1
Every Sunday, Berry Punch's bar would close early for her to work on bookkeeping, ordering, inventory checks and general maintenance. This Sunday was no different, but activity inside the saloon was a lot more hectic than usual for Berry Punch this time of night and week.
Most of the tables had been shoved to the side, their chairs placed upside down on top. One table and a pair of chairs were in the middle of the room, lit candlesticks at the center of the table.
Berry Punch popped up from behind the bar, a tray of mugs balanced perfectly on her head. She tilted her head forward and slid them onto the bar, the mugs barely rattling. “I don't do as much catering as the Cakes' and Bonbon, but some conventions like using my place.” There was a mild thud from out back in the kitchen. “You two all right in there?” she shouted, turning her head around.
Carrot Top's head pushed open a set of double doors. The earth pony let out a small sigh. “Pinkie and I are fine. I think.” There was another thud, causing Carrot Top to wince. “Well, maybe...”
Trixie let out an overly melodramatic sigh and held a foreleg to her forehead. “It seems only the Great and Powerful Trixie can deal with the Pink Menace from beyond the kitchen!” She trotted around the bar, opened the door a bit wider with her telekinesis and looked into the kitchen. “Pinkie Pie, this is very important for a very good friend and pony. Do you remember what we talked about earlier?”
There was a pause before the pink party pony responded. “Do you remember what my uncle's name is?” she responded.
Trixie let out a sigh. “He's Uncle Marrow, the town plumber.” She leaned back and looked askance at Berry Punch. “How the hay that works is anypony's guess,” she muttered, shrugging.
Pinkie's voice called out. “I'm sorry, Carrot Top. I'll listen better to you.” There was the sounds of pots, pans and other implements of cooking. “Trixie, we're still on for lunch with Ditzy tomorrow, right? I got some super-duper fun stories to share!”
Trixie bowed and flourished. “But of course! The Great and Powerful Trixie never denies an audience!” She backed up, letting the door swing shut. She looked to Carrot Top. “What?”
Carrot Top merely giggled. “Nothing, nothing at all.”
Trixie paused. “Thanks,” she said. “You didn't have to help with this, you know. I know how busy you've been lately.”
Carrot Top shrugged. “It's for Lyra and Bonbon. I didn't mind one bit.” She backed up, letting the door swing shut again.
Trixie nodded, backing up and swinging around. She looked up at a clock mounted on the wall. “Urgh, where is Lyra?” she groused. “She and Bonbon were supposed to be here five minutes from now!”
Berry Punch blinked. “You're kidding, right?”
Trixie shrugged. “It sounded good to me.” She walked over to the bar and poured herself a glass of bourbon, downing it rather quickly. She shuddered slightly. “Ooh, that hit the spot.” The eventual opening of the front door drew her attention to the sight of Lyra and Bonbon walking in. “Ah!” she cried out, throwing her forelegs into the air. “Welcome to the Punch Bowl!” She trotted over to the lone table and gestured to it. “If madam and madam would sit, please?” she said, the chairs glowing and sliding out.
Bonbon rolled her eyes, but there was a sincere smile on her lips. She turned to Lyra and gave her a quick kiss. “Is this all for me?” she asked, staying by her marefriend's side as they walked to the table.
Lyra shrugged. “I just... wanted to do something nice for you, you know?” She turned away, her cheeks reddening. She pawed slightly at the floor.
Bonbon reached out and turned Lyra's head back to hers. She half-closed her eyes and drew in for a longer kiss, but a mild grunt from Trixie killed the mood. She looked to the unicorn, her expression not as pleasant as before. “Yes...”
Trixie waved a foreleg. Her horn sparked and shimmered. “The night is young,” she said. The entire rooftop wavered, disappearing to be replaced by a perfect illusion of the night sky overhead. The kitchen doors telekinetically opened, allowing Carrot Top and Pinkie Pie to walk over, each one with a tray balanced on their heads laden with food and drink. “And the food is warm.”
Bonbon let out a sigh. “Good point.” She slowly broke from Lyra's side and slid onto the chair, Lyra sitting opposite of her. She inhaled the aromas of the food as the two earth ponies slid the trays onto the table. She swallowed as she eyed the food. “Wow,” she uttered. “This looks and smells great.”
Pinkie Pie opened her mouth, but stopped when Carrot Top tapped her on the shoulder. She instead merely bowed her head. “Thank you,” she said, backing off.
Carrot Top nodded to Bonbon. “You're welcome, Bonbon.” She glanced to Lyra. “Hope you two enjoy,” she said before turning and walking back to the kitchen, Pinkie Pie bouncing along behind her.
Trixie walked up to the table. “Okay, in all seriousness, if you two need anything, we'll be out back in the kitchen cleaning up.”
Lyra smirked as she eyed her old friend. “You mean they'll be cleaning up while you and Mister Whiskey get to know each other better, right?”
Trixie tossed her head back. “Somepony has to supervise!” She leaned forward close to Lyra. “Actually, no. Berry Punch threatened me with ratting me out to Cheerilee if I didn't clean up.” She shuddered. “That was enough.” She backed up, bowing. “If anything else is needed, please don't hesitate to ask.”
Bonbon watched her go before looking back to Lyra. She leaned forward, resting her forelegs on the table. “She's a grade-A ham, but she's a nice grade-A ham.” She tilted her head down and ate some braised carrots and took a sip of barley soup. “Oh, this is good...”
The two ate for a few minutes in comfortable silence, the only sounds the munching of food and slight slurping of liquids. Bonbon eventually looked back up to Lyra, her eyes shining. “I love you,” she said, reaching a foreleg across the table.
Lyra returned the gaze and reached out, touching her hoof to Bonbon's. “I love you, too.”
Trixie stepped back from the door, letting out a sigh. “Okay, things are going well.” She trotted over to a three-basin sink and levitated a pan and scrub brush up. “You gotta do this every night?” she asked Berry Punch.
Berry Punch, sitting at a desk with several order forms arrayed in front of it, glanced over. “Well, the kitchen hooves do most of it.” She looked back at the forms, picked up a pen with her mouth and began filling in various columns.
Carrot Top walked over and placed a few dishes into the first basin. “This was really nice of you to hoof the bill, Trixie.” She walked over to the front of the middl sink and began assisting in the washing.
Trixie shrugged, glancing at Carrot Top but not quite making eye contact. “Sometimes... okay, a lot of times, I've gotten a bit on Bonbon's bad side or messed something up with Lyra. I can be a jerk, but I'm a consciously-aware jerk. I just wanted to do something nice for them and help Lyra with doing something nice for Bonbon.” She looked around the kitchen at Berry Punch and Pinkie. “Just don't tell Bonbon I paid for the manticore's share, all right?”
Pinkie drew a hoof across her muzzle, her mouth closing with the motion. Berry Punch simply nodded to her before going back to her ordering.
Carrot Top slowly shook her head as she continued washing. “Well, all right. Just seems a bit... contrary,“ she finished, her voice trailing off as she scrunched down into the washing.
Trixie chuckled. She floated up a large pot and began scrubbing it. “Yeah, yeah. Well, I have a certain reputation to maintain!” She threw her forelegs into the air, her cape fluttering behind her. The unicorn dropped back to all fours, letting out a breath. “Besides, things would get... awkward between Bonbon and I. So for once, no crowing about it or letting it out.”
Carrot Top shrugged. “Well, all right, but even paying me for doing the cooking with Pinkie Pie?” She cast a glare at Trixie. “You know I would've done this for free. You practically shoved the money into my saddlebags.”
Trixie grunted as she finished with the pot and dipped it into the rinse sink. “I know, I know. But even with that prize money you won and the Union, I can afford this little indulgence a bit more. And Lyra chipped some bits in, too. So it's not all on my head.” She glanced to the door and smiled as the light sound of laughter drifted in. “Besides, it feels good to do this for them,” she said, a smile on her lips. Trixie's head shot back to Carrot Top. “So no telling!” she said, jabbing a foreleg for emphasis.
Carrot Top swiped a hoof across her mouth. “My lips are sealed.”
“She did what?!”
Lyra's forelegs shot into the air. “Not so loud!” she said to her marefriend. “I don't want her to hear!” she whispered through clenched teeth.
Bonbon turned around and looked over her shoulder to the doors behind the bar. The cream-colored earth pony let out a breath. “That's a... lot of money she put down for this.” She looked back to Lyra. “It's just so...” She waved a hoof in the air as her face took on a blank expression.
“Unlike her?” Lyra finished, smirking slightly. “She can be a royal pain in the flank, but not all the time.” The smirk dropped away and her expression took on a more serious mien. “She's trying to be a better pony, you know. It's just taking some time.”
Bonbon glanced away for a moment, her cheeks turning red. “I know, and this was really nice of her.” She looked back to Lyra as she took a bite from a salad. “You're visiting your fathers tomorrow, right?” At the mint-green unicorn's nod she cocked her head to the side and looked to the illusory night sky. “Maybe I should at least thank her for arranging this.”
Lyra finished taking a sip of soup. “Just don't let her know that you know about her paying for most of it, all right? She wanted to keep that bit a secret.”
Bonbon shook her head. “That’s not like her,” she said. At Lyra’s look she shrugged. “Well, it’s true!” She waved a hoof from side to side. “Yes, it’s very nice of her and I appreciate it but it’s just... not something I’d expect her to keep quiet about.”
A small smile crossed Lyra’s face. “Which is why she wants it kept quiet. Trixie thinks things would get awkward between you two over the money spent on this. So please, don’t let her know you know?” Lyra reached a hoof across the table.
Bonbon's mouth opened, but hesitated for a bit before nodding and touching her own hoof to Lyra’s. “All right. If that’s how she feels. I’ll keep the secret” I’ll just make it right some other way.
Stats
Page generated in 0.022 seconds
Total duration
805 users online
982,459 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Wow, seems... decent.
Looks like it's gonna be a good one. Sweet start there :D loving the date. Altough...
This part needs some editing. I suggest:
Pinkie...doesn't seem to add anything to this. Which isn't bad, it just leads me to wonder why she's here at all. Especially since when I think of "preparing a romantic candlelight meal for two ponies," my mind does not jump to Pinkie Pie. If anything it jumps away from Pinkie Pie.
Otherwise I do like this and am eagerly looking forward to meeting the folks.
...
...oh, one more nitpick: something seems wrong about a race of herbivores having the phrase "large ham" in their lexicon.
This is cute! Trixie, Carrot Top and Pinkie Pie all have their own special ways of wanting to do something nice for Lyra and Bon-Bon. Trixie really is maturing a lot. The night sky illusion is adorable.
I can't help but think that all of this is a lead-up to Lyra dropping some manner of bombshell on Bon-Bon, though. Surprise lavish dinners are like that.
Well written start to this fic I'll be interested to see where you take it after this chapter.
This looks like it ought to be fun.
Well then time for some wacky hijinks as Lyra and BonBon navigate the treacherous waters of inter parental management... but first a romantic dinner to set the mood, supposedly at least. Regretfully I must say this fic isn't really off to a good start. Not so much a bad one either, just decidedly mediocre.
...
First off, I've got very mixed feelings about how you used Pinkie here. On the one hand it works as something of a nod to Ill Communication, but on the other the relationship you've created between her and Trixie still feels very artificial and forced. They aren't friends here, but clearly just barter back and forth "you listen to me; I listen to you" like some kind of currency. Further, without some kind of prologue to the opening of this chapter, her presence at the bar seems rather arbitrary.
In the end the way you use her is ultimately harmless, but perhaps too harmless and even more damning, not in the least bit FUNNY. Pinkie should really only show up in L!fics as a gag, a quick moment of random levity, and then disappear again leaving the characters to say "Wait, what just happened?" or "Pinkie Pie, you are so random". If the audience isn't inspired to at the very least chuckle at her amusingly crazy antics, well then, so far as I'm concerned you're doing it wrong, and would have been better of using ANY other pony.
Actually, as I think even further on things, it's not just the interactions between Trixie and Pinkie that feel artificial and pointless. There's really no life or mirth between any of the characters. For example, Trixie says she's self-conscious about being a jerk and just wanted to do something nice to prove the contrary, but like every other bit of dialog it just seems superficial and expository, there's no emotional weight to any of it and I never get a sense of any real depth. The characters just all come across as stiff and robotic, and the scene plays out more like a group of talking heads than a romantic dinner. So far this isn't a story I can in any way lose myself in, everything is just so bland and lifeless, that I'm constantly reminded I'm not actually in a world of magical talking ponies, but still stuck in the boring old room at home and just reading words on a screen.
As I think about it even more I realize an even bigger problem about this chapter... it's not even about the romantic dinner between Lyra and BonBon in the first place. Instead it feels an awful lot like a mere vehicle to prove that Trixie can be nice. The idea that she'd pay for the bulk of the dinner and that she's trying to make up for problems she's caused in the past is all well and good, but this chapter feels like it's trying to bludgeon me over the head with that fact. Trixie might be humble enough to not take credit for her deeds here, I just wish the story would actually do the same, rather than constantly reminding me how nice and wonderful Trixie is.
I'm still very much looking forward to the REAL fic when it finally gets started, but honestly I must say this chapter feels like an utter waste. It's a fair enough vignette, a harmless little scene of friends just being friends, but it seems distinctly out of place here and doesn't actually seem to in anyway act as the introductory hook that engages the reader and sells them on wanting to read the rest of the fic. Partly because of all the above mentioned problems, but mostly because it doesn't seem to have ANYTHING to do with the rest of the story, save a very brief mention of Lyra's fathers.
...
PS: maybe it's just me, but I find imagining ponies sitting 'chairs' to be rather awkward (it makes them feel a bit overly anthropomorphized). I know we've occasionally seen them sitting in such on the show, in ways almost like a human would, but such scenes tend to make me just as uncomfortable and I very much think they should more typically use furniture designed with equine anatomy in mind such as short-stools, cushions, or even just generic seats without ever identifying the specific type of furniture they are using.
1786770
Awesome. One problem that stuck out.
There is no Sunday.
can't really say much until we get to the actual parents, but I am looking forward to it.
1786854
It does seem like it would lead up to a proposal, although anoucing she's pregnant would be funnier if rather inexplicable
Not a lot going on to start with, but I'm still interested in seeing where things go. I didn't mind the Pinkie Pie part and actually chuckled at it.
I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
Seriously, the cuteness in this is off-the-charts cute. :-)
Wait, why am I in this picture?!
i like so far but i must say one thing...LEEDLE LEEDLE LEEDLE LEE
I agree with RDD about 'large ham' being a strange thing for a herbivore to say...
Did you mean 'middle'?
I liked the Pinkie bits.
Fic probably could be edited to be a bit shorter.
Doesn't really have a stinger to make me want to sit through the opening credits and commercial break.
Good for a favorite, but not a like, yet.
Now I'm curious, when and why did "ham" become an adjective for a certain type of actor.
Your friend wants to keep a secret from somepony, and the first thing you do is tell that pony the secret? Element of Loyalty, ladies and gentlemen!
For shame, Lyra. For shame.
1786849 Maybe pigs are known for over dramatics, like Hamlet?
I really liked the promise of a developing friendship between Trixie and Pinkie back in Ill Communication, and I'm glad to see it continued. It's tentative and probably a bit awkward, but a defining concept with Pinkie in IC was that she wanted others to take her seriously instead of being treated as some kind of marefoal. Which means, as Trixie reminds her here, that she can't constantly act like one. L!Pinkie isn't C!Pinkie.
As for the main story, it's fairly slow, and it should set up the situation for the plot, but it doesn't. It's just Lyra and Bon Bon having a nice dinner and talking a surprising amount about Trixie, which seems a bit awkward.
I much prefer to see Trixie show off her "jerk with a heart of gold" attitude by being a rude buffoon one second and then saving the day when all hope seems lost, that sort of thing.
1786659 Ah, thanks?
1786770 Thanks. Either I'll fix it, or have fixed it. Sorry, just got done shoveling.
1786849 Thanks. As for Pinkie, I'm simply trying to show that she can develop. As for 'large ham', any suggestions for something else?[/legit]
1786854 Thanks. As for a bombshell, no. Emeral thought anything like that should wait for season two.
1786932 Thanks. Should be either tonight or tomorrow.
1787347 Okay...
Well, it's one exchange of dialog. And it's a lot more civil than what came before. They;re making sure each is listening to each other.
... No. No, no. I respectfully but forcefully disagree with that 100%. That way lies season-two Pinkie Pie. NO character should ever be used like that. Not Pinkie, not any of them. That's why I like using her for Lunaverse fics, to show she's more than a joke.
I feel that Trixie needs more kindness. Some is funny, but too much is annoying. And distracting, to boot.
Well, fine It's a launching off point for the rest of it, to provide impetus for Bonbon to seek out Trixie. And an utter waste...
That's... your right. But it's in the show. That's what we've seen them do in the show.
1787626 I don't know of any substitute, and I simply prefer to use the real life terms whenever possible.
1789028 You'll see one set next chapter...
1789047 Sadly, no proposal. I got told not to.
1791782 Thank you.
1791814lol, thanks. I like cute, too.
1800939 Your avatar is one of Lyra's fathers. ;)
1809532 Huh?
1840385 Ah, thank you. I'll change it ASAP.
1921260 Thanks. It'll be going somewhere next chapter.
1933534 Lyra's not perfect. And Bonbon was probably curious about how her marefriend that she lives with afforded it. ;)
2074343 Thank you. As for Trixie... sorry. I disagree with that. I like her softer side coming out more and more.
But...but that is what she is in the Lunaverse. She's a minor character that should only show up when there is a specific need for her, when having her in the scene adds something that wouldn't be there otherwise, or yes, just for her to make a joke. As she's used here, however, her dialogue could be replaced with just about any other pony, and you'd have the same effect.
She should be like...like Scruffy, from Futurama.
Season 2 Pinkie wasn't bad because she generally only showed up to do something random. She was bad because she generally only showed up to do something random and was often callous and she was supposed to be a main character.
I really love that Trixie is friends with Pinkie pie. I might try to do a one shot story of them spending time together.
Please drop me a note (or ping the board or something) when you add the proposal -- I want to see what you write about that. :-)
Interesting start, keep going.
middle
______________
Second re-read of this particular story. But from what I remember it's a cute one.
Old joke
Q "What's the difference between a pig and an actor?"
A "Some hams can be cured -and some cannot. "