campaign that parades a good amount of objectionable MLP fan-content. Even if it only represents a fraction of their ranks, it would still drag them all through the mud.
There is plenty of incentive to want to manipulate this fanbase, both through the mainstream media and through their own internal sources. There is also more than enough "political BS" to attach to the rhetoric they might employ, and plenty of tools are available to ridicule whoever may try to impede this process. Now, I'm not trying to suggest that this is already an ongoing thing. But I do encourage whoever reads this to be cautious, not to mention vigilant. At this point, there's no telling who is trustworthy anymore. If something as whimsical as gaming could get caught up in a struggle like this, then why should we be any different? What used to be "rebellious" in the face of ridicule and certain preconceptions about what a certain gender should and should not enjoy (i.e "being a brony") could turn into – or may already be forced into becoming – just a cash cow held in line by political agendas.
That is, if the fandom won't just die altogether. I don't know. But I'm concerned.
Thank you for your attention. What are your thoughts?
"For sale, Baby shoes, Never Worn"
— Ernest Hemingway
"Hey, Pony Joe! Another donut!"
The colt never even raised his head.
Pony Joe took a quick glance at him and sighed. Without a word, he grabbed a mug from the shelf behind him and poured it full of the hot stuff. Shaking his head, he then took out a box of his "strong" donuts and dipped one of them into the steaming brown liquid.
That kid again, he thought. This is his fifth round.
Joe looked back at the youngster again. He sat motionless at the far end of the counter with his head between his hooves. He could not have been in here for more than an hour, yet he was already going through more rounds than most other guests twice his age. Joe sighed again and placed the box back under the counter. With a slight flick of his hoof, he then slid the mug over to the colt.
The place was almost empty by now. The chairs and round tables stood barren, leaving the worn stools before the counter as the last refuge of the few patrons who stayed behind. Everypony else has either gone home, or went outside to face the blizzard, willing to risk a nasty cold to take part in the nighttime festivities.
Pony Joe wiped a bit of sweat from his brow. The heating had been turned up a little too high, making the alcohol-tainted air feel heavy, and even the all but deserted place feel cramped. Nopony would speak. An occasional sneeze or cough, a sigh, glass touching wood, somepony ordering another drink; these were the only things to break the silence weighing down on them.
Outside, the streets were bustling with activity. Even at this late hour, the Hearth's Warming Eve fair was still in full motion. Ponies milled and rushed about, carrying boxes of presents, as well as some last-minute decorations that still needed delivery. Families, young and old couples, and the occasional group of restless children wandered among vast the maze of stands, buying all sorts of trinkets and sampling a bit of the holiday cuisine.
A few blocks away, a couple of mischievous colts were setting off fireworks. A pair of guards came looking for the source of the disturbance, and the little daredevils would hide among the alleys, giggling to themselves.
On the square before the castle, a small crowd had gathered around a choir of colts and fillies from a nearby school. The older ponies cheered and stomped their hooves proudly as the children kept singing with joy, undeterred by the strong, icy winds biting into their ranks.
The fire of friendship lives in our hearts,
As long as it burns, we cannot drift apart!
Though quarrels arise, their numbers are few,
Laughter and singing will see us through!
Joe smiled. The singing reminded him of how he felt when he was their age. He remembered how much time was spent organizing and rehearsing their little act, how he thought the whole choir thing was stupid and pointless, how cold it was, and how much he wanted to go home already.
He remembered how the adults used to cheer for them and how happy they all looked. He remembered how by the time they were finished, the pride and joy he felt made him forget all of his frustration, and how he went back every year to do it again.
No matter how cold those nights became, he could always find some warmth.
There was a sudden, odd noise. It reminded him of laughter. Pony Joe's head snapped up. Had someone finally entered again? he thought.
No, the doorway is empty. He heard the noise again and realized it was coming from the middle-aged pony to his left. She must have had a few too many. She was not laughing, either; she was coughing. Six glasses of punch apparently did not cure her cold.
More noise came afterward. Hooves landing on hardwood. Somepony was getting up, ready to leave.
It was an older stallion from Manehattan. He said he came "to the heart of Equestria" to have some fun. He has been in here ever since he got off the train, and his only company was the cider he has been drinking. He burped, mumbled some sort of farewell, and stumbled out through the door.
Joe nodded silently, gathered the glasses the stallion had been drinking from, and placed them into the sink behind the counter. He watched the aging pony trudge outside and pull his coat tight over his body. Must be getting really cold out there, he thought.
To his right, the maroon colt raised the mug to his mouth. He grabbed the donut with his teeth and ate the whole thing in one bite. Grimacing slightly, he took a couple of sips from the hot chocolate, then lay his head back down on the counter.
"She isn't coming, is she?" Joe asked while using a rag to wipe some of the glasses clean.
The colt did not respond. Joe threw the rag into the sink and rinsed it with some water.
"No... she isn't," he finally muttered, his head still resting on the counter.
"When were you going to meet her?" Joe asked.
Pony Joe glanced at the clock on the wall behind him. It was half past ten.
"In front of the big tree on the square?" he asked.
"Yeah... I was there all day..." the colt mumbled, then took another sip from his drink.
Of course you were, he thought. Pony Joe knew this story by heart. Mares and stallions, young and old, impoverished and wealthy; the actors may have been different, but the play was still the same, and he has seen it so many times before.
Yes, that's how it always goes. Somepony walks in, looking all miserable, and asks for something strong to drink.
"Want another?" Joe asked, gesturing toward his now empty mug. The colt nodded.
Most of them don't even stop until they're all out of bits... or until they end up all over the floor.
Sometimes, Joe would be the one to ask them what the trouble was. He only felt that it was right, with it being Hearth's Warming Eve and all. Other times, he would be dragged into hearing about their misery, when all he wanted to do was serve their drinks.
They have a few rounds, waiting for that pleasant, warm haze to settle in. Then they start telling their stories.
"Think maybe she's just running late?" Pony Joe asked, then handed the kid his next round.
"No. I know she isn't." The colt took a bite of his donut. "She's never been late," he said. The alcohol was weighing down on his head more and more.
With this kind of story, the ending was the most important detail: the other never showed up. Sometimes they did, and they broke up that very night. Tears, curse words, prayers, and a great deal more drinks would follow.
The filling was a strong mix of jelly and gold rum. When served with the usual dose of hot chocolate, it was said to be the perfect remedy for the heartbroken during this season.
"Chocolate for the cold; rum for the soul..."
Not all of the stories were about "that special somepony," however. Ponies would cry their hearts out about anything in here: family, career, politics; even the weather that day could bring forth somepony's tears.
Such visits were not limited to the day of Hearth's Warming Eve, either. Every week, from Friday to Sunday, the "lost souls" of Canterlot wandered to Pony Joe's.
Let them come, he would tell himself. They're customers too, just like everypony else.
"So, you're just going to sit here, drinking all night?" Joe asked.
The maroon colt murmured something, but did not raise his head.
"Well?" Joe said.
"No... I don't know. I guess..." the kid babbled, swaying on his seat.
Pony Joe put down the glass he was holding and leaned closer to him. "Listen to me!" he said. "Today wasn't your lucky day, all right? You win some, you lose some. Think sitting here on your flank, moping all night is going to change that?"
"No!" the colt moaned. "Look, I just..." He paused for a moment, and looked like he was about to fall off the stool. "I just didn't want to feel any pain..."
"Nobody does, kid. Look around you!" Joe said, gesturing toward the other patrons. They all sat hunched over their drinks, staring blankly ahead. "You think they want to feel any? Think I keep the place open to see them like this? To see you like this?"
The young stallion turned his head to look at them. He did not reply for several seconds, then slowly shook his head.
"Take my advice: this night isn't over yet." Joe said. "You are still young, and there's so much more ahead of you that life has to offer. So what the hay are you waiting for?"
He grabbed the kid's half-empty mug, dumped its contents it into the sink, and poured a fresh dose of hot chocolate into it. After adding another "strong" donut, he placed it in front of the brooding colt.
"Here, one more round; on the house," Joe said. "Drink up, then get out there and do something with your life already!"
The colt raised his head slightly and stared at the mug in front of him. He picked it up slowly, ate the whole donut in one bite again, then chugged down the steaming liquid all at once.
Pony Joe smiled and patted his shoulder. "Don't you worry, kid!" he said. "Just forget about what happened tonight! It gets better."
At that moment, the youngster raised his head completely and stared straight into Joe's face. His smile disappeared as soon as he saw the look in the colt's eyes.
It was not a look of happiness, sorrow, or even anger, which he might have expected. The young pony's face was empty, devoid of any kind of emotion. Behind those brown irises, the spark of youthful lust was long gone, replaced by a look of grim determination and morbid acceptance. Somehow, today was already far behind him, along with all the rest of the days that would follow. The sight chilled Pony Joe to the core.
After what felt like an eternity, the maroon colt finally looked away. He retrieved a dozen bits from his coat pocket and left them on top of the counter. Without saying another word, he got off his seat, pulled his coat over his shoulders, and walked outside.
"Seven rounds, and he's walking in a straight line..." Joe whispered in disbelief.
11 PM. Closing time.
Pony Joe busied himself with doing a final sweep of the floor. Behind him, three young ponies argued quietly about whose house they should stay at. From the sound of it, adding cider to their debate did not move things along any faster.
They were his final guests for the night. He was about to close the place when they showed up, begging him to be allowed to stay for just a few minutes. Reluctantly, Joe let them inside. A half-dozen other patrons had yet to leave anyway, so it didn't make that much of a difference.
Joe had other things on his mind. Ever since he left almost half an hour ago, he just could not stop thinking about that colt. What could have been bothering him to make him look so... off? he thought, then shuddered as he remembered the look on the pony's face.
"Who are you, kid? Where the hay did you go?" he muttered to himself.
Glasses clinked, and ponies cheered; the youngsters apparently found their solution for the rest of the night. Joe permitted himself a slight chuckle. If they keep this up, I doubt they'll make it to anypony's place, he thought as he remembered those nights spent on the streets after "just a couple of drinks."
The door to his place burst open again, letting in a freezing gust of air. A large white pegasus stallion stepped in, wearing the traditional gold armor plating of the Royal Guard.
"Whew!" he huffed while stomping his hooves to get the snow off of them. "Hell of a breeze we got out here! Hey, Joe! Happy Hearth's Warming Eve!"
Joe nodded back and smiled. "Hey there, Sunburst! The usual?"
"Nah, I think I'm gonna need something a bit stronger this time. I can't feel my goddess-damned wings!"
Joe nodded once more and trotted back behind the bar to retrieve a large bottle and a shot glass.
"Rum? Haha, excellent! My soul could use a bit of warming up, too!" Sunburst mused while dusting himself off. He removed his helmet and took a seat before the counter.
Pony Joe nudged the glass in front of his friend. "Cheers!" the guard exclaimed, then drank up. The trio of colts to his left raised their cider mugs to him in response.
"Damn, I needed that!" Sunburst said. "These last few hours weren't going easy on me. Sucks having to work a shift on a holiday, right?"
Joe picked up the broom again.
"Heh, I guess you should know," the pegasus went on. "Why the hay do you keep this place open today, anyhow? Business that good?"
"It makes ponies happy. I like to see them being happy," Joe replied curtly.
"Yeah? Well, why not close early at least? I don't see a lot of happy folk here by the evening."
"I don't want to send them away, out into the cold. Why not let them feel wanted somewhere?"
"Sure, sure, whatever works for you, Joe," Sunburst said with a laugh and poured himself another shot.
"You know," he said, his tone suddenly going a bit darker, "every year, when Hearth's Warming Eve comes 'round, I wish that everypony would stay out of trouble this time. Just one day without anything bad happening to anypony." He raised the glass in front of his face and stared into the amber liquid, then gave a slight chuckle. "I'd take it, even if it means I'm left without a job."
Pony Joe did not reply. The right corner still had some dirt piled up in it. One of his guests had dragged in a lot of mud before sitting down. He sighed and went over to sweep it up.
"Well, tonight wasn't going to be my lucky night either. Bumped into a small crowd on Lily Street. Figured it must be some kind of trouble," Sunburst said. He downed a second dose of alcohol and grunted slightly. "Ambulance carriage was parked next to them. I knew it wasn't going to be good news."
Joe placed the broom back in its corner, then walked back behind the bar and poured the next shot. He paused for a moment, bottle in his hoof, then took out a glass for himself.
"Pegasus mare. Young. Barely past twenty. The ponies in the neighborhood said she must have been in a hurry somewhere. She was flying way too fast among streets that were much too narrow."
Down went the third round. Joe poured himself a shot, while the pegasus rested his head on his hooves.
"Paramedics said that by the time they got there, there was nothing they could do. She probably didn't feel anything by the time she hit the ground."
I just didn't want to feel any pain...
Sunburst was still talking to him, but Pony Joe could no longer hear what he was saying. The rum burned a path down to his stomach, leaving behind a dull throb and a lingering warmth. His attention drifted to the sound of those colts' and fillies' singing outside. What came through before as muffled noise he could now hear with absolute clarity. He could hear every one of their wonderful voices, the faint tremor in each note as they all shivered slightly in the cold.
We are a circle of pony friends
A circle of friends
We'll be to the very end!